For the third time this season QPR played a huge chunk of a game against ten men and failed to score, eventually losing 1-0 to a stubborn West Brom at The Hawthorns on Saturday.

Strait is the gate, and narrow is the way for Queens Park Rangers in this part of the world. The Hawthorns less than fertile ground for the R’s, and West Bromwich Albion an awkward opponent wherever they’re faced. Memories of Wembley and Highbury fast fading. Few Rangers teams ever find the path to success in this fixture these days.

The Baggies hadn’t lost at home to a London side in this division since 2009. While that’s the sort of curious stat skewed by things like time spent outside this division (QPR won a Premier League match 4-1 here, surprisingly, in 2015) and the lack of London sides in the Championship, it’s still 17 fixtures over 16 years and Rangers have done more than most to contribute to it.

No wins in five, one win in 11 since this was rekindled as a Championship fixture in 2018/19, Rangers had conceded 15 times in five visits to this corner of the West Midlands. They’ve won two of 17 visits since the fixture returned from a decade-long absence in 1996, and that run includes 4-1, 5-1 and 7-1 setbacks. There have been some long afternoons here for the travelling faithful – as there will be when you mark Harvey Barnes with Joel Lynch, Kevin Phillips with Zesh Rehman…

The latest defeat kept Tony Mowbray’s side on course for the playoffs, while further miring Marti Cifuentes’ team in what’s shaping up to be a disappointingly limp lower midtable finish.

It was decided by two key incidents in the first half, both involving rookie Championship referee Adam Herczog who had control of this match like Phil Mitchell has control of his liver function.

The first, five before half time, saw a penalty awarded to the home side for Jack Colback pulling Jason Molumby away from his attempt to attack a Tom Fellows cutback at the near post. Steve Cook screamed at the official and was booked for dissent but Colback had no real need to grab Molumby in the way he did and could have few complaints at the decision. The real ire should really have been directed at Kenneth Paal, whose attempts to prevent Fellows breezing past him and delivering the ball in the first place were pathetic.

If you’re looking for a penalty taker to reprieve you from a disaster of your own making then Adam Armstrong isn’t really him. Sure enough the Southampton loanee buried the kick with nonchalant ease.

The narrative at that stage was you’d be more likely to see one of Elon Musk’s toy spaceships return to earth safely without exploding into a giant fireball than you would Herczog award the same penalty at the other end to QPR in the same circumstances. Surprise all round then when, three minutes into first half stoppage time, the official reached for the back pocket rather than the top one and red carded our former darling Darnell Furlong for belting Koki Saito in the side of the head. Moany Towbray is adamant this was little more than a misunderstood shoulder barge with unintended, accidental consequences and says his club will appeal the suspension. I’m interested to hear how that goes because there’s no really good angle of it on replay and the fourth official is bound to have had an input on the decision from five feet to Mowbray’s right. We can though, of course, vouch for Furlong’s impeccable character – he was absolutely staggered by the decision.

In a fairly pedestrian first half the visiting team had threatened on the quarter hour when Jimmy Dunne was left relatively free at a corner but didn’t get the header right, again a short time later when Paul Smyth was belatedly awarded a free kick after being tripped twice on the edge of the area and Paal shot to the near post only to be denied by a diving header, and then finally when Yang Min-Hyeok returned Paal’s corner to the danger area sparking a mini scramble and shot into the side netting that tricked some in the away enclosure at the far end of the ground into thinking their side had taken the lead.

Fellows carried the home side’s hopes more than most, and when he was allowed to turn too easily and maraud too far midway through the first half the huge overload he set up really deserved more than Johnston’s weak shot high over the bar.

A nil nil game, basically, until it exploded to life in the closing moments of the half.

