| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 811041 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:39 - Jul 6 with 9087 views | CiderwithRsie |
By way of trying to drag this back to corny jokes, from "The Commitments":
"We're Irish, we're the blacks of Europe"
"I thought the blacks were the blacks of Europe" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:38 - Jul 6 with 9006 views | NewBee |
When asked what its like to be black and Irish, Thin Lizzy's Phil Lynott replied " Like a pint of Guinness" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 21:30 - Jul 6 with 8942 views | loftboy |
I’m suffering from auto correct syndrome, I don’t even know I was I’ll |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 06:53 - Jul 7 with 8856 views | distortR |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:10 - Jul 5 by CiderwithRsie |
I always thought that was Manx version of Ewan rather than a Spanish thing?
Though it would fit in with an explanation I once had of "traa dy liooar", i.e. "You've heard of "mañana"? Well, it's like that, but without that terrible sense of urgency" |
could well be!
Spanish Head at the very south of the island is locally thought to have been named after a sunken ship of the Armada - they certainly got scattered.
[Post edited 7 Jul 2021 7:08]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:15 - Jul 7 with 8754 views | acricketer |
What do fat Manx people interested in Spanish wear?
Spanx! | | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:14 - Jul 9 with 8606 views | Esox_Lucius |
At a wine merchant, the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire.
A drunkard, with a ragged, dirty look came in to apply for the position.
The director of the winery wondered how to send him away.
He gave him a glass to drink.
The drunk tried it and said:
"It's a Muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers. Low grade but acceptable”.
"That's correct”, said the boss.
Another glass:
"It's a cabernet, eight years old, a south-western slope, oak barrels, matured at 8 degrees. Requires three more years for finest results”.
"Correct”.
A third glass:
''It's a pinot blanc champagne, high grade and exclusive”, calmly said the drunk.
The director was astonished.
He winked at his secretary, secretly suggesting something. She left the room and came back in with a glass of urine.
The alcoholic tried it.
"It's a blonde, 26 years old, three months pregnant and - if I don't get the job - I'll name the father”. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:28 - Jul 9 with 8510 views | colinallcars |
My dad had Bertrand Russell in the back of his cab once. He said “ 'ere, you're that Bertrand Russell the famous philosopher orf the telly, aintcha? “
Russell replied with a chuckle “ yes young man, for my sins, I am ”
My dad said “ so, wassit all abaht then ? “ |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:46 - Jul 10 with 8383 views | Esox_Lucius |
North Korea has a nuclear missile that can reach New York,
it’s a bit scary because if it can make it there, it can make it anywhere. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:31 - Jul 10 with 8305 views | Esox_Lucius |
Sajid Javid was doing a scheduled annual visit to a hospital. As always, he was looking for something to beat the NHS with to show how badly run and loss making things were there.
Javid checked all the books and then did his tour. While on the tour he turned to the ward manager and said, "I notice you buy and use a lot of bandages. What do you do with the plastic middle out of the roll?" "Good question", noted the ward manager, "we save them up and send them back to Johnson and Johnson and every once in a while, they send us a free bandage roll. We like recycle whenever possible." "Oh" he said somewhat disappointed that his unusual question had a practical answer. But on he went in his tour to the next ward. "What about all these coloured casts you dispense. They seem to be rather a waste of money?"
"Ah, yes", replied the ward manager realizing that Javid was trying to trap her, "we ask that any patient wishing a coloured cast donates £1 which is far in excess of the 10p the colouring actually costs". Javid was determined to fluster the ward manager. So on they went to the next ward. "Well, what do you do with all the remains from the circumcision surgeries?" "Here too we do not like wasting", said the manager.
"What we do is save all the little foreskins and send them to the government in London and about once a year, at this exact time, they send us a complete prick". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:12 - Jul 14 with 8090 views | Esox_Lucius |
Some guy stopped me in the street and asked me,
"Why are you carrying a 9ft long book?"
I said,"It's a long story." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:07 - Jul 16 with 7927 views | Esox_Lucius |
When the inventor of the USB stick dies they'll gently lower the coffin, then pull it back up, turn it the other way, then lower it again. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:54 - Jul 17 with 7807 views | colinallcars |
When I was at uni, I was working the bar at an end of term party. An American kid's dad came to the bar and said “ I'll have a Stella young man “
“ Would you like it in the can sir ? “ I said.
“ Why no son, I'll just drink it here.” He replied. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:40 - Jul 19 with 7671 views | Esox_Lucius |
Our local butcher is selling Lamb at 50% off at the moment.
That's Sheep at half the price. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:39 - Jul 20 with 7522 views | CliveWilsonSaid |
The crossword was asking for an 8 letter 1995 Alicia Silverstone movie.
I was Clueless. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:27 - Jul 21 with 7406 views | Esox_Lucius |
I just heard the news about all the staff and passengers at John Lennon Airport having to go into immediate isolation.
Imagine all the people... | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:23 - Jul 22 with 7290 views | Myke |
Zero and One had been together for a long time. Working and playing side by side. But the relationship had hit a rocky patch and it finally ended when, after a furious row, One shouted at Zero, 'you mean nothing to me'. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:50 - Jul 22 with 7249 views | Sonofpugwash |
Had an irate letter this morning from Schwartz Spices claiming I owe them £100.If I don't pay up by Friday they're sending the bay leafs round. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:59 - Jul 23 with 7109 views | BlackCrowe |
Two old men are sitting on the deck of a cruise ship.
The first one asks, “Have you read Marx?”
The other one replies, “Yes. I believe that comes from sitting on these wicker chairs. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:11 - Jul 23 with 7015 views | HAYESBOY |
Chelsea fan walking down the street. Obviously not the brightest. He walks past a prostitute who is leaning up against a a wall. She calls over to him "Hey, do you want a bunk up".
Chelsea fan walks over and replies "Why, what's on the other side". |  |
| Smells like a trout farm in here |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:13 - Jul 26 with 6790 views | qprphil |
Ethel checked into a motel on her 70th birthday. She was lonely, a little depressed at her advancing age so decided to risk an adventure.
She thought I'll call one of those men you see advertised in phone books for escorts and sensual massages.
She looked through he phone book, found a full page ad for a guy calling himself Tender Tony., a very handsome man with assorted physical skills flexing in the photo.
He had all the right muscles in the right places, thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, dazzling smile, six pack, and she felt she could bounce a dime off them well oiled buns.
She figured, what the heck, no one will ever know, I'll give him a call.
" Good evening mam how can I help you?" Afraid she would lose her nerve she rushed right in, " I hear you give a great massage, I'd like you to come to my motel room and give me one."
"No, wait, should be straight with you. I'm in town all alone and all I really want is sex. I want it hot and I want it now. Bring implements, toys, everything you've got in your bag of tricks. We'll go at it all night long, tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream, anything, and everything, how does that sound?"
He said, " that sounds absolutely fabulous, but you need to press 9 for an outside line." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:37 - Jul 26 with 6765 views | Sonofpugwash |
My granddad gave me some sound advice on his deathbed.
“It’s worth spending the extra money on really good speakers,” he told me. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:52 - Jul 27 with 6653 views | Sonofpugwash |
My friend drowned and it was his funeral yesterday. All his friends clubbed together and we got him a wreath in the shape of a lifebelt.
Well, it’s what he would have wanted. | |
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