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It's not out at the cinema until early 2022, but a mate at the BFI sent me over some stills from the new Daniel Day-Lewis film. It concerns one of the great miscarriages of justice, namely the case of the Brentford First XI and the Football Authorities refusal to award points for artistic merit and goal-scoring opportunities.
"Thomas, I'm telling you, I think they're going to insist on tallying-up the points at the end of the season" "So you keep saying, but I believe in justice."
"Thomas, We've spoken to the league - they're insisting that it's 3 points for an actual win. As your solicitor, I would strongly advise you to start scoring more actual goals than your opponents. And quickly."
"But we put together a 42 pass move, last week? Did they even acknowledge that?"
"Watch the fu cking telly! Watch the fu cking telly! Did you see that? I said, did you fu cking see that? That great big up-and-under goal from Barnsley? Well, it won them the fu cking game, son!"
"Why are you saying that? Why are you doing this to me? We had 72% possession and 16 good goal-scoring opportunities. We didn't lose the game. I don't care what you say - you can do what you want to me - I won't admit we lost today. We won! We won! We won!"
"Tomorrow's the tribunal, Thomas; are you sure you want to go through with this? It's getting embarrassing now" "Absolutely, we have statistics on our side. We can't give up now"
"So, I put it to you, Ladies and Gentlemen of the panel, that it is not goals scored within the ninety minutes which should determine the number of points awarded at the conclusion of a match, but rather the ExG statistics and a number of other metrics..."
"What's going on? What are they saying?" "Be patient, Thomas. The panel are considering whether the precedent of awarding 3 points for scoring more goals than the opposition in a match can be overturned in our favour"
"I just don't get it - it's almost like they see goal scoring opportunities as less important than actual goals scored and conceded. It's like they don't understand basic statistical analysis."
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
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New Brentford film in the pipeline on 12:19 - Apr 7 with 5485 views
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 14:30 - Apr 7 by robith
It didn't win any BAFTAs, but every member of the Academy I spoke to said it was the best film they saw that year
Haha- very true. It's like travelling back in time to 1990, where Brentford are Goodfellas and the clubs who actually go up are all Dances with Wolves.
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
0
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 15:19 - Apr 7 with 4944 views
Thanks for this mate. What with Beesotted's pre-match 'will we win tonight?' vote - just as I was certain it might touch 90% YES for a home match with backward thinking troglodytes like Birmingham - going the same way as NewBee's sadly missed weekly update on just how certain FiveThirtyEight.com made it that they were going to win the league this year, this content is much appreciated.
1
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 15:58 - Apr 7 with 4850 views
Great theme tune for the movie - to the tune of 'Vindaloo'...
We're Brentford Bees Nah nah nah Nah nah nah Nah nah nah nah nah Nah nah nah Nah nah nah Nah nah nah Nah nah nah nah nah Nah nah nah Nah nah nah Nah nah nah Nah nah nah nah We're England We're *NOT* gonna score one more than you! Brentford Bees!
0
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 16:24 - Apr 7 with 4762 views
Donald Trump has seen the film. He agrees with Thomas that no matter what anyone says he didn't lose either. So he knows exactly how Thomas is feeling, how the authorities have got it wrong
0
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 17:28 - Apr 7 with 4604 views
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 17:16 - Apr 7 by welwynranger
Donald Trump has seen the film. He agrees with Thomas that no matter what anyone says he didn't lose either. So he knows exactly how Thomas is feeling, how the authorities have got it wrong
Stop the steal.Brentford should’ve won the league already by now.Will they ask for a recount?
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New Brentford film in the pipeline on 18:22 - Apr 7 with 4542 views
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 15:44 - Apr 7 by Northernr
Thanks for this mate. What with Beesotted's pre-match 'will we win tonight?' vote - just as I was certain it might touch 90% YES for a home match with backward thinking troglodytes like Birmingham - going the same way as NewBee's sadly missed weekly update on just how certain FiveThirtyEight.com made it that they were going to win the league this year, this content is much appreciated.
"Okay, so I ran the data through the system using a number of different models, and either I'm doing something wrong, or Brentford keep losing in the play-offs..."
"So, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying it's top two or you can kiss goodbye to promotion."
"Sh it. Okay, I'll speak with the people at Legoland..."
"Andy, fivethirtyeight.com have run the data through the system - we can't win the play-offs. We've double-checked and in every possible scenario, we lose."
"
"Fu ck...Okay, leave it with me. I'll speak with the boss"
"
"Mr Benham, Sir. We need to speak with Thomas. We've just run the data through the system again...the system's calculating an end-of-season choke factor of .98, and a play-off win probability of .05. I know we're 20 points clear in the Parallel League of Righteous Justice and Footballing Truth, but we have to prepare for the possibility that it's still 3 points for an actual win and 1 point for a draw."
