| Some Humour 21:46 - Jul 5 with 6883 views | SaintNick |
Just found out that World Champion cyclist Chris Hoy's sister, Landa, is a world class navigator ...
I hired a landscape gardener, but he said he couldn't help as my garden was portrait ....
I have the ability to guess what's inside a wrapped present .... it's a gift. |  |
| Satisfying The Bloodlust Of The Masses In Peacetime |
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| Some Humour on 22:42 - Jul 5 with 5513 views | 1885_SFC |
Doctor, doctor. I keep thinking I'm a supermarket.
Doctor: How long have you felt like this?
Me: Since I was Lidl. |  |
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| Some Humour on 22:46 - Jul 5 with 5495 views | hedgeend61 |
Checkout girl at Tesco asked me "if I fancied a drink?"
I said "thanks but I'm spoken for"
She replied "as part of the meal deal you prick!" |  | | |
| Some Humour on 22:49 - Jul 5 with 5479 views | SaintNick |
| Some Humour on 22:46 - Jul 5 by hedgeend61 |
Checkout girl at Tesco asked me "if I fancied a drink?"
I said "thanks but I'm spoken for"
She replied "as part of the meal deal you prick!" |
As Johnny Cash once sang
"I shot a man in paintball just to watch him dye ...." | |
| Satisfying The Bloodlust Of The Masses In Peacetime |
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| Some Humour on 15:41 - Jul 6 with 5200 views | TimSaint |
School Test....
In which battle did Horatio Nelson die ?
His last one
Where was the Declaration of Independence signed ?
At the bottom of the page
The Mississippi River flows in which state ?
Liquid state
What is the main reason for divorce ?
Marriage |  |
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| Some Humour on 15:59 - Jul 6 with 5178 views | franniesTache |
My wife asked me to suggest a band for her to listen to to help her get over not being in her thirties anymore.
I said UB40. |  | | |
| Some Humour on 21:30 - Jul 7 with 4925 views | PeterL22 |
Two cannibals eating a clown
One says to the other, "Does this meat taste funny to you?" |  | | |
| Some Humour on 22:45 - Jul 7 with 4869 views | hedgeend61 |
Breaking news.
British man killed by a shark whilst honeymooning in Australia.
Reports say he didn't suffer for too long as he'd only been married 5 days. | | | |
| Some Humour on 09:11 - Jul 8 with 4733 views | SaintNick |
| Some Humour on 22:45 - Jul 7 by hedgeend61 |
Breaking news.
British man killed by a shark whilst honeymooning in Australia.
Reports say he didn't suffer for too long as he'd only been married 5 days. |
It may be illegal to steal kitchen utensils but what can I say?
I'm a whisk taker .... | |
| Satisfying The Bloodlust Of The Masses In Peacetime |
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| Some Humour on 13:30 - Jul 11 with 4417 views | TimSaint |
I was shocked when I found out my toaster wasn't waterproof !! | |
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| Some Humour on 15:25 - Jul 11 with 4354 views | TimSaint |
I finally found the Wife's G-Spot.
Turns out her younger Sister had it !! :-) | |
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| Some Humour (n/t) on 15:45 - Jul 11 with 4326 views | Berber |
| Some Humour on 15:25 - Jul 11 by TimSaint |
I finally found the Wife's G-Spot.
Turns out her younger Sister had it !! :-) |
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| Some Humour on 15:45 - Jul 11 with 4326 views | Berber |
| Some Humour on 15:25 - Jul 11 by TimSaint |
I finally found the Wife's G-Spot.
Turns out her younger Sister had it !! :-) |
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| Some Humour on 16:59 - Jul 11 with 4293 views | saint901 |
Just been on the holiday of a lifetime - never again! | | | |
| Some Humour on 23:05 - Jul 11 with 4157 views | hedgeend61 |
A Geordie lass went to the hairdresser and asked for a perm.
The hairdresser replied,
“I wandered lernly as a clood”
A guy who suffered back pain was advised by his doctor to stand for 3 hours a day for two weeks.
Two weeks later the guy visited his doctor who asked him if he had stood for 3 hours every single day as instructed.
The guy said no, he was only able to stand for 2 hours a day.
The doctor said he understood.
Just started reading a book called “Swimming The English Channel” by Francis Near | | | |
| Some Humour on 23:10 - Jul 11 with 4145 views | SaintNick |
| Some Humour on 23:05 - Jul 11 by hedgeend61 |
A Geordie lass went to the hairdresser and asked for a perm.
The hairdresser replied,
“I wandered lernly as a clood”
A guy who suffered back pain was advised by his doctor to stand for 3 hours a day for two weeks.
Two weeks later the guy visited his doctor who asked him if he had stood for 3 hours every single day as instructed.
The guy said no, he was only able to stand for 2 hours a day.
The doctor said he understood.
Just started reading a book called “Swimming The English Channel” by Francis Near |
Gambling brought my family closer.
We had to move into a smaller house .... | |
| Satisfying The Bloodlust Of The Masses In Peacetime |
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| Some Humour on 23:12 - Jul 11 with 4142 views | SaintNick |
| Some Humour on 23:10 - Jul 11 by SaintNick |
Gambling brought my family closer.
