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I once told Phil Jupitus 'Orient are flipping sh1t mate'. He said ' I don't support Orient'. Oh, I got him mixed up with Bob Mills. I should have retorted 'it was a statement of fact Phil' but I was too p1ssed and I thought he was Bob Mills.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 17:42 - May 31 with 3788 views
Clive and I are both TV industry journalists, so fair to say we've wound up plenty of minor celebs and actors between us. I interviewed Ross Kemp last year and asked him if he does a Bear Grylls and actually stays in posh hotels when he's filming war docs in Afghanistan. Thought he was going to knock my block off; he's massive and has the mad eyes of someone who'd enjoy bare knuckle boxing.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 10:06 - Jun 1 with 3644 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 06:03 - May 31 by distortR
a group of us used to drink around baker street with a couple of Arsenal fans, Large and Larger. After one heavy session, we left the Wallace Head and saw jeremy beadle finishing up having his hair pampered, so we hid (Very loudly) and then pounced as he emerged from the salon. While the camp hairdresser wafted around telling us to leave him alone, turned out Jeremy was a nice guy and he just chatted with us. a couple of us fell behind the main group, when we saw Larger striding towards Mr Beadle with his fist raised, muttering "let's see if HE'S game for a laugh". Two or three of us jumped on Larger, screaming for the others to get the fella clear. We later asked Larger why he wanted to hit Jeremy Beadle, he just shrugged and said "Dunno".
There was also a train journey back from Southampton, we went to the bar and Ross Kemp's tv brother, who speaks on the out breath, was at the bar with a sort. We went to get a drink and Guy, who was a fan, asked "'ere, aren't you so-and-so?". The actor was an arse and said "Actually, you pronounce it >>>" and turned his back. So we situated ourselves in the carriage next to the bar, full of Rangers, and every five minutes sent someone up to mispronounce his name. He got off that train with a face like thunder, and alone.
Well played, Sir. Well played indeed.
'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'
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Well known people you've annoyed on 10:38 - Jun 1 with 3621 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 17:42 - May 31 by whittocksRs
Clive and I are both TV industry journalists, so fair to say we've wound up plenty of minor celebs and actors between us. I interviewed Ross Kemp last year and asked him if he does a Bear Grylls and actually stays in posh hotels when he's filming war docs in Afghanistan. Thought he was going to knock my block off; he's massive and has the mad eyes of someone who'd enjoy bare knuckle boxing.
This may be staged , but he looks like a double hard bastard to me!
Also a massive Labour supporter by the way.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 12:21 - Jun 1 with 3576 views
Wangled tickets for the VIP enclosure at Madstock one year and me and my mates got over enthusiastic that he was there ... didn't pay any attention to various east enders and minor pop stars but we were all over Wes like a rash --- think he thought we were taking the p1ss but drunk as we were we considered him a Ledge!
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Well known people you've annoyed on 14:25 - Jun 1 with 3509 views
Simon Mayo. I was asked to do a discussion on the radio with him. Me and another bloke were waiting outside the studio, and this guy comes out and starts asking us who we are. "And who are you?" I asked him. How was I supposed to know what Simon Mayo looked like? I thought it was a producer or a researcher. He did his best to keep me out of the discussion, and didn't say thanks to me at the end. Very high opinion of himself.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 17:11 - Jun 1 with 3465 views
Once pissed off Cheryl Baker of Bucks Fizz fame by telling her that she could collect an item she'd wanted to buy the following morning - apparently, she had a regular tv spot at that time and was none too pleased that I didn't know this. She wasn't absolutely horrible, though, in all fairness.
I will live forever though on Patsy Kensit saying she'd shag me on Graham Norton's BBC show. Still watch it on YouTube occasionally to confirm I didn't actually dream it.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 17:16 - Jun 1 with 3454 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 17:11 - Jun 1 by Hooped_Pullie
Once pissed off Cheryl Baker of Bucks Fizz fame by telling her that she could collect an item she'd wanted to buy the following morning - apparently, she had a regular tv spot at that time and was none too pleased that I didn't know this. She wasn't absolutely horrible, though, in all fairness.
