| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 819531 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:45 - Oct 11 with 8982 views | Esox_Lucius |
A lady goes to her priest one day and tells him, "Father, I have a problem. I have two female parrots, but they only know how to say one thing."
"What do they say?" the priest inquired.
They say, "Hi, we're slappers Do you want to have some fun?"
"That's obscene!" the priest exclaimed, then he thought for a moment.
"You know," he said, "I may have a solution to your problem. I have two male talking parrots, which I have taught to pray and read the Bible.
Bring your two parrots over to my house, and we'll put them in the cage with Francis and Job. My parrots can teach your parrots to praise and worship, and your parrots are sure to stop saying...that phrase...in no time."
"Thank you," the woman responded, "this may very well be the solution."
The next day, she brought her female parrots to the rectory. As the priest ushered her in, she saw that his two male parrots were inside their cage holding rosary beads and praying.
Impressed, she walked over and placed her parrots in with them. After a few minutes, the female parrots cried out in unison: "Hi, we're slappers! Do you want to have some fun?"
There was stunned silence.
Shocked, one male parrot looked over at the other male parrot and said, “put your rosary beads away Francis, our prayers have finally been answered!!” |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:32 - Oct 11 with 8862 views | colinallcars |
…….as Anne Hathaway said to William Shakespeare when he came 'ome late from the pub,
“ Your dinner's in the Avon “ |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:04 - Oct 12 with 8811 views | Boston |
Why is it always wet in England?
Queens reigned over it for years. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:08 - Oct 12 with 8810 views | Boston |
Took a boat down the river the other day.
Alighting at Greenwich I found out it was two hours before the boat made the return journey.
Asked the local guide what should I do in the mean time? [Post edited 12 Oct 2021 1:09]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:26 - Oct 12 with 8707 views | Sonofpugwash |
I was taking the piss out of a bloke with a ridiculous wig on today. He had the last laugh though. Sentenced me to 6 months. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:55 - Oct 14 with 8460 views | Esox_Lucius |
As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees £10 and a note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look both ways, then trot across the road to a bus-stop.
The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench.
When a bus arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards the bus.
The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the scenery. After a while he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell, and then the butcher follows him off.
The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step.
and barks repeatedly. No answer.
He goes back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself against the door. He does this again and again.
No answer.
So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, barks repeatedly at a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.
Eventually a small guy opens it and starts shouting at the dog.
The butcher runs up & says “what are you shouting at him for? This dog is a genius!!!” “Genius!!!” The owner says “You’ve got to be kidding, that’s the 3rd time this week he’s forgotten his key!!! | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:59 - Oct 14 with 8458 views | Esox_Lucius |
A strange fact is that Australia's biggest export is Boomerangs and they are also their biggest import. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:06 - Oct 14 with 8273 views | Myke |
I asked a friend of mine what was the name of that famous Irish concert promoter who died a few years ago.
'Jim Aiken' he replied.
I said I was sure he was from Ireland, but couldn't remember his name | | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:47 - Oct 15 with 8156 views | Esox_Lucius |
So I got to the airport and I said to the woman behind the counter, "Cluck cluck cluck, buck buck, buck, cluck cluck” She said,
"No, sir, this is the check-in desk." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:01 - Oct 16 with 8013 views | Esox_Lucius |
Dave and Pete were a couple of drinking buddies who worked as aircraft engineers in Darwin, Australia. One day the airport was fogged in and they were stuck in the hangar with nothing to do. Dave said, 'Man, I wish we had something to drink!' Pete says, 'Me too. Y'know, I've heard you can drink jet fuel and get a buzz. You wanna try it?'
So they pour themselves a couple of glasses of high octane booze and get completely smashed. The next morning Dave wakes up and is surprised at how good he feels. In fact he feels GREAT! NO hangover! NO bad side effects. Nothing!
Then the phone rings. It's Pete.
Pete says, 'Hey, how do you feel this morning?'
Dave says, 'I feel great, how about you?'
Pete says, 'I feel great, too. You don't have a hangover?'
Dave says, 'No that jet fuel is great stuff -- no hangover, nothing. We ought to do this more often..' ' Yeah, well there's just one thing.'
'What's that?'
'Have you farted yet?'
'No.'
'Well, DON’T - 'cause I'm in New Zealand ' | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:11 - Oct 16 with 7968 views | DavieQPR |
Can you imagine the self control needed to work in a bubble wrap factory. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:20 - Oct 17 with 7824 views | Sonofpugwash |
My partner Jo said to me earlier "I've told you before about this - you're addicted to body lotion!"
I said "Go ahead,rub it in". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:20 - Oct 17 with 7742 views | Esox_Lucius |
Playing a game at the local Snooker club, when my mate balanced a bottle of shampoo on top of the spider in the rack. When I asked him what it was, he said it was head and shoulders above the rest. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Oct 18 with 7607 views | Sonofpugwash |
I was seriously addicted to the Hokey Cokey.
But eventually I turned around. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:32 - Oct 19 with 7411 views | Myke |
My girlfriend dumped me because of my weird pasta fetish .
I'm feeling cannelloni right now. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:35 - Oct 19 with 7396 views | Myke |
So I got a new girl and asked her when her birthday was.
'March 1st', she said
So I walked rapidly up and down the hallway and asked her again | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:15 - Oct 20 with 7269 views | Sonofpugwash |
My partner Jo got annoyed when I dropped some ice cubes and kicked them under the refrigerator.
Thankfully now it's just water under the fridge. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:22 - Oct 20 with 7243 views | Myke |
I used to have a phobia about speed ramps, but I am slowly getting over it | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:20 - Oct 20 with 7206 views | Sonofpugwash |
My auntie Jean came over for tea during which she asked "You're a man of the world,I need some advice.I found some BDSM magazines under my young son's bed,how do I stop him?"
"I suppose spanking is out of the question then?" | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:38 - Oct 20 with 7198 views | Sonofpugwash |
My mate Steve is having great success with his exploding prayer mats.
Prophets are going through the roof. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:20 - Oct 21 with 7048 views | qprphil |
I stepped into an elevator today, and a very large breasted woman stepped in with me.
As I was staring at her because I couldn't help it, she says, " could you press one please" so I did, I really don't remember much after that.!!!!!!!! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:30 - Oct 21 with 6991 views | johann28 |
Young Simon is desperate to get married and has a few lined up but needs some backup from the folks. He says to his dad
'dad .... I want to marry Janet Francis'.
'oh no' says dad. 'you can't do that, son - so sorry to break it to you, but she's your sister'.
'oh fk' says Simon. 'well, what about Mary Bowles?'
'ah ' says dad, 'i 'm afraid she's your sister too. Sorry son'.
After a few more attempts at goal, poor ol Simon goes in despair to his mother.
'Mum ... I really want to get married, but everyone i choose dad he says I can't, because everyone I suggest he says is my sister.'
Mum looks to the heavens. 'Don't fret son. He's not your father.' |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:02 - Oct 22 with 6876 views | loftboy |
I asked my boss if l could leave work half an hour early today. He said, "Only if you make up the time"
I said, "Ok it's 35 past 50" |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:58 - Oct 22 with 6796 views | GaryT |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Oct 18 by Sonofpugwash |
I was seriously addicted to the Hokey Cokey.
But eventually I turned around. |
Which reminds me of this one...
What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it's all about? |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:55 - Oct 22 with 6750 views | Mick_S |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:58 - Oct 22 by GaryT |
Which reminds me of this one...
What if the Hokey Cokey really is what it's all about? |
Bloke who wrote the Hokey Cokey died the other day; they had terrible trouble burying him. They got his left leg in … |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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