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Things you always say at football 14:30 - Nov 13 with 6976 viewsnix

This is advice I have often given to my kids that I think works more often than not and that I have even been known to shout out at QPR.

- Shoot across the keeper
- Follow the shot in
- Go to the ball rather than let it come to you

Would love to hear other people's favourite football-related sayings to expand my repertoire as my family are a bit bored with mine...
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Things you always say at football on 14:37 - Nov 13 with 4035 viewsBoston

I’ll have a Bovril.....not.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Things you always say at football on 14:53 - Nov 13 with 4012 viewswgchoop

from drop kick or goal kick
" dont let ball bounce"
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Things you always say at football on 14:55 - Nov 13 with 4004 viewsnix

Things you always say at football on 14:53 - Nov 13 by wgchoop

from drop kick or goal kick
" dont let ball bounce"


Oh I like this one. Quite topical!
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Things you always say at football on 14:59 - Nov 13 with 3999 viewsNorthernr

I'm sure if you recorded my Monday night sevens team it would just be a long stream of me shouting player names and opposition numbers, "come with the runners" and Kieron our centre back shouting "second ball".

One of the teams we play has an absolute meathead at the back who spends an hour shouting "they don't want it boys, they don't fancy it, he doesn't want it, they don't want it boys" on a loop.
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Things you always say at football on 15:03 - Nov 13 with 3991 viewstoboboly

Sat next to a kid for about a season and a half whom just shouted "TRIANGLES" (normally when we didn't have the ball, and "PRESSURE" when we did have the ball.

Luckily he and his dad buggered off.

Sexy Asian dwarves wanted.

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(No subject) (n/t) on 15:11 - Nov 13 with 3959 viewskensalriser


Poll: QPR to finish 7th or Brentford to drop out of the top 6?

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(No subject) (n/t) on 15:11 - Nov 13 with 3959 viewskensalriser


Poll: QPR to finish 7th or Brentford to drop out of the top 6?

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Things you always say at football on 15:12 - Nov 13 with 3972 viewshantssi

This is just so true!
https://www.theguardian.com/sport/football-cliches/2013/oct/31/talking-language-
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Things you always say at football on 15:22 - Nov 13 with 3957 viewsstowmarketrange

Things you always say at football on 14:59 - Nov 13 by Northernr

I'm sure if you recorded my Monday night sevens team it would just be a long stream of me shouting player names and opposition numbers, "come with the runners" and Kieron our centre back shouting "second ball".

One of the teams we play has an absolute meathead at the back who spends an hour shouting "they don't want it boys, they don't fancy it, he doesn't want it, they don't want it boys" on a loop.


That is mainly what my daughters team coach shout about 10 times a game.I don’t like hearing him say it because I’m sure it spurs the opposition on more.
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Things you always say at football on 15:23 - Nov 13 with 3952 viewsNorthernr

Things you always say at football on 15:22 - Nov 13 by stowmarketrange

That is mainly what my daughters team coach shout about 10 times a game.I don’t like hearing him say it because I’m sure it spurs the opposition on more.


Certainly makes a win a lot sweeter.
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Things you always say at football on 15:30 - Nov 13 with 3932 viewsnix

Things you always say at football on 14:59 - Nov 13 by Northernr

I'm sure if you recorded my Monday night sevens team it would just be a long stream of me shouting player names and opposition numbers, "come with the runners" and Kieron our centre back shouting "second ball".

One of the teams we play has an absolute meathead at the back who spends an hour shouting "they don't want it boys, they don't fancy it, he doesn't want it, they don't want it boys" on a loop.


i think the meathead would just spur you on to put in some crunching tackles, preferably on him, just to demonstrate how you are, indeed, up for it.
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Things you always say at football on 15:35 - Nov 13 with 3927 viewsBazzaInTheLoft

“Mate, I know think Eze is lazy and your last tooth left your mouth a decade ago, but can you try and not pebble dash balti pie crumbs into the back of my head”
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Things you always say at football on 15:46 - Nov 13 with 3911 viewsNorthernr

Things you always say at football on 15:30 - Nov 13 by nix

i think the meathead would just spur you on to put in some crunching tackles, preferably on him, just to demonstrate how you are, indeed, up for it.


