New Prime Minister Confirms His Love Of Saints In Parliament Wednesday, 26th Oct 2022 15:02 Southampton born Rishi Sunak has already confirmed his love of Southampton FC during his first Prime Ministers Question Time in Parliament this afternoon, meaning that effectively the City Of Southampton is now virtually the capital of England. Rishi Sunak took part in his first Prime Minister's question time and it didn't take him long to assert his support of Southampton FC albeit with a little help from an opposition MP, Dr Alan Whitehead Labour MP for Southampton Test constituency. "I have some pride in welcoming a fellow Southampton supporter into number 10." said Dr Whitehead, putting aside party loyalties for a moment for more serious matters. Prime Minister Sunak replied: "I look forward to seeing him at St Mary’s, although my friend the leader of the house may have something to say about our love of Saints." Penny Mordaunt, Tory MP for Portsmouth North who was appointed leader of the House of Commons under Liz Truss, shook her head and although it wasn’t picked up by the microphones, very clearly hit back with a cry of "Play up Pompey". At this stage the PM in the spirit of the light hearted banter, refrained from petty bickering, although some claim he muttered under his breath "1-0 in your own backyard" perhaps referring to his victory in the recent leadership contest over Ms Mordaunt, a de facto win for God's own city over it's neighbours to the East. But he had clearly heard the remark as several minutes later two Beefeaters arrived and escorted Ms Mordaunt out of the chamber and into a waiting Police van and then off down the Embankment in the direction of the Tower Of London. In a leaked document Mr Sunak will apparently put to the house several reforms later today. 1. Southampton will be declared England's second city after London, and the Government will fund a full size working replica of Big Ben to be added to a corner of St Mary's stadium. 2. Cabinet Meetings will be held in the Mick Channon suite at the stadium. 3. £20 billion of aid earmarked for the regeneration of Portsmouth will be diverted to Southampton FC to use in their transfer budget in January. 4. A land border will be erected from Gosport and encircle round via Fareham & Havant to Hayling Island. 5. Although the rest of the UK will be able to enter this zone freely, Portmuthians will need a visa in order to leave. 6. The nil rate band threshold of income tax for those in PO postcodes will drop from £12, 700, to £ 2.50, with the basic rate of tax at 20% on the next £12,50 followed by a higher rate of 50% up to £25, this is expected to raise upwards of £675 a year in extra tax revenue from the area due to high unemployment and the black economy workforce. 7. The years 1948-50 will be expunged from UK record books and all sporting triumphs in that period be declared null and void. 8. For the year 2008 see above. 9. January 28th will be a Bank Holiday 10. In the event of an escalation of hostilities in the Special Operations in the Ukraine, Fratton Park will be equipped with neon lights viewable from the sky and will have Цель ÑегоднÑшнего вечера" painted in fluorescent paint on the roof of all stands (Translation "Tonight's Target" 11. The Royal Navy will be given a funds to re introduce the Press Gang to the streets of Portsmouth, the phrase "When England goes to war they go from Portsmouth" is often used by our Skate friends, but what they fail to mention is that when they leave for war they are usually still unconscious until past Spithead, after being knocked on the head and carried on the ships. NB. Some parts of this story are actually true. Photo: Action Images Please report offensive, libellous or inappropriate posts by using the links provided.
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