| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 09:03 - Mar 21 with 2460 views | TheChef |
Wishing a speedy recovery to those facing health issues. May you all have a refuah shleimah, a complete healing.
On the subject of employers, death and the work/life balance - I think for the most part companies are a lot more clued up about handling employees' welfare than they used to be. Of course there are some jobs which tend to involve more stress (medicine, finance, law) and yes for the most part they are well remunerated but then there is the trade-off of long hours, not seeing your family, etc. But then that's up to the individual I suppose?
I expect most people on here have been in a job with crap employers at one time or another. I remember moving to one job in advertising - seemed great on the face of it, funky Clerkenwell office, cool people, promotion/more money. First day in the office, the colleague sat next to me broke down in tears because of the stress of the project they were working on (and they'd had to work all weekend because they were so behind on it) - fair to say the warning signs were there! Inevitably it was a crap place to work, I stuck at it for ten months to the detriment of my mental health but in the end chucked it in because life is too short to be miserable at work.
Current workplace is so far removed from that - very flexible, positive people, management treat you like adults and trust you to get on with the job. Hence the company does well. |  |
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| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 10:22 - Mar 21 with 2346 views | terryb |
Please can I send a get well message to all on this board that are suffering with their physical or mental health. And for everyone to realise that one often affects the other.
From the death of my mother in 2006 until the passing of my father in 2012, at least 40 times a year I drove the 100 miles (exact mileage according to my mileometer!) & back visiting my father, though I admit that I often returned home via a visit to Loftus Road.
Did that stop me thinking that I should have done more after he died? Of course not! This is a natural feeling & I knew that I couldn't have done much more. But still, you do question yourself!
What is not always visible to others is the damage to your mental health that caring/visiting family/friends in need can do to you. This is why threads like this are so needed! It is also that this board is so supportive of each other, that I can openly admit when I suffer from a bout of depression. And for the first time in eight years I am suffering a mild setback. Nothing like as bad as previously, but that is because I now know when I'm not "right" & can take action (letting people know & talking about it). I have no idea what has caused the current problem, but I know that I will overcome it. My wife is being incredibly supportive & is my rock!
This is not meant to move the thread away from the suffering of Enfield, Boston R & many others, but I've mentioned it because I find it theraputic & hope that others can feel slightly better by talking about their problems.
Clive has spoken before about how his school treated him following the death of his father & I greatly symphathise with him. I believe that my depression dates back to losing my sister in a car accident in 1967 & never being allowed to talk about her, or how her death had affected me. My mother, who I love(d) dearly couldn't face the subject & thought that by ignoring it, it would go away. It wasn't until after 2006 that I spoke to my father or brother (driver of the car) about Pat. There were some horrid words exchanged, but they were needed, & I can now discuss with my brother in a way that helps us both. Nearly 60 years later we still try to outcry the other though!
Sorry if I've taken this thread on a diversion, but please everyone, talk, talk, talk! |  | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 12:53 - Mar 21 with 2203 views | Phildo |
Well...... thankyou to everyone for the good wishes and support and dare I say it love that you have shown to me and others. Also (although I still disagree with you) apologies to Sheffield for telling you to FK off.
Life experience can make you or break you a little and there is not much point in pontificating about kindness if you cannot always try to show it yourself. Thank you to those who have shared lots of private things above- good and bad experiences.
My work is very pressured and so far they have been very supportive - along the lines of whatever you need to do - do it.
To lighten the tone a little word on my diagnosis. I went for a colonoscopy as I had been passing some blood. When I saw the specialist least Friday he asked me why I had got the check and I explained. He said 'oh that's just haemorrhoid's the tumour doesn't bleed.'
So all those years sitting on my arse have finally paid off and saved my bacon. |  | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 13:47 - Mar 21 with 2073 views | SheffieldHoop |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 12:53 - Mar 21 by Phildo |
Well...... thankyou to everyone for the good wishes and support and dare I say it love that you have shown to me and others. Also (although I still disagree with you) apologies to Sheffield for telling you to FK off.
Life experience can make you or break you a little and there is not much point in pontificating about kindness if you cannot always try to show it yourself. Thank you to those who have shared lots of private things above- good and bad experiences.
My work is very pressured and so far they have been very supportive - along the lines of whatever you need to do - do it.
To lighten the tone a little word on my diagnosis. I went for a colonoscopy as I had been passing some blood. When I saw the specialist least Friday he asked me why I had got the check and I explained. He said 'oh that's just haemorrhoid's the tumour doesn't bleed.'
So all those years sitting on my arse have finally paid off and saved my bacon. |
I can cope with being told to fck off, I've handled far worse in life, no apology required |  |
| "Someone despises me. That's their problem." Marcus Aurelius |
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| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:02 - Mar 21 with 1925 views | Snipper |
Phildo, BostonR & enfieldargh, my heart goes out to you all, and I hope you all beat what you’re fighting.
