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Shìt Joke thread..... 21:41 - Nov 20 with 92509 viewsSwanjaxs

My blond 19 year old next door neighbour has just asked me if I know about missing items from her washing line? ...

I nearly shìt her knickers 😮


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:07 - May 24 with 2670 viewsSwanjaxs

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

The flag, it's a big plus 👍

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:38 - May 24 with 2633 viewsHighjack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 14:07 - May 24 by Swanjaxs

What's the best thing about Switzerland?

The flag, it's a big plus 👍


Some people say it’s the cheese, but that argument is full of holes.

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:22 - May 24 with 2575 viewsMuteswan

A dung beetle went into a bar and asked “Is this stool taken?”
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:24 - May 24 with 2569 viewsdickythorpe

I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don't know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:29 - May 24 with 2562 viewsMuteswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 00:34 - May 19 by Swanjaxs

A gang has been caught making counterfeit Kipling Bakewell tarts.

Police say they're exceedingly good fakes.


Sorry, down arrowed by mistake. 🙄
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:34 - May 24 with 2550 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:29 - May 24 by Muteswan

Sorry, down arrowed by mistake. 🙄


No problem 😊

You'll have to post up a joke as compensation though 😁

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:36 - May 24 with 2546 viewsSwanjaxs


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 with 2542 viewsMuteswan

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:34 - May 24 by Swanjaxs

No problem 😊

You'll have to post up a joke as compensation though 😁


I’m really angry!
Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden.
Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. 😉
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:42 - May 24 with 2507 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 by Muteswan

I’m really angry!
Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden.
Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. 😉


👏👏👏👏

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:45 - May 24 with 2501 viewsSwanjaxs

Shìt Joke thread..... on 20:40 - May 24 by Muteswan

I’m really angry!
Every morning a German Shepherd craps in my front garden.
Today, to make matters worse, he brought his dog with him. 😉


How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? — One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.

You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:54 - May 24 with 2489 viewsRobbie

Me - Went on a flight to Spain last year ,

Mate - Thats nice , who did you fly with ?

Me - Don"t know , did not ask the other passengers their names .

( Copyright Tim Vine )
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:05 - May 24 with 2477 viewslonglostjack

Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:45 - May 24 by Swanjaxs

How many Germans does it take to change a light bulb? — One. They are efficient and don’t have humor.


As Henning said:

„Let’s get one thing straight. Germans like a laugh. Just like the Brits. It’s just Germans laugh once the work is done.“

Poll: Alcohol in the lockdown

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:06 - May 24 with 2472 viewsEbo

Went to a wedding reception once and the caterers had let the poor couple down badly. All there was to eat was breakfast cereal. Let’s just say it was a frostie reception.

Thank you, goodnight and bollocks
Poll: What couldn't you live without?

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 21:54 - May 25 with 2338 viewsSwanjaxs


You might think I've forgotten, but one day, when you least expect it, my time will come.
Poll: Celtic and Rangers should be fast tracked into the Championship ASAP

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:16 - May 25 with 2319 viewsMuteswan

I used to have a job at a calendar factory.
I got the sack for taking a few days off.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 23:33 - May 25 with 2271 viewsBrynCartwright

What I object to is all the sex on the television these days!

Well.....I mean....we keep falling off!

(Graham Chapman)

Poll: Artificial Crowd Noise for Premier League and Champiionship Games is...

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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:50 - May 27 with 2136 viewsHighjack

I went to an Eskimo restaurant the other day. I asked the waiter what was on the menu, he said “whale meat, whale meat, whale meat, or you could have the Vera Lynn”

I said “what’s the Vera Lynn?”

He said “Whale meat again...”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

1
Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:10 - May 27 with 2083 viewsMuteswan

Someone told me to use horse manure on my rhubarb.
I have to say I still prefer custard. 😳
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 22:51 - May 27 with 2059 viewsdickythorpe

Claude Lightly wasn't a bad lion tamer
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 07:35 - May 28 with 2002 viewsBest_loser

Irish guy goes to a KKK fancy dress ball

As al jolson
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 08:19 - May 28 with 3457 viewsoldcob

Heard about the gypsy baby born with a glass eye? His father had a crystal ball.
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 12:07 - May 28 with 3391 viewsRobbie

Only wearing one glove today .

Weatherman said it would be warm today , on the other hand it might be colder .

( Copyright Owen Money ) .
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:03 - May 28 with 3322 viewsdickythorpe

I went to the doctor's talking about my liquid intake.
Try orange juice after a hot bath he said.
A week later the doc asked how the orange juice was going....."hang on I haven't finished drinking the hot bath yet" I said.

(Owen Money)
[Post edited 28 May 2020 15:03]
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Shìt Joke thread..... on 15:47 - May 28 with 3301 viewsHighjack

“Doctor, Doctor I cant stop masterbating.”

“I can see that Mr Jeffries but I can’t finish this blood test unless you stay still.”

The creatures outside looked from pig to man, and from man to pig, and from pig to man again; but already it was impossible to say which was which.
Poll: Should Dippy Drakeford do us all a massive favour and just bog off?

0
Shìt Joke thread..... on 17:09 - May 28 with 3282 viewstheloneranger

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, just like my grandfather.

Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.

Everyday above ground ... Is a good day! 😎

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