My favourite one of these was when we had a lad called Dave playing at the back for us who'd been in Derby's youth team and was USEFUL with a capital U. Anyway one night in the depths of winter we turn up and it's snowing, we're the last fcking match so it's 9pm by the time we get going, and Dave's playing with those Under Armour leggings on under his shorts and socks that you see now. Meathead is very enthused by this. "COME ON BOYS, HE DEFINITELY DON'T WANNIT, HE'S WEARING TIGHTS THIS LAD, TIGHTS LOOK, HE'S GOT TIGHTS ON THIS LAD, DEFINITELY DON'T WANNIT, THEY DON'T WANNIT BOYS".

This goes on for about 20 minutes at which point I roll a ball out to Dave in our right back spot, not a million miles from our corner flag, and he looks up and pings a pitch-length diag that Yoann Barbet could only dream about that gets Meathead backpeddling and backpeddling and backpeddling and eventualy lands perfectly in the two yards of space left between him and his own goal line where, conventiently, our other mate Dom has read the situation and swept in behind Meathead to meet the ball perfectly as he misses it and head it clean into the far top corner.

We took great delight in not only seeing the 1-0 win out, but also all shotuing "HE DOESN'T WANNIT" everytime Dave had the ball for the rest of the game.

This post has been edited by an administrator
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Things you always say at football on 15:48 - Nov 13 with 3895 viewsloftboy

Don’t bring everyone back for a corner FFS

favourite cheese mature Cheddar. FFS there is no such thing as the EPL
Poll: Are you watching the World Cup

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Things you always say at football on 15:48 - Nov 13 with 3899 viewsdistortR

ha ha , the one that has stayed with me since i was a kid - "if in doubt - KICK IT OUT".

My sons team, the coach is always shouting at them to "Get out", but there's no linesmen, the oppo invariably score from an offside position, the coach has a row with the bloke who's volunteered to ref, while the parents mutter about "the point of playing effing offside when there's no effing linesmen^
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Things you always say at football on 15:53 - Nov 13 with 3883 viewsMickS

Things you always say at football on 15:46 - Nov 13 by Northernr

My favourite one of these was when we had a lad called Dave playing at the back for us who'd been in Derby's youth team and was USEFUL with a capital U. Anyway one night in the depths of winter we turn up and it's snowing, we're the last fcking match so it's 9pm by the time we get going, and Dave's playing with those Under Armour leggings on under his shorts and socks that you see now. Meathead is very enthused by this. "COME ON BOYS, HE DEFINITELY DON'T WANNIT, HE'S WEARING TIGHTS THIS LAD, TIGHTS LOOK, HE'S GOT TIGHTS ON THIS LAD, DEFINITELY DON'T WANNIT, THEY DON'T WANNIT BOYS".

This goes on for about 20 minutes at which point I roll a ball out to Dave in our right back spot, not a million miles from our corner flag, and he looks up and pings a pitch-length diag that Yoann Barbet could only dream about that gets Meathead backpeddling and backpeddling and backpeddling and eventualy lands perfectly in the two yards of space left between him and his own goal line where, conventiently, our other mate Dom has read the situation and swept in behind Meathead to meet the ball perfectly as he misses it and head it clean into the far top corner.

We took great delight in not only seeing the 1-0 win out, but also all shotuing "HE DOESN'T WANNIT" everytime Dave had the ball for the rest of the game.

This post has been edited by an administrator


“No sloppy tackles”

In a pressure match many years ago our left back meant to shout the above but it came out “ no slappy tickles, lads.”