SheffieldHoop, what you went through was bloody tough. I’m so glad that you came through the loss of your father.
Clive, reading your post had me shaking my head through disbelief. How bloody heartless can some places of work be? That poor young fella was just a statistic to them.
slmrstid, Hooping Mad and everybody else on here who’ve gone through, going through or watching a loved one go through an illness, I wish nothing but the best for you all.
I work on London Underground as a driver. When I was caring for my mum in her last 6 months, my bosses at work were bloody brilliant. I couldn’t praise them enough for what they did. I was never pressured.
Some 6 months after my mum passed, I received a message from a female driver from a different depot asking for advice.
Her mother had just died, and the manager dealing with her wanted her to take annual leave instead of taking time off sick. She had to make all the arrangements for the funeral.
I wasn’t happy hearing this and told her to book off and see her doctor to be signed off.
I told her to take no notice of this certain manager.
I used to be a union rep at my depot, and I made a few calls to current reps and it was all sorted.
It just goes to show that there are good and bad managers within the same company. |  | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:09 - Mar 21 with 1886 views | SheffieldHoop |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:02 - Mar 21 by Snipper |
Phildo, BostonR & enfieldargh, my heart goes out to you all, and I hope you all beat what you’re fighting.
SheffieldHoop, what you went through was bloody tough. I’m so glad that you came through the loss of your father.
Clive, reading your post had me shaking my head through disbelief. How bloody heartless can some places of work be? That poor young fella was just a statistic to them.
slmrstid, Hooping Mad and everybody else on here who’ve gone through, going through or watching a loved one go through an illness, I wish nothing but the best for you all.
I work on London Underground as a driver. When I was caring for my mum in her last 6 months, my bosses at work were bloody brilliant. I couldn’t praise them enough for what they did. I was never pressured.
Some 6 months after my mum passed, I received a message from a female driver from a different depot asking for advice.
Her mother had just died, and the manager dealing with her wanted her to take annual leave instead of taking time off sick. She had to make all the arrangements for the funeral.
I wasn’t happy hearing this and told her to book off and see her doctor to be signed off.
I told her to take no notice of this certain manager.
I used to be a union rep at my depot, and I made a few calls to current reps and it was all sorted.
It just goes to show that there are good and bad managers within the same company. |
Thanks
I was also dropped into half pay by the same employer I worked for when my dad died, while I was laying in a coma in Intensive care a couple of years prior. When I got back to work the response was also - Shrug - Rules are rules mate. Maybe I'm just really unlucky. Or, maybe this is just reality for most of us, so highly compensated footballers being given a platform to moan about being asked to play can seem a little bit galling. [Post edited 21 Mar 17:11]
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| "Someone despises me. That's their problem." Marcus Aurelius |
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| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:19 - Mar 21 with 1892 views | enfieldargh |
I' ve just been told this morning my depot is closing 20th July so my last day in this current job will be just before the op then 2-3 months rehab (at best).
Sad for all the staff/management who if they cant get re-deployed will have to look for a new job.
A fair few of the workers there are kind of late 50's to mid 60's.
Put it this way Ocado will have their fair pick of drivers. |  |
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| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:23 - Mar 21 with 1884 views | Hooping_Mad |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:19 - Mar 21 by enfieldargh |
I' ve just been told this morning my depot is closing 20th July so my last day in this current job will be just before the op then 2-3 months rehab (at best).
Sad for all the staff/management who if they cant get re-deployed will have to look for a new job.
A fair few of the workers there are kind of late 50's to mid 60's.
Put it this way Ocado will have their fair pick of drivers. |
That's dreadful timing, sorry to hear this Enfield. | |
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| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:28 - Mar 21 with 1876 views | enfieldargh |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:23 - Mar 21 by Hooping_Mad |
That's dreadful timing, sorry to hear this Enfield. |
No its ok. Had so many catastrophes and amazing ups in my working life its water of a ducks back.
I consider myself extremely fortunate apart from the little unkown in my groin.
Just always try to remain positive in most things, QPR well thats a horse of a different colour | |
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| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 19:47 - Mar 21 with 1750 views | ManinBlack |
I must admit that I don't like all these celeb interviews in Hello style mags where we have to sympathise with overpaid show offs talking about their personal trauma's. They even get paid to share their hell with us.
I am not going to go into any personal details but I can say that my he'll was a damn sight worse than many of the things I have read about celebs. But then as a nobody in the grand scheme of things who wants to pay me to spill all? No doubt the money they earn and get paid for telling their stories helps. I still haven't paid for my mum's funeral from over 5 years ago which is a very long tale. If I was a celeb I would have been paid to do an article which would pay for the funeral. This is the hardship people on six figure salaries don't get.
