| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 822385 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:24 - Nov 24 with 10032 views | sharky8 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 01:28 - Aug 30 by Boston |
Why was the sand wet?
Because the sea weed. |
lol |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 02:12 - Nov 24 with 10009 views | DavieQPR |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:53 - Nov 22 by Esox_Lucius |
My wife has come home with a Jehovah's Witness Advent Calendar. I had a sneak peek to see what was in it and behind every door is two of them holding out a Watchtower. |
Once let one of them in. I said right what are we going to talk about. He said' don't know I have never got this far before'. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:27 - Nov 24 with 9921 views | Esox_Lucius |
An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates.
Saint Peter checks his dossier and, not seeing his name there, accidentally sends him to Hell.
It doesn’t take long before the engineer becomes rather dissatisfied with the level of comfort in Hell.
He soon begins to design and build improvements. Shortly thereafter, Hell has air conditioning,
flush toilets and escalators. Needless to say, the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day, God calls Satan and says: “So, how are things in Hell?”
Satan replies: “Hey, things are going great. We’ve got air conditioning, flush toilets, and escalators.
And there’s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next.” “What!” God exclaims: “You’ve got an engineer? That’s a mistake — he should never have been sent to Hell. Send him back to me.”
“Not a chance,” Satan replies: “I like having an engineer on the staff, and I’m keeping him!”
God insists: “Send him back or I’ll sue.”
Satan laughs uproariously and answers: “Yeah, right! And where are you going to get a lawyer? |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:41 - Nov 24 with 9858 views | Esox_Lucius |
Friends and family used to say to me, "As a young boy, was your mother very strict with you?" I said "let's get one thing straight, my mum was never a young boy" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:51 - Nov 24 with 9857 views | bosh67 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:41 - Nov 24 by Esox_Lucius |
Friends and family used to say to me, "As a young boy, was your mother very strict with you?" I said "let's get one thing straight, my mum was never a young boy" |
It's an old one but a good one! |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:54 - Nov 24 with 9855 views | bosh67 |
"That's it," she screamed, before launching into a tirade that she had obviously been bottling up for some time. "You don't f**king listen anymore. You just ignore me. You do your own thing all the f**king time and I swear you just do it to upset me. I've tried to be patient. God knows I have tried to hold my temper with you. But this is the straw that breaks the camel's back. I don't need this. I don't f**king want this. I've had enough. It's over. We're through. You're on your own...." I hung my head and nodded with a sense of acceptance. "I know," I replied, "and I'm sorry." .... Anyway, that was the last time I used the satnav. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:42 - Nov 25 with 9786 views | Esox_Lucius |
I rang my mate Stan and his wife answered:
"I wanted to wish you and Stan a good holiday," I said. "You fly from Gatwick tomorrow, don't you?"
She said, "Stansted."
"Blimey," I said, "he seemed absolutely fine in the pub last night." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:09 - Nov 26 with 9677 views | Esox_Lucius |
I wanted to buy a folder, so I went into Ryman.
I said to the assistant, 'I'd like a folder, please.'
He said, 'You mean a Noddy.'
'No, a folder.'
'That's a Noddy. Noddy Holder, folder, get it?'
'OK, I get it, but what language is that?'
'Cockney Ryman Slang.' | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:59 - Nov 28 with 9551 views | Esox_Lucius |
"G'day mate. Aussie Medical Helpline here, what's the problem?"
"G'day mate, I'm in Darwin with me Sheila and she's just been stung on the minge by a big wasp and her pussy's all swollen up and I don't know what to do"
"Ah, Bummer mate"
"Cheers, I hadn't thought of that". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:24 - Nov 29 with 9453 views | Esox_Lucius |
I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to fýck off as my politics was my business.
They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are fýcking expensive to fix. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:25 - Dec 3 with 9313 views | Wokingham_r |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:24 - Nov 29 by Esox_Lucius |
I got called into human resources today because of a couple of incidents and was asked if I knew the difference between left and right wing. I told them to fýck off as my politics was my business.
They still sacked me though, turns out aircraft are fýcking expensive to fix. |
I asked the baker "Why are those cakes £1 each and all the rest are 50p"
"Well" the baker replied "Those are Madeira cakes!" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:29 - Dec 5 with 9188 views | Esox_Lucius |
I used to go out with a girl who worked in a petrol station, until she dumped me...now I can't go past a petrol station without filling up. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:13 - Dec 5 with 9115 views | smegma |
My mate just called me a plagiarist.
His words, not mine | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:59 - Dec 5 with 9083 views | johncharles |
Bloke I know gave up his job as a Merchant Banker to be a Masterbaker |  |
| Strong and stable my arse. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:56 - Dec 12 with 8874 views | BathRanger |
Yesterday I ate two pieces of string. Today they came out tied together. I sh*t you knot. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:27 - Dec 13 with 8754 views | Dorse |
Local news reporter was called out to cover a story about vandalism on Palmer's Alpaca Farm, where strange messages keep getting sheared into the animals' fleece. One day it said 'Robert De Niro's Waiting', the next it said 'I'm Your Venus'. The story hit the front page, you may have seen it:
'Farmer Palmer's Bananarama Llama Harmer Drama'. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:19 - Dec 13 with 8714 views | onlyrinmoray |
A Policeman is sent to check on cars in the local lovers lane He knocks on the window of the first car "what you doing in there ? " he asks The women rolls down the window " Its OK officer we are only doing the Rhumba" So he goes to the 2nd car " What you doing in there? he asks again. A woman rolls down the window Its OK officer we are only doing the tango
He goes to the 3rd car knocks on the window, a woman rolls down the window " I suppose you are doing the Bossa Nova" says the policeman "....no she says Im doing the boss a favour….What made this funnier for me was it was told by a well dressed posh lady in her 80s where I work |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:58 - Dec 13 with 8673 views | Esox_Lucius |
I took my Great Dane to the vet as he wasn't his normal self. The Vet picked him up and had a look in his eyes, and took a look into his ears.
"I'm going to have to put him down" he said.
"Why" I said "is he really ill?"
"No" the vet replied "He's fücking heavy" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:35 - Dec 13 with 8644 views | bosh67 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:13 - Dec 5 by smegma |
My mate just called me a plagiarist.
His words, not mine |
Tremendous   | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:25 - Dec 19 with 8434 views | Esox_Lucius |
Cyclops: "How do you spell Hawaii?"
His wife: "Well... I know you need two i's"
Cyclops: "Laugh it up Sandra, my life's a joke to you isn't it?" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:31 - Dec 19 with 8427 views | Esox_Lucius |
I have just had six tins of Alphabetti Spaghetti for my tea and followed it up with a violent vowel movement, my next trip to the loo could spell disaster. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:52 - Dec 21 with 8249 views | Esox_Lucius |
It has just said in the news that a man who was found dead in his home has just been named by police.
You would of thought the parents would of done that years ago!! | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:36 - Feb 7 with 7822 views | Esox_Lucius |
I fell asleep last night with my phone under my pillow. I went to get it this morning and all I found was a pound coin. Yep, I had been visited by the Bluetooth Fairy. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:41 - Feb 7 with 7815 views | ericgen34 |
Have you heard about the dyslexic who sold his soul to Santa? |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:03 - Feb 7 with 7776 views | NW10Hoop |
Why can’t Stevie Wonder see his friends?
Cos he’s married. |  | | |
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