| The dark cloud of depression 20:39 - Jul 19 with 27239 views | WindsorR |
Sorry to start such a negative thread..
How have people on here dealt with such dark and miserable feelings?
The negative, irrational thoughts, aren't good enough for anyone or anything? |  | | |  |
| The dark cloud of depression on 07:58 - Jul 21 with 3081 views | E17hoop |
| The dark cloud of depression on 07:40 - Jul 21 by westberksr |
it seems really hard for youngsters these days and unfortunately the stigma for men to beopen still pervades.
so sorry to hear about your relative, particularly when there aren't all the obvious signs its so difficult to comprehend how someone gets to that point.
One of our social group took his own life just over a year ago; you honestly couldn't have wished to meet a funnier, more charming and pleasant guy. Got wrapped up in too much booze & gear which 'fuelled' his mental issues development; friends tried to help and keep an eye out for him but to no avail. He actually seemed to be getting his sh1t back together too.
but for the rest of us who have contributed to this thread, well done and keep on doing what you need to do to stay on an even keel.
5HTP was mentioned as a supplement earlier and I'd not come across it for this but it makes some sense as its used by a lot of clubbers to counteract the after effects of ecstasy, helping to balance things out when you had a big one and feel like crap the next day (not an issue for me as booze has been my only vice).
St John's wort is another non prescription that might be helpful, but read the labels and take some medical advice before starting anything new like this. |
In terms of supplements, I tried CBD oil for a bit but it didn't seem to make any difference with me; I know some people find it really helpful. |  |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 08:18 - Jul 21 with 3054 views | kropotkin41 |
I had counselling a couple of years ago and what an amazing counsellor I had. I would recommend counselling like that to anyone in all honesty. It helped me sort out stuff I hadn't even seen in myself.
On occasions when I have been really down over a good spell of time, the kind of down that doesn't seem related to any particular thing, and that definitely can't be helped by a "cheer up, it might never happen", I've found the most important step was noticing and then admitting to myself that it was depression.
Once you look at it, recognise it and decide to see what can be done, I think you've taken a big step towards helping yourself. |  |
| ‘morbid curiosity about where this is all going’ |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 09:38 - Jul 21 with 2961 views | terryb |
| The dark cloud of depression on 08:18 - Jul 21 by kropotkin41 |
I had counselling a couple of years ago and what an amazing counsellor I had. I would recommend counselling like that to anyone in all honesty. It helped me sort out stuff I hadn't even seen in myself.
On occasions when I have been really down over a good spell of time, the kind of down that doesn't seem related to any particular thing, and that definitely can't be helped by a "cheer up, it might never happen", I've found the most important step was noticing and then admitting to myself that it was depression.
Once you look at it, recognise it and decide to see what can be done, I think you've taken a big step towards helping yourself. |
Your last sentance is so relevant.
Until you accept that you are a sufferer, there is nowhere to get any help.
Likewise with counselling. This is only of any value when you are ready for it & are prepared to be honest & open. Hence why my counselling in 2016 was far better/productive than in 2013. | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 09:44 - Jul 21 with 2952 views | qprbenjamin163 |
So many great answers to this thread.
For me it's about keeping reasonably fit and not 'self medicating' (ie drink and drugs) to excess. The mistake I have made all too often is seeing them as a release from the pressure rather than actually adding to it. I wish that weren't true but it is. If you're fragile, drink and drugs and parties is not the answer.
Once I get into a good cycle of regular exercise I sleep better. When I sleep better I am able to tackle life's problems with far more balance. If you lose that balance because you're hung over it can really set the panics going. Many people in the industry I work in who suffer anxiety and depression are also larger than life characters who seem to be always out having a good time, partying, having fun. But the truth is they pay for it internally, as I do when I go down that road.
Trying to get balance in your life in what you eat, how you exercise and when you sleep is vital. Do that and EVERYTHING feels better.
On top of that, a good councillor is a wonderful thing. Only continue with that if it's helping though. Many people I know have continued with councilling when there just isn't that connection with the councillor. Not all councillors are right for all people. Don't persist if one isn't working, it can become a burden. But a good one can make you see obvious things that you're missing.