My sympathies lie with ordinary people struggling to get by and who have to cope with personal traumas where they get no financial help or the opportunity to tell the world their story. So to all of you on here suffering and worrying about what the future holds I wish you all well. |  | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 19:51 - Mar 21 with 1742 views | PlanetHonneywood |
Wishing those mentioned above all the very, very best and also to your nearest and dearest in this difficult time.
Very sad to hear. |  |
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| Onuoha on loosing his mum (n/t) on 01:40 - Mar 22 with 1590 views | PunteR |
[Post edited 22 Mar 1:51]
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| Occasional providers of half decent House music. |
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| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 10:15 - Mar 22 with 1354 views | Malintabuk |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 18:45 - Mar 19 by enfieldargh |
Just been diagnosed with soft tissue sarcoma on my femeral artery. Waiting for the opp date.
Yes it does really hammer home how fragile life is.
Lost both my parents whilst holding their hands when the moment came.
Bugger!! |
Just been reading this thread and thankfully it as been caught early
My gorgeous wife was diagnosed back in 2018 with bowel cancer and now as to use a bag. I cam still remember the nurse coming out to the waiting room after her diagnosis and taking me into the office, where my wife was and telling me the prognosis....I thought my world was ended, that I may lose her.... and the emotions, mostly anger at first of why her. A nurse of nearly 50 years, all her life caring for others, to have this....
But she is now 5 years clear and leads a pretty normal life and thank whatever entity is around for this time with her. So take care and take heart
On the the thread in September I posted that my mother in law had her 100th birthday and we were in Scotland. Sadly she past away this week and my wife is up there now with one of our daughters. | | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 10:17 - Mar 22 with 1354 views | robith |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 22:05 - Mar 20 by Konk |
I couldn't agree more about a work life balance. I have friends who have worked insane hours in incredibly stressful jobs, which have made them largely miserable. Needing to earn big money to afford to live in a big house in an expensive area because of the proximity to stressful, well-paid jobs that allow them to afford to live in a big house in an expensive area, which they choose to live in because of the proximity to stressful well-paid jobs...
I have always been terrible at coping with stress at work, so like you, have turned down numerous job offers from clients and colleagues over the years (some daft cun t thought I'd be a great trainee fund manager, when I would actually have spent the whole time crying in the bogs). Money would have been welcome, but I'd just have been a thoroughly miserable bloke living on a nicer street.
My Dad worked for the same company, in the same role, for 36 years on not great money. He liked his colleagues, it was an easy commute, he liked his clients, and he was home for 5.30pm every day, with his weekends free for football and cricket. He watched all of our games for the school and clubs. That approach has very much informed my decisions when it's come to work.
I wrote my boss a note thanking her for being so kind and supportive at the time of my Mum's death and she just said to me, "There's nothing that happens in this building that is more important than being with your family". If I'm even working five minutes late she tells me to pack-up and go to collect my son. Probably the best run department I've ever worked in and she is genuinely loved by the whole team. |
Absolutely, and with what Clive said, the opposite is true too. When my dad died my boss was absolutely incredible. Incredible. To the point I eventually had to tell him he could loosen the reigns because was out in the company actively batting work away from me (I'm a kind of internal consultant).
Not that I'd be a prick to the extent of Johnstone Press, but it really left an indelible mark on me that that is the standard, and if I end up managing someone going through a bereavement, that is the bar I have to hit. We can all make a change for the better even if it's small and for one person |  | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 10:19 - Mar 22 with 1340 views | robith |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 12:53 - Mar 21 by Phildo |
Well...... thankyou to everyone for the good wishes and support and dare I say it love that you have shown to me and others. Also (although I still disagree with you) apologies to Sheffield for telling you to FK off.
Life experience can make you or break you a little and there is not much point in pontificating about kindness if you cannot always try to show it yourself. Thank you to those who have shared lots of private things above- good and bad experiences.
My work is very pressured and so far they have been very supportive - along the lines of whatever you need to do - do it.
To lighten the tone a little word on my diagnosis. I went for a colonoscopy as I had been passing some blood. When I saw the specialist least Friday he asked me why I had got the check and I explained. He said 'oh that's just haemorrhoid's the tumour doesn't bleed.'
So all those years sitting on my arse have finally paid off and saved my bacon. |
I went to the doctor last year because I thought I saw blood in my poo. After giving my rear end a proper going over, he faced me and said "......You didn't happen to have beetroot in your dinner last night did you?"
Oh well, better safe than sorry! | | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 10:46 - Mar 22 with 1303 views | MrSheen |
I can get the irritation that issues have to come with a celebrity wrapper, "STEPHEN FRY talks about depression", "SUE PERKINS goes to Japan", but everyone knows the media isn't real life. One of the bonuses of being part of an extended family is that you have seen these things before, but it seems increasingly the case that people first learn about them when they come calling. It's sad that people mistake celebrities for real family and friends, but if the alternative is nothing...