Now QPR had a whole 45 minutes to bang away against ten men and search for, at least, an equaliser. West Brom motioned to remove Fellows at half time and all those in favour said fuck yeh. Mowbray went very quickly and deliberately into holding what he already had. Ambition, even to cross the halfway line, was abandoned entirely and a block lower than a Jim Davidson joke was set up. The most Geoffrey of Geoffrey Boycott, the straightest of straight bats, the longest and hottest day four afternoon on the flattest of flat Headingley tracks. Go on then, get past that. And if it feels like I’ve used that analogy before this season that’s because we have indeed been here already. Twice.

This is the third time this season QPR have had, essentially, the entire second half to play attack versus defence against a team with one fewer player. Plymouth, who are still to win away anywhere this season, went down to ten men after half an hour and nine men for stoppage time at Loftus Road and left with a 1-1. Sunderland had Jobe Bellingham dismissed ten minutes after half time at the same venue and returned north with a goalless draw. Now West Brom, with stoppage time included, able to stand there for an hour and repel all boarders. Not only have Rangers not won any of the games when presented with this opportunity, they haven’t even scored a goal. At least in the Argyle match goalkeeper Conor Hazard was forced to perform something approaching heroics to keep his side level. Here, as against the Mackems, it was all the hoops could do to muster a shot on target. Ronnie Edwards curled wide from range, Koki Saito drew a routine stop from Wildsmith by his post in the last minute of normal time, and that really was about it.

It was always likely to be a long day of toil in attack. Sightings of Michi Frey enjoying the spring sunshine in Chiswick on Friday night rather than boarding the team buss to the West Midlands left Alfie Lloyd as the squad’s only fit senior striker. Frey, sadly, is unavailable far too often to be relied upon. Rayan Kolli will be getting that reputation himself soon too if he’s not careful. Zan Celar hasn’t been seen for months and was a bit crap when he was upright and mobile. This is the strike force we recruited and have attempted to do the season with. Despite it all, Cifuentes left Lloyd on the bench citing a groin problem. I suspect he’s being kind to a young player there. The truth, more likely, is just lately his penchant for giving away dumb free kicks and first touch like a filing cabinet have made him a bit of a liability to the team. The Spaniard here preferred to go with Paul Smyth up front alone, backed by Ilias Chair, Koki Saito and Yang Min-Hyeok. Not since that troop of Bolton fans invaded the Pheonix Club has an attack force this tiny been mobilised anywhere, and against the giant centre half pairing of Kyle Bartley and Torbjorn Heggem it really was quite comedic at times.

Lloyd, along with Morrison, did come on at half time to try and improve the situation. He gave a free kick away immediately (albeit an extremely harsh decision from the official), miscontrolled a through ball in his next involvement, and as the lone striker for a team that dominated possession and spent the entire second half on the attack, touched the ball six times. I don’t want to kick him, he seems like a great kid, he’s learning his way in the game, I’m merely flagging this up here to highlight what exactly the QPR manager has to work with. I doubt Lloyd would be near the bench for (m)any other sides in this division and yet here we are relying upon him.

Most teams in our situation in a league this physical afford themselves the luxury of one tiny ten, we’ve recruited half a dozen of them. When Kaddy Dembele stepped off the bench second half it looked like we were staging some am dram re-make of Disney’s Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs. Kyle Bartley was a towering presence in the Baggies’ rearguard action and a clear man of the match, but he fucking would be wouldn’t he? Short of standing a couple of ours on top of each other and making them wear a big coat we didn’t have anybody who would beat that guy in the air using a stepladder. West Brom won 88% of the first half’s aerial duels.

As well as the long-standing issues with a lack of quantity and quality up front, this summer’s recruitment has to place greater priority on physical attributes to compete in this division – we are far too small, far too weak, and far too slow as a squad. Of course, the 6ft 4ins attacking midfielder we have spent serious money on not even being trusted to even come on and do a bit of a job for us in this situation really, really doesn’t help.

Had Chair’s flighted cross to the back post, nodded back across the goal and past Wildsmith by Dunne, been converted at point blank range by Koki Saito when it really should have been, then perhaps all would have been well in the world. That was after 52 minutes and promised more to come. That promise remains unkept. It was QPR’s only significant, serious threat on the goal in the entire second half. Apart from it, Bartley and Heggem needn’t have changed out of their club issued suits.

