| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 817891 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:29 - Oct 26 with 4678 views | Esox_Lucius |
Whilst reading the autobiography of actor Yul Brynner, I discovered that he was an avid Liverpool FC fan and that he never used aftershave.
That's right! Yul never wore cologne. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:42 - Nov 4 with 4295 views | Esox_Lucius |
I walked into a hardware shop yesterday and as soon as I crossed the threshold all the stud finders started beeping. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:44 - Nov 5 with 4119 views | SimonJames |
Many football fans know that The Proclaimers are massive Hibs fans and that their song "Sunshine On Leith" is sung at Hibs games.
But most people don't know that many years ago, Craig and Charlie Reid both worked as groundsmen for the club.
They got the sack after players complained that the grass was too long and it ruined their passing game.
In their defence, the brothers blamed this on stock shortages at B&Q
They went to branches at Bathgate no mower, Linwood no mower, Irvine no mower, Lochaber no mower, Sutherland no mower, Lewis no mower, Skye no mower... |  |
| 100% of people who drink water will die. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:49 - Nov 5 with 4068 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:44 - Nov 5 by SimonJames |
Many football fans know that The Proclaimers are massive Hibs fans and that their song "Sunshine On Leith" is sung at Hibs games.
But most people don't know that many years ago, Craig and Charlie Reid both worked as groundsmen for the club.
They got the sack after players complained that the grass was too long and it ruined their passing game.
In their defence, the brothers blamed this on stock shortages at B&Q
They went to branches at Bathgate no mower, Linwood no mower, Irvine no mower, Lochaber no mower, Sutherland no mower, Lewis no mower, Skye no mower... |
That's probably 500 miles . [Post edited 5 Nov 14:50]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:45 - Nov 11 with 3797 views | Sonofpugwash |
I eas at a funeral the other week and we were all gathered around the grave..The priest said "does anyone want to say a few words?"
From the back a voice is heard ...."i'm a Vegan". |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:45 - Nov 13 with 3575 views | Esox_Lucius |
I made some binoculars out of an old colander.
Now I have strained my eyes... | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:45 - Nov 15 with 3294 views | Boston |
I was in the library this morning and the bloke in front of me asked if they had Donald Trump's book on immigration.
Bristling with rage the librarian shouted "get out of here and never come back"!
"Yeah, that's the one", he replied. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:24 - Nov 17 with 2966 views | Esox_Lucius |
"Father I have some questions concerning my faith"
"What do you want to ask me my child?"
"Is it true the bread is the body of Christ?"
"Yes my child, that is true".
"Is it true that Jesus rose up after his death?"
"Yes my child, that is true"
"Was that because of the yeast?"
"Get out! and don't ever come back". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:34 - Nov 19 with 2726 views | Esox_Lucius |
My wife just told me that she wants a kitten for Xmas. I told her "Don't be so stupid, it's too small. We'll have a Turkey like we always do". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:19 - Nov 19 with 2587 views | Esox_Lucius |
To lose weight, I hollowed out some bread and wore it on my head.
Yes, it's a loaf hat diet. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:15 - Nov 19 with 2508 views | bosh67 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:19 - Nov 19 by Esox_Lucius |
To lose weight, I hollowed out some bread and wore it on my head.
Yes, it's a loaf hat diet. |
That's terrible... I like it. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:14 - Nov 20 with 2415 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:15 - Nov 19 by bosh67 |
That's terrible... I like it. |
Corn bread? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:22 - Nov 20 with 2242 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:19 - Nov 19 by Esox_Lucius |
To lose weight, I hollowed out some bread and wore it on my head.
Yes, it's a loaf hat diet. |
Dough!
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:32 - Nov 22 with 1920 views | Esox_Lucius |
It used to be a tradition in our house at Xmas to have breakfast, go out and have a few bevvies then come back and deck the halls.
After 8 years of this the Halls moved away. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:31 - Nov 22 with 1851 views | johann28 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:32 - Nov 22 by Esox_Lucius |
It used to be a tradition in our house at Xmas to have breakfast, go out and have a few bevvies then come back and deck the halls.
After 8 years of this the Halls moved away. |
Went to the library and asked them if i could borrow a book 'how to commit suicide'.
'sorry sir', the librarian said, 'you can read it in the library, but you can't borrow it'.
Doesnt make sense at all', i replied,'why ever not?'
'Because you'll never bring it back'. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:52 - Nov 28 with 1521 views | Esox_Lucius |
I have just discovered that my wife is a ghost, I suspected it the minute she walked through the door. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:41 - Dec 3 with 1218 views | Myke |
Have you ever wondered how the fairy got on top of the Christmas tree? Many thousands of years ago, Santa decided to ensure every house in the world had a Christmas tree. He commissioned all the fairies (the elves were busy making toys) in the world to distribute a tree to every house. It was difficult and tiring work trying to coordinate the project with so many different countries and time-zones, Santa was literally working day and night.
As a result, by the time the job was completed he was exhausted and not in good form. He had just sat down for a well-earned rest when a fairy knocked in his grotto door, to tell Santa he had one tree left over. She wondered what she should do with it. Santa was feeling a bit short-tempered and told her exactly what she could do with it.
That's how the fairy ended up on top of the Christmas tree | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:13 - Dec 18 with 676 views | Esox_Lucius |
Police have now confirmed that the person who fell to their death from an 18th storey window was not a bouncer. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:00 - Dec 18 with 575 views | scot1963 |
I went to the butchers and got 8 venison legs for Christmas. It cost me £300. I'm wondering if that was too dear
I keep randomly shouling out 'cauliflower' and 'broccoli'. I've been diagnosed with florets. [Post edited 18 Dec 22:05]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:03 - Dec 18 with 569 views | Lblock |
Prince Andrew wont be having Christmas dinner with the rest of the royal family this year.
Allegedly he's having a takeaway delivered but can't decide between Chinese or Sum Young Thai
(I stress allegedly) |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:54 - Dec 19 with 367 views | willesdenr |
A little boy wrote to Santa Clause, "Please send me a sister." Santa Clause wrote back, "Ok, send me your mother." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:56 - Dec 19 with 363 views | willesdenr |
2 snowmen talking, one says "Can you smell carrots?" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:23 - Dec 19 with 107 views | Esox_Lucius |
A little boy sent off his letter to Santa. "Dear Santa, would you please send me a little sister?"
Santa wrote back. "Would you please send me your mother". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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