Although I have had family tragedies (father dead in his 50s, mother in her 60s), my own health has been good and I have to admit I've always been well looked after at work. However, I was at the funeral of one of my wife's friends last week, who survived pancreatic cancer for four agonising years until it finally destroyed him. That's enough work for me, I want my own time from now. |  | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 14:54 - Mar 22 with 1123 views | BostonR |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 10:15 - Mar 22 by Malintabuk |
Just been reading this thread and thankfully it as been caught early
My gorgeous wife was diagnosed back in 2018 with bowel cancer and now as to use a bag. I cam still remember the nurse coming out to the waiting room after her diagnosis and taking me into the office, where my wife was and telling me the prognosis....I thought my world was ended, that I may lose her.... and the emotions, mostly anger at first of why her. A nurse of nearly 50 years, all her life caring for others, to have this....
But she is now 5 years clear and leads a pretty normal life and thank whatever entity is around for this time with her. So take care and take heart
On the the thread in September I posted that my mother in law had her 100th birthday and we were in Scotland. Sadly she past away this week and my wife is up there now with one of our daughters. |
Brilliant to hear that your wife is doing really well. Being told that something sinister had been found (in my case) following a colonoscopy was truly devastating. My wife who was with me (and a renal consultant of 40yrs) asked was it cancer and the consultant nodded.
I have worked in highly paid jobs around the world earning a fantastic living but that came at a price. I hadn’t realised until my diagnosis that life had caught up with me at 63 and I was facing a tough time ahead from Aug 22.
I made the decision that evening to retire and my wife laid out the odds against the different types/stages of bowel cancer. Thankfully, I am doing well and retired.
I see more of my family (literally everyday) and I love it and tell them I love them dearly.I can go to R’s again. I’ve realised I don’t need that much money to live on but I take care of everyone. Most importantly and late in life -I love being around as I have stuff to do.
I changed some of my lifestyle habits. I don’t drink much alcohol. I’ve given up red meat and processed foods and try to exercise as much as I can.
A cancer journey is painful and no one journey is similar. For my fellow cancer colleagues on this forum -best wishes and live life! |  | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 17:56 - Mar 22 with 1005 views | Andybrat |
Amazing thread.
Come on U Rs that’s all of you
Proves that there’s far more Superhoops than on the pitch
See you Friday guys ( and girls) | | | |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 18:58 - Mar 22 with 939 views | Wilkinswatercarrier |
| Onuoha on loosing his mum on 14:54 - Mar 22 by BostonR |
Brilliant to hear that your wife is doing really well. Being told that something sinister had been found (in my case) following a colonoscopy was truly devastating. My wife who was with me (and a renal consultant of 40yrs) asked was it cancer and the consultant nodded.
I have worked in highly paid jobs around the world earning a fantastic living but that came at a price. I hadn’t realised until my diagnosis that life had caught up with me at 63 and I was facing a tough time ahead from Aug 22.
I made the decision that evening to retire and my wife laid out the odds against the different types/stages of bowel cancer. Thankfully, I am doing well and retired.
I see more of my family (literally everyday) and I love it and tell them I love them dearly.I can go to R’s again. I’ve realised I don’t need that much money to live on but I take care of everyone. Most importantly and late in life -I love being around as I have stuff to do.
I changed some of my lifestyle habits. I don’t drink much alcohol. I’ve given up red meat and processed foods and try to exercise as much as I can.
A cancer journey is painful and no one journey is similar. For my fellow cancer colleagues on this forum -best wishes and live life! |
Having a major trauma happen to you definitely changes your perspective on life.
A bit like you I was very career driven, always wanting more money and ego, to the detriment of my family.
All that changed when I was at my parents house, studying for a new qualification, when my Dad collapsed. I had to perform CPR until the ambulance arrived, but nothing could be done. Watching some you love die is not like in the movies and I wouldnt wish it upon my worse enemy.
I had what I now realise to be a complete mental collapse: panic attacks, anxiety, depression, alcohol abuse as a coping mechanism, and in the past 2 months i have finally been diagnosed with PTSD.
I have lived with these things for nearly 5 years, but I'm slowly improving, but I will never be the same person I was.
I now work as a paint store manager, no stress, home is 5 minutes away and I'm home by 4pm everyday. My wife says I'm much nicer, and I certainly have more empathy for others' suffering. I've even gone vegetarian.
For anyone on here who suffers a trauma or has mental health issues, I would fully encourage therapy. It isnt for everyone, but it saved me.
Men are particularly crap at articulating what they feel but talking does help. No man is an island and all that.
Strangely, before the therapy, the only thing that kept me going was looking forward to going see QPR with my son. I think it gave me a structure.
To you all, whether you have commented on here, or are just reading, I wish you all a lovely evening. U Rs! | | | |
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