As against Plymouth and Sunderland, even a numerically disadvantaged deep, low block is kryptonite to these not-so-super hoops. Teams are able to stand there for great swathes of time, hours and hours of it, and remain relatively untroubled. The introduction of Liam Morrison for Steve Cook (ropey post injury once again), and Ronnie Edwards’ willingness to step on with the ball and use it intelligently, did at least make sure the moves started well, purposefully, and high up the pitch. I’ve thought for a few games we need to get Morrison back in, and he furthered that cause here. From there though it quickly became bogged down 40 yards from the goal with a whole load of midget gems expending maximum energy for minimum returns.

Time for the usual disclaimer about how little I know about the sport I’ve watched all my life. Both regular readers can skip this because they know it all already. How little I’ve coached, how few training sessions I’ve taken, how much of the trendy analytics stuff on social media goes so far over my head it keeps scaring the shit out of the air traffic controllers at Heathrow. Everybody involved in this game on Saturday could drink me under the table in knowledge and game smarts, and I’m sure if we sat down to discuss it they would give half a dozen explanations for why things were done in a certain way, why they didn’t work, why we couldn’t do something else, and it would all make complete, logical sense, while everything I gawped out in return would sound the sort of braindead sludge used to populate Julia Hartley-Brewer’s breakfast show.

The fundamental truth is also West Brom have paid more for their players, pay their players better salaries, and therefore have better players than us. It’s another game where basically every player in their colours, give or take one or two, was better than his opposite number on paper. We knew this would be a tough month, and it is. But when you’re only facing ten of them for a whole half and you don’t manage a serious shot on target, it’s a bit Harry Redknapp to just fall back on that with a shrug of your shoulders.

What I have gleaned from the professionals over the years is there are tricks and cheat sheets and commonly accepted ways and means of playing teams who’ve had people sent off. You use the width of the pitch on both sides, pulling their inevitably narrow defence apart. You move the ball quickly, to tire them, to catch them out of position, to find the extra space on the pitch. You get good, early ball into the corridor between the overworked centre backs and goalkeeper before they are back and set. Speed is key. Tempo is key. You basically twist the torture rack, and twist it again, until they crack. Very, very steadily moving the ball around between a whole collection of tiny tens trying to play the same position in the neutral area 40 yards from goal isn’t it. Ilias Chair getting the ball, bringing the whole game to a virtual standstill, slowly, slowly, slowly trying to work in from the left flank for that three-point jump shot he loves so much and hasn’t scored away from home all season, also isn’t it.

This game was already turning into a tax return level of testicle ache even before the home side entered into a game of chicken with referee Herczog. It was a game they won even more comprehensively than the match itself.

The theory went something like this… If this rookie Championship referee has already controversially sent off one of our players, he is vanishingly unlikely to send another off. And he’s certainly not going to take the step of reducing us to nine men for something as trivial as a bit of time wasting. So… let’s time waste. Let’s see. Let’s put that to the test. How much will he bear? How long will he let us do this before his patience snaps?

I doubt even Albion could believe just what the answer to those questions looked like in practice.

Mason Holgate, on at half time and immediately booked for booting the ball away, repeated that dose twice more. Standing by his own corner flag with the ball in his hands for a throw in, he dropped it and kicked it ten yards up the touchline so he had to walk and fetch it and bring it back. Joe Wildsmith stood with the ball in his hands for 20 seconds and nothing happened. So next time he stood with it in his hands for 25 seconds and nothing happened. So next time he stood with it in his hands for 30 seconds and nothing happened. Even with the away end counting it down out loud for the officials they remained unmoved. Herczog made it so blatantly obvious that he had no interest in getting involved in this that he frequently stood with his back to Wildsmith altogether, allowing the goalkeeper to journey far and wide looking for a spare ball to replace the perfectly good one already waiting for his goal kick in the six-yard box. Referee refused to even look at him doing it, less it become to flagrantly obvious that he’d have to borrow a pair of bollocks from a real grown man and do something about it.

