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Following Mel's stab at an ultimate QPR team last week, he's back with a nightmare selection this week. Three of them at least have no business being in there IMO so I'm sure you'll all have fun with this....
Nightmare eleven - Column on 12:09 - Apr 26 by Ned_Kennedys
Not sure why you hate Tony Roberts so much: he was ok for us over a decent period I thought. Would certainly rate him higher than the likes of Lumley, Dykstra, Barron etc.
I thought he was poor, Ned. Certainly not at Barron's level. I didn't see enough of Dykstra, so you could be right there. I think Lumley has had a bad spell, but has far more talent than Roberts ever had so I'd hope that he comes good again.
"The opposite of love, after all, is not hate, but indifference."
I try to see the merits of all our players. Borrowdale I thought was actually quite neat and tidy on the ball. Henry would put a shift in and did a job for the team. As a young boy watching Meaker I thought he was actually quite exciting.
However, Ben Gladwin is without doubt the worst player I've seen at rangers. We were 2 nil down at home to brentford under jfh on a Friday night. He came off the bench. Sprinted towards the r block where we had a throw in, barking instructions and geeing the players and supporters up. Throw in taken to Gladwin, who under no pressure saw the ball thump off his chest and up about 20 rows of the ellerslie. Cue my hasty exit at about 60 mins. The most ungainly and awkward player i've ever seen.
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 12:23 - Apr 26 with 2163 views
For me GK Nick Culkin cannot remember him saving a shot in his 22 games for us RB John Curtis awful player who somehow Blackburn paid £1.5 Million for once LB Chris Barker had been a good consistent performer for Colchester just couldn't run so a little exposed defensively CB Anton Ferdinand who thanks to his brother played over 200 top flight matches just didn't mark forwards CB Zesh Rehman we paid Fulham £1.5 Million for him I always presumed we bought him hoping to tap into shirt sales in Pakistan RM Tony Scully think Mel had him bang on saw him score a cracker at Manor Ground but was of only about 100 left in away end in a 4 1 Tonking LM Christer Warren is probably the only player in my time following QPR that I KNOW I could have picked anyone out of the crowd and it would have improved things CM Brian Williams How the hell did he play 500 league games he really had no discernable talent CM George Kulcsar an Australian who burned a hole in the centre circle for 55 games late 90s did not seem to understand the concept of pass and move FW Dominic Iorfa like Usain Bolt pace wise sadly did not understand the offside rules causing Linesmen to sue him for Industrial Injury at Work FW Sammy Koejoe apparently he scored 3 in 34 games which surprised me. Did have the largest behind in the world so turning was always a problem thanks to this Manager lots of candidates but Paul Hart is the only manager whose QPR side were booed off after a win
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 12:54 - Apr 26 with 2136 views
As others have said, there are different categories of nightmare involved here:
1. The apparently completely talentless, how-the-fk-did-they-become-a-professional-footballer footballer.
2. The prizest of prize cnts.
Of course, we've been lucky enough to have plenty examples of both.
It's a shame because he's meant to be a really sound lad personally and a decent coach, but the one player I remember watching and being *genuinely* baffled as to how he had made it into professional football was Paul Bruce. I could not for the life of me see what he did - what little there was of it - that wouldn't be doable by any number of Sunday league players, if not random blokes in the street. I used to be relieved to see Christer Warren was playing instead of him.
And the prizest cnt is now and hopefully forever will be Vinnie Jones. I'd take a team of Boswingas over one of him.
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 12:56 - Apr 26 with 2130 views
John Curtis, good god. The least athletic, slowest-reacting player I’ve ever seen in Hoops, with the exception of Robert Taylor during his loan spell. Taylor looked like he’d been in Fritzl’s dungeon for ten years, he had no idea what was happening around him.
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 13:16 - Apr 26 with 2103 views
Nightmare eleven - Column on 12:21 - Apr 26 by mcqpr10
I try to see the merits of all our players. Borrowdale I thought was actually quite neat and tidy on the ball. Henry would put a shift in and did a job for the team. As a young boy watching Meaker I thought he was actually quite exciting.
However, Ben Gladwin is without doubt the worst player I've seen at rangers. We were 2 nil down at home to brentford under jfh on a Friday night. He came off the bench. Sprinted towards the r block where we had a throw in, barking instructions and geeing the players and supporters up. Throw in taken to Gladwin, who under no pressure saw the ball thump off his chest and up about 20 rows of the ellerslie. Cue my hasty exit at about 60 mins. The most ungainly and awkward player i've ever seen.
Good shout on Gladwin: poor skills and didn't even put in much effort either.
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 14:10 - Apr 26 with 2059 views
Nightmare eleven - Column on 13:05 - Apr 26 by MrSheen
John Curtis, good god. The least athletic, slowest-reacting player I’ve ever seen in Hoops, with the exception of Robert Taylor during his loan spell. Taylor looked like he’d been in Fritzl’s dungeon for ten years, he had no idea what was happening around him.
John Curtis: Sigh. You know a player is not up to it when you look at them and think: "I can imagine myself doing exactly the same daft thing as he is doing in that situation".
Rob Hulse is perhaps worthy of a place. He had been a decent player prior to joining the Rs but man alive, he was disappointing for us.
I also shudder when I think back to Arthur Gnohere's time with. A very poor player who made the earth's plates look pacey.
"Things had started becoming increasingly desperate at Loftus Road but QPR have been handed a massive lifeline and the place has absolutely erupted. it's carnage. It's bedlam. It's 1-1."