Finally I'd say if you discover something tangible that is making you unhappy (your job, your health, family issues) confront it and change it. That can be very difficult to do. First off to actually find and understand the triggers that are causing anxiety or depression (this is where a good councillor can really help). And then to say "OK I'm going to change that". It may mean a big life decision like changing your job, your career path, cutting contact with a family member - or indeed starting contact again - doing something about physical health issues like losing weight. Big, daunting changes like that. But if you're brave and go for it, life gets better. With balance comes control. | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 09:47 - Jul 21 with 2952 views | terryb |
| The dark cloud of depression on 22:14 - Jul 19 by thame_hoops |
A Robin Williams quote always sticks with me
“ people don’t fake depression, they fake being ok…remember that, be kind“ [Post edited 19 Jul 2021 22:57]
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Ain't that the truth thame!
I had no idea that I could act until I realised I was depressive. It's amazing how a smile on your face or a forced chuckle covers your feelings.
I can't explain why, but I've started rereading the thread form the start! Thanks everybody for all the uplifting posts. | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 09:49 - Jul 21 with 2950 views | 80s_Boy |
| The dark cloud of depression on 09:38 - Jul 21 by terryb |
Your last sentance is so relevant.
Until you accept that you are a sufferer, there is nowhere to get any help.
Likewise with counselling. This is only of any value when you are ready for it & are prepared to be honest & open. Hence why my counselling in 2016 was far better/productive than in 2013. |
"Likewise with counselling. This is only of any value when you are ready for it & are prepared to be honest & open"
This is a key point.
You need to be as open as possible with counselors so they can get to the root of the problem. They are great listeners and you can tell them anything you want with the strictest confidentiality in place to ensure what you say is contained within those 4 walls.
On a slight tangent, It isn't the cliched 'lie on the couch' you see in movies either. There will be that option if you want but the counselor will invite you to make yourself feel as relaxed as possible to help the process: Mine was sat down on thee 'comfy' chairs with a cup of tea and some biscuits for example. |  | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 12:06 - Jul 21 with 2881 views | nix |
I thought I'd also put up a couple of organisations that might help people who are struggling.
SOBs which supports people who've been bereaved through suicide. It has online forums so you can speak to people who really understand and have been through it themselves and info you can download, so you don't even have to be in the UK
https://uksobs.org/?doing_wp_cron=1626864665.1828470230102539062500
Papyrus, which is for people under 35 who have suicidal thoughts or people who are worried about someone under 35.
https://www.papyrus-uk.org/
And Maytree which is a respite place for short stay retreats for people who are feeling suicidal.
It also has a telephone befriending service, which is not immediate, like the Samaritans, but may be better for someone who wants a bit more in depth support.
https://www.maytree.org.uk/how-to-kill-yourself#block-views-block-header-image-b
There are tons of other organisations and groups that provide free or low cost counselling.
I also heartily agree with the PP. that the relationship you have with your counsellor is paramount for successs. If you can't trust them or feel comfortable with them or agree goals together, you are much better looking for a different counsellor.
And |  | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 13:14 - Jul 21 with 2840 views | ted_hendrix |
I'm trying hard to remember a poster on here I think his name was Padulas_Shampoo or similar starting a similar thread some Months ago? I don't recall him posting since so I'm hoping he's okay?
Either way I hope you people suffering from this dreadful illness find peace.
Be lucky. |  |
| My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 13:50 - Jul 21 with 2813 views | aston_hoop |
An outstanding thread, not much that I can add that hasn't already been said but just reading all the posts matters a lot to me and I'm sure others too. |  |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 14:11 - Jul 21 with 2794 views | dannyblue |
Thankfully we’re moving on from this, but amused me…
https://imgur.com/TfFlCE3
[Post edited 21 Jul 2021 19:15]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 16:00 - Jul 21 with 2747 views | WindsorR |
| The dark cloud of depression on 13:14 - Jul 21 by ted_hendrix |
I'm trying hard to remember a poster on here I think his name was Padulas_Shampoo or similar starting a similar thread some Months ago? I don't recall him posting since so I'm hoping he's okay?
Either way I hope you people suffering from this dreadful illness find peace.
Be lucky. |
Hi Ted
He's doing ok, he sent me a pm yesterday.
Thanks for the kind words | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 18:42 - Jul 21 with 2660 views | londonscottish |
Well done for reaching out.
I've had periods of feeling low and talking about it is massive thing for everyone. I've spoken to others on this thread and it has really helped.
And, as others have said, a base line of decent diet + regular exercise + regular sleep can work wonders.
The exercise bit during Covid has been particularly helpful. I'm a desk jockey and it's very easy to work stupid hours/stay in the same place/get zero exercise. Not good.