I will live forever though on Patsy Kensit saying she'd shag me on Graham Norton's BBC show. Still watch it on YouTube occasionally to confirm I didn't actually dream it.
I think the least we deserve is a link to this YouTube clip
Not me, but that well known editor of AKUTR'S had me in stitches back in the day after a match where The Italian Stallion was standing among his adoring public in his collarless suit and flowing locks signing autographs. Aforementioned DT shouts over from his position in the middle of the road "Oi, Danny, Danny" several times whilst Dichio keeps looking over and mouthing "in a minute". After the passage of several minutes, Danny walks over to Dave and says "Yes mate (or similar)" Dave, all eager eyed and bushy tailed asks "You couldn't get me Les Ferdinand's autograph could you"? DD, NOT impressed in the least, storms off mouthing obscenities.
The grass is always greener.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 14:42 - Jun 5 with 2930 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 13:35 - Jun 5 by Esox_Lucius
Not me, but that well known editor of AKUTR'S had me in stitches back in the day after a match where The Italian Stallion was standing among his adoring public in his collarless suit and flowing locks signing autographs. Aforementioned DT shouts over from his position in the middle of the road "Oi, Danny, Danny" several times whilst Dichio keeps looking over and mouthing "in a minute". After the passage of several minutes, Danny walks over to Dave and says "Yes mate (or similar)" Dave, all eager eyed and bushy tailed asks "You couldn't get me Les Ferdinand's autograph could you"? DD, NOT impressed in the least, storms off mouthing obscenities.
Legendary Rangers fan Polish Paul had a run in with Dichio at Southend many years back. Dichio had made it clear he wasn't signing a contract and was off to Sampdoria at the end of the season and had turned in a particularly insipid performance in a narrow 1-0 win (Sinclair deflected goal, Simon Royce in goal for them) against the bottom side. Dichio was giving an interview in the tunnel area afterwards and was spotted by Paul who was in what passes for hospitality at Roots Hall. Paul opened a tiny little ventilation panel at the top of the box window, got on his chair, put his head at a 90 degree angle and delivered a very loud assessment of Dichio's performance which subsequently made it onto London Tonight.
Believe this was the same season Steve Slade told Polish he "wished he was still at Tottenham" in the queue for the bogs at the POTY Dinner and Dance and regretted it pretty swiftly.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 17:50 - Jun 5 with 2829 views
Not me but my uncle. He told me he was sitting right over the tunnel entrance/exit once for a QPR v Norwich match. Manager John Bond (Remember him??) was just about to make his way down the tunnel for his half time talk. My uncle shouted "Hey Bond you and your son (Kevin??) are a pile of crap." Bond locked eyes with him and said " You cutn, come down here and I'll tear your fkin head off!"
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Well known people you've annoyed on 18:16 - Jun 5 with 2812 views
Clapham Junction en route to Brighton from Shepherds Bush. In winter clothes and with a rucksack I sprint from platform 2 to platform 13 catching the connecting train with seconds to spare. There's one seat available. I take my coat off and put my gear on the luggage rack. A day spent drinking and the platform to platform world record attempt at 400 metres in a heavy woollen overcoat has seemingly left me in a state of malodorous detoxification ... ie: Ive got a bit of a sweat on. And a thirst too as I place a bottle of cider in front of me ready to be opened.
The middle-aged bloke opposite with the Sunday supplements spread out over the table puts his hand to his nose and keeps it there. I was literally getting up the bloke's nose. I noticed his over-manicured fingernails and carefully-coiffured barnet. 'Ponce!' I think as he sits there like some disapproving Regency dandy. Then I realise who it is. Nick Cave. And I'm not his biggest fan. I let rip: "Funny your reaction is exactly the same as mine when ever I hear one of your godawful self-important over-hyped sh!t-dirges masquerading as music" He ignores me. "I'm not saying you don't have your moments. Release The Bats was a good effort. But that was over thirty years ago!" He looks up at me from his newspaper. I continue. The run seems to have activated the part of the brain that deals with put-downs of a musical nature: "You know what you are? I'll tell you what you are. You're an Antipodean chancer carpetbagging a living with self-indulgent talentless approximations of Scott Walker and Johnny Cash. You're about as authentic as the strained noises emitted by Jamiroquoi in his ongoing appropriation of early Stevie Wonder. You're revered by the sort of people who think Depeche Mode are edgy. You're a fcuking 4th division Lee Hazelwood!" He doesn't respond.