Nightmare eleven - Column on 14:10 - Apr 26 by R_from_afar
John Curtis: Sigh. You know a player is not up to it when you look at them and think: "I can imagine myself doing exactly the same daft thing as he is doing in that situation".
Rob Hulse is perhaps worthy of a place. He had been a decent player prior to joining the Rs but man alive, he was disappointing for us.
I also shudder when I think back to Arthur Gnohere's time with. A very poor player who made the earth's plates look pacey.
Arthur did have fast fingers though (allegedly).
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 16:48 - Apr 26 with 1953 views
Nightmare eleven - Column on 22:20 - Apr 25 by ParkRoyalR
Mark Hateley - think it was a 0-3 loss at Highbury but my memories not great - worst individual performance I can recall - totally phoned it in - zero effort
Armand Traore - after that cross at The Ethiad for the 2nd most unexpected goal I can recall - Jamie Mackie running into the box and suddenly realising he was on it - can't have Armand in that team!
Traore cross is/was truly one of best moments of my life. ATAF. Literally unbelievable!!
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 17:35 - Apr 26 with 1914 views
Nightmare eleven - Column on 12:09 - Apr 26 by Ned_Kennedys
Not sure why you hate Tony Roberts so much: he was ok for us over a decent period I thought. Would certainly rate him higher than the likes of Lumley, Dykstra, Barron etc.
I remember Barron as OK - I never forgave him for getting the jersey ahead of Hucker who was a hero of mine, but I didn't think he was poor.
Roberts was I think in the hapless rather than w*nker category - actually looked OK in a few early appearances as injury cover but instead of improving got worse if anything yet the club mysteriously never seemed to look for a replacement - it drove m crazy and I started hating Roberts for it, unfairly really.
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 17:54 - Apr 26 with 1900 views
Nightmare eleven - Column on 17:55 - Apr 26 by QPRSteve
A Manager to rival Paul Hart. I give you Ray Harford.
I actually refused to go to games in the end until they sacked him. Just five wins in 41 games.
At least we only suffered Hart for five games.
The weird thing about Harford is that he was always "highly respected coach Ray Harford" in the papers and allegedly Wright had wanted him for ages. I could never see it myself even before he joined us. I agree he was the pits.
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 19:05 - Apr 26 with 1830 views
Nightmare eleven - Column on 17:05 - Apr 26 by Red_Ranger
Traore cross is/was truly one of best moments of my life. ATAF. Literally unbelievable!!
Yes, Zamora's goal seemed to happen very quickly but with Mackie's at The Ethiad once Traore had skipped past Kompany you just thought hold on..and I think when Traore looked up...the entire end looked into the box and could see Mackie and Cisse attacking the box...and thought it couldn't...but it did.
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 19:42 - Apr 26 with 1816 views
Nightmare eleven - Column on 17:05 - Apr 26 by Red_Ranger
Traore cross is/was truly one of best moments of my life. ATAF. Literally unbelievable!!
Yes, Zamora's goal seemed to happen very quickly but with Mackie's at The Ethiad once Traore had skipped past Kompany you just thought hold on..and I think when Traore looked up...the entire end looked into the box and could see Mackie and Cisse attacking the box...and thought it couldn't...but it did.
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 23:22 - Apr 26 with 1714 views
Derek Richardson was a fantastic keeper. He had a few dodgy final games when we were already relegated in ‘79 but people seem to forget he made his debut as a 20 year-old with a clean sheet against Leeds United (a good team that century). Then after not playing for six months he soon kept another clean sheet and was MOTM in a win over Liverpool. The clincher though is he gave me an autograph when I was eleven AND offered me a biscuit from a tempting plate of orange and custard creams. I can’t remember if I took one although I would’ve definitely gone for an orange.
Twelve years ago I met Phil Parkes. What a lovely bloke. I asked him about Richardson and with genuine affection in his voice he said “Ah Disco Derek. He used to be a DJ you know even as a player. Last I heard he was working on the door in a club in Hackney”
In my eyes Derek Richardson will always be one of the great QPR keepers. I’m going with Mr McCarthy on this one and putting Tony Roberts in goal. The man Brian describes as, “short, miserable, joyless” Or as his Wikipedia page says ‘Welsh’.
[Post edited 26 Apr 2020 23:59]
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 23:42 - Apr 26 with 1698 views
How the hell does Barton (Joseph) avoid this team - or even being regularly mentioned? He'd be in it from --11 for me and manager ( ok he didn't manage us but even so....)
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Nightmare eleven - Column on 02:14 - Apr 27 with 1632 views
Just recalling some of the utter dross we’ve had, it seems unfair that so many deserved candidates miss out!
Any team that doesn’t Include Ernie Howe, Ron Abbott and Brian Williams isn’t worth talking about. Then you start to dig into the memory banks and the likes of Sammy Koejoe and a player so bad, he couldn’t get on the bench, Armal Tsckonte (can’t be bothered to spell it right) come forth. Any old dogs remember a bloke Olly has to bring in to make up the numbers Dave McEwan (I think) so bad, we sent him back.
I know, I know....loanees are taboo, but we cannot forget Gus Caesar!?!!!!
The cast of characters with legitimate claims to be included, dwarfs that needed to make the battle scenes in ‘Zulu’ by some margin. How the f..k we ever got several promotions shows how much b....x there is out there!
'Always In Motion' by John Honney available on amazon.co.uk
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