| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? 22:36 - Feb 18 with 19272 views | OakwoodR |
Okay chaps...
While the wife is finishing her degree out in the USA I have moved back in with my dad so I can save money for a bigger house when we settle over there in a couple of years time.
The last couple of months I have noticed money going missing from my wallet. At first I thought it was me spending more than I thought and then I thought someone at work was going into my backpack in the office?
Then last week it all clicked into place - my disgustingly chavvy 45 year old sister who has never had a job in her life and has lived off the state was doing it.
She is round every day freeloading off my dad - eating all her meals here etc.
I worked out than whenever I got up after a night shift she would dash upstairs as soon as I was in the kitchen and when I went back up to my room my wallet, which I always leave on top of the chest of drawers was missing money.
So tonight I set a trap and after showering I set my phone up with a view of my wallet on the chest and went downstairs to make tea and left the phone recording.
Sure enough, bang to rights - I have a lovely video of her rifling through my wallet and stealing the loose change next to it.
Now what do I do?
I really don't want to upset my dad who is now in his mid 80s?
Do I confront her in front of him and then show him the video when she denies it?
Do I confront her alone and tell her I will be showing him the video if she doesn't stop and returns the estimated £200 that's been stolen?
Do i upload the video to YouTube - which is my wifes favourite?
Or something else????
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 22:43 - Feb 18 with 8004 views | CanadaRanger |
First, make a back-up of the video and store in off premises.
Then, if it were me, I'd take the video to the police. Why? Because it's going to need something really major to break her out of this.
if she's ripping you off, she's ripping other people off too. Likely for years. How else would she have survived without working?
A short stay in a cell might be enough shock therapy to get her out of it.
She'll go ballistic, but tell her it's for her own good.
You may/may not press charges, depending on what she says.
An agreement by her to get job training could be part of that decision.
Worried about breaking the relationship between you?
She did that as soon as she started stealing from you.
No respect.
[Post edited 1 Jan 1970 1:00]
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 22:56 - Feb 18 with 7970 views | thame_hoops |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 22:43 - Feb 18 by CanadaRanger |
First, make a back-up of the video and store in off premises.
Then, if it were me, I'd take the video to the police. Why? Because it's going to need something really major to break her out of this.
if she's ripping you off, she's ripping other people off too. Likely for years. How else would she have survived without working?
A short stay in a cell might be enough shock therapy to get her out of it.
She'll go ballistic, but tell her it's for her own good.
You may/may not press charges, depending on what she says.
An agreement by her to get job training could be part of that decision.
Worried about breaking the relationship between you?
She did that as soon as she started stealing from you.
No respect.
[Post edited 1 Jan 1970 1:00]
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i wouldnt worry your old man, have a quiet word with her |  | | |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:03 - Feb 18 with 7962 views | GloryHunter |
Bad scene, man - as we used to say. But unless your old man has a heart condition or something, I'd suggest he needs to know. Just because someone is old, doesn't mean they should be sheltered from the facts. A mate of mine is a social worker and he told me, " Every family has a family secret, and when it comes out, the rest of the family all suspected it anyway". Good luck. |  | | |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:07 - Feb 18 with 7949 views | BrianMcCarthy |
Firstly, sleep on it.
Secondly, apart from the above, don't take advice from strangers like me. It's your family, and you'll know what is the right thing to do. Once you've slept on it! |  |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:23 - Feb 18 with 7918 views | Kendo_Nagasaki |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 22:43 - Feb 18 by CanadaRanger |
First, make a back-up of the video and store in off premises.
Then, if it were me, I'd take the video to the police. Why? Because it's going to need something really major to break her out of this.
if she's ripping you off, she's ripping other people off too. Likely for years. How else would she have survived without working?
A short stay in a cell might be enough shock therapy to get her out of it.
She'll go ballistic, but tell her it's for her own good.
You may/may not press charges, depending on what she says.
An agreement by her to get job training could be part of that decision.
Worried about breaking the relationship between you?
She did that as soon as she started stealing from you.
No respect.
[Post edited 1 Jan 1970 1:00]
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you dont involve the police |  |
| Psycho killer Qu'est-ce que c'est? |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:41 - Feb 18 with 7896 views | QPR1882 |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:23 - Feb 18 by Kendo_Nagasaki |
you dont involve the police |
I WOULD....
