| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 856007 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:05 - Aug 29 with 6600 views | Sonofpugwash |
Poor Uncle Frank passed away.They didn't know his blood group despite repeated requests for the information,all he could say right up to his death was the most inspirational message."Be positive". |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:12 - Aug 29 with 6593 views | Lblock |
I think anyone who doesn’t use a 24 inch yard broom to clear the front of their house everyday is an idiot
I know that’s rather a sweeping statement……. |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:34 - Aug 30 with 6450 views | Lblock |
A priest, a monk and a rabbit walk into a bar
The barman says to the rabbit "what you having"
The rabbit says "No idea mate - I'm only here because of auto-correct" | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:46 - Aug 30 with 6328 views | Esox_Lucius |
I know this is a long shot, but does anyone know what a trebuchet is? |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:25 - Sep 3 with 6100 views | Esox_Lucius |
I just rushed out to our local low cost supermarket but when I got there it was already shut.
I went to LIDL too late. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:00 - Sep 4 with 5990 views | qprphil |
Putin visits a clairvoyant and asks, " can you tell me if you can see whats going to happen in the near future." She says, " I can see you in a big limousine driving through a large crowd the people are happy, laughing, and jumping for joy, all have cuddles, with smiling faces .
Putin asks, " am I waving back to them?" "No," she says, " the coffin is closed." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:09 - Sep 8 with 5740 views | johann28 |
Quite a few Putin jokes doing the rounds atm unsurprisingly
So, Putin's chief advisor suggests to his glorious leader that the country should have just one time zone - '11 is simply confusing' he says, 'on a personal level, every time I phone my family it's the wrong time - I'm either getting them up too early, or it's the middle of the night or whatever - and on a political level it's even worse - I called Xi Jinping to wish him happy new year and he told me it was still the old one, which made me look like a right jerk.'
'Ah yes' says Putin, 'I do sympathise - similar thing happened to me the other day. I called Prigozhin's family to express my condolences for their loss, but the fkg plane hadn't taken off yet.' |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:06 - Sep 9 with 5600 views | Boston |
Why are there so few plumbers in Ireland?
No one wants to be a bog man anymore. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 07:54 - Sep 9 with 5549 views | Esox_Lucius |
I went to the job centre and enquired if there were any jobs going.
I was asked if I would be interested into applying to join the local search and rescue team.
I asked why?
They told me they are always looking for people. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:55 - Sep 10 with 5405 views | Lblock |
Where do blokes with tiny penises drink?
At the bar in The Nearly Inn | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:14 - Sep 10 with 5353 views | DavieQPR |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:55 - Sep 10 by Lblock |
Where do blokes with tiny penises drink?
At the bar in The Nearly Inn |
With Justin. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:13 - Sep 11 with 5280 views | Esox_Lucius |
Today, my mother showed me the ice pick that her sister used to climb Everest…I had expected to be impressed but it was a bit of an auntie climb axe. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:19 - Sep 12 with 5103 views | Boston |
How d'ya know when garlic bulbs are going to have sex?
They take their cloves off. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:41 - Sep 12 with 5028 views | Esox_Lucius |
An elderly Scottish Jew has decided to take it a little easier and take up golf, so he puts his name down at the local club. After a week
he receives a message that his application has been turned down.
So he goes down to the club to inquire why.
Secretary: You are aware that this is a Scottish golf club
Scot: Aye but I am as Scottish as you are, Jock.
Secretary: This means that on formal occasions we wear kilts.
Scot: Aye, so do I.
Secretary: You are aware that we wear nothing under our kilts
Scot: Neither do I.
Secretary: But you are a Jew
Scot: Aye, that I be
Secretary: So you are circumcised
Scot: Aye, I be that too.
Secretary: I am terribly sorry, but the members just would not feel comfortable with that.
Scot: Ach, away with ya, man. I know that you have to be a Protestant to march with the Orangemen. And I know that you have to be a Catholic to become a Knight of Saint Columbus. But this is the first time I heard that you have to be a complete prick to join a golf club. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:04 - Sep 12 with 4916 views | Esox_Lucius |
Does anyone else hate it when you are singing along with a song on the radio and the artist gets the words wrong? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:35 - Sep 12 with 4888 views | Esox_Lucius |
I popped into the library today and asked the librarian if they had the books about Pavlov's Dogs and Schrödinger's cat. She replied that it rang a bell but didn't know if it was in or not. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:23 - Sep 23 with 4578 views | Lblock |
My severely obese parrot died today
Really sad news
But it’s a huge weight off my shoulders | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:20 - Sep 23 with 4490 views | Mick_S |
I went fishing today and used liquorice as bait. I caught all sorts. |  |
| Did I ever mention that I was in Minder? |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:48 - Sep 23 with 4414 views | Esox_Lucius |
A man walking his dog meets a friend on his way to a pub,
His friend says "do you fancy a pint?"
He said "I can't I have my dog with me"
His friend said "tell him it's your guide dog"
The man said "he'll never believe that it’s a Jack Russell”
His friend said "well it's worth a try" so they both go in with the dog and the barman says " I'm sorry no dogs allowed"
The man says " but it's my guide dog"
The barman says "well I've never seen one of those dogs used as a guide dog"
The man says " why? what have they given me?" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:11 - Sep 28 with 4097 views | Esox_Lucius |
I am selling my genuine Sooty & Sweep puppets. I will accept the best offer as I just want them off my hands. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:50 - Sep 28 with 4062 views | Boston |
Man walks into a doctors with a carrot in one ear, a parsnip in the other and broad beans up his nose.
"Doctor, doctor, what's wrong with me"?
"You need to eat more sensibly, mate". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:53 - Sep 29 with 3924 views | Esox_Lucius |
I just got my Dalmation back from the dog groomers and I am furious; he's spotless. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:00 - Oct 2 with 6387 views | Lblock |
Managed to snare me a date with some hot woman but she identifies as a wheelie bin
I can't remember if I'm taking her out on a Tuesday or a Wednesday
(I know.... it'll be a rubbish night) [Post edited 31 Oct 2023 21:00]
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| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:28 - Oct 11 with 6144 views | johann28 |
I left two tickets for the next home game v Leicester on the dashboard of my car when out shopping yesterday - returned to find the window smashed, and two more added. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:55 - Oct 11 with 5976 views | hantssi |
Just got home from the doctors, my wife asked me how I got on.
Great I told her, I’ve had a diagnosis and been given a prescription for daily sex, and handed her the paper smiling.
She took one look and said, it’s “Dyslexia” you dick! | | | |
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