We had to move into a smaller house .... |
A friend of mine just told me she's got swelling on her ankles, legs, and back.
"That's far to much inflammation" I thought ...
I always wanted to be a hairdresser. As a child I'd practice in my bedroom using a microphone as a hairbrush ...
A Bishop walks straight up to the bar and the barman says, "You can't do that. Bishops can only move diagonally" ... | |
| Satisfying The Bloodlust Of The Masses In Peacetime |
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| Some Humour on 23:25 - Jul 11 with 4122 views | hedgeend61 |
My favourite Billy Ocean song is
‘Love really H R T S’
What have Sonic the Hedgehog and Jabba the Hut both got in common?
They both have the middle name
I went to Kensington Palace to give Prince William a haircut for his birthday.
I said to the policeman “Can you let me in to the car park, I'm here to cut Prince William's hair?”
The policeman said “Have you got a permit?”
“No, just a bit off the back!” | | | |
| Some Humour on 04:29 - Jul 12 with 4075 views | Jellybaby |
(At my boss's funeral kneeling and whispering);
"Who's thinking outside the box now Gary?" | |
| I wholly disapprove of what you say and will defend to the death your right to say it. |
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| Some Humour on 16:08 - Jul 12 with 3932 views | Berber |
I have been investing in stocks, chicken, them beef, next vegetable. This time next year I will be a Bouillonair.
My weird friend has been dipping his scrotum into glitter, he’s pretty nuts. | |
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| Some Humour on 12:16 - Jul 15 with 3725 views | TimSaint |
Had a terrifying experience last night.
I was alone in the house, having a bath,
When all of a sudden...
.....I felt a tap on my shoulder !! :-) | |
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| Some Humour on 13:34 - Jul 17 with 3518 views | TimSaint |
The farmer allows walkers to use the footpath through his field for free....
.....but the Bull charges !! 🂠| |
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| Some Humour on 13:46 - Jul 17 with 3504 views | 1885_SFC |
Sometimes I call the number on missing dog posters and just bark! | |
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| Some Humour on 11:31 - Jul 19 with 3331 views | PatfromPoole |
⤠SENIOR SEX â¤
The husband leans over and asks his wife, "Do you remember the first time we had sex together over fifty years ago? We went behind the village tavern where you leaned against the back fence and I made love to you."
“Yes”, she says, "I remember it well."
“OK” he says, "How about taking a stroll around there again and we can do it for old time's sake?"
"Oh Jim, you old devil, that sounds like a crazy, but good idea!"
A police officer sitting in the next booth heard their conversation and, having a chuckle to himself, he thinks to himself, I've got to see these two old-timers having sex against a fence. I'll just keep an eye on them so there's no trouble.
So he follows them.
The elderly couple walks haltingly along, leaning on each other for support aided by walking sticks.
Finally, they get to the back of the tavern and make their way to the fence The old lady lifts her skirt and the old man drops his trousers. As she leans against the fence, the old man moves in..
Then suddenly they erupt into the most furious sex that the policeman has ever seen. This goes on for about ten minutes while both are making loud noises and moaning and screaming. Finally, they both collapse, panting on the ground.
The policeman is amazed. He thinks he has learned something about life and old age that he didn't know.
After about half an hour of lying on the ground recovering, the old couple struggle to their feet and put their clothes back on. The policeman, is still watching and thinks to himself, this is truly amazing, I've got to ask them what their secret is.
So, as the couple passes, he says to them, "Excuse me, but that was something else. You must've had a fantastic sex life together. Is there some sort of secret to this?"
Shaking, the old man is barely able to reply,
"Fifty years ago that wasn't an electric fence." |  |
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| Some Humour on 12:07 - Jul 20 with 3119 views | hedgeend61 |
Steve and Mick are working at the local sawmill.
One day, Mick slips and his arm gets caught and severed by the big bench saw. Steve quickly puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick to the local hospital.
Next day, Steve goes to the hospital and asks after Mick. The nurse says, "Oh he's out in Rehab exercising". Steve couldn't believe it, but there's Mick out the back exercising his now re-attached arm. The very next day he's back at work in the saw mill.
A couple of days go by, and then Mick slips and severs his leg on another bloody big saw.
So Steve puts the limb in a plastic bag and rushes it and Mick off to Hospital.
Next day he calls in to see him and asks the nurse how he is. The nurse replies, "He's out in the Rehab again exercising".
And sure enough, there's Mick out there doing some serious work on the treadmill. And very soon Mick comes back to work.
But, as usual, within a couple of days he has another accident and severs his head.
Wearily Steve puts the head in a plastic bag and transports it and Mick to hospital.
Next day he goes in and asks the nurse how Mick is. The nurse breaks down and cries and says, "He's dead."
Steve is shocked, but not surprised. "I suppose the saw finally did him in."
"No", says the nurse, "Some dopey b*stard put his head in a plastic bag and he suffocated.? | | | |
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