| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 810983 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:27 - Oct 22 with 8853 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:55 - Oct 22 by Mick_S |
Bloke who wrote the Hokey Cokey died the other day; they had terrible trouble burying him. They got his left leg in … |
The bloke who invented the crossword puzzle was recently buried at 6 down and 3 across. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:47 - Oct 22 with 8822 views | Sonofpugwash |
It's been months since I ordered the book ' How to avoid online scams.'
It still hasn't arrived. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:49 - Oct 22 with 8821 views | Sonofpugwash |
I couldn’t find the thingy that peels the potatoes and the carrots, so I asked the kids.
Apparently, she left me two days ago. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:22 - Oct 22 with 8781 views | GaryT |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:27 - Oct 22 by Esox_Lucius |
The bloke who invented the crossword puzzle was recently buried at 6 down and 3 across. |
The bloke who invented predictive text passed away yesterday...
His funfair will be next Monkey. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:51 - Oct 23 with 8659 views | Esox_Lucius |
A man ordered a voice automated robot car that does anything he tells it to do correctly without any error.
He got the car and started sending it on errands. He became very proud of what the car could do without mistakes.
One day, he was home and his wife told him to tell the car to go and pick the children from school as she was very tired.
The man agreed and said to the car...
Car, go and bring my children from school.
The car went and didn't return in time as expected, they knew something must be wrong.
Several hours later and no car, the man became apprehensive.
He dressed up and got ready to lodge a report at the police station.
As he and his wife stepped outside they saw the car coming with an overload of children.
The car parked right in front of them and said... "These are your children sir..!"
In the car were their Landlady's two daughters, his wife's best friend's daughter, his secretary's son and their neighbours two sons.
The Wife, full of anger said
Don't tell me all these are your children..??
The man asked her calmly...
First you tell me why our children are not in the car ? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:33 - Oct 23 with 8553 views | Myke |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:55 - Oct 14 by Esox_Lucius |
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, then trot across the road to a bus-stop.
The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.
When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.
The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step.
and barks repeatedly. No answer.
He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He does this again and again.
No answer.
So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.
Eventually a small guy opens it and starts shouting at the dog.
The butcher runs up & says “what are you shouting at him for? This dog is a genius!!!” “Genius!!!” The owner says “You’ve got to be kidding, that’s the 3rd time this week he’s forgotten his key!!! |
I own a very intelligent dog too. I asked him what two minus two was and he said nothing | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:34 - Oct 23 with 8549 views | Myke |
I was furious that the builders charged me three thousand euro to repair my chimney. I thought it was on the house. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:15 - Oct 24 with 8481 views | Sonofpugwash |
I was having a chat with my GP the other day(over the phone of course) about longevity and my inevitable demise.
"What killed your grandfather will probably kill you" he said.
"So I'm going to get shot in the face with a Bazooka?" | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:24 - Oct 24 with 8376 views | Myke |
I like to give away dead batteries for free. There's no charge | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:52 - Oct 25 with 8260 views | Esox_Lucius |
I was sat on a park bench with my wife, when an old lady came up and sprayed me with furniture polish, then gave me a good rub with her duster.
My missus said
"I think she's taken a shine to you" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:04 - Oct 26 with 8103 views | Sonofpugwash |
My mate Danny over in Peru has had a bit of an accident with a large crate of meat and onion based pastry products which fell on his foot.
He's now on Inca Pastie Benefit. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:59 - Oct 28 with 7902 views | Myke |
My mate headbutted his opponent and thought he had got away with it, even though the other player was lying on the ground.
'What did you do' the ref demanded.
'Nuttin' my friend said sullenly.
'I thought so' he said and flashed the red car in my mate's face. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:25 - Oct 31 with 7674 views | Myke |
What's blue and not heavy? Light Blue | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:26 - Oct 31 with 7673 views | Myke |
What has four wheels and flies? A refuse truck | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:28 - Oct 31 with 7672 views | Myke |
Why do pirates not bother cleaning themselves before they walk the plank? They wash up on the shore [Post edited 1 Nov 2021 0:01]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:06 - Nov 3 with 7424 views | Esox_Lucius |
Did you know that owls cannot go chasing females on an empty stomach? They need to eat to woo. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:03 - Nov 4 with 7306 views | pragueranger |
Why don’t owls make any noise when it rains?
They are too wet to woo. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:50 - Nov 4 with 7285 views | DavieQPR |
After making a foul shot on the Pool table the owl asked 'Twits twoo'. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:22 - Nov 8 with 7045 views | Esox_Lucius |
"I just heard that the CEO of Ikea has been made Prime Minister of Sweden".
"Really? what's he doing now?"
"He's assembling his cabinet". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:16 - Nov 8 with 6997 views | Sonofpugwash |
What's the difference between a bad archer and a constipated owl?
One shoots and shoots and can't hit.
The other hoots and hoots and can't shit. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:51 - Nov 9 with 6800 views | acricketer |
Just found out two interesting facts about Yule Brynner ...he was a lifelong Liverpool fan ,and he never wore aftershave ..
That's right ,Yule never wore cologne | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:56 - Nov 9 with 6790 views | colinallcars |
I popped into Boots this morning.
I said “Could I have some acetylsalicylic acid please”
The lady said “acety, er…acetyl....oh, you mean aspirin”
“Yes, that's it” I said. “I never can remember the name” |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:02 - Nov 9 with 6779 views | Myke |
I met my future wife at Dublin zoo. I knew she was a keeper as soon as I saw her. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:04 - Nov 9 with 6776 views | Myke |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:02 - Nov 9 by Myke |
I met my future wife at Dublin zoo. I knew she was a keeper as soon as I saw her. |
Actually, her job in the zoo didn't last that long. There were signs all over the place saying 'Don't Feed the Animals' - so she didn't. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:12 - Nov 10 with 6606 views | loftboy |
A man has been admitted to hospital after having 25 plastic toy horses inserted into his backside, Drs have described his condition as stable! |  |
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