| Wedding speeches 21:22 - Aug 15 with 4162 views | dickythorpe |
What are some of the best gags, one liners, anecdotes you've heard?
A mate of mine is an usher soon and has been asked to make a brief speech as due to a bereavement there isn't a best man or father of the bride sadly.
I've been a best man once and have given him some advice like to compliment the bride, but not to get to bogged down in silly stories of piss ups etc.
A good gag I heard was when the best man gave 12 blank keys to 12 male guests....half way through the speech he said the bride had a special request, and that was she had lost her front door key somewhere and could anyone that has found it just come forward during the day....well within seconds all 12 came forward waving their key!!!
( I suppose you had to be there)
Groucho Marx was once a best man and said " never laugh at your wife 's choices....you are one of them!" |  | | |  |
| Wedding speeches on 22:23 - Aug 15 with 4103 views | Banosswan |
He probably just needs to thank all the usual people, trying to be funny if it's in an unusual situation probably won't be best. 90% of the people there want the speeches to be over asap anyway. |  |
| Ever since my son was... never conceived, because I've never had consensual sex without money involved... I've always kind of looked at you as... a thing, that I could live next to... in accordance with state laws. | | Poll: | How do you like your steak? |
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| Wedding speeches on 09:41 - Aug 16 with 3951 views | Dr_Winston |
The best man at a wedding I once went to make a joke about the groom ordering his new bride breakfast the morning after consisting of lettuce, carrots and cabbage because he wanted to see if she ate like a rabbit as well.
The bride's mother was not amused. |  |
| Pain or damage don't end the world. Or despair, or f*cking beatings. The world ends when you're dead. Until then, you got more punishment in store. Stand it like a man... and give some back. |
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| Wedding speeches on 09:48 - Aug 16 with 3936 views | Mo_Wives |
| Wedding speeches on 09:41 - Aug 16 by Dr_Winston |
The best man at a wedding I once went to make a joke about the groom ordering his new bride breakfast the morning after consisting of lettuce, carrots and cabbage because he wanted to see if she ate like a rabbit as well.
The bride's mother was not amused. |
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| Wedding speeches on 12:36 - Aug 16 with 3846 views | stevethejack |
At my wedding, my speech started "On behalf of my first wife and I....." |  | | |
| Wedding speeches on 12:43 - Aug 16 with 3828 views | owainglyndwr |
Enjoy your honeymoon in North Wales.
It is North Wales were you are to spend your honeymoon.
Well because you said that you was going to Bang her/Bangor for two weeks |  | | |
| Wedding speeches on 12:48 - Aug 16 with 3815 views | Mo_Wives |
I hope the bride and groom are happy with the whole thing...well, the groom happy with the hole and the bride happy with the thing. | |
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| Wedding speeches on 13:14 - Aug 16 with 3780 views | squarebear |
| Wedding speeches on 22:23 - Aug 15 by Banosswan |
He probably just needs to thank all the usual people, trying to be funny if it's in an unusual situation probably won't be best. 90% of the people there want the speeches to be over asap anyway. |
That's only true if the speeches are rubbish. A good speech is something to be savoured. |  | | |
| Wedding speeches on 13:33 - Aug 16 with 3741 views | Dyfnant |
I know the groom can't wait to get the bride like the table in his old nans house, on all fours with no drawers |  |
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| Wedding speeches on 14:17 - Aug 16 with 3681 views | philswansfan |
It's been an emotional day. Even the cake's in tiers | | | |
| Wedding speeches on 10:59 - Aug 17 with 3449 views | Onslow |
Best one I heard was "They say blood is thicker than water. Sadly my brother is thicker than both" - the groom about his best man brother |  |
| She keeps passin' me by... |
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| Wedding speeches on 12:10 - Aug 17 with 3397 views | Natterjack |
My best man speech was going down like a lead balloon a few years ago due to me consuming far too much Stella Artois and my crudeness in front of half a room full of welsh speaking chapel-goers from the brides family.
Having thought naively things couldn't get much worse, I proceeded to tell the children present to f*ck up, frisbieed the 'Greek' cards written in Welsh and put my kilt over the brides mothers head asking her 'what do you think of that then?'
Funnily enough, I've not seen much of my mate and the brides family since. The speech has gone down in folklore to the ones that appreciated it though! [Post edited 17 Aug 2017 12:19]
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| Wedding speeches on 16:43 - Aug 17 with 3302 views | macthejack |
I'll now do my best to give *groom* the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of his life, and he'll be giving *bride* the most uncomfortable 5 minutes of her life later this evening. |  | | |
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