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What do you call a man with a seagull on his head? Cliff. A man with a bit of wood on his head? Edwood. A man stood between two houses? Ally A man with no shin bones? Tony. A women with one leg longer than the other? Ilean.
Q. What do you call a woman who can sink all the balls on a snooker table whilst holding five mugs of ale in her other hand? A. Beatrix Potter.
The grass is always greener.
3
Corny Joke Warning on 10:59 - Aug 31 with 12091 views
A bloke arrives at a nightclub, but the bouncer says he can't come in without a tie.
There's no way he can get hold of tie at that time of night, so he nips back to his car and gets a pair of jump leads, wraps them around his neck and goes back to the club.
"Can I come in now?' he asks.
The bouncer replies, "Yeah - but don't start anything."
3
Corny Joke Warning on 11:45 - Aug 31 with 12047 views
How do 'e circumcise a Sperm Whale? Send four skin divers down.
She were only a fishmonger's daughter but she noo 'ow to lay on a slab an' say fillet.
Yo Ho!
Albertos Y Lost Trios Paranoias used to introduce a lot of their songs on stage with variations of that joke: She was only a pilot's daughter but she had a nice cockpit. She was only an officers daughter but she had plenty of the sergeants mess in her. She was only a Morse Code operators daughter but she did it, did it, did it, did it... She was only a policemans daughter but if he knew what she was up to she would cop it.
The grass is always greener.
1
Corny Joke Warning on 09:14 - Sep 2 with 11560 views
So I was in a hardware shop and I said to the guy "What gets rid of grime and stains?" He said "Ammonia cleaner." I said "Oh sorry, I thought you worked here."
The grass is always greener.
8
Corny Joke Warning on 19:55 - Sep 2 with 11324 views
Corny Joke Warning on 12:48 - Sep 1 by Esox_Lucius
Albertos Y Lost Trios Paranoias used to introduce a lot of their songs on stage with variations of that joke: She was only a pilot's daughter but she had a nice cockpit. She was only an officers daughter but she had plenty of the sergeants mess in her. She was only a Morse Code operators daughter but she did it, did it, did it, did it... She was only a policemans daughter but if he knew what she was up to she would cop it.
Thank (or fcuk) You is one of my favourite ever tunes.
We don't care what the paper say, we're gonna pogo 'til we drop
1
Corny Joke Warning on 21:01 - Sep 3 with 10987 views
Prince Charles visits Burnley, wearing a fox-fur hat. While shaking hands, the Mayor says, "Lovely to have you here Your Royal Highness, but if you don't mind me asking, why the hat?" Charles says "Actually, it was Camilla's idea. I told her I was going to Burnley, and she said wear the fox hat!"
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We don't care what the paper say, we're gonna pogo 'til we drop 