| Assault 21:33 - Feb 26 with 1456 views | SaintNick |
Golden Oldie.....................................
Someone just attacked me in the park before with a bat.
I was quite impressed how well trained it was |  |
| Satisfying The Bloodlust Of The Masses In Peacetime |
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| Assault on 22:46 - Feb 26 with 1393 views | hedgeend61 |
A piece of black tarmac and a piece of pink tarmac are having a drink in a pub. Suddenly there's a commotion as piece of green tarmac kicks the doors open, storms up to the bar, helps himself to a pint, smashes the empty glass against the wall and storms out again, deliberately knocking over three tables on the way.
"You're not gonna let him get away with that, are you?", the black tarmac asks the landlord.
"Oh, you don't wanna mess with him", he replies, "he's a cycle path". |  | | |
| Assault on 10:29 - Feb 27 with 1230 views | SonicBoom |
Whats the difference between butter, and a girls thighs?
You can spread both with a credit card. But it's easier with a knife. |  | | |
| Assault on 12:54 - Feb 27 with 1190 views | hedgeend61 |
The quickest way to determine the sex of an ant is to drop it in water.
If it sinks, it's a girl ant.
But if it floats, it's... | | | |
| Assault on 13:00 - Feb 27 with 1180 views | franniesTache |
Once met a transvestite from Greater Manchester.
He had a Wigan address. |  | | |
| Assault on 15:37 - Feb 27 with 1125 views | Dominic_Oliver |
Many years ago I went on a picnic with Errol Brown from Hot Chocolate
'It started with a quiche'. |  | | |
| Assault on 17:46 - Feb 27 with 1058 views | kentsouthampton |
The world tongue-twister champion just got arrested. They gave him a really tough sentence. |  | | |
| Assault on 01:39 - Feb 28 with 980 views | TimSaint |
If you get sent a link called 'free porn', dunt opin it. It is a birus wich diactuvates yur spelchek and fcuks up you riting.
I also receibed it, but lukily I dunt uatch porn, so I dint opin it. Plaese warm yu frends, w@nks. |  |
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| Assault on 11:05 - Feb 28 with 906 views | hedgeend61 |
I've recently taken up horse riding, unfortunately I was unable to ride my horse Toto today,
I left his reins down in Africa. | | | |
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| Assault on 10:30 - Feb 29 with 780 views | arfurdent |
HOW TO SHOWER:
-- WOMEN --
~ Take off clothes and place them sectioned in laundry basket according to lights and darks.
~ Walk to bathroom wearing long dressing gown.
~ If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
~ Look at your womanly physique in the mirror - make mental note to do more sit-ups / leg-lifts, etc.
~ Get in the shower.
~ Use face cloth, arm cloth, leg cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone.
~ Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins.
~ Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean.
~ Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner enhanced.
~ Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red.
~ Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and Jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair.
~ Shave armpits and legs.
~ Turn off shower.
~ Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower.
~ Spray mould spots with Tile cleaner.
~ Get out of shower.
~ Dry with towel the size of a small country.
~ Wrap hair in super absorbent towel.
~ Return to bedroom wearing long dressing gown and towel on head.
~ If you see partner along the way, cover up any exposed areas.
-- MEN --
~ Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile.
~ Walk naked to the bathroom.
~ If you see partner along the way, shake willy at her making the 'woo-woo' sound.
~ Look at your manly physique in the mirror.
~ Admire the size of your willy and scratch your bum and tenderly stroke your belly.
~ Get in the shower.
~ Wash your face.
~ Wash your armpits.
~ Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower.
~ Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area.
~ Wash your bum, leaving those coarse bum hairs stuck on the soap.
~ Wash your hair.
~ Make a Shampoo Mohican
~ Wee.
~ Rinse off and get out of shower.
~ Partially dry off, whilst seductively stroking your belly.
~ Fail to notice water on floor because curtain was hanging out of bath the whole time.
~ Admire willy size in mirror again.
~ Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, light and fan on.
~ Return to bedroom with towel around waist.
~ If you pass partner, pull off towel, shake willy at her and make the 'woo-woo' sound again.
~ Throw wet towel on bed.
I KNOW YOU'RE LAUGHING BECAUSE IT'S TRUE!!!!!! |  |
| And the White Knight is talking backwards
And the Red Queen's off with her head |
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