Shepherd’s Bush is in the grip of cup fever as the local heroes prepare to face off against old foes Luton Town in tonight’s Rumbelows Cup second round clash at Loftus Road.

QPR (0-2-1 LWDD 19th) v Luton (0-1-2 LDL 23rd)

Rumbelows Cup Second Round >>> Tuesday August 27, 2024 >>> Kick Off 19.45 >>> Weather – Here comes the sun >>> Loftus Road, London, W12

“Scientists have discovered a reservoir of liquid water on Mars - deep in the rocky outer crust of the planet,” roared the BBC last week. “The findings come from a new analysis of data from Nasa’s Mars Insight Lander, which touched down on the planet back in 2018.”

I often start sentences like this ‘is it just me…’ but, in this case, I know it is just me, so welcome on in to how my brain works. Every time Beardy Branson starts talking about people flying to the moon on one of his 747s for a holiday, or Daddy Elon vaporises another $1bn rocket straight off the launch pad as part of his long term business plan to escape the “woke mind virus” by colonising another planet, my heart sinks a little bit further. And the reason for this is: once they do discover there’s water on Mars, and life can be sustained, or we build a big Centre Parcs on the moon, and start shipping Wayne and Waynetta, 2.4 children and the XL bully up there for half term, there is one absolutely inevitable consequence that will follow. QPR will draw them in the cup.

There we’ll all sit, in front of the television, while David Prutton, Jermaine Beckford and Clinton Morrison shoot the breeze over whatever live game they’ve just had on and we therefore know the outcome of and don’t need to talk about any more and can we just get on with the draw please. To pass the interminable amount of time this takes we’ll look down the list and think where are the new grounds I need to tick off? Accrington? Morecambe? Might we finally get that trip to Bristol Rovers we’ve all been craving? We’ll look up and imagine just how many QPR would take if we happened to pull the new stadiums at West Ham, or better still (as you can see the pitch from your seats there) Spurs. We’ll look for the non-league teams still in there. The London derbies. The big away ends in seaside towns.

Slowly the numbers come out. Number 1, AFC Bournemouth – could be fun. 9, Bristol Rovers – please, please, please, please… 13, Coventry City – don’t you bloody well dare. 26, Millwall – noooooooooo. 55, Stevenage – yes please. 41, West Bromwich Albion – zzzzzzzzzzzz. And slowly they all get paired off with other suitors to go and have a lovely time together, or otherwise, while 31, Queens Park Rangers remains in the bowl. Give them another stir please Curtis. And stir them Curtis Davies shall, while Jill Scott waits to draw her away team.

Just at the moment you start to lose interest, start to ask exactly who’s left in this bloody thing, it happens. Number 25, Mars. Will play…

In fact it’s not that at all, is it? We’d draw them at Loftus Road. And it’d finish 0-0. And then have a replay on Mars, Tuesday week. On the day the shuttle is in for planned engineering work, and there’s a replacement trampoline service. Eight loyalty points shall be awarded for this fixture. Cue much eye-rolling in the Crown. "Fackin 'ell, that’s two days off work straight away." Still, more atmosphere than there was at that West Brom replay we ended up with the other year.

For QPR, and good times in cups, do not go together.

I remember standing in my kitchen as a little lad, still absolutely euphoric at the previous day’s last gasp fifth round win against Millwall at a packed Loftus Road. The curtains drawn at The Goldhawk, the secret knock at the back door, Tony the Barman cracking the door to see if he knew your face. The cross, the arm in the air, the loudest unified cry of HANDBALL ever heard in a football stadium, the Clive Wilson penalty, the noise. Queens Park Rangers are going to the quarter finals of the FA Cup. The people on the pitch.