Destroyed.
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Things you always say at football on 15:56 - Nov 13 with 3878 viewsizlingtonhoop

Things you always say at football on 15:46 - Nov 13 by Northernr

My favourite one of these was when we had a lad called Dave playing at the back for us who'd been in Derby's youth team and was USEFUL with a capital U. Anyway one night in the depths of winter we turn up and it's snowing, we're the last fcking match so it's 9pm by the time we get going, and Dave's playing with those Under Armour leggings on under his shorts and socks that you see now. Meathead is very enthused by this. "COME ON BOYS, HE DEFINITELY DON'T WANNIT, HE'S WEARING TIGHTS THIS LAD, TIGHTS LOOK, HE'S GOT TIGHTS ON THIS LAD, DEFINITELY DON'T WANNIT, THEY DON'T WANNIT BOYS".

This goes on for about 20 minutes at which point I roll a ball out to Dave in our right back spot, not a million miles from our corner flag, and he looks up and pings a pitch-length diag that Yoann Barbet could only dream about that gets Meathead backpeddling and backpeddling and backpeddling and eventualy lands perfectly in the two yards of space left between him and his own goal line where, conventiently, our other mate Dom has read the situation and swept in behind Meathead to meet the ball perfectly as he misses it and head it clean into the far top corner.

We took great delight in not only seeing the 1-0 win out, but also all shotuing "HE DOESN'T WANNIT" everytime Dave had the ball for the rest of the game.

This post has been edited by an administrator


That's two capital Us...
[Post edited 13 Nov 2020 15:56]
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Things you always say at football on 16:41 - Nov 13 with 3807 viewsflynnbo

Get your 'eads up!!
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Things you always say at football on 16:43 - Nov 13 with 3804 viewsTomS

-Mark up
-Stay goalside of your man.
-Whose man was that?

-Mark tighter next time.....
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Things you always say at football on 16:53 - Nov 13 with 3792 viewsAntti_Heinola

The worst one near me is a miserable old sod who spends the entire game shouting

'FOR-WARD' the entire time. Non stop. I have never known anyone moan more than he does, but when we win he does at least look happy.

The 'get out' one is a good one. Every keeper shouts GET OUT or GET IT OUT every time a corner comes over. It just feels like the most obvious advice. I want a defender to just go, 'all right mate, we know what we're supposed to do here. We don;'t shout CATCH IT, CATCH IT at you, do we? Wind it in, pal.'

Don't let it bounce is very popular where I sit too.

I'm a fan of the sarcastic stand up and clap when the ref fails to give a yellow card for a blatant offence and does the old final warning charade, 'well done ref, that'll learn him!'

Bare bones.

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Things you always say at football on 16:58 - Nov 13 with 3782 viewsBrianMcCarthy

After a team score all their players have to shout "Nil-Nil" at each other.

"Nil-Nil now lads. Nil-Nil".

Wears a bit fuggin' thin when you're the oppo goalie who's let in nine and it's not even half-time.

"The opposite of love, after all, is not hate, but indifference."
Poll: Player of the Year (so far)

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Things you always say at football on 17:03 - Nov 13 with 3774 viewsHantsR

Man on!!
Close him down!
Shoot!!! ffs!!
Why did you shoot? ffs!!
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Things you always say at football on 17:20 - Nov 13 with 3758 viewsUPPERLOFTNZ

Things you always say at football on 15:03 - Nov 13 by toboboly

Sat next to a kid for about a season and a half whom just shouted "TRIANGLES" (normally when we didn't have the ball, and "PRESSURE" when we did have the ball.

Luckily he and his dad buggered off.


perhaps he was new to LFW and was referring to dairylea cheese triangles?

Football is Faith
Poll: OK.. Next season. Where do you think we will finish?

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Things you always say at football on 17:24 - Nov 13 with 3749 viewsLongsufferingR

Owww, my bloody knees!
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Things you always say at football on 17:46 - Nov 13 with 3711 viewsqueensparker

In 5/6 a side - STAY ON YOUR MEN! STAY ON YOUR MEN! STAY ON YOUR MEN!

Basically if you mark well in small sided games (and lose your men while attacking) you're going to do well but you have to keep reminding the lazy c--ts. Maybe I say it too much, I dunno.
[Post edited 13 Nov 2020 17:47]
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