Talk to actual referees about this and they tell you two things - the time gets added on anyway, and the punishments for holding the ball too long or picking passbacks up are disproportionately harsh and really difficult to administer and set up for so they don't both giving them unless it's absolutely blatant. Firstly, bollocks - eight minutes was a joke. And secondly, sorry, but what the fuck? You can't just pick and choose which rules you're applying and which you're not - oh, I don't really like that one, because it's a bit harsh. This nonsense is why, for the first three weeks of next season, a corner will be awarded if the goalkeeper holds the ball for more than eight seconds. An absolute carte blanche for every goalkeeper to pretend he's injured every time he catches the fucking ball.

It quickly became utterly farcical until, quarter of an hour from the end, Wildsmith decided he was missing a stud from his boot, and refused to continue with the game until it was replaced. The referee had laid the groundwork for this situation and brought it upon himself. What if the goalkeeper just refuses to play? Then what?

I don’t know, there are studs missing from my football boots all the time. I can play for weeks without noticing. Since when has a missing stud on a football boot been a reason to stop a Championship game for six minutes? I’m sure this happens a dozen times a season – somebody runs round from the bench with a new boot and it gets changed on the run while play is at the other end. And yet, the referee was happy to play along with this absolute pantomime, standing there gormlessly colluding in the illusion that this would absolutely, definitely have been happening exactly like this if West Brom were 1-0 down. Encouraged, Wildsmith decided to got completely undressed, cast his kit aside, laid in the goalmouth in his underwear. I mean why not? Really try it on. I would. Then he did his shoes up like your three-year-old does his shoes up. Then he replaced his gloves like somebody who’d never seen Velcro before. There hasn’t been an affair as long and drawn out as this since Carol’s narcissistic sports pimp tried to peel off a National Express coach in his Renault Megane. Wildsmith was daring the referee. Challenging the officials. I’m not restarting the game. I refuse. What are you going to do about it? Answer… I’m going to point at my watch and then show you a yellow card just before the full time whistle – just the 14 left to go for him to get a suspension this season, I’m sure he’s devastated.

Kyle Bartley stood and laughed, goading the away end, next to the referee while it all went on. The West Brom referee committee so well established it had it's own HR, payroll and union. They knew. They all knew. You could operate this guy from behind, as your puppet.

Before we get letters from West Bromwich, “cry more” and other highly original witty retorts, let’s be honest with ourselves... Is this why we lost? Absolutely not. Had time been added on adequately here – a quarter of an hour say, rather than the laughably skinny eight minutes we got – would QPR have scored? Would QPR have scored if we were still there now? Would QPR have scored if we were still there now and West Brom weren’t? I don’t think so. Bar the Saito chance it never looked likely to me. The thick end of another hour against ten men and Joe Wildsmith, who we know to be thoroughly dodgy from his games against us in Sheff Wed colours, barely had a thing to do. Not good enough, and not the first time either.

While we’re on the subject of trying the same thing over and over for no discernible positive outcomes, can somebody tell me the last time we did that painfully slow Nardi to Cook to Dunne, into the central midfielder and out to the wing build up from our goalkick and it actually worked? Worked even to the extent of breaking the press and we’ve got possession in the opposition half? Because I can’t. I can remember conceding a goal at Portsmouth doing it a week ago. We don’t have the players to do it - and, honestly, on our budget, will we ever? Get to games early enough and you can enjoy the laughable spectacle of them doing it slowly, at walking pace, without an opposition, overseen by the “head of methodology”. And it barely bloody works then. I don’t know. Not for me Clive. But then, as discussed, I don’t know what I’m talking about.

We don’t criticise Cifuentes often, and one of the biggest positives of this manager’s time here has been his pragmatism and ability to work with what he’s got. That wasn’t the case here though. Against 11 in the first half and ten in the second we stubbornly stuck to the same two or three things that weren’t working here and haven’t worked for us previously.