I've had a FitBit for a while (oddly enough paid for by a previous MD who'd conquered some of his own demons through exercise and wanted to propogate that) and it makes me do my minimum 10k steps a day through whatever means. It's a really good habit
Good luck with whatever works for you. |  |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 20:18 - Jul 21 with 2597 views | Paddyhoops |
Hats off to everybody on this thread. My heart goes out to anyone affected by this.
My own family members suffer from the dark cloud and thankfully I have never been affected myself but I live with the ripple affect.
Once again a wonderful thread and some | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 16:27 - Jul 23 with 2426 views | numptydumpty |
I found chatting online first was a positive step in my recovery after a dreadful relationship and a horrendously stressful job and manager, I did hit rock bottom.
I did get involved few years back with a brilliant mental health fundraising charity and handing out leaflets to all shops and cafes in town, all were positive in promoting our cause and even the banks were interested and ran their own chat services for anyone that needed do this with anonymity.
Twenty years ago, the response would been very very different. Everyone probably heard the phrases "Man up", "Grow a pair". I got those from supposed mates. But Manning up to me is being able talk out the nonsense that can easily go around in our heads that needs change as it's so crucial be kind to ourselves.
Self compassion makes journies through life heck lot easier to bear.
As the phrase goes "Shit happens " but we don't need to help it grow and grow. Talking things out of our heads can allow perspective to be taken into effect.
Exercise absolutely is great but be very careful to talk kindly to yourself. You trying your best and if others not supportive, sod them. There will always be people around that understand and will always have your back.
So sad for Hooparoo s nephew. And masking pain is often done as a young guy.
Most support networks are female dominated ie women tendency be so much better reaching out whilst men, we talk bollocks, banter, bullshit, birds - or boys for some -and beer, but we know all that smokescreen.
It can be fun and enjoyable but hopefully everyone has someone they feel that they can talk things out with, be that a mate, partner or family member.
But quite often chatting to a professional or ringing a helpline or emailing or opening up online. Better out than in.
Good helpline which is more for men is called Campaign against living Miserably CALM. Google would give more details.
Few rangers players in recent times had mental health challenges.
Clarke Carlisle and Kenny Sansom remember them both speaking half time about their struggles. Steven Caulker, Ravel Morrison and Grant Hall also remember those guys having well documented struggles too.
Lot boxers ie Bruno, Hatton, Calzaghe and loads retired sports people had it, ie Neil Ruddock, Paul Merson and cyclist Anne Marie Pendleton, Kelly Holmes, middle distance olympian and then the sad cases such as Gary Speed.
Covid has multiplied these kind challenges so yep it's takes guts to talk, but looking back for your future happiness, you will find that you could pinpoint recovery from moments such as this.
I personally found my mates and family gave the same response but speaking things out to someone totally with no emotional input into my story, the advice from them resonated more than from family and friends even if it was same advice. But different choices for different courses.
First step always the hardest, but everything to gain and nowt to lose.😎😎😎 [Post edited 23 Jul 2021 17:09]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 18:27 - Jul 23 with 2378 views | R_from_afar |
| The dark cloud of depression on 14:44 - Jul 20 by willis1980 |
Horrible thing to go through, the only advice I can give has probably been mentioned already.
Regular exercise really does clear the mind as cliched as it sounds. I cycled everywhere and would go for a swim before work every day, the swimming felt a bit like meditation to me as youre in rythmn and dont hear much noise while youre doing it. You soon feel better about yourself as youre healthier etc.
A new interest or rekindling the interest in a neglected interest helps keeping your mind on positives rather than negatives.
Depression is a hard long slog but if youre lucky youll figure out what your triggers are and will learn how to minimize them, as naf as it sounds theres always light at the end of the tunnel. [Post edited 20 Jul 2021 16:03]
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"A new interest or rekindling the interest in a neglected interest helps keeping your mind on positives rather than negatives".
When he was walking the Amazon, Ed Stafford had a bout of depression and what you suggest above is what worked for him. He had become detached from his surroundings and generally withdrawn but taking fresh interest in what he was encountering and making himself put serious effort into learning Portuguese, something he had promised himself he would do during the trip, really helped him recover.
I'm no expert on any of this but I think the gratitude thing and looking for positives, as well as taking an interest in stuff and having an inquiring mind, really help. The positives don't have to be major things, they can be as minor as seeing an interesting butterfly or having a slice of mature Cheddar. Developing new interests and reconnecting with your surroundings can be small stuff too, like working out what the constellation you often see above your house is or picking up a musical instrument you used to, or want to, play. Like Hoopstar, I find playing the guitar very therapeutic and playing it just before bedtime always seems to calm me down.
