| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 819599 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:15 - Nov 10 with 9503 views | acricketer |
A man walks into a bar. He reaches into his pocket and pulls out a little man, maybe a foot tall, and a little piano. He puts them both on the bar and the little guy starts playing Mozart as the man orders his drink.
The bartender says "I'm sure it's none of my business, but where did you find a little man who plays piano like that?"
The guy says "There's a genie outside granting wishes, I bet he's still there if you hurry."
The bartender runs outside, and moments later a bunch of ducks come in through the front door and start causing a big ruckus. The bartender says "You didn't tell me the genie was deaf, I asked for a million bucks, not a million ducks."
The guy says
''Do you really think I asked for an eleven inch pianist?" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:44 - Nov 10 with 9385 views | Boston |
Propaganda....it's what a Londoner does when he really wants to look at something. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:07 - Nov 11 with 9211 views | Esox_Lucius |
Why did the cows return to the Marijuana field?
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It was the pot calling the cattle back. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:56 - Nov 20 with 8920 views | acricketer |
I went for a testicle checkup last week.
The little Thai nurse cupped my balls and said:
"Don't worry, it's quite normal to get an erection during this procedure."
I said : "I haven't got an erection."
She said : "No but I have!" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:55 - Nov 23 with 8727 views | Esox_Lucius |
Her: You've spent all night down the pub haven't you?
Him: What makes you say that?
Her: I can smell beer on your breath
Him: No, I have been eating Frogs legs and it is the hops you can smell. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:30 - Nov 25 with 8517 views | Myke |
I built a snow-toddler last winter. Shortly afterwards it had a complete meltdown | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:03 - Nov 26 with 8375 views | Esox_Lucius |
I saw a nice house in the estate agents window and it was reasonably priced so I requested a viewing. When we got there all the walls were covered in blood. I asked the agent what the hell was going on and he replied "It's a period property sir". [Post edited 26 Nov 2021 16:21]
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| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:58 - Nov 27 with 8252 views | Boston |
Opened a new pub the other day
It's a little quiet
I've put a sign in the window looking for customers
Apply at the bar. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:34 - Nov 28 with 8092 views | Esox_Lucius |
My wife asked me “if I died would you get married again?”
I said “yes I’d get married again”.
She asked “would you let her move in here & sleep in our bed?”
I said “yes it’s a lovely house why not?” then she said
“I suppose you’d let her use my golf clubs too?”
I said “no she’s left handed” | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:36 - Nov 30 with 7809 views | johann28 |
A police officer asked me for my name.
I said 'Pentonville'
'Pentonville???' He says, disbelievingly. 'What kind of name is that?'
I replied 'it's a nick-name.' |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:30 - Dec 4 with 7567 views | Esox_Lucius |
An old potato has three daughters who have reached the age to find husbands. One by one they go before their father and announce their intention to marry.
“Father,” says the oldest daughter, “ I have fallen in love with a King Edward potato, will you give your consent for marriage?”
“Naturally,” replies the father, “the King Edward is a noble spud and would be a welcome addition to any potato family.
You have my blessing.”
“Father” says the second daughter, “ I have fallen in love with a Maris Piper, will you give your consent for marriage?”
“Naturally,” replies the father, “the Maris Piper is a fine tattie and would be a welcome addition to any potato family.
You have my blessing.”
“Father” says the youngest daughter, “I have fallen in love with John Motson, will you give your consent for marriage?”
“No daughter of mine will ever marry John Motson!” thunders the father in reply,
“He's just a commentator.” | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:19 - Dec 4 with 7505 views | Esox_Lucius |
An elephant was drinking out of a river one day, when he spotted a turtle asleep on a log. So, he ambled on over and kicked it clear across the river.
"What did you do that for?" Asked a passing giraffe.
"Because I recognized it as the same turtle that took a nip out of my trunk 53 years ago."
"Wow, what a memory" commented the giraffe.
"Yes," said the elephant
"I have turtle recall" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:51 - Dec 5 with 7396 views | Esox_Lucius |
I see that Aldi are doing a plush Humpty Dumpty toy for Christmas. They are also doing Aldi King's horses and Aldi King's men. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:30 - Dec 7 with 7218 views | Boston |
What’s green and white and sleeps five?
Brent Council Van. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:29 - Dec 7 with 7181 views | Esox_Lucius |
This morning I was asked if I could name a famous Syrian.
I said, "McKellen" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:00 - Dec 9 with 6944 views | Boston |
Fair enough, I often got into trouble when I was a kid. But I matured, went straight, and the record proves it, twenty-nine nicks not one conviction. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:30 - Dec 11 with 6596 views | digswellhoop |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:33 - Dec 11 with 6592 views | digswellhoop |
sorry brain dead just got it | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:52 - Dec 13 with 6429 views | Esox_Lucius |
My neighbour has just started a job at the local zoo. He will be in charge of circumcising the Elephants; the pay isn't great but the tips are huge. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:11 - Dec 13 with 6351 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:52 - Dec 13 by Esox_Lucius |
My neighbour has just started a job at the local zoo. He will be in charge of circumcising the Elephants; the pay isn't great but the tips are huge. |
If he plants them in Lincolnshire he can grow dictators. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:07 - Dec 13 with 6227 views | Boston |
Why does an American doctor never give anyone three months to live?
You need six months to pay the bill. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:25 - Dec 14 with 6152 views | johncharles |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:52 - Dec 13 by Esox_Lucius |
My neighbour has just started a job at the local zoo. He will be in charge of circumcising the Elephants; the pay isn't great but the tips are huge. |
Spackman told me that one and I’ve told down pub a few times since I saw on here a couple of months ago.
Not to worry Esox, there must loads of repeats here 🤣🤣 [Post edited 14 Dec 2021 1:26]
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| Strong and stable my arse. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:53 - Dec 14 with 5999 views | loftboy |
The ambulance staff couldn’t understand it, after being knocked down by a car all I could do was babble away talking Scottish poems.
They took me straight away to the Burns Unit. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:44 - Dec 14 with 5885 views | Esox_Lucius |
My mate went to have a vasectomy because he didn't want kids.
When he got home they were still there. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:22 - Dec 17 with 5673 views | Dorse |
A guy on holiday is having no luck with the ladies and, one day, he sees this little fella wandering up the beach with women literally throwing themselves at him. Every day, he sess the same thing: this fairly unimpressive looking bloke beating then off with a stick! So he thinks, there has to be some sort of trick to this and he catches up with the chap the next morning.
'Look', says the guy, 'I see you every day and you're a hit with every lady on the beach! Please, I'm desperate, what's your secret?'
The bloke looks around and whispers, 'Every morning, before I get to the beach, I get a big potato and put it in my speedos. Give it a try tomorrow, you won't be disappointed!'
So, next morning, our hero puts this advice into action and, getting the biggest potato he can find, he puts it his speedos and heads off to the beach. All day, he struts up and down, confident smile for all the ladies... but nothing.
Later on he sees the little bloke again and says: 'Oi! I did what you said and, if anything, it was worse today than before!'
'Ah yes...' says the little guy, 'but when I do it, I usually put the potato down the front of my speedos...' [Post edited 18 Dec 2021 7:03]
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| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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