| Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 81974 views | Swanjaxs |
My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...
I nearly shìt her knickers 😮
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:43 - Apr 13 with 4170 views | theloneranger |
... "DID YOU KNOW THAT" ...
When the DNA results from Osama Bin Laden's body came back
They contained ...
52% coconut ... 28% chocolate ... 12% milk ... and 8% sugar ...
Forensic experts said this was probably due to the fact that ....
"He had a Bounty on his head" ...!! |  |
| Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎 |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:15 - Apr 14 with 4031 views | dna |
Went to a Hot Chocolate themed picnic - It started with a quiche.
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The Abba tribute band were loud - you could hear the drums from Nandos |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:21 - Apr 14 with 3998 views | WxmJax |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:40 - Apr 13 by TNT |
I bought a car from one of The Krays.
Reg?
No, Ronnie. |
Next time....
What Reg ?
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:51 - Apr 14 with 3980 views | Jinxy |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:08 - Dec 2 by Darran |
19 and 20 had a fight.
21. |
Why was 10 scared? Because 7 8 9. |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:39 - Apr 14 with 3904 views | perplex |
Knock knock
who`s there
Adolph
Adolph who
Adolph ball hit me in the mouth and I can`t speak properly. |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:16 - Apr 14 with 3880 views | theloneranger |
If a woman is uncomfortable watching you masturbate, she ...
A. Has intimacy issues??
B. Is frigid??
C. Needs to sit somewhere else on the bus?? | |
| Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎 |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:44 - Apr 14 with 3812 views | TNT |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:21 - Apr 14 by WxmJax |
Next time....
What Reg ?
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Incorrect. | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:01 - Apr 14 with 3786 views | Banosswan |
What's white, light, fluffy and swings from trees?
A meringue-utan... |  |
| Ever since my son was... never conceived, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved... I've always kind of looked at you as... a thing, that I could live next to... in accordance with state laws. | | Poll: | How do you like your steak? |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:26 - Apr 15 with 3743 views | airedale |
What’s white and moves across the dance floor?
Come Dancing. |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:40 - Apr 15 with 3731 views | WxmJax |
Never in my wildest dreams did I think I'd ever go in to a bank wearing a mask and ask for money. | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 18:58 - Apr 15 with 3593 views | Neath_Jack |
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy.
“Magic beer,” he says.
“Oh, yeah? What’s so magical about it?”
Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, flies around the building, then finally returns to his seat with a triumphant smile.
“Amazing!” the man says. “Lemme try some of that!” The man grabs the beer. He downs it, leaps off the roof –and plummets 15 stories to the ground.
The bartender shakes his head. “You know, you can be a right c*nt when you’re drunk, Superman.” |  |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:02 - Apr 15 with 3580 views | Swanjaxs |
Knock Knock
Who's there?
Irish burglar... | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:17 - Apr 15 with 3570 views | theloneranger |
The only known photo of Osama Bin Laden's funeral ...
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| Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎 |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:10 - Apr 15 with 3523 views | Jack11 |
Got a mate who works for Timpson and he's got no work at the moment due to coronavirus. Not considered a key worker. [Post edited 15 Apr 2020 20:11]
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:55 - Apr 15 with 3464 views | TNT |
"So I went down my local ice-cream shop, and said 'I want to buy an ice-cream'. He said Hundreds & thousands?' I said 'We'll start with one.' He said 'Knickerbocker glory?' I said 'I do get a certain amount of freedom in these trousers, yes.'
'I went to Millets and said 'I want to buy a tent.' He said 'To camp?', I said [butchly] 'Sorry, I want to buy a tent.' I said 'I also want to buy a caravan.' He said 'Camper?' I said [campily] 'Make your mind up.' | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:29 - Apr 16 with 3404 views | dna |
Amal & Juan are identical twins, their Mum only carries one photo, because -
If you seen Juan you've seen Amal!!!
>>>
A weasel walks into a bar
"What can I get you" asks the barman
"Pop" goes the weasel | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:55 - Apr 16 with 3325 views | sainthelens |
Before the lockdown I went for a Chinese. Waiter came up and said " curry ok ?"
I said " yeah, put me down for My Way...Frank Sinatra ". |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:44 - Apr 16 with 3300 views | Highjack |
I was watching a film last night about a criminal that liked to tweak people’s nipples before running away.
I couldn’t believe the twist at the end. |  |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:35 - Apr 16 with 3268 views | dickythorpe |
Enya rugby club aren't happy about their next 3 fixtures
Sale (A)
Sale (A)
Sale (A) |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:49 - Apr 16 with 3256 views | Garyjack |
Paddy and Murphy.
Paddy: I broke in to a place last night and stole a load of pictures. The cheapest one is worth £186k!
Murphy: Ffs Paddy, you've done over a fvckin estate agents! |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:59 - Apr 16 with 3236 views | TNT |
"I met the bloke who invented crosswords today. I can't remember his name, it's P-something T-something R..."
"I was having dinner with my boss and his wife said, 'How many potatoes would you like?'
I said 'Ooh, I'll just have one please.' She said 'It's OK, you don't have to be polite.'
'Alright,' I said, 'I'll just have one then, you stupid cow.' | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:43 - Apr 17 with 3190 views | DJack |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:44 - Apr 16 by Highjack |
I was watching a film last night about a criminal that liked to tweak people’s nipples before running away.
I couldn’t believe the twist at the end. |
"I was watching a film last night about a criminal that liked to tweak people’s nipples before running away. "
...So a titter run through the crowd. |  |
| It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. - Carl Sagan |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:51 - Apr 17 with 3185 views | sainthelens |
Was driving my delivery lorry through Bradford, was bit lost so stopped and asked one of the locals "Tesco?"
He replied " India 195 for 8". | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:26 - Apr 17 with 3079 views | Headmaster |
I don't trust stairs. They're always up to something. |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:30 - Apr 17 with 3004 views | sainthelens |
No razors in my gaff, my Mrs said I should grow a moustache.
Bless her, we do everything together. | | | |
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