Staying connected with people is also vital, in my humble opinion. If all else fails, you've got us  |  |
| "Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1." |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 22:05 - Jul 23 with 2297 views | Metallica_Hoop |
For me this thread has been a real 'eye opener' to what depression is and how people feel.
I've always dismissed it as a 'thing'. Now I know different.
When people say they are depressed I'll look to encourage rather than being indifferent.
I also hope you guys and girls suffering from it take the advice given and beat it. |  |
| Beer and Beef has made us what we are - The Prince Regent |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 00:42 - Jul 24 with 2225 views | VancouverHoop |
| The dark cloud of depression on 22:05 - Jul 23 by Metallica_Hoop |
For me this thread has been a real 'eye opener' to what depression is and how people feel.
I've always dismissed it as a 'thing'. Now I know different.
When people say they are depressed I'll look to encourage rather than being indifferent.
I also hope you guys and girls suffering from it take the advice given and beat it. |
Totally understandable. First off the name "depression" is utterly inadequate and inaccurate. "Stroke" is similarly stupid medical term – its known, quite rightly, as a brain attack in other languages. Clinical depression is not the same as feeling down, or blue, everyone feels like that now and again. Clinical depression is emotionally and physically debilitating. Even getting out of bed in the morning seems too difficult and, worse, unnecessary. There appears to be no relief or understanding. People, even friends and family sometimes, don't like being around depressed people. They're miserable company and self-obsessed. So, really, who can blame them?
It's really great that this thread has happened, and your comment is a brilliant illustration of how important it is. Many thanks. | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 06:42 - Jul 24 with 2152 views | EmpireStateRanger |
Have faced a couple bouts of depression. Most recently last year, after I was laid off right before the pandemic came and subsequently shut down any possibility of me landing back on my feet.
Staying occupied was the most important thing for me. Last summer I started taking back control by diving into things. Signed up for online courses in order to pivot my career. Wandered around New York taking photos whenever I got stir-crazy or anxious at home. Assisted with the mutual aid group that set up in my neighborhood right when the pandemic hit. I had to retrain my brain so that every night I went to sleep with goals for the next day. This provided hope and a purpose. Also I worked out a ton. 4-5 times a week at home and at a gym that thankfully reopened during the pandemic.
I was also pretty transparent with most everyone in my life that I wasn’t at 100 percent. Saying I’m not okay led to a lot of great reconnections from the past. It also helped me land a side gig with my friend’s father woodworking and construction shop. I’m very fortunate (i had only worked in sports media up til that point and didn’t know anything about groutwork or carpentry), but people are willing to throw you a lifeline. I know I would if one of my friends or a family member was way down.
Finally, I think my earnest efforts to limit my time on social media helped, too. I just removed Twitter from my phone again this week because I found myself on it all the time and feeling hopeless because of all the polarization and toxicity on the app. It’s certainly a drug.
Thanks everyone for their contributions to this thread. [Post edited 24 Jul 2021 6:44]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 13:16 - Jul 24 with 2060 views | bosh67 |
This is an interesting thread and I'm sorry there are so many of us that go through this. I have bouts of depression and anxiety and it's a constant battle to stay positive. My dad died last year, my mum has cancer, my worked vanished in the pandemic and I have next to no family. It's hard staying positive but I have to care for my mum and my girlfriend's foster dad so I do my best to keep the 'black dog' from getting into my head too often.
All I can say that from my own experience is if you live your life looking in the rear view mirror you will crash into everything up ahead. I try my best to live by this. |  |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 15:44 - Jul 25 with 1939 views | DylanP |
| The dark cloud of depression on 16:00 - Jul 21 by WindsorR |
Hi Ted
He's doing ok, he sent me a pm yesterday.