"Martin, I need you to deliver this document to Thomas. It's a highly-classified, fourteen page report analysing the statistical probability of Brentford going up via the play-offs. We need to start winning games in the conventional sense." "Yes, Mr Benham. I'll see to it right away, sir."
"Thomas, mate. Everything we're hearing from our sources suggests the league are sticking with 3 point for an actual win. It's looking increasingly like the play-offs for us, I'm afraid."
"Okay, but what about our XeG numbers?"
Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts
8
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 19:25 - Apr 7 with 4436 views
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 18:22 - Apr 7 by Konk
"Okay, so I ran the data through the system using a number of different models, and either I'm doing something wrong, or Brentford keep losing in the play-offs..."
"So, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying it's top two or you can kiss goodbye to promotion."
"Sh it. Okay, I'll speak with the people at Legoland..."
"Andy, fivethirtyeight.com have run the data through the system - we can't win the play-offs. We've double-checked and in every possible scenario, we lose."
"
"Fu ck...Okay, leave it with me. I'll speak with the boss"
"
"Mr Benham, Sir. We need to speak with Thomas. We've just run the data through the system again...the system's calculating an end-of-season choke factor of .98, and a play-off win probability of .05. I know we're 20 points clear in the Parallel League of Righteous Justice and Footballing Truth, but we have to prepare for the possibility that it's still 3 points for an actual win and 1 point for a draw."
"Martin, I need you to deliver this document to Thomas. It's a highly-classified, fourteen page report analysing the statistical probability of Brentford going up via the play-offs. We need to start winning games in the conventional sense." "Yes, Mr Benham. I'll see to it right away, sir."
"Thomas, mate. Everything we're hearing from our sources suggests the league are sticking with 3 point for an actual win. It's looking increasingly like the play-offs for us, I'm afraid."
"Okay, but what about our XeG numbers?"
0
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 22:16 - Apr 7 with 4172 views
I'm looking forward to the scenes where they explain how Queens Park Rangers have out performed them* over the second half of the season.
Against all the stats (barring 3 points for a win & 1 point for a draw), from 17 games we have accumulated three more points. Is this due to witchcraft?
*Correct at the time of posting.
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New Brentford film in the pipeline on 21:48 - Apr 11 with 3499 views
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 18:22 - Apr 7 by Konk
"Okay, so I ran the data through the system using a number of different models, and either I'm doing something wrong, or Brentford keep losing in the play-offs..."
"So, what are you saying?"
"I'm saying it's top two or you can kiss goodbye to promotion."
"Sh it. Okay, I'll speak with the people at Legoland..."
"Andy, fivethirtyeight.com have run the data through the system - we can't win the play-offs. We've double-checked and in every possible scenario, we lose."
"
"Fu ck...Okay, leave it with me. I'll speak with the boss"
"
"Mr Benham, Sir. We need to speak with Thomas. We've just run the data through the system again...the system's calculating an end-of-season choke factor of .98, and a play-off win probability of .05. I know we're 20 points clear in the Parallel League of Righteous Justice and Footballing Truth, but we have to prepare for the possibility that it's still 3 points for an actual win and 1 point for a draw."
"Martin, I need you to deliver this document to Thomas. It's a highly-classified, fourteen page report analysing the statistical probability of Brentford going up via the play-offs. We need to start winning games in the conventional sense." "Yes, Mr Benham. I'll see to it right away, sir."
"Thomas, mate. Everything we're hearing from our sources suggests the league are sticking with 3 point for an actual win. It's looking increasingly like the play-offs for us, I'm afraid."
"Okay, but what about our XeG numbers?"
I'm imagining the film to pan out like a sporting version of Glengarry Glen Ross. there's Benham sitting in the Kevin Spacey role, doling out the cash and contacts and Thomas is the Jack Lemmon (shelley levene the machine) character - desperately clinging on to any method of gaining impetus and therefore delivering the goal to a screaming Alec Baldwin.... "ABC - Always Be Closing....!"
Distinct lack of delivery going on....
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New Brentford film in the pipeline on 05:54 - Apr 12 with 3371 views
New Brentford film in the pipeline on 21:48 - Apr 11 by 100percent
I'm imagining the film to pan out like a sporting version of Glengarry Glen Ross. there's Benham sitting in the Kevin Spacey role, doling out the cash and contacts and Thomas is the Jack Lemmon (shelley levene the machine) character - desperately clinging on to any method of gaining impetus and therefore delivering the goal to a screaming Alec Baldwin.... "ABC - Always Be Closing....!"
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