| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 860537 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:53 - Mar 24 with 8150 views | qprphil |
We should train all Amazon drivers to give the vaccine. The whole population would be immunised by Saturday, Thursday if you have Prime....... | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:56 - Mar 24 with 8145 views | qprphil |
Being a little older I'm very fortunate to have someone check on me everyday. He is from India, and he's very concerned about my car warranty. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:59 - Mar 24 with 8137 views | qprphil |
They say we can now have gatherings of up to eight people without any issues. I don't know eight people without issues. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:32 - Mar 25 with 8003 views | Esox_Lucius |
It's being reported that Elon Musk and Bill Gates are planning a joint venture but are struggling to think of a shorter name. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:51 - Mar 27 with 7873 views | Esox_Lucius |
The large pane of glass fell out of my front window and smashed, I called a glazier and he replaced it. Two days later the glass fell out again so I called the glazier back. While he was replacing the glass again I asked him why my glass keeps falling out he said “it's quite common around here it’s down to an animal going round eating the linseed oil in the bonding that holds the glass in place”,
I said “an animal? what kind of animal?”
He said “it's a cat, a putty cat” | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:00 - Mar 27 with 7769 views | Boston |
Frank Sinatra saved my life once
"Ok boys, he's had enough". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:10 - Mar 27 with 7753 views | qpr_1968 |
this lock downs getting boring now.
i started having a crap at 11.55 last night and finished it at 5 minutes past midnight.
same shit , different day. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:50 - Mar 29 with 7599 views | dontknowitall |
Man hospitalised with golf ball lodged in his rear end.
His wife said, " It's gone up a fairway"... |  | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:00 - Mar 31 with 7414 views | Esox_Lucius |
I was feeling run down so I went to the doctors. She did some tests and said "you have no Magnesium in your body"
0Mg I said. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:21 - Apr 1 with 7322 views | Dorse |
I always thought the alphabet only had 25 letters. Dunno why. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:55 - Apr 1 with 7236 views | Boston |
My neighbour was asking me about the division in British society. Division I said, they’ve got issues with addition and subtraction and don’t get me going on multiplication! | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:54 - Apr 2 with 7126 views | qprphil |
Paddy was walking home late one night through the woods, when out of the shadows appeared a woman who said, "£30. Paddy had never been with a prostitute before but thought what the hell I won't miss £30. So they went into the bushes and they were madly making love when all of a sudden a light flashes on them. " It's the police, what's going on then people?" ask's the cop. " I'm making love to me wife, " says Paddy sounding annoyed.
"Oh I'm sorry" says the cop "I didn't know, well neither did I until you shined that bloody light on her face." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:59 - Apr 2 with 7118 views | johann28 |
It suddenly dawned on me why so many companies start playing Vivaldi's Four Seasons when you ring them. It's because it takes them a fk g year to answer! |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:56 - Apr 2 with 7053 views | horshamHoop |
Apparently.. Dire Straits have loads of Easter decorations this year..
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I heard they got their bunnies for nothing and their chicks for free. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:28 - Apr 4 with 6877 views | Boston |
Do you know where you'd be without builders?
Outside. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:31 - Apr 4 with 6875 views | Boston |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:29 - Apr 4 with 6793 views | dontknowitall |
I just found a £20.00 note on the pavement outside the supermarket. Having picked it up i felt a bit guilty as it is Easter Sunday, and thought to myself 'What would Jesus do?'
So I turned it into wine... | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:54 - Apr 7 with 6613 views | Esox_Lucius |
Q. How much do American pirates pay for their earrings?
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A. A buck an ear. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:53 - Apr 7 with 6587 views | Esox_Lucius |
Superman is taking an evening stroll past the church when the minister runs down the steps calling for his help.
"Superman, we need your help, a wall has collapsed in the basement, some workmen are trapped,"
"No way," said Superman, "I’m not going near the crypt tonight." | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:54 - Apr 8 with 6483 views | Myke |
I warned my colleagues in the staff room that I would not stop until I found out which one of them stole my copy of Microsoft Office - they have my Word | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:01 - Apr 8 with 6399 views | Esox_Lucius |
I got into a taxi yesterday & the driver asked "Do you mind if I put on some music?"
I said "Not at all"
He said "Kiss OK?"
I said "Let's start with the music and see how it goes eh? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:36 - Apr 9 with 6255 views | Esox_Lucius |
Does anyone know if an AM radio will work at night? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:13 - Apr 10 with 7746 views | Esox_Lucius |
The landlord turned up at one of his flats and asked the tenant why he was so far behind with his rent. He tried to explain to the landlord he was just starting up a business selling calendars to make more money. At that moment his wife appeared at his side with large bits of printed paper sticking out from the sides of her head under her hair. The landlord asked what was going on and the bloke says "well it's actually her flat and she's 3 months in her ears". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:11 - Apr 10 with 7670 views | dontknowitall |
Just been sacked for no reason from my job as an accountant.
I am absolutely gutted as I have been there since 2006. What a waste of 47 years.... | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:22 - Apr 10 with 7621 views | johann28 |
So, there's this young actor Stan, finally landed a job at the theatre.
First night. Lights up, he comes on, panics, drops his trousers, pees all over the front row. Show is cancelled.
Theatre boss guy is, predictably, irate. 'What the F k happened you Fk g moron? You've cost us a whole Fk g night and ruined our reputation you c nut!!!!:
'oh I'm so so so sorry ' says Stan. 'that's my career down the tube, I realise, I'm so embarrassed. I can't say sorry enough. First night nerves? So sorry so embarrassed.'
Boss guy softens. 'Hey mate. Sorry. You're great. I can see you've got a fabulous career ahead of you. We've all had first night nerves. I tell you what I'm going to do, We'll have another go at it tomorrow. Ok with you?'
'oh that's so good of you' says Stan. 'I won't let you down'.
Second night. Same thing. Drops the trousers, pees over the front row. Chaos.
Boss man apoplectic with rage. 'you Fk g bastrd!!!! I gave you a second chance, now look!!! First night nerves???? You've got a Fk g problem mate ....'
'yes yes yes' says Stan, crestfallen. ' I'm so so embarrassed. My career is over. I'm fired. Totally understand.'
Well the Boss man doesn't want to end his career. 'look mate, it's obvious you'd need help. I know this guy in Harley st, top man, you go and see him, i'll pay, come back in a couple of weeks and tell me how you feel. Ok?'
Stan is humbled. 'That's so kind. I'll do it.'
Two weeks later, Stan's back, Happy as larry. 'That Fk g psychiatrist you recommended? Fk g genius! I'm cured!! Ready to go!! Great acting career ahead!'
'oh I'm so pleased ' says boss man. 'knew in my heart it was the right thing to do. Show is back with an understudy, fancy it tomorro?!'
'you betcha ' says Stan. 'raring to go! I see my career ahead of me!'
So, next night, he's on.
Same thing. Drops his trousers, pees over everyone within a million miles. Show cancelled.
Boss man going purple. 'you Fk g cn ut!! I thought you said you were cured???'
Stan smiles.
'i am cured! It's wonderful!
I don't feel at all embarrassed now'. [Post edited 10 Apr 2021 22:24]
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