And then the draw. These were Graham Kelly and Bert Millichip days. No fannying about with a plastic bowl. Eight balls, blue velvet bag, FA insignia. Serious stuff. Some very gettable teams. Liverpool when Liverpool were crap. Spurs when Spurs were Spurs. A Palace team with Iain Dowie up front. A Wolves side from that era where fans used to pre-prepare “you’ve let us down again” signs using poster paint and old bed sheets in case it went badly (which it often did). Joe Royle’s 'never mind the quality feel the width' Everton. Newcastle just before they cut loose. QPR were bloody good as well. Ferdinand up front, Sinclair and Impey on the wings. Playing well too – five defeats in 20 Premier League and FA Cup games, 12 wins, Newcastle whitewashed 3-0, a 3-1 win at Highbury, a 1-1 at Anfield. New manager Ray Wilkins was so confident he said he wouldn’t have minded if Clive Wilson hadn’t scored his penalty because he’d have fancied us to win the replay at The Den anyway. Steady on Raymundo, we’ve all had a drink.

Dad’s shopping list was clear. Anybody at home. Anybody at all apart from Man Utd. Out came the first ball. Liverpool. Not ideal, but we’d been unlucky not to win there in the league just a week prior. Spurs. Ok fair. (Tottenham would win that 2-1, Jurgen Klinsmann scored in the last minute just as they were tuning up for You’ll Never Walk Alone, laugh snort). Third ball, Palace. Go on then, we’ll fucking win there. Wolves. Bastard, that’s the two plum draws gone. Either of those at home and we’d have been off to Villa Park for a semi in every sense of the word. Next out… Everton. Well, given what’s left, ok then. Newcastle. Motherfucker. My dad’s poor face. The hope draining out of his eyes. We’d lost 3-2 at Loftus Road in December against Man Utd despite taking the lead in the first half with Les Ferdinand’s 30 yard rocket, the game transformed by a young Paul Scholes. Gary Neville still regularly writes and podcasts about the beasting Ferdinand gave him all afternoon. “If we get them at home we’ll do them." Defiance from a small kitchen in Hampton. And Millichip fondled the bag with his bony finger one more time. Manchester United.

We’ll always wonder what if. Even the day itself, Wilkins leaving out Sinclair to pair Wilson and Brevett against Kanchelskis… the thousands of us behind the goal… the eight hour trip up the M6 in the back of a carpet van with a Kevin Gallen poster in the back window… the ever-lasting chorus of ‘Paul Ince is a wanker’. It felt like a final chance for that team to actually win something before it was broken up, and so it proved.

I guess when you treat cup competitions with such disdain, perform so lamentably in them, and duck out at the first possible opportunity every year, you’re not going to get many fun ties to enjoy, and nor do you deserve them. QPR’s ability, however, to pull the most boring thing imaginable out of a random draw of up to 64 teams is uncanny. We have had three separate FA Cup dates with Blackburn, a team we have played 40 times in the league over the last 30 years. MK Dons have only been in the sodding cups since 2004/05, we’ve had four ties with them. In 2016, 2013 and 2008 we pulled Swindon at the same round of the same competition. We’ve drawn them in the cup on five occasions since 1992. In 2017, 2006 and 2005 we did exactly the same thing with Northampton Town. It’s never somewhere good is it? Somewhere with pubs. Somewhere with a beach. Somewhere we haven’t been before. Somewhere new. Somewhere exciting.

By these standards, a day at Cambridge United was like a trip to paradise. Sun beating down on Parker’s Piece, a local cricket match of ludicrously high standard. Pubs by the river where you could sip cold beer and watch Asian tourists try to learn to row, in an hour, for £50 a throw, each. A packed terrace and old school atmosphere. And a fumbled walk back to the station via a field of cows and the final rounds of a pub quiz.

With a win as well, albeit rather by the skin of our teeth, that’s near as damn it perfect. Which means, now, we must be punished. Queens Park Rangers. Will play… Luton Town. Who you may remember from such fixtures as, the one we’ve got on Friday.

Still, at least it wasn’t away.

Links >>> Sluggish start – Oppo Profile >>> Doughty in charge – Referee >>> Luton Town official website >>> Hatters News — Blog >>> Luton Outlaws — Message Board >>> Supporters Trust >>> Oak Road Hatter —Blog

Below the fold

Team News: As ever the team selection is often the most interesting bit of these early round cup games. QPR have another game against the same opponent three days hence, but also a fortnight off after that. They also have a number of first team players and new arrivals clearly in need of minutes and experience at this level as we try to get them up to speed. It feels like Joe Walsh will play in goal, and Liam Morrison at centre half as they both did at Cambridge in round one. Jack Colback is back from his ban, and Jonathan Varane didn’t start against Plymouth, so if Sam Field and Nicolas Madsen are Cifuentes’ chosen midfield pair you’d expect them both to start. Koki Saito has had a good second half and a poor first to begin with, you’d think he might get a go here. Michy Frey has started the last three, Zan Celar might have a chance to get off the mark. As the transfer window draws to a close it’s more about who’s not involved than who is. Lyndon Dykes and Ilias Chair both sat out at the weekend, and judging by Cifuentes’ post match comments it feels like Dykes, at least, could be on his way. For what it’s worth, Birmingham was the most believable of the lines we heard about him last week. If you see Reggie Cannon alert the IRS.

Elsewhere: Barely a looker amongst this seeded and regionalised second round draw which states a good case for enlivening this competition by ensuring the higher ranked team always plays away.

Blackburn hosting Blackpool, Brighton at home to Crawley, Everton at Goodison against Doncaster Rovers, Leicester hosting Tranmere, Millwall at home to Orient and Palace v Norwich all very different dynamics the other way around. Instead, dead ties played in almost entirely empty stadiums.

Of the ones that did come out the right way round Birmingham v Fulham is an obvious highlight of Tuesday’s calendar, while Ipswich and Brentford travel to Wimbledon and Colchester on Wednesday. You’d enliven this competition a bit by engineering more ties like that.

Picking through the scraps that remain, Derby going all the way up to Barrow feels like a televised disaster waiting to happen. Sheff Wed will likely take a big following over to Grimsby and it’ll be interesting to see how they react to a nightmare Tuesday night cup destination for any mortal soul if things don’t go well again for Danny Rohl’s side – two defeats, six conceded, none scored since their big opener against Plymouth. Preston, on manager number three, head to Harrogate.

What’s the main game on for Sky on Wednesday? Forest v Newcastle. Pfffff.

And of course, no surprise to see England manager Sven Goran Eriksson in the crowd. RIP.

Referee: Leigh Doughty from Blackpool the man in the middle for this one. Details.

Form

QPR: Rangers went out at this stage of the competition last year when Norwich City scored with the final kick of the first round at Loftus Road. With Premier League Bournemouth coming from two down to win 3-2 in W12 in the FA Cup it halted a concerning run of cup exists against League One sides. A hard fought 2-1 win at Cambridge in round one dodges that for the first half of this year at least.

The defeat on penalties to Charlton at this stage of the 2022/23 competition, and loss at Fleetwood in the FA Cup, meant QPR had been eliminated from cup competitions by League One opposition at least once for six seasons running: Charlton 2022/23, Fleetwood (FA Cup) 2022/23, Sunderland 2021/22, Plymouth 2020/21, Pompey 2019/20, Blackpool 2018/19, MK Dons 17/18 (FA Cup). Rangers beat Orient on penalties after a 1-1 draw in 2021/22 and subsequently beat Oxford 2-0 at home and Premier League Everton on pens after a 2-2 draw at Loftus Road to reach round four. It was their best performance in the competition since 2008//09 when a shock win against Aston Villa at Villa Park took us into a fourth round 1-0 defeat at Old Trafford. Of course, but for the latest Keith Stroud-supervised catastrophe, Charlie Austin’s legitimate late goal would have stood and QPR would have had a quarter final at Arsenal — the R’s haven’t been that deep into the competition since 1988/89 when they lost 5-2 at Nottingham Forest. Rangers have still only been to one cup quarter final, in either competition, since 1990 — the 1994/95 FA Cup quarter final away to Man Utd.

The win at The Abbey Stadium was QPR’s first win away from home in a cup without the aid of a penalty shoot out since August 2015, when they won 3-0 at Yeovil in round one with goals from Polter, JET and Onuoha.

Luton While clearly not their priority, Luton were a significant upset in this competition last year when they lost a third-round tie at Exeter as a Premier League team. It continues a League Cup record every bit as shambolic as QPR’s. They haven’t made it to round four since 2007/08 when, as a League One side, they beat Dagenham, Sunderland and Charlton on their way to a 1-0 home loss against Everton. The last time they went further than that was 1998/99 when, as a Second Division team, they made the quarter final, beating