Thanks for the kind words |
WindsorR -- I am sorry that you are having a hard time and I want to thank you for having the courage to talk about it. Almost everyone goes through hard times at some point in their life; sometimes its chemical, sometimes its situational. For me it all started when I was diagnosed with ficking cancer and then my Mum died and I couldn't be there for her. We are all different and so obviously the way out of the darkness is different for each one of us. There isn't a right or wrong way, everyone has to find their own way. Lots of people do really well with talking to a sympathetic or knowing ear. Personally, I am not a talker -- at least I don't like talking about negative stuff. I find it just pushes me deeper into the dark thoughts. When I first got my diagnosis and my mind was just a pit of blackness I tried it but it just wasn't right for me. I have found that I prefer quietness, walking in quiet, green places, and just being with people I care about. My wife is my zen and my kids are my delight. I am not an expert, but I am sure that there is no way that is right/wrong, and that it is not about weakness/strength. |  |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 19:28 - Jul 25 with 1889 views | daveB |
I've always struggled with anxiety since i was a kid but never really spoken to anyone about it or sought help, just kind of get on with it and have some abysmal days where everything worries me and it affects my work and home life and some good ones where i wonder what on earth i was worried about, quite inspiring to see a lot of people suffer with this kind of stuff and reading about actual solutions I'd never really considered. Always just assumed I was a bit of a weirdo which is probably true. [Post edited 25 Jul 2021 19:29]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 19:39 - Jul 25 with 1864 views | Boston |
| The dark cloud of depression on 16:27 - Jul 23 by numptydumpty |
I found chatting online first was a positive step in my recovery after a dreadful relationship and a horrendously stressful job and manager, I did hit rock bottom.
I did get involved few years back with a brilliant mental health fundraising charity and handing out leaflets to all shops and cafes in town, all were positive in promoting our cause and even the banks were interested and ran their own chat services for anyone that needed do this with anonymity.
Twenty years ago, the response would been very very different. Everyone probably heard the phrases "Man up", "Grow a pair". I got those from supposed mates. But Manning up to me is being able talk out the nonsense that can easily go around in our heads that needs change as it's so crucial be kind to ourselves.
Self compassion makes journies through life heck lot easier to bear.
As the phrase goes "Shit happens " but we don't need to help it grow and grow. Talking things out of our heads can allow perspective to be taken into effect.
Exercise absolutely is great but be very careful to talk kindly to yourself. You trying your best and if others not supportive, sod them. There will always be people around that understand and will always have your back.
So sad for Hooparoo s nephew. And masking pain is often done as a young guy.
Most support networks are female dominated ie women tendency be so much better reaching out whilst men, we talk bollocks, banter, bullshit, birds - or boys for some -and beer, but we know all that smokescreen.
It can be fun and enjoyable but hopefully everyone has someone they feel that they can talk things out with, be that a mate, partner or family member.
But quite often chatting to a professional or ringing a helpline or emailing or opening up online. Better out than in.
Good helpline which is more for men is called Campaign against living Miserably CALM. Google would give more details.
Few rangers players in recent times had mental health challenges.
Clarke Carlisle and Kenny Sansom remember them both speaking half time about their struggles. Steven Caulker, Ravel Morrison and Grant Hall also remember those guys having well documented struggles too.
Lot boxers ie Bruno, Hatton, Calzaghe and loads retired sports people had it, ie Neil Ruddock, Paul Merson and cyclist Anne Marie Pendleton, Kelly Holmes, middle distance olympian and then the sad cases such as Gary Speed.
Covid has multiplied these kind challenges so yep it's takes guts to talk, but looking back for your future happiness, you will find that you could pinpoint recovery from moments such as this.
I personally found my mates and family gave the same response but speaking things out to someone totally with no emotional input into my story, the advice from them resonated more than from family and friends even if it was same advice. But different choices for different courses.
First step always the hardest, but everything to gain and nowt to lose.😎😎😎 [Post edited 23 Jul 2021 17:09]
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Sad for all of them mate, but the worst Rangers case was poor old Dave Clement. | |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 19:52 - Jul 25 with 1852 views | numptydumpty |
| The dark cloud of depression on 19:39 - Jul 25 by Boston |
Sad for all of them mate, but the worst Rangers case was poor old Dave Clement. |
Dave Clement yes.
Was just before my time unfortunately.
Obviously in those times everyone kept these things hidden, surprised there weren't more actually.
Remember Justin Fashanu but he would have got both homophic and severe racist abuse then, way more than actually is around today. | |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 23:13 - Jul 26 with 1730 views | wombat |
| The dark cloud of depression on 19:52 - Jul 25 by numptydumpty |
Dave Clement yes.
Was just before my time unfortunately.
Obviously in those times everyone kept these things hidden, surprised there weren't more actually.
Remember Justin Fashanu but he would have got both homophic and severe racist abuse then, way more than actually is around today. |
Has anyone seen Windsor on line in the last few days ? |  |
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