| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 806259 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:34 - Sep 19 with 10255 views | Mick_S |
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.' |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:34 - Sep 19 with 10250 views | ade_qpr |
The care taker was asked why the cemetery raised its burial costs?
He said it was blamed it on the cost of living. |  |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:40 - Sep 19 with 10167 views | Esox_Lucius |
My wife accused me of being a transvestite; I was furious, so I just packed her clothes and walked out. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:58 - Sep 20 with 10048 views | Esox_Lucius |
Me: "Bless me father, I have sinned. I have been singing Barenaked Ladies songs"
Priest: "How long is it since your last confession?"
Me: "It's been one week....." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:22 - Sep 20 with 10029 views | dontknowitall |
JK Rowling talking about the 20th Anniversary of Harry Potter.
I don't think anyone has milked a small wizard this much since Debbie McGee... |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 05:56 - Sep 21 with 9928 views | AussieRs |
Englishman goes into a pharmacy in Oslo and asks for deodorant.
"Ball or aersol?" the assistant inquires.
"No, its for my underarms". | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:14 - Sep 21 with 9883 views | Esox_Lucius |
When I was a baby, my parents regularly soaked me in cheap Australian lager.
It wasn't until I was 18 that they finally admitted I was fostered. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:37 - Sep 21 with 9831 views | Esox_Lucius |
A scene inside an Edinburgh men's outfitters.
Mr Pirelli "I want a family kilt made".
"Sorry Sir. There is no Pirelli tartan!"
"BUT I am willing to pay 5000 pounds for a kilt". He Exclaims
"Oh, in that case, sir, Miss Toner, get the roll of McIntyre tartan out and start measuring this gentleman".
"But Mr Wallace......."
"Now, now, my girl, it will be fine. Everyone knows Pirelli have been McIntyres for years". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:52 - Sep 21 with 9724 views | johncharles |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:37 - Sep 21 by Esox_Lucius |
A scene inside an Edinburgh men's outfitters.
Mr Pirelli "I want a family kilt made".
"Sorry Sir. There is no Pirelli tartan!"
"BUT I am willing to pay 5000 pounds for a kilt". He Exclaims
"Oh, in that case, sir, Miss Toner, get the roll of McIntyre tartan out and start measuring this gentleman".
"But Mr Wallace......."
"Now, now, my girl, it will be fine. Everyone knows Pirelli have been McIntyres for years". |
A contender for the corniest so far |  |
| Strong and stable my arse. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:09 - Sep 22 with 9696 views | Boston |
When’s the hottest time to be at Loftus Rd?
When all the fans go home. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:04 - Sep 22 with 9610 views | ade_qpr |
I managed to lose my rifle when I was in the army. I had to pay 500 pounds to cover it's loss.
I'm starting to understand why a Navy captain always goes down with his ship. | |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:38 - Sep 22 with 9593 views | DavieQPR |
Man goes into a Fancy Dress shop in Birmingham and asks for a 60's outfit. The assistant says 'Sure. Kipper tie' and the man says ' thanks ,two sugars'. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:06 - Sep 22 with 9574 views | Esox_Lucius |
Someone came into my cafe the other day and asked the quickest way to town.
I said "are you driving or walking?"
"Driving" they said
"That’s the quickest" I said. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:38 - Sep 22 with 9547 views | Dorse |
It has long been held that Volvos are the safest cars around. But I was hit by one the other day, and I broke my spine. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:31 - Sep 22 with 9532 views | Boston |
Four out of three people have trouble with fractions. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:47 - Sep 22 with 9525 views | Boston |
What did 0 say to 8 ?
Nice belt. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:31 - Sep 22 with 9504 views | CiderwithRsie |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:34 - Sep 19 by Mick_S |
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: 'Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!' The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: 'The driver just insulted me!' The man says: 'You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll hold your monkey for you.' |
True story - friend of mine got in a lift with her toddler when a wrinkled little old lady got in. The toddler says "Mummy, are monkeys allowed in lifts?"
My friend got out the next floor and had to walk up the stairs the rest of the way. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:45 - Sep 23 with 9412 views | ade_qpr |
I tried to catch some fog the other day.
Mist | |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:00 - Sep 23 with 9389 views | Boston |
What d'ya call that useless piece of skin on the end of a penis?
A man. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:07 - Sep 23 with 9388 views | derbyhoop |
Why can't I find another word for Thesaurus? |  |
| "Travel is fatal to prejudice, bigotry and narrow-mindedness, and many of our people need it sorely on these accounts. Broad, wholesome, charitable views of men and things cannot be acquired by vegetating in one little corner of the Earth all one's lifetime." (Mark Twain)
Find me on twitter @derbyhoop and now on Bluesky |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:38 - Sep 23 with 9372 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:07 - Sep 23 by derbyhoop |
Why can't I find another word for Thesaurus? |
All those dinosaur names confuse me as well. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:02 - Sep 23 with 9328 views | Esox_Lucius |
It's a little known fact, but the most common Owl in the UK is the Teat Owl. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:44 - Sep 24 with 9263 views | ade_qpr |
Doctor - "Nurse did you take that patients temperature?"
Nurse "No, is it missing?" | |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:02 - Sep 24 with 9259 views | ade_qpr |
I recently brought some shoes off a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day. | |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:56 - Sep 24 with 9209 views | BathRanger |
Dubbing Pride and Prejudice into French was so difficult. It was L'Austen Translation. |  | | |
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