The police can come round and speak to her,they don't have to arrest her.
could be the scare tactics needed. |  | | |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:43 - Feb 18 with 7893 views | GloryHunter |
Or try another tack. You can get cheap battery-operated cam-corders disguised as a box of matches or something - that switch on via a movement sensor - a mate used one to catch a cleaner who was robbing money from his bedroom drawer. Then take all the money out of your wallet, but leave a note saying, "Smile, you're on Candid Camera." | | | |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:44 - Feb 18 with 7887 views | HollowayRanger |
hate to say this but if she's steeling off you whats she like with your dad ?
is his pension safe does she collect it or worse
if i hated my sister id place it on youtube and make sure she and everyone else saw it but if you want to have a relationship with her sit her down quietly and tell he you know hopefully she'll break down and cry and beg for forgivness or at worst kick off cursing you
either that or leave a note in your wallet for her to find next time SAYING THIEF IN BIG RED LETTERS! |  |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:47 - Feb 18 with 7885 views | ted_hendrix |
Oakwood, (for what It's worth)
Don't involve your dad if he's in his 80s, he don't need family shit like this that's for sure, best he don't know.
As for your sister I'd take her to one side and have a quiet word and see how it goes?
Bloods thicker than water and its true but to steal from within the family is something I cant comprehend and I don't envy you at all.
Very difficult situation and I hope you sort it out. |  |
| My Father had a profound influence on me, he was a lunatic. |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 00:11 - Feb 19 with 7861 views | TacticalR |
Wise words from Ted (as usual). |  |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 00:24 - Feb 19 with 7841 views | cjc |
Best to sleep on it, you will do what you feel is best for all. |  |
| Where there is hoop there's the hoops. |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 00:49 - Feb 19 with 7822 views | CanadaRanger |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 23:44 - Feb 18 by HollowayRanger |
hate to say this but if she's steeling off you whats she like with your dad ?
is his pension safe does she collect it or worse
if i hated my sister id place it on youtube and make sure she and everyone else saw it but if you want to have a relationship with her sit her down quietly and tell he you know hopefully she'll break down and cry and beg for forgivness or at worst kick off cursing you
either that or leave a note in your wallet for her to find next time SAYING THIEF IN BIG RED LETTERS! |
Same thoughts. Not just money. Rings, old books, anything that can be flogged - anything that would otherwise be part of his estate - so stealing from you again.
Re chances of getting caught, it's more dangerous for her to steal from you than from him. What happens if she blames you for anything he's missing.
A "Carer" stole from my Gran. She was caught and lost her job, but no criminal record from it as no-one pressed charges and the Carer agency wanted it kept QT. Gran was also subjected to a robbery in her own home. I put up a 500 pound reward for info leading to the arrest and conviction of the scum that did it. No takers and no arrest. The trauma certainly didn't do anything to lengthen Gran's life. | | | |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 06:11 - Feb 19 with 7769 views | ade_qpr |
Would ask whats the relationship between your Dad and her like? If he's sick of her free loading then show him the vid and ask if he wants the police involved. ( Similar train of thought to Canada's )
If he is glad of the company she brings then quiet word to her and police if she wants to be a further bit.ch. But protect your back and check if she is stealing from dad as well, if so get evidence so she can't come back on you. |  |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 07:10 - Feb 19 with 7732 views | CanadaRanger |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 06:11 - Feb 19 by ade_qpr |
Would ask whats the relationship between your Dad and her like? If he's sick of her free loading then show him the vid and ask if he wants the police involved. ( Similar train of thought to Canada's )
If he is glad of the company she brings then quiet word to her and police if she wants to be a further bit.ch. But protect your back and check if she is stealing from dad as well, if so get evidence so she can't come back on you. |
Useful ideas from ade_qpr.
As a Dad, if one of my kids were caught stealing I would not only want them to stop, I would want them to get to the point where they understand what they had been doing was wrong, and (where possible) make reparations to the people they had stolen from. Same would go for a brother, sister or other family member whom I cared about.
If people steal repeatedly, they become more immune to any thoughts of remorse, and may "get off" on the thrill of not being caught. Both of those bubbles need to be burst. They need to understand there are victims. They need to face the reality of consequences.
When I lived in the UK, I knew someone who had stolen cars because he could get away with it. He was caught, spent time in prison, realised through that experience that getting caught again was not the life for him. On his release he became a better person, someone (when I met him) who I was happy to call a friend (and was happy to have in my house without fear anything would be nicked). He married a decent girl and had a family. He would speak about his experiences. It probably kept a few kids out of the same trouble.
A conviction, followed by community service involving helping victims of crime and speaking to others about the downsides of stealing, is one way to help turn someone around. It worked for Pete.
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 08:14 - Feb 19 with 7684 views | isawqpratwcity |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 07:10 - Feb 19 by CanadaRanger |
Useful ideas from ade_qpr.
As a Dad, if one of my kids were caught stealing I would not only want them to stop, I would want them to get to the point where they understand what they had been doing was wrong, and (where possible) make reparations to the people they had stolen from. Same would go for a brother, sister or other family member whom I cared about.
If people steal repeatedly, they become more immune to any thoughts of remorse, and may "get off" on the thrill of not being caught. Both of those bubbles need to be burst. They need to understand there are victims. They need to face the reality of consequences.
When I lived in the UK, I knew someone who had stolen cars because he could get away with it. He was caught, spent time in prison, realised through that experience that getting caught again was not the life for him. On his release he became a better person, someone (when I met him) who I was happy to call a friend (and was happy to have in my house without fear anything would be nicked). He married a decent girl and had a family. He would speak about his experiences. It probably kept a few kids out of the same trouble.
A conviction, followed by community service involving helping victims of crime and speaking to others about the downsides of stealing, is one way to help turn someone around. It worked for Pete.
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Good luck sorting this out. A soap could milk 20 episodes out of the permutations of how this situation would work out.
FWIW, I'd start with Dad first, sister second, police sometime after that. |  |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 08:24 - Feb 19 with 7673 views | Sudbury_Hill_R |
Easiest thing to do is when you get up, keep your wallet with you. You already have recorded evidence. She will know straight away that you know. Take it forward from there if you need to. I would also ensure your bank cards etc are also kept safe as these things can escalate quickly when no ready cash is readily available. |  | | |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 09:17 - Feb 19 with 7603 views | TearsOfaClown |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 08:24 - Feb 19 by Sudbury_Hill_R |
Easiest thing to do is when you get up, keep your wallet with you. You already have recorded evidence. She will know straight away that you know. Take it forward from there if you need to. I would also ensure your bank cards etc are also kept safe as these things can escalate quickly when no ready cash is readily available. |
I must say - first impression is an easy problem to solve but all these options/outcomes make you think . . . need a computer programmer to cover them all. Not had a visit from the vicar yet!
As they say in crime progs - "what is her motive" as she is pretty desperate. Would be best to know why she is stealing as that is what motivates her and needs resolving.
Sorry to hear of your plight - hope you get is sorted and thanks for sharing.
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:00 - Feb 19 with 7549 views | OakwoodR |
Thanks for all the responses so far chaps.
There are so many different avenues that I could take here and Im still considering all of them.
I wont go into detail here but I detest her and have hardly said a word to her in 15 years. My mum was of a similar opinion and told me a couple of weeks before she died that she wished my sister had never been born. My dad barely tolerates her as she is his daughter and for no other reason.
I'm not worried about giving my dad a corinary or anything like that - he is 83 but acts like a 50 year old.
It's a really crap situation to be in. I'm at work now and she is probably there now rifling through the draws in my room looking for cash...
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:02 - Feb 19 with 7533 views | ShotKneesHoop |
Give her the contact details of Chelsea FC - she has the perfect profile to be a fan / player / owner of Scum FC. |  |
| Why does it feel like R'SWiPe is still on the books? Yer Couldn't Make It Up.Well Done Me! |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:19 - Feb 19 with 7512 views | CanadaRanger |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:00 - Feb 19 by OakwoodR |
Thanks for all the responses so far chaps.
There are so many different avenues that I could take here and Im still considering all of them.
I wont go into detail here but I detest her and have hardly said a word to her in 15 years. My mum was of a similar opinion and told me a couple of weeks before she died that she wished my sister had never been born. My dad barely tolerates her as she is his daughter and for no other reason.
I'm not worried about giving my dad a corinary or anything like that - he is 83 but acts like a 50 year old.
It's a really crap situation to be in. I'm at work now and she is probably there now rifling through the draws in my room looking for cash...
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Then take the evidence to your Dad first, and decide what to do from there.
Dad may decide to change the locks and keep her out.
That would be a shock in itself, but likely not enough to reform her. | | | |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:19 - Feb 19 with 7508 views | Jeff |
I would possibly shame her instead - next time, empty your wallet entirely, except for a piece of paper that says ‘I know what you’ve been doing Sarah’ (or whatever her name is, obvs...)
Then, after you suspect she’s done her sneaking, catch her eye and see if she reacts...
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:24 - Feb 19 with 7497 views | Metallica_Hoop |
Have a quiet word and show her the vid after (as someone said) you have a secure back-up. |  |
| Beer and Beef has made us what we are - The Prince Regent |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:31 - Feb 19 with 7474 views | w12bornnbred |
Meet me in the springbk at 1pm on Saturday and I will bring some counterfeit notes for you she can then get nicked trying to spend them she will then have the dilemma of grassing herself up to you. |  |
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| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:54 - Feb 19 with 7428 views | ade_qpr |
| To Catch a Thief - a dilemma? on 10:31 - Feb 19 by w12bornnbred |
Meet me in the springbk at 1pm on Saturday and I will bring some counterfeit notes for you she can then get nicked trying to spend them she will then have the dilemma of grassing herself up to you. |
very good  | |
| If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? |
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