| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 856001 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:26 - Aug 16 with 9133 views | colinallcars |
I was walking down Goldhawk Rd after the Millwall game and a bloke stopped me and said, “'ere mate, what's the best way to Turnham Green?”
“Leave 'em out in the rain” I replied. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Aug 17 with 8939 views | Dorse |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:26 - Aug 16 by colinallcars |
I was walking down Goldhawk Rd after the Millwall game and a bloke stopped me and said, “'ere mate, what's the best way to Turnham Green?”
“Leave 'em out in the rain” I replied. |
Turnham Green: last known address of the Incredible Hulk. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:02 - Aug 17 with 8874 views | loftboy |
Applied for a job yesterday, the HR manager said “can you perform under pressure” I said “sure I also do a pretty mean Bohemian Rhapsody ” |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:33 - Aug 17 with 8764 views | Sonofpugwash |
I remember the time I took my son out for his first pint.
Got him a Fosters ….. he didn’t like it — I had it.
Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn’t like it so I had it.
It was the same with Cider.
By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the pram home. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:19 - Aug 17 with 8734 views | qprphil |
I walked into a pub with my Mrs and the barman said, " punching above your weight aren't you?" "Where did you find her?"
"Thailand, we're getting married" I replied.
"You don't want to get married, that's when the blowjobs stops" he said..
"I don't mind that, I hate giving them to her anyway, "he replied. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:14 - Aug 18 with 8564 views | Sonofpugwash |
I lost in the final of the pub quiz at the weekend.
Apparently the answer to the question:
'Where do women have the curliest hair?'
Is Fiji. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:59 - Aug 18 with 8456 views | Boston |
They found our local ice cream man dead in his van. Slumped over the steering wheel he was, covered in raspberry sauce and hundreds and thousands....Police reckon he topped himself. [Post edited 18 Aug 2021 23:08]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:38 - Aug 19 with 8342 views | Esox_Lucius |
I bought some chips from McDonald’s.
I was about to eat them when they spoke and said to me,
“A big change is coming up.”
“Did you have an Uncle John with a limp?”
“The number 47 will prove lucky.”
….then I realised they were medium fries. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:47 - Aug 20 with 8205 views | Dorse |
Batman and Robin are in the batcave when Robin asks:
'Batman, how is it that, even though we're a partnership, everything gets named after you?'
'What do mean?' replies Batman. 'We're the Dynamic Duo aren't we?'
'Well, that's my point', says Robin, 'You've got the Batcave, Batmobile, Batcopter, Batarang - even the anti-shark bat-spray! Everything! Name one thing that's named after me?'
Batman ponders this and replies 'Well, there's the Reliant, Robin...' | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:15 - Aug 20 with 8180 views | SK_hoops |
I got invited out by two famous footballing brothers at the same time. As I'd never really met Phil, I had a night out with Gary.
Better the Neville you know. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:26 - Aug 20 with 8126 views | Sonofpugwash |
I went to a strip club at lunchtime today but it wasn’t open.
The sign on the door said, “Sorry, we’re clothed” | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:30 - Aug 20 with 8080 views | pragueranger |
Two teenagers were caught by police in a disused warehouse throwing batteries and fireworks around.
One was charged, but they let the other one off. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:49 - Aug 20 with 8069 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:30 - Aug 20 by pragueranger |
Two teenagers were caught by police in a disused warehouse throwing batteries and fireworks around.
One was charged, but they let the other one off. |
Probably the same teenagers who stole a calendar from WH Smiths. They got 6 months each. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:09 - Aug 21 with 7949 views | Sonofpugwash |
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:23 - Aug 21 with 7937 views | Dorse |
Went to the doctors today and they said that they were very worried as my DNA was backwards.
I said 'And...?' | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:59 - Aug 21 with 7917 views | pragueranger |
Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs?
Jason’s Doner Van | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:40 - Aug 21 with 7804 views | colinallcars |
Things seem to be getting back to some sort of normality after the worst of the Covid pandemic. There's a circus at the common near where I live this weekend. I was driving past this morning and some clown pulled right out in front of me. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 05:33 - Aug 25 with 7503 views | B_Wad |
Speaking of clowns...
A father took his 8 year old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As they were walking around, the 8 year old began to start sobbing and got very cranky. The father asked his daughter what was wrong as a group of his coworkers gathered around. The daughter sobbed, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you work with?" |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:18 - Aug 25 with 7404 views | Sonofpugwash |
Whilst driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.
They were the pirates of the car I be in. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:13 - Aug 27 with 7217 views | SK_hoops |
An ex vice president of the USA is setting up a class teaching about internet patterns via the means of interprative dance. It's called Al Gore Rhythms. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:24 - Aug 27 with 7172 views | willis1980 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:59 - Aug 21 by pragueranger |
Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs?
Jason’s Doner Van |
there is acutally a doner van in bristol that goes by this name | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:46 - Aug 27 with 7152 views | qprphil |
An old couple are having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, " just think honey we've been married for 50 yrs?" " Yes" he replies.
Fifty years ago we were sitting at this breakfast table together, and we were probably naked as jailbirds."
" Well the old woman snickers, should we get naked for old times sake?"
So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. " You know" the old woman says breathlessly, " my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."
" I'm not surprised " replies the old man. " Ones in your coffee, and the other's in your oatmeal".!!!!!!!! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:08 - Aug 29 with 9332 views | Dorse |
Have you seen the movie 'Constipation'?
Hasn't come out yet.
(This joke was brought to you in association with my daughter Tantor. She is, at this very moment, telling me to stop stealing her jokes.) | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:51 - Aug 29 with 9266 views | Sonofpugwash |
Don't forget on Monday you can't exercise your sheepdog.
It's a Ban Collie Day. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:20 - Aug 30 with 9126 views | Esox_Lucius |
While in Spain sipping his tequila, a guy noticed a sizzling, scrumptious-looking platter being served at the next table.
It looked good.
It smelled good.
He asked the waiter, "What is that you just served?"
The waiter replied, "Ah senor, you have excellent taste! Those are bull's testicles from the bull fight this morning. A delicacy!"
The visitor, though momentarily daunted, said, "What the heck, I'm on holiday down here! Bring me an order!"
The waiter replied, "I am so sorry senor. There is only one serving per day because there is only one bull fight each morning. If you come early tomorrow and place your order, we will be sure to save you this delicacy!"
The next morning, the man returned, placed his order, and then that evening was served the one and only special delicacy of the day.
After a few bites, and inspecting the contents of his platter, he called to the waiter and said, "These are delicious, but they are much, much smaller than the ones I saw you serve yesterday!"
The waiter shrugged his shoulders and replied, "Si, Senor. Sometimes the bull he wins." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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