Of course he doesn't respond as I didn't actually say any of it out-loud. But I did think it very loudly. To be honest I didn't fancy an uncomfortable 45 minutes sitting with someone I would've slagged off. So I quietly sipped my cider, took in the view from the window, and put my headphones on. Mr. Cave still sat there, a delicate hand still pressed to his offended nose. Me still reeking of Eau De Strongbow. I couldn't resist. I waved my iPod at him: "None of your shit on here mate." Belch.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 18:29 - Jun 5 with 2797 views
I'll tell a recent one on behalf of my brother who was rather the worse for wear in a chicken shop in Clapham in the early hours a few weeks back when he spotted that also in the queue for meat was political interview heavyweight Andrew Marr.
Or, rather, he thought it was Andrew Marr. After yelling, Alan Partridge style, "ANDREW, ANDREW... ANDREW. ANDREW, ANDREW, ANDREW, I LOVE YOUR SHOW I DO. ANDREW COME ON DON'T BE LIKE THIS. ANDREW." For a couple of minutes he finally got his attention and Andrew reluctantly posed for a selfie which featured my brother with a big grin on his face and Newsnight's Evan Davis looking pretty fed up with the whole thing.
Only when he got to the Crown the following day to tell us all he'd seen Andrew Marr did we point out his error.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 19:06 - Jun 5 with 2774 views
This could be the Coup de grace. 2004 Corfu the family holiday, my youngest lad is 13 while we're away, so he decides on a boat trip to celebrate. Our family of 7 & 40 other holidaymakers cram onto a vessel & head towards sea. After a hour the Captain declares we are stopping for a mini break, in the distance is a quiet harbour with a little Taverna. We disembark, who's sitting in the shade sipping a drink? George Best. No one spots him as he's got the shades on & a book pressed to his nose. I slip up to him & politely ask if it's ok for my boy to have a photo with him as it's his birthday. He says no problem but just the one. My boy sits next to him I take the snap, someone sees me then it's mayhem, the whole Boat turn into a hoard of Japanese tourist! George looks at me & says "Thanks a fcuking lot!"
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Well known people you've annoyed on 00:11 - Jun 6 with 2598 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 18:16 - Jun 5 by DannyPaddox
Clapham Junction en route to Brighton from Shepherds Bush. In winter clothes and with a rucksack I sprint from platform 2 to platform 13 catching the connecting train with seconds to spare. There's one seat available. I take my coat off and put my gear on the luggage rack. A day spent drinking and the platform to platform world record attempt at 400 metres in a heavy woollen overcoat has seemingly left me in a state of malodorous detoxification ... ie: Ive got a bit of a sweat on. And a thirst too as I place a bottle of cider in front of me ready to be opened.
The middle-aged bloke opposite with the Sunday supplements spread out over the table puts his hand to his nose and keeps it there. I was literally getting up the bloke's nose. I noticed his over-manicured fingernails and carefully-coiffured barnet. 'Ponce!' I think as he sits there like some disapproving Regency dandy. Then I realise who it is. Nick Cave. And I'm not his biggest fan. I let rip: "Funny your reaction is exactly the same as mine when ever I hear one of your godawful self-important over-hyped sh!t-dirges masquerading as music" He ignores me. "I'm not saying you don't have your moments. Release The Bats was a good effort. But that was over thirty years ago!" He looks up at me from his newspaper. I continue. The run seems to have activated the part of the brain that deals with put-downs of a musical nature: "You know what you are? I'll tell you what you are. You're an Antipodean chancer carpetbagging a living with self-indulgent talentless approximations of Scott Walker and Johnny Cash. You're about as authentic as the strained noises emitted by Jamiroquoi in his ongoing appropriation of early Stevie Wonder. You're revered by the sort of people who think Depeche Mode are edgy. You're a fcuking 4th division Lee Hazelwood!" He doesn't respond.
Of course he doesn't respond as I didn't actually say any of it out-loud. But I did think it very loudly. To be honest I didn't fancy an uncomfortable 45 minutes sitting with someone I would've slagged off. So I quietly sipped my cider, took in the view from the window, and put my headphones on. Mr. Cave still sat there, a delicate hand still pressed to his offended nose. Me still reeking of Eau De Strongbow. I couldn't resist. I waved my iPod at him: "None of your shit on here mate." Belch.
I love that you name check Scott Walker and Lee Halewood in that story. Nice one.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 14:10 - Jun 6 with 2422 views
I used to work in a computer repair place near Regents Park. Used to get quite a lot of celebs in there, most of whom were lovely (e.g. Kenneth Branagh, John Lydon, Nigella Lawson, Harry Enfield, Douglas Adams, Thomas Dolby, David Baddiel, Alan Coren & his lovely daughter Victoria)
A very rude bloke used to come in quite a bit, he was a journalist back then and a really arrogant tw*t called Michael Gove. He had no reason to be rude to us, he was just like that with everybody it seemed.
Clive Anderson got REALLY angry with me once. To be fair to him, he brought his inkjet printer in quite a few times, we'd fix it, call him to tell him to collect it, then he'd take it away and it'd go wrong again. After this happened a few times, I suggested that maybe he should just buy a better quality printer like a Laser Jet and he got really angry. Cue Clive Anderson "talking back" to me with a load of f-words "after all the f**king money you've taken from me to get my f**king printer working you're now f**king telling me I should buy a new f**king printer." He wasn't happy at all.
A couple of months later he did come back in again and buy a laser printer though.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 14:14 - Jun 6 with 2414 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 17:42 - May 31 by whittocksRs
Clive and I are both TV industry journalists, so fair to say we've wound up plenty of minor celebs and actors between us. I interviewed Ross Kemp last year and asked him if he does a Bear Grylls and actually stays in posh hotels when he's filming war docs in Afghanistan. Thought he was going to knock my block off; he's massive and has the mad eyes of someone who'd enjoy bare knuckle boxing.
I didn't realise you'd asked him that? Braver man than me. I was surprised how much I liked Ross Kemp TBH, top fella.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 14:16 - Jun 6 with 2405 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 18:04 - May 28 by essextaxiboy
I followed Jose Antonio Reyes into the bog at Gatwick South and stood next next to him at the urinal and asked him if he was going to sign for the Rangers.
I've been at the urinal next to Hogan Ephraim and Emmanuel Ledesma before - on both occasions they were asked by other QPR fans about their contract situations while trying to have a piss.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 14:39 - Jun 6 with 2376 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 14:16 - Jun 6 by Northernr
I've been at the urinal next to Hogan Ephraim and Emmanuel Ledesma before - on both occasions they were asked by other QPR fans about their contract situations while trying to have a piss.
Taking a piss, or taking the piss? It's a fine line!
I once asked Graham Taylor if Danny Graham was going to leave Watford (when he was still there obviously and there was speculation of him coming to us), he said he wasn't sure. When I pressed him again asking if he were to leave did he think he would go to QPR he stared at me and asked if I was a QPR fan. When I said yes he literally blanked me.
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Well known people you've annoyed on 20:40 - Jun 6 with 2206 views
Well known people you've annoyed on 14:16 - Jun 6 by Northernr
I've been at the urinal next to Hogan Ephraim and Emmanuel Ledesma before - on both occasions they were asked by other QPR fans about their contract situations while trying to have a piss.
I was in Scribes in Kensington High St after one of the euro 96 games and went for a long overdue breaking of the seal. Terry Venables walked in, addressed the trough beside me and proceeded to unleash a thunderous niagara falls of pìss. Despite my kidneys aching, I couldn't summon a sparrahs tear and after about 5 minutes of voiding, he turns around, flashes a smile and says 'stage fright, eh?' It's never happened before or since.
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