I completely get that having this set of strikers, and then them all getting injured at once, puts him behind the eight ball. I wouldn’t want to go to West Brom and start the munchkins from the Wizard of Oz up front either, so I’m sure as hell he doesn’t. But I was incredibly frustrated at our unwillingness to just knock the occasional channel ball to try and get Paul Smyth into space down the sides of Albion. If you’re starting Paul Smyth alone up front in the Championship you’re in trouble whoever you’re playing, but you could at least try and utilise the attributes he does have. It doesn’t make you a dinosaur, or a philistine, or Tony Pulis. John Beck isn’t going to appear at the end of your bed in the night reciting satanic verse. Knock some good early ball up there into space. What is Paul Smyth? Quick. What is Kyle Bartley? Slow as rust. Drag him out into some deep water and ask about his swimming badges for goodness sake. On the one occasion we did require Bartley to move out from the width of the penalty box he fouled Saito and was booked.

I bet the Baggies couldn’t believe their luck. Ten men for the thick end of an hour and they deserved their win.

Deep sigh. Anyway, where we going next? Somewhere local I hope.

Links >>> Ratings and Reports >>> Message Board Match Thread

West Brom: Wildsmith 6; Furlong 5, Bartley 8, Heggem 7, Styles 6; Molumby 7, Mowatt 6; Fellows 7 (Holgate 46, 6), Price 7 (Diakite 90+4, -), Johnston 5 (Ahearne-Grant 62, 6); Armstrong 6 (Dike 78, 6)

Subs not used: Bany, Diangana, Griffiths, Lankshear, Swift

Goals: Armstrong 40 (penalty, won Molumby)

Red Cards: Darnell Furlong 45+3 (serious foul play)

Yellow Cards: Molumby 33 (foul), Holgate 51 (delaying restart) Bartley 60 (foul), Wildsmith 90+2 (time wasting)

QPR: Nardi 6; Dunne 6, Cook 5 (Lloyd 46, 4), Edwards 6, Paal 4 (Andersen 89, -); Morgan 5 (Dembele 69, 5), Colback 5; Min-Hyeok 5 (Ashby 89, -), Chair 5, Saito 6; Smyth 5 (Morrison 46, 6)

Subs not used: Fox, Madsen, Bennie Walsh

Yellow Cards: Cook 39 (dissent), Morrison 66 (foul), Colback 70 (foul), Lloyd 83 (repetitive fouling)

QPR Star Man – Ronnie Edwards 6 I dunno, maybe? The only one I thought played at something approaching his true level.

Referee – Adam Herczeg (Durham) 3 An appalling display really. Never knowingly in control of the game. Took a flyer on the red card, regretted it, and therefore allowed the home players to absolutely rip the piss out of him for the entire second half. A farce.

Attendance – 25,310 (1,911 QPR) I spy an adult male who brings a drum to a football match.

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Photo: Action Images

062259 added 21:26 - Mar 9 Toothless
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hillsy1302 added 22:47 - Mar 9 With teams now able to substitute half their team, the days of a team becoming ‘tired’ with only ten players is over. Add in the increased amount of tactical fouls (see Sam Field) now being made, in part, due to more flexibility in making these additional subs it’s yet another example of the game as a spectacle gone backwards.
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stowmarketrange added 23:27 - Mar 9 I’ve always said that 5 subs is too many,and should only benefit the bigger clubs with more talent to bring on,or to slow the game down even more for those teams winning a game.
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Northernr added 07:18 - Mar 10 Very good point and agree with you both.
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NewYorkRanger added 07:33 - Mar 10 That's a tough read. I wasn't at the game, but you can feel the frustration dripping off the page. It seems like that great run of form earlier in the season was a lifetime ago. Limping across the line for the remainder of the season seems about right sadly.
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BlackAndGoldRanger added 07:50 - Mar 10 Excellent as always Clive, didn't see any of it but sounds as frustrating as ever against 10 men. Plymouth home was 1-1 however (obviously we scored when both teams had 11) before Whittaker's worldie via Fields foot.
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