| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 815701 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:29 - Oct 26 with 3975 views | Esox_Lucius |
Whilst reading the autobiography of actor Yul Brynner, I discovered that he was an avid Liverpool FC fan and that he never used aftershave.
That's right! Yul never wore cologne. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:42 - Nov 4 with 3592 views | Esox_Lucius |
I walked into a hardware shop yesterday and as soon as I crossed the threshold all the stud finders started beeping. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:44 - Nov 5 with 3416 views | SimonJames |
Many football fans know that The Proclaimers are massive Hibs fans and that their song "Sunshine On Leith" is sung at Hibs games.
But most people don't know that many years ago, Craig and Charlie Reid both worked as groundsmen for the club.
They got the sack after players complained that the grass was too long and it ruined their passing game.
In their defence, the brothers blamed this on stock shortages at B&Q
They went to branches at Bathgate no mower, Linwood no mower, Irvine no mower, Lochaber no mower, Sutherland no mower, Lewis no mower, Skye no mower... |  |
| 100% of people who drink water will die. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:49 - Nov 5 with 3365 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:44 - Nov 5 by SimonJames |
Many football fans know that The Proclaimers are massive Hibs fans and that their song "Sunshine On Leith" is sung at Hibs games.
But most people don't know that many years ago, Craig and Charlie Reid both worked as groundsmen for the club.
They got the sack after players complained that the grass was too long and it ruined their passing game.
In their defence, the brothers blamed this on stock shortages at B&Q
They went to branches at Bathgate no mower, Linwood no mower, Irvine no mower, Lochaber no mower, Sutherland no mower, Lewis no mower, Skye no mower... |
That's probably 500 miles . [Post edited 5 Nov 14:50]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:45 - Nov 11 with 3095 views | Sonofpugwash |
I eas at a funeral the other week and we were all gathered around the grave..The priest said "does anyone want to say a few words?"
From the back a voice is heard ...."i'm a Vegan". |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:45 - Nov 13 with 2872 views | Esox_Lucius |
I made some binoculars out of an old colander.
Now I have strained my eyes... | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:45 - Nov 15 with 2591 views | Boston |
I was in the library this morning and the bloke in front of me asked if they had Donald Trump's book on immigration.
Bristling with rage the librarian shouted "get out of here and never come back"!
"Yeah, that's the one", he replied. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:24 - Nov 17 with 2263 views | Esox_Lucius |
"Father I have some questions concerning my faith"
"What do you want to ask me my child?"
"Is it true the bread is the body of Christ?"
"Yes my child, that is true".
"Is it true that Jesus rose up after his death?"
"Yes my child, that is true"
"Was that because of the yeast?"
"Get out! and don't ever come back". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:34 - Nov 19 with 2023 views | Esox_Lucius |
My wife just told me that she wants a kitten for Xmas. I told her "Don't be so stupid, it's too small. We'll have a Turkey like we always do". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:19 - Nov 19 with 1884 views | Esox_Lucius |
To lose weight, I hollowed out some bread and wore it on my head.
Yes, it's a loaf hat diet. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:15 - Nov 19 with 1805 views | bosh67 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:19 - Nov 19 by Esox_Lucius |
To lose weight, I hollowed out some bread and wore it on my head.
Yes, it's a loaf hat diet. |
That's terrible... I like it. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:14 - Nov 20 with 1712 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:15 - Nov 19 by bosh67 |
That's terrible... I like it. |
Corn bread? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:22 - Nov 20 with 1539 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:19 - Nov 19 by Esox_Lucius |
To lose weight, I hollowed out some bread and wore it on my head.
Yes, it's a loaf hat diet. |
Dough!
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:32 - Nov 22 with 1217 views | Esox_Lucius |
It used to be a tradition in our house at Xmas to have breakfast, go out and have a few bevvies then come back and deck the halls.
After 8 years of this the Halls moved away. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:31 - Nov 22 with 1148 views | johann28 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:32 - Nov 22 by Esox_Lucius |
It used to be a tradition in our house at Xmas to have breakfast, go out and have a few bevvies then come back and deck the halls.
After 8 years of this the Halls moved away. |
Went to the library and asked them if i could borrow a book 'how to commit suicide'.
'sorry sir', the librarian said, 'you can read it in the library, but you can't borrow it'.
Doesnt make sense at all', i replied,'why ever not?'
'Because you'll never bring it back'. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:52 - Nov 28 with 818 views | Esox_Lucius |
I have just discovered that my wife is a ghost, I suspected it the minute she walked through the door. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:41 - Dec 3 with 515 views | Myke |
Have you ever wondered how the fairy got on top of the Christmas tree? Many thousands of years ago, Santa decided to ensure every house in the world had a Christmas tree. He commissioned all the fairies (the elves were busy making toys) in the world to distribute a tree to every house. It was difficult and tiring work trying to coordinate the project with so many different countries and time-zones, Santa was literally working day and night.
As a result, by the time the job was completed he was exhausted and not in good form. He had just sat down for a well-earned rest when a fairy knocked in his grotto door, to tell Santa he had one tree left over. She wondered what she should do with it. Santa was feeling a bit short-tempered and told her exactly what she could do with it.
That's how the fairy ended up on top of the Christmas tree | | | |
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