| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. 16:32 - Jan 23 with 9591 views | hoopstilidie |
Fulham supporters went berserk in a branch of Mcdonalds after their game against local rivals and known superior outfit Queens Park Rangers yesterday after gifting West London's only club 4 points this season.
Around 60 young men stormed into the fast food restaurant on Uxbridge Road and caused utter chaos.
Mcdonalds worker Nigel Lettuce said "One lad in pink trousers and suede brogues started on a mikshake. I saw it with my own eyes. He went up to the milkshake and said "What the devil are you looking at you pleb?" and then windmilled at it for 5 minutes"
Tomato sauce was smeared on the windows, trays were launced like frisbees and one yob urinated in the till as Fulham fans sung their anthem that nobody can remember.
Mal Pacino from the Metropolitan Police said "As usual, the Fulham fans were hell bent on spoiling the day for everybody. They have smashed Mcdonalds up and they have also caused £2000 worth of improvements to the soft furnishings in Costa Coffee"
One man passing with his young family was left traumatised as 4 floppy haired maniacs verbally attacked them with chants of "who the blinking flip are you" and "you're going home in a shabby uber cab". "It was awful" he said "one of them even went so far as to remark on the cut of my jacket, the beast".
A near record 257 Fulham fans made the short journey to Loftus Road and police say they arrested all of them for offences ranging from public indecency and interfering with horses through to pelting passersby with half eaten quinoa and feta melts.
One young Fulham fan told reporters "I'm from Shepherds Bush but I support Fulham. Ha ha. I'm gonna punch my own head in. Ha ha"
The majority of the arrested will be released on bail later today when Police work out who is who as the majority appear to be called Tarquin, Rupert and Jacko. |  |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 12:12 - Jan 24 with 9146 views | smegma |
They were also seen to enter Shepherds Bush tube station singing outrageous songs and one went so far as jumping through the ticket barriers without so much as a swipe on his oyster card. He then slid down the hand rail on the escalator. Alas, he got a dark black smudge on his beige colour chinos. That'll learn him the brutish swine. |  | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 12:26 - Jan 24 with 9111 views | Dorse |
Several innocent by-standers' feelings were hurt as Fulham fans asked their butlers to flick the V's at them. Edna Prolapse, 90, said: 'It was awful. I couldn't tell what they were saying because my hearing aid batteries are dead and my cataracts are so bad I couldn't see what they did but I have never been so frightened in my life. They should be chemically castrated, the lot of them, whoever they are'. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 13:02 - Jan 24 with 9021 views | PlanetHonneywood |
Fulham fans fall foul of the law
Berkshire Assistant Chief Constable, Paul Loder, spoke yesterday about the illegal shooting down of wild game birds on various estates in the county, in the immediate aftermath of Fulham's less than successful duels with west London neighbours, QPR.
Seemingly, Fulham fans have vented their frustrations by loading themselves into Land Rovers and heading west to shoot an array of game birds out of season. Mr Loder said, 'As it's not the season, it's not cricket and it's just not on!'
The matter came to light late last October, when 86 year old spinster, Ms Emily Maidment, was struck when first a pheasant and then a grouse landed on her head. 'I was quite shaken when the pheasant hit me 'and was absolutely fcuking livid when the grouse took me out!' Ms Maidment is pursuing a legal action for distress and police are looking for three men seen in the area wearing red plus fours.
But retired colonel, Arthur Smithington-Smythe of the 1st Hussars Regiment, spoke more candidly when his beloved Labrador of many years, took one in the eye. 'Absolute shower of monkey toss the lot of 'em!'
'My dog and I were taking a constitutional stroll don't you now last Sunday, when an a total cad and bounder, shot my dog. What the fcuk he was doing aiming a few inches off the ground we'll never know?'
Fulham Football Club have declined to comment, but sources close to the club have admitted privately, that many of their fans have reacted badly to having 134% possession in each of the encounters against QPR, but only having a point from a deflected goal off a tubby lard arse to show for it. On the other hand, QPR have absolutely pissed themselves laughing. |  |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 14:09 - Jan 24 with 8848 views | Konk |
Let’s have a game of Football Guess who?
Okay.
Did you grow up in either an unremarkable London suburb or an area of London that’s full of bankers, lawyers and property developers?
Yes.
Do you work in an office and wear a suit?
Yes.
Do you own your own house or flat?
Yes.
Did you go to University?
No, but a lot of my friends did.
Have you ever been skiing?
No, but a lot of my friends have.
Do you sometimes eat tasty, healthy food that wasn’t grown in a factory at Park Royal?
Yes.
Have you ever drunk coffee?
Yes.
From a coffee shop?
Yes.
Are you a Fulham fan?
No!
Seriously?
Seriously, I’m not a Fulham fan.
Okay, have you somehow managed to convince yourself that you are Ruislip’s Charlie Bucket, on the flimsy basis that your Grandad once lived in a tin bath in Notting Hill with two other families, a cat, a dog and a carthorse?
Yes.
Do you engage in working class role play on a Saturday? Have you and everyone around you at the football managed to construct an alternative reality where like Keith Vaz the washing machine salesman, everyone who sits in your block at the football is a forklift truck driver called Gal, a welder called Del or a binman called Ron?
Yes.
Do you spend a disproportionate amount of time talking to strangers about how much you love pie, mash and liquor?
Yes.
When you get in from work in town, do you get changed into a favourite comfy old Hi-viz tabard, hard-hat and Rigger boots?
Yes.
Do you laugh at Fulham fans for drinking coffee despite the fact that you currently have a Costa Loyalty card in your wallet with six stamps on it?
Yes.
Are you a QPR fan?
Yes. |  |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 14:21 - Jan 24 with 8802 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 14:09 - Jan 24 by Konk |
Let’s have a game of Football Guess who?
Okay.
Did you grow up in either an unremarkable London suburb or an area of London that’s full of bankers, lawyers and property developers?
Yes.
Do you work in an office and wear a suit?
Yes.
Do you own your own house or flat?
Yes.
Did you go to University?
No, but a lot of my friends did.
Have you ever been skiing?
No, but a lot of my friends have.
Do you sometimes eat tasty, healthy food that wasn’t grown in a factory at Park Royal?
Yes.
Have you ever drunk coffee?
Yes.
From a coffee shop?
Yes.
Are you a Fulham fan?
No!
Seriously?
Seriously, I’m not a Fulham fan.
Okay, have you somehow managed to convince yourself that you are Ruislip’s Charlie Bucket, on the flimsy basis that your Grandad once lived in a tin bath in Notting Hill with two other families, a cat, a dog and a carthorse?
Yes.
Do you engage in working class role play on a Saturday? Have you and everyone around you at the football managed to construct an alternative reality where like Keith Vaz the washing machine salesman, everyone who sits in your block at the football is a forklift truck driver called Gal, a welder called Del or a binman called Ron?
Yes.
Do you spend a disproportionate amount of time talking to strangers about how much you love pie, mash and liquor?
Yes.
When you get in from work in town, do you get changed into a favourite comfy old Hi-viz tabard, hard-hat and Rigger boots?
Yes.
Do you laugh at Fulham fans for drinking coffee despite the fact that you currently have a Costa Loyalty card in your wallet with six stamps on it?
Yes.
Are you a QPR fan?
Yes. |
Haha Konk is so Fulham his Banter contains a board game reference. |  | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 14:36 - Jan 24 with 8751 views | Konk |
American Civil war re-enactment — staged on the anniversary of the Battle of Gettysburg:
QPR Working class life in Notting Hill circa 1947 re-enactment — staged in Shepherd’s Bush whenever QPR are at home:
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| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 15:04 - Jan 24 with 8678 views | smegma |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 14:09 - Jan 24 by Konk |
Let’s have a game of Football Guess who?
Okay.
Did you grow up in either an unremarkable London suburb or an area of London that’s full of bankers, lawyers and property developers?
Yes.
Do you work in an office and wear a suit?
Yes.
Do you own your own house or flat?
Yes.
Did you go to University?
No, but a lot of my friends did.
Have you ever been skiing?
No, but a lot of my friends have.
Do you sometimes eat tasty, healthy food that wasn’t grown in a factory at Park Royal?
Yes.
Have you ever drunk coffee?
Yes.
From a coffee shop?
Yes.
Are you a Fulham fan?
No!
Seriously?
Seriously, I’m not a Fulham fan.
Okay, have you somehow managed to convince yourself that you are Ruislip’s Charlie Bucket, on the flimsy basis that your Grandad once lived in a tin bath in Notting Hill with two other families, a cat, a dog and a carthorse?
Yes.
Do you engage in working class role play on a Saturday? Have you and everyone around you at the football managed to construct an alternative reality where like Keith Vaz the washing machine salesman, everyone who sits in your block at the football is a forklift truck driver called Gal, a welder called Del or a binman called Ron?
Yes.
Do you spend a disproportionate amount of time talking to strangers about how much you love pie, mash and liquor?
Yes.
When you get in from work in town, do you get changed into a favourite comfy old Hi-viz tabard, hard-hat and Rigger boots?
Yes.
Do you laugh at Fulham fans for drinking coffee despite the fact that you currently have a Costa Loyalty card in your wallet with six stamps on it?
Yes.
Are you a QPR fan?
Yes. |
I do beieve he has bitten.
I haven't drunk coffee since 1983. | | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 17:21 - Jan 24 with 8523 views | kingshill |
Definitely bitten mate.
Looks like his little love affair with us is having a wobble....... | | | |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 17:58 - Jan 24 with 8463 views | smegma |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 17:21 - Jan 24 by kingshill |
Definitely bitten mate.
Looks like his little love affair with us is having a wobble....... |
He'll take it out on the footmen. | | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 18:39 - Jan 24 with 8409 views | Monkey_Roots |
I saw a 25 year-old man crying when he realised that our food counter didn't serve rice-pudding made with breast milk. He was pawing at his mother in the vain hope that she still could somehow produce the goods not 5 years after wrenching him away and feeding him red pepper hummus. |  | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 21:08 - Jan 24 with 8244 views | DannyPaddox |
In a far-flung corner of the Wormwood Scrubs class war erupts as Lord Putneye-Ferret is assailed by a troop of lusty west London proles. This is privelege and fine-breeding against 'cor blimey I ain't never had no nothing never-ever cept malnutrition'. This is upstairs against downstairs. THIS IS FULHAM AGAINST QPR! And alack alay for Lord PF this one looks like it's going to penalties! |  | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 01:13 - Jan 25 with 8058 views | NW5Hoop |
Konk — Brilliant. I laughed at both of these. For what it's worth, the welders either side of me (I didn't know them before I got this seat) are a QC and a management consultant. The manager of Franz Ferdinand sits a few seats along from me … I'm sure everyone else is a welder, thought.
That said, a few years back I took my nephew to Craven Cottage to see Fulham in the Premier League. There was an American tourist and his wife, and either side of them two fellas with their sons. They started talking across the couple, who offered to swap seats.
"Oh, no," said one of the dads. "No need to move — we only know each other because our sons are in the same house."
"What do you mean?" asked the baffled American fella. "They live together?"
The dads laughed. "Oh, no, it's that in English schools the boys are always divided into houses, who have their own dormitories, and compete as school teams."
"Oh, I thought that was just in Harry Potter."
"Oh, no it's almost all English schools."
I felt like turning round and telling the Americans that all English people had their own castles, too.
I've never heard a conversation like that at any other football ground. Only Fulham. | | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 01:46 - Jan 25 with 8032 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 01:13 - Jan 25 by NW5Hoop |
Konk — Brilliant. I laughed at both of these. For what it's worth, the welders either side of me (I didn't know them before I got this seat) are a QC and a management consultant. The manager of Franz Ferdinand sits a few seats along from me … I'm sure everyone else is a welder, thought.
That said, a few years back I took my nephew to Craven Cottage to see Fulham in the Premier League. There was an American tourist and his wife, and either side of them two fellas with their sons. They started talking across the couple, who offered to swap seats.
"Oh, no," said one of the dads. "No need to move — we only know each other because our sons are in the same house."
"What do you mean?" asked the baffled American fella. "They live together?"
The dads laughed. "Oh, no, it's that in English schools the boys are always divided into houses, who have their own dormitories, and compete as school teams."
"Oh, I thought that was just in Harry Potter."
"Oh, no it's almost all English schools."
I felt like turning round and telling the Americans that all English people had their own castles, too.
I've never heard a conversation like that at any other football ground. Only Fulham. |
I swear on my future children's eyes I went to a early kick off at Fulham before a late QPR one where a fella was using Opera binoculars. | | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 08:51 - Jan 25 with 7884 views | headhoops |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 01:46 - Jan 25 by BazzaInTheLoft |
I swear on my future children's eyes I went to a early kick off at Fulham before a late QPR one where a fella was using Opera binoculars. |
- went to a night game there and the stewards showed me to my wooden bench with a little torch. Had my order ready at the G&T bar for the intermission.
and let's not forget the half time announcers
diddy.... and not so diddy
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 12:15 - Jan 25 with 7738 views | ElHoop |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 01:13 - Jan 25 by NW5Hoop |
Konk — Brilliant. I laughed at both of these. For what it's worth, the welders either side of me (I didn't know them before I got this seat) are a QC and a management consultant. The manager of Franz Ferdinand sits a few seats along from me … I'm sure everyone else is a welder, thought.
That said, a few years back I took my nephew to Craven Cottage to see Fulham in the Premier League. There was an American tourist and his wife, and either side of them two fellas with their sons. They started talking across the couple, who offered to swap seats.
"Oh, no," said one of the dads. "No need to move — we only know each other because our sons are in the same house."
"What do you mean?" asked the baffled American fella. "They live together?"
The dads laughed. "Oh, no, it's that in English schools the boys are always divided into houses, who have their own dormitories, and compete as school teams."
"Oh, I thought that was just in Harry Potter."
"Oh, no it's almost all English schools."
I felt like turning round and telling the Americans that all English people had their own castles, too.
I've never heard a conversation like that at any other football ground. Only Fulham. |
I think that Fulham tried the house system in training a few years back. Al-Fayed turned up for pre-season training and they were all farting about wearing silly hats and throwing water bottles at one another. So he set up the Fulham training ground house system with 4 houses:
Trinder
Haynes
Hill
Hendrick's
It started well and training became much more serious with an inter-house 5 a-side league forming part of training. New apprentices were drafted at the end of their first season in the style of American Football, so more attention was paid to them by the senior players. Everybody though that this partly alleviated the daily grind of training.
Unfortunately it all started to go tits up when Hendricks started sponsoring the house named after them and insisted on building an exclusive clubhouse in the corner of the training ground. Whilst other house players could be signed in on weekdays between 2pm and 5.30pm, they weren't allowed at the bar or to use their phones. Resentment grew.
The final straw was when Fatboy Martin arrived and was allocated to Hill House. He said that he'd been assured he would join Hendrick's by his agent, he loved gin and anyway he wasn't going to play for Hill, as his father had always told him that Hill was 'an annoying mouthy prick' who should 'f*ck off the TV and go back to Coventry'. The legendary Hill 'Chin' training tops only made matters worse and in the end the House system and Martin's gut had to go, although the gut is still proving hard to shift. |  | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 13:22 - Jan 25 with 7644 views | Konk |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 01:13 - Jan 25 by NW5Hoop |
Konk — Brilliant. I laughed at both of these. For what it's worth, the welders either side of me (I didn't know them before I got this seat) are a QC and a management consultant. The manager of Franz Ferdinand sits a few seats along from me … I'm sure everyone else is a welder, thought.
That said, a few years back I took my nephew to Craven Cottage to see Fulham in the Premier League. There was an American tourist and his wife, and either side of them two fellas with their sons. They started talking across the couple, who offered to swap seats.
"Oh, no," said one of the dads. "No need to move — we only know each other because our sons are in the same house."
"What do you mean?" asked the baffled American fella. "They live together?"
The dads laughed. "Oh, no, it's that in English schools the boys are always divided into houses, who have their own dormitories, and compete as school teams."
"Oh, I thought that was just in Harry Potter."
"Oh, no it's almost all English schools."
I felt like turning round and telling the Americans that all English people had their own castles, too.
I've never heard a conversation like that at any other football ground. Only Fulham. |
Ha-ha — well, that doesn’t surprise me given that you need to be worth a bundle to live in our little catchment area. It's marvellous that people can live in their own little bubbles. There’s definitely less of that about since we went down, although, I’m happy to see that plenty of kids from minted families seem to be hooked and have kept coming to games into their teens and beyond.
I’ve just looked at Rightmove to see how much a house on Finlay Street would cost and a 4 bedroom place would set you back £1.8-2.5m. Further afield, a 3 bed place in Hammersmith would be £900k+, in Putney £1.1m+ . If local people want to bring their kids to games, unless they live on one of the estates or have inherited a house, the chances are they’re not going to be working in a shoe shop and waiting for kids for a quid twice a season. It’s also a nice, non-threatening, picturesque environment in which to watch a game for people who might not have grown up going to football themselves and who wanted to watch some PL football during our 13 year spell in the top division.
So, yes, we do have more middle-class fans than you might find down at Millwall or Stoke, but the vast, vast majority are probably from exactly the same sort of background as the average QPR fan. The older lot grew up locally when the area was overwhelmingly skilled working class and lots of people my age have grown up in bang average, unremarkable suburbs like Worcester Park or Sutton; not much difference to QPR fans growing up in Shepherd’s Bush or Ruislip. If QPR built a new stadium with easy access to tickets in the middle of Notting Hill, Holland Park or Ladbroke Grove, you’d inevitably attract your own red trouser brigade if you were in the PL. In fact, on the odd occasion I’ve seen a QPR vox pop video, I’ve been amused at just how posh some of the fans interviewed have been. The way a lot of Rangers fans carry on, you’d think you were all seventh generation chimney sweeps who’d left school at five.
And I can't believe you've gone public with the revelation that some Rangers fans aren't actually welders - you'll be excommunicated for that - very courageous! | |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 13:40 - Jan 25 with 7596 views | Konk |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 13:32 - Jan 25 by LongsufferingR |
Those could come in very handy to spot the ball after Fulham have taken a penalty.
Sorry, couldn't resist. |
Ha-ha. You're not wrong - and don't worry, as the season has progressed I've moved on from anger to despair to devastation and I'm now edging into shoulder shrugging territory. Another half-a-dozen misses and I'll probably start to find the whole thing very amusing. | |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 13:51 - Jan 25 with 7565 views | TacticalR |
Despite the property price hikes you still see a lot of people round Kilburn and Paddington without two pennies to rub together. |  |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 14:03 - Jan 25 with 7534 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 13:51 - Jan 25 by TacticalR |
Despite the property price hikes you still see a lot of people round Kilburn and Paddington without two pennies to rub together. |
Apologies for veering off course here, but devolving property taxes rates to local councils might help solve it. | | | |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 15:10 - Jan 25 with 7470 views | Boston |
| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 01:46 - Jan 25 by BazzaInTheLoft |
I swear on my future children's eyes I went to a early kick off at Fulham before a late QPR one where a fella was using Opera binoculars. |
Should be on the back of all seats at St James's Park. | |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 11:24 - Jan 27 with 7190 views | hoopstilidie |
Well it would seem my fishing tackle still has some yardage in it. ;) | |
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| Fan trouble after the Fulham game. on 12:24 - Jan 27 with 7143 views | francisbowles |
We are not all oiks at Rangers though!
Last season I was squeezed between a former British Ambassador and High Commissioner and a Chief Exec who has an OBE. The latter has moved seats but boths still s/t holders.
I didn't know which one to salute and which one to bow to and had to open with good afternoon your Excellency and Sir!
Seriously both good people, done well and lifelong R's | | | |
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