| Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 91429 views | Swanjaxs |
My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...
I nearly shìt her knickers 😮
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:46 - Jun 21 with 2813 views | Swanjaxs |
You know when you've put weight on over lockdown when your wife wants to come over your tits. | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:51 - Jun 21 with 2778 views | theloneranger |
The teacher asked the class to use the word 'fascinate' in a sentence.
Molly put up her hand and said, ”My family went to my grandad's farm and we all saw his pet sheep. It was fascinating”
The teacher said, ”That was good, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate', not fascinating'”
Sally raised her hand. She said, ”My family went to see the circus and I was fascinated'”
The teacher said, ”Well, that was good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate'”
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because she had been burned by Little Johnny before.
She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word 'fascinate' -so she called on him.
Johnny said, ”My aunt Gina has a sweater with ten buttons, but her tits are so big she can only fasten eight”
The teacher sat down and cried ...!! [Post edited 21 Jun 2020 16:52]
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| Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎 |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:59 - Jun 22 with 2672 views | Muteswan |
If a zombie gets upset, does he lose his decomposure?🤔 |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:25 - Jun 22 with 2641 views | Muteswan |
Everyone at John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined. Imagine...all the people.
“Yesterday” I was “Back In The USSR” and I needed to “Get Back”. I thought “I Feel Fine”, so “With A Little Help From My Friends”, I bought “A Ticket To Ride”.
“There’s A Place” on the plane, and after “A Hard Day’s Night” going “Here There and Everywhere “ down the “Long and Winding Road” to the airport, I flew home.
Now, I’m stuck “In My Life”.
Whether you’re a “Day Tripper” or coming “Across The Universe”, “Let It Be”.
If we “Come Together” and “Carry That Weight” “All Together Now”, “We Can Work It Out”.
“Do You Want To Know A Secret?”
It’s just “A Day In The Life” - but it’s “Getting Better”!
😳 ”Help”. | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:23 - Jun 22 with 2618 views | WxmJax |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:25 - Jun 22 by Muteswan |
Everyone at John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined. Imagine...all the people.
“Yesterday” I was “Back In The USSR” and I needed to “Get Back”. I thought “I Feel Fine”, so “With A Little Help From My Friends”, I bought “A Ticket To Ride”.
“There’s A Place” on the plane, and after “A Hard Day’s Night” going “Here There and Everywhere “ down the “Long and Winding Road” to the airport, I flew home.
Now, I’m stuck “In My Life”.
Whether you’re a “Day Tripper” or coming “Across The Universe”, “Let It Be”.
If we “Come Together” and “Carry That Weight” “All Together Now”, “We Can Work It Out”.
“Do You Want To Know A Secret?”
It’s just “A Day In The Life” - but it’s “Getting Better”!
😳 ”Help”. |
I was getting better but after reading that I'll cry instead. |  |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:02 - Jun 22 with 2587 views | WarwickHunt |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:25 - Jun 22 by Muteswan |
Everyone at John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined. Imagine...all the people.
“Yesterday” I was “Back In The USSR” and I needed to “Get Back”. I thought “I Feel Fine”, so “With A Little Help From My Friends”, I bought “A Ticket To Ride”.
“There’s A Place” on the plane, and after “A Hard Day’s Night” going “Here There and Everywhere “ down the “Long and Winding Road” to the airport, I flew home.
Now, I’m stuck “In My Life”.
Whether you’re a “Day Tripper” or coming “Across The Universe”, “Let It Be”.
If we “Come Together” and “Carry That Weight” “All Together Now”, “We Can Work It Out”.
“Do You Want To Know A Secret?”
It’s just “A Day In The Life” - but it’s “Getting Better”!
😳 ”Help”. |
Ban. |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:32 - Jun 22 with 2568 views | Muteswan |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:02 - Jun 22 by WarwickHunt |
Ban. |
Give me a break, I’ve been shielding since, what seems like, Christmas.
I’m losing it. At least the Swans are back, hopefully that will give me some sort of normality.
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:55 - Jun 22 with 2550 views | DJack |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:32 - Jun 22 by Muteswan |
Give me a break, I’ve been shielding since, what seems like, Christmas.
I’m losing it. At least the Swans are back, hopefully that will give me some sort of normality.
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We need shielding...from you.  |  |
| It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. - Carl Sagan |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 07:39 - Jun 23 with 2500 views | dickythorpe |
Keep them coming Mute, we need you in these trying times!!!! |  | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:26 - Jun 23 with 2470 views | Muteswan |
Ok. ðŸ˜
When does a bad joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes apparent. | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:37 - Jun 23 with 2462 views | NotLoyal |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:25 - Jun 22 by Muteswan |
Everyone at John Lennon International Airport has been quarantined. Imagine...all the people.
“Yesterday” I was “Back In The USSR” and I needed to “Get Back”. I thought “I Feel Fine”, so “With A Little Help From My Friends”, I bought “A Ticket To Ride”.
“There’s A Place” on the plane, and after “A Hard Day’s Night” going “Here There and Everywhere “ down the “Long and Winding Road” to the airport, I flew home.
Now, I’m stuck “In My Life”.
Whether you’re a “Day Tripper” or coming “Across The Universe”, “Let It Be”.
If we “Come Together” and “Carry That Weight” “All Together Now”, “We Can Work It Out”.
“Do You Want To Know A Secret?”
It’s just “A Day In The Life” - but it’s “Getting Better”!
😳 ”Help”. |
Very good, should be on the shit songs thread though 😉 |  |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:48 - Jun 23 with 2454 views | WarwickHunt |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:26 - Jun 23 by Muteswan |
Ok. ðŸ˜
When does a bad joke become a Dad joke?
When it becomes apparent. |
Definite ban.  | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 10:57 - Jun 23 with 2427 views | Swanjaxs |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:48 - Jun 23 by WarwickHunt |
Definite ban. |
What do you get when you insert human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo! | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:12 - Jun 23 with 2420 views | theloneranger |
After you’ve read three different reviews of the same film, you start to wonder about history!! | |
| Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎 |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:31 - Jun 23 with 2338 views | Highjack |
I’ve just bought a delorean. It’s not going to be my main car but I will drive it from time to time. |  |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 19:44 - Jun 23 with 2320 views | WxmJax |
Don't get me started about stealing clothes off a washing line.
Been there, done that, got the t-shirt. | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:16 - Jun 23 with 2296 views | Flashberryjack |
Warning this is a bit rude.
Mary was telling her friend that Dai, her husband had lost all interest in having sex with her, and that he didn't find her attractive anymore and was totally disinterested such things.
So her friend asked if they'd tried the 69 position before having sex, Mary said they hadn't, so her friend explained what it involved.
That night Dai came home from the pub and Mary took him upstairs and told him about the 69 position saying that it would spice up their love making.
Anyway Dai agreed to give it a go, so they got down to it, after a couple of minutes Dai said " I see the bloody Swans lost again"
Mary said "Dai mun, what the hell made you think of that ?"
Dai "there's bit of the back page of the Daily Mirror stuck to your arse"
Another shit joke. |  |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:45 - Jun 24 with 2174 views | Muteswan |
I answered the door this morning and a 6ft. beetle punched me in the eye.
Apparently there’s a nasty bug going around. | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 06:28 - Jun 25 with 2088 views | sainthelens |
I've never carried a donor card.
Have got fed up with women rejecting my organ as it is. [Post edited 25 Jun 2020 6:29]
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:14 - Jun 25 with 2057 views | Muteswan |
“Do not touch” is really quite scary to read in Braille. | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:37 - Jun 25 with 3219 views | WxmJax |
Someone just knocked on our door asking if I'd carry a donor card around with me. There's a man after my own heart. | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:02 - Jun 26 with 3091 views | Muteswan |
My wife asked me to stop singing “I’m A Believer “ by The Monkees because it was really annoying her.
At first, I thought she was kidding.
But then I saw her face... | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 16:30 - Jun 26 with 3060 views | sainthelens |
Went to the doctor told him I have an unhealthy obsession with the film The Wizard of Oz.
Why is that he said.
I replied " because because because because becaeeuuse!". | | | |
| Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:16 - Jun 26 with 3040 views | Swanjaxs |
Guy working in a petrol station in Splott phones work.
"I'm not coming in today, I'm sick"
"Sick" his boss says
"Exactly how sick are you"?
"Well, put it this way" says employee...
"At the moment, I'm in bed with my sister"... | |
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| Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:01 - Jun 27 with 2944 views | sainthelens |
Guy goes into the chemist, asks the pharmacist about viagra. "Can you get it over the counter?"he asks
"Only if I take 2" replies the pharmacist. | | | |
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