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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 91422 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:40 - Jun 10 with 3045 viewsdickythorpe

Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:36 - Jun 10 by Joe_bradshaw

You wait 15 pages for a vegetable joke and then two turnip at once.


This type of humour needs to be rooted out.
Some might say it's needs to be beet out of a person.
Taters or leave it.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:47 - Jun 10 with 3040 viewsJoe_bradshaw

Shìt Joke thread..... on 09:40 - Jun 10 by dickythorpe

This type of humour needs to be rooted out.
Some might say it's needs to be beet out of a person.
Taters or leave it.


Making jokes like that will result in you being carroted to death.

Planet Swans Prediction League Winner Season 2013-14. Runner up 2014_15.
Poll: How many points clear of relegation will we be on Saturday night?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 10:00 - Jun 10 with 3034 viewsairedale

Have these bean done before?
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 10:17 - Jun 10 with 3026 viewsMuteswan

Bean there, done that. Onion special occasions. Lettuce squash it before it gets corny.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:41 - Jun 10 with 2958 viewsWxmJax

I always wanted to be an astronaut just like my dad.
He always wanted to be an astronaut as well.

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:53 - Jun 11 with 2831 viewsMuteswan

Finding lost luggage at the airport should be straightforward...

However, that’s not the case.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:18 - Jun 11 with 2811 viewstheloneranger

"CONFESSIONS OF A HOOKER"

A couple were lying in bed together on the morning of their tenth wedding anniversary, when the wife says ...

”Darling, as this is such a special occasion, I think that it is time I made a confession. Before we were married I was a hooker for eight years”

The husband ponders for a moment, and then looks into his wife's eyes and says ...

“My love, you have been a perfect wife for ten years. I cannot hold your past against you, maybe you could show me a few tricks of the trade and spice up our sex life a bit??"

She replied , “I don't think you understand. My name was Brian and I played rugby for Wales “ ...!!

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:20 - Jun 11 with 2768 viewsWxmJax

If anyone wants a copy of Osteopath Weekly I have back issues

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:24 - Jun 11 with 2758 viewsWxmJax

I told the doctor that I have a phobia about apple trees.

He said "grow a pear".

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:53 - Jun 11 with 2681 viewsMuteswan

My four year old has been learning Spanish. He still can’t say ”please” though, which I think is poor for four.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:48 - Jun 12 with 2594 viewsSwanjaxs

I had a bad dream last night. I was in a fight with the Grim Reaper but managed to hit him on the head with the hoover. Talk about Dyson with death.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:56 - Jun 12 with 2585 viewsMuteswan

I keep getting phone calls from the furniture shop.

All I wanted was one night stand. 🙄
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:14 - Jun 12 with 2575 viewsWxmJax

I wish people would stop using the same word twice in one sentence. Enough is enough.

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:18 - Jun 12 with 2568 viewsSwanjaxs

I've told you a million times, stop exaggerating.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:04 - Jun 12 with 2538 viewsMuteswan

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:32 - Jun 12 with 2462 viewsMuteswan

The only thing Flat-Earthers fear is Sphere itself.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:40 - Jun 12 with 2451 viewsWarwickHunt

Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:04 - Jun 12 by Muteswan

What do you call a boomerang that won’t come back?

A stick.


What’s Postman Pat called now he’s retired?











Pat.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:41 - Jun 12 with 2449 viewsMuteswan

William Shatner has discontinued his range of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner Panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.😳
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:10 - Jun 12 with 2395 viewsDJack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:41 - Jun 12 by Muteswan

William Shatner has discontinued his range of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner Panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.😳



It is far better to grasp the universe as it really is than to persist in delusion, however satisfying and reassuring. - Carl Sagan

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 11:18 - Jun 13 with 2218 viewsWxmJax

I bought a map of the World, gave the missus a dart to throw and said wherever it lands we're going there on holiday after this pandemic is over. Turns out we're going to be spending a fortnight behind the fridge.

Poll: England, General Election: How are you going to vote ?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:25 - Jun 13 with 3206 viewsMuteswan

I had a dream last night,I was slicing carrots with the Grim Reaper...

Dicing with Death!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:50 - Jun 13 with 3131 viewsfbreath

My sensitive toothpaste gets very upset when I use other toothpaste

We are the first Welsh club to reach the Premier League Simples

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:16 - Jun 14 with 3046 viewsMuteswan

How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?

Ten tickles.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 13:26 - Jun 14 with 3028 viewsairedale

This squid was swimming along, feeling rough as a badgers arse, saying to itself I’m not right, when out if the gloom comes this great withe shark and whoosh bosh gets the squid in it’s mouth. Goodbye cruel world thinks the squid, but no, the shark swims on holding the squid gently in its mouth.

Then, further on, the squid can see this massive shape swimming along majestically, and the shark swims up to it and says, all right whale, I brought you that sick squid I owe you.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:53 - Jun 14 with 2999 viewswobbly

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:41 - Jun 12 by Muteswan

William Shatner has discontinued his range of lingerie.

Apparently, Shatner Panties wasn’t the best choice for a name.😳


This one wins! Genuinely 😂
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