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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 796099 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 17:23 - Sep 14 with 6058 viewsEsox_Lucius

When my grandad died he left me a nice sum in his will.
It was 4x the square root of 315 ÷ the year of Philip of Spains death.

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 17:22 - Sep 16 with 5757 viewsEsox_Lucius

I went for a job at a fishmongers. The owner said I could have the job if I could name 3 fish beginning with 'K'. I said 'Killer shark, king haddock and Kilmarnock'. He said 'Kilmarnock?'.
I said 'yes it’s a plaice in Scotland'....

The grass is always greener.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 17:25 - Sep 17 with 5489 viewsEsox_Lucius

What is the only hospital department named for a beast of burden?
ER.

The grass is always greener.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 09:24 - Sep 23 with 5078 viewsjohann28

St. Peter and Satan were having an argument about the outcome of a recent Championship game. Satan proposed they settle the argument by hosting their own game, but insisted that the match be played on neutral ground.
“Ok,” said Peter, the gatekeeper of Heaven. “But it's only fair to remind you that we’ve got most of the best players AND the best coaches.”
“ Yeah yeah,” Satan answered unperturbed. “And I might remind YOU that we’ve got all the referees.”
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Corny Joke Warning on 17:50 - Sep 24 with 4798 viewsSonofpugwash

Is Starmer the wurst PM in history?


Poll: Dykes - love him or hate him?

2
Corny Joke Warning on 18:54 - Sep 24 with 4709 viewsLblock

Corny Joke Warning on 17:50 - Sep 24 by Sonofpugwash

Is Starmer the wurst PM in history?



Proved he loves a few porkies this early in his term

Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal

3
Corny Joke Warning on 22:18 - Sep 24 with 4586 viewsqprphil

A young kid comes home from primary school.
His mother isn't happy as the school has been on the phone.
They want me to come in as you said the dreadful C word she says.
It wasn't clever was it she says.
No says the kid, it was cu-nt.!
2
Corny Joke Warning on 12:30 - Sep 25 with 4346 viewsEsox_Lucius

I bought a bungalow this week, I originally wanted a house but that's another storey.

The grass is always greener.

5
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Corny Joke Warning on 20:09 - Sep 25 with 4185 viewspragueranger

I hear that they ran out of sausages and cheese yesterday at Oktoberfest.

It was a wurst kase scenario.
1
Corny Joke Warning on 23:14 - Sep 25 with 4088 viewsbosh67

Corny Joke Warning on 17:50 - Sep 24 by Sonofpugwash

Is Starmer the wurst PM in history?



The two sausage solution.

Never knowingly right.
Poll: How long before new signings become quivering wrecks of the players they were?

1
Corny Joke Warning on 15:49 - Sep 26 with 3867 viewsEsox_Lucius

I just had to stop my dog humping a cabbage. He must have thought it was a Collie.

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 14:33 - Sep 27 with 3620 viewsSonofpugwash

Englishman: "That your dog?"

Welshman: "Aye"

Englishman: "Mind if I speak to him?'

Welshman: "Dog don't talk.”

Englishman: Hey dog, how's it going?"

Dog: "Doing all right."

Welshman: (look of shock)

Englishman: Is this your owner?" (Pointing at the Welshman)

Dog: "Yep."

Englishman: How's he treating you?"

Dog: "Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food and takes me to the park once a week to play."

Welshman: (Look of total disbelief!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your horse?"

Welshman: "Horse don't talk.”

Englishman: "Hey horse how's it going?"

Horse: "Cool."

Welshman: (Extreme look of shock!)

Englishman: "Is this your owner?" (Pointing to the Welshman)

Horse: "Yep."

Englishman: "How's he treating you?"

Horse: "Pretty good, thanks for asking, he rides me, brushes me down often and keeps me in a nice stable to protect me from the weather."

Welshman: (Look of total amazement!)

Englishman: "Mind if I talk to your sheep?"

Welshman: "That sheep's a fukking liar!!

Poll: Dykes - love him or hate him?

10
Corny Joke Warning on 13:16 - Sep 29 with 3382 viewsEsox_Lucius

A local man was in court this week charged with masturbating dogs in public. In his summing up the magistrate told him that he was disgusting and asked how low could you get?
Dachshunds M'lud was his response.

The grass is always greener.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 16:09 - Sep 30 with 3088 viewsEsox_Lucius

I have been developing a light aircraft made out of chocolate, I am going to call it an Aero Plane.

The grass is always greener.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 19:27 - Sep 30 with 3000 viewsradfords

Stretching the topic but for fans of Top Cat or (boss cat)

Spook : Man, ain't this heat a gas?

Top Cat : Where were you?

Spook : Like, I was making the public library scene.

Top Cat : *You* were reading a book?

Spook : Well, like, I was faking it, but this book is so far out, I got hooked. What a crazy, mixed-up story.

Choo Choo : What was it about, Spook?

Spook : Well, it starts out about an aardvark and ends up with everybody playing the xylophone.

Top Cat : What's it called?

Spook : Under a Bridge with Dick and Harry.

Top Cat : Under a Bridge with Dick and Harry? Let me see that.

[looks at the book]

Top Cat : That's "Unabridged Dictionary"! What's the matter with you? That's nothing but words!

Spook : Oh, I thought it was kinda freeform
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Corny Joke Warning on 16:15 - Oct 2 with 2609 viewsEsox_Lucius

I brought a genuine Van Gogh coffee table home. My wife asked me how I knew it was genuine.
I told her "It's got a bit of veneer missing".

The grass is always greener.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 20:35 - Oct 2 with 2480 viewsDorse

Corny Joke Warning on 16:15 - Oct 2 by Esox_Lucius

I brought a genuine Van Gogh coffee table home. My wife asked me how I knew it was genuine.
I told her "It's got a bit of veneer missing".


Similar vein:

Saw Van Gogh in the pub. Said to him:
'I'm a massive fan, can I buy you a drink?'
'Nah, you're alright', he says, 'I've got one 'ere...'

Feel free to mock and boo until your voices are sore.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

1
Corny Joke Warning on 14:38 - Oct 15 with 1948 viewsEsox_Lucius

I'm giving my nephew three socks for Xmas this year. My sister told me that he had grown another foot since last year.

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 17:21 - Oct 15 with 1848 viewsEsox_Lucius

Nurse: Mr Thomson, do you smoke, drink or use drugs?
Mr Thomson: I'm down for all that, we should hang out when I am released from this hospital.

The grass is always greener.

0
Corny Joke Warning on 19:35 - Oct 15 with 1754 viewsDorse

When I was at the gym the other day, I saw a hole in my trainer so big it could fit my whole finger inside.

Anyway, he was quite upset by this and now I'm barred.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

2
Corny Joke Warning on 07:47 - Oct 16 with 1583 viewsRebalhoop

I’ve just imported a very rare bottle of Tipex from China……


It’s a correctors item.
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Corny Joke Warning on 13:15 - Oct 16 with 1378 viewsLblock

Corny Joke Warning on 07:47 - Oct 16 by Rebalhoop

I’ve just imported a very rare bottle of Tipex from China……


It’s a correctors item.



Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal

0
Corny Joke Warning on 14:52 - Oct 16 with 1334 viewsEsox_Lucius

Walking my dogs I was stopped by a guy who commented "What a lovely looking pair of dogs"
Me: "Thank you".
Him: What are their names?"
Me: "Calvin and Klein"
Him: "Isn't that a brand of underwear?"
Me: "Yes, they're Boxers".

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 19:31 - Oct 19 with 926 viewsSonofpugwash

Guy showed up today.He asked me whether I would like to contribute to the floods in Pakistan.I said I'd love to but my hose only traches to the bottom of the garden.

Poll: Dykes - love him or hate him?

4
Corny Joke Warning on 11:25 - Oct 24 with 651 viewsEsox_Lucius

I've just bought a pet tree, it's like having a pet dog but its bark is quieter.

The grass is always greener.

1
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