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Bonfire of the vanities – Report
at 08:56:26

Spot on, Clive.

I have been saying it for months now. Tackles and fouls. We make so few tackles every game. When Sam Field plays in midfield he makes a few but it is only him. Varane made a few on Saturday and everyone thought he had a stormer. But on Tuesday, and as in many games this season (Hull was another great example) we get out tackled, out competed, and bullied.

If you lose duels and make half as many tackles as the oppo (especially if you weight this stat against time out of possession, which you need to if we have very little of the ball - can’t be tacked if you don’t have the ball), you will lose unless the oppo are far shitter than you in possession.

Tackling and competing (running about, closing down, competing for headers and loose balls) is the basic foundation in football from which everything else is built upon. Always has been. You have to earn the right to play, by getting hold of the ball…not waiting for the oppo to give it to you or missing a chance.

I’ve said all season our “Baller” to “Hairy Bollocks” ratio is way out of whack. We’ve signed a load of overrated, lazy ballers. And our only hairy bollocks are Cook, Field, Dunne, Frey, one of whom is not playing in his position, and one is out for [redacted] months.

The summer recruitments have been led by someone who doesn’t understand football.
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Has the Martí express been derailed? – Analysis
at 20:49:36

A brilliant brilliant article. Superb analysis.

You have comforted me somewhat in the attacking side of things, especially with Chair to return shortly.

On the defensive side you have very strongly reinforced what my eyes have been telling me. Madsen and Andersen in the middle is a massive problem. And Varane is also nowhere near the level yet. They are the changes in the middle third from last season. And that is where our tackle stats plummet versus the run in last year. It is plain to see watching the game and backed up statistically.

The solution? Play Colback in there with Field and probably Varane as well for a bit to try to firm things up in the middle, win more tackles, become harder to score against, and build from there. I did, somewhat prophetically call this after the Sheff Utd game. We need a 3 man central midfield. Twas ever thus at QPR.
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Season Preview 23/24 – Strugglers
at 14:16:57

Hmmm…

Great work, Clive. Learnt lots there.

I still think Cardiff could be a dumpster fire, and looking at it objectively, Huddersfield really don’t have much of a squad. They don’t have players at Chair or Field’s level (or Willock’s if he bothers to try). I also wouldn’t be surprised if Preston struggled. If those loans don’t fire, there doesn’t feel like much behind them. Hull could also be down there.

On the flip side I think Rotherham will stay up now, which is concerning.
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Responsibility, response, result - Preview
at 00:18:58

Oh for a Dexter Blackstock tomorrow…
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Me, The Auld Fella and Charlie Austin — Column
at 00:16:19

Lovely, Rob. He sounds like a great man and father. No doubt he was incredibly proud of you, and rightly so. I can only imagine how hard it was to write that. It’s a great tribute.
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Rovers and Rangers continue in mirror image — Interview
at 18:36:02

To begin with I thought you were doing a mock interview here, Clive. You answering about Rangers instead of Blackburn. It worked for a few paragraphs. Just replace Brereton Diaz for Willock and one or two other names and it works the whole way through.
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And the band began to play - History
at 23:13:49

Love that game. Prosser the T*sser. Will never forget such a shambolic display. Whatever happened to him? I can’t remember but something tells me he came back and sent Aziz Ben Askar (hugely underrated centre half!) off in a game at some point.
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QPR and Stoke grind out dire bore draw - Report
at 18:06:37

I want my man of the match award! 😉
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A whole new ball game - Preview
at 21:33:00

One of your best previews, Clive.
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The end of the beginning — Column
at 19:17:39

Beautiful, Clive. Beautiful.

The time has come, the deal is just about enough, we have to bid farewell.

Every Rangers fan will wish this lad well. His talent on the ball is obvious. He is gifted. His touch, balance and reading of the game are exceptional. He was 5 seconds ahead of Championship players. He knew what to do before they’d even arrived on the scene.

I so want him to succeed at Palace. He plays in the Prem like he already can and he’ll be at the Euros. I think he’s better than Maddison and Ali in terms of natural talent. He may need more than a season to get up to the speed and style of the Prem, but I really believe his ceiling is higher.

I cannot think of an “English” (accepting his dual nationality) player that is more technically gifted with a football at his feet since Gazza. Owen was all pace, Beckham delivery and passing, Rooney brute force, Kane finishing, Sterling is obviously better now, but not more naturally gifted with the ball at his feet. He is a player whose skill set harks back to the days before the Premier League. He makes the game look slow whilst being far too quick in body and mind with the ball for everyone else.

Use him wisely, Palace. Look after him. Treasure him, especially on an off day. Don’t grow complacent to him when he does the stuff in that “Humiliating Everyone” video on a game by game basis. And make sure you have a striker who makes good runs to make the most of him.
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A striker to call our own - Signing
at 19:28:05

I, for one, am disappointed at the lack of word play on this brilliantly ridiculous name and personal back story. Do not look a gift horse in the mouth, Clive. I hope and like to think, you are saving such a rich vein to mine for future reports on match winning performances.

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The Ale Faurlin interview — part two
at 12:36:30

I love this man. Fantastic player. Hugely underrated by the wider football community and criminally underused by certain managers. It was joyous watching him play. Comfortably the best passer of a ball we’ve had since Ray Wilkins, and the best pass and move game of any central midfielder i’ve seen play for the club. Thank you, Ale! I’m sure all Rangers fans would want to see you back one day and inducted into the Forever Rs.
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Down to the Wood — Column
at 19:58:48

To be fair, if it those 3, we will be better for it. But we’d have been better off holding back on earlier signings as those 3 would make us overstocked in several positions for a club in our predicament.
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QPR turn to loan market to cover impending departures — Signing
at 23:23:03

Lumley
Furlong Leistner Barbet Wallace
Smith Amos
Smyth Eze BOS
Oteh

Chair as cover for Eze and BOS. BOS or Smyth could well end up playing in place of Oteh.

Adults at the back watching the children enjoy themselves, but hopefully not hurt themselves, up ahead.
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Tough battle ahead in ongoing war with FFP - Column
at 21:45:26

Yes, this 19/20 season is the tough one. Get through it and stay up and things get much easier....just as the sh*t will hit the fan for most other clubs.

I can’t see how we can possibly meet FFP next season without selling 2 good players, not replacing them and hoping there’s something on the balance sheet hidden away we can release. I wouldn’t expect to see many more signings unless Hoos really can pull a rabbit out of his hat.

Can’t see how we can possibly afford Wells or similar on loan again, unless they get decent transfer fees for a couple of other players.
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Dreaming of better on the way home from Stoke-on-Trent — Preview
at 20:55:53

Yeah, that’s one of your best, Clive.
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Right system, right players, right result - Report
at 19:34:38

Pavel does really deserve to start in a 4411. Right midfield in that shape is perfect for him because he knows the position, knows the role, he’ll track back, he can sling a cross in and he’ll work hard for the team. The bloke played there for Poland before we signed him. He knows the basics. He should be starting for a bottom half Championship side in his natural position. And Jordan Cousins should never be in front of him.
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Controversial penalty sends QPR to Sheff Utd defeat — Report
at 21:02:43

Thanks for the report, but a 7 for Lynch?! Were we watching the same game. He was terrifying in possession and switched off repeatedly.

Very generous to the ref too. One of the worst and weakest performances i’ve seen in years.
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End of Term Report 17/18 — Goalkeepers
at 10:00:13

I love Alex Smithies.

He played fantastically for us, been a leader on the pitch, professional off it, and is clearly very highly respected by his peers.

He I said so clearly playing at a level beneath himself that it's got to the point I'd be happy for him to leave to further his career. But that last bit is key.

It would be criminal if us and him if he moved to a club in the Championship. His next move should be into the Prem for an established club. I don't say this this lightly but I think there are barely 5 keepers better than him. De Gea, Lloris, Courtois, then who? Pickford? Pope? Butland, if he stays there?

Smithies has the height and size. He's a wonderful shot stopper. Comes and deals with crosses. Rarely spills any shots. Can kick it 10 yards into the other with both feet first time. And has a phenomenal career penalty saving record.

The most basic of scouting would reveal to anyone with an ounce of intelligence that he pisses all over Angus Gunn and most keepers in the Prem.
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QPR end horrible week on high, stunning Wolves - Report
at 07:53:52

Clive, in Pu. Thought Luongo MotM, and that Freeman actually had one of his weaker games. Not bad, just not at his best. Mates in the Paddocks agreed. Luongo was the right call for MotM; so many people have mentioned how well he played. Even leaving down Loftus Rd after a dad accosted me and my mate just so say how well he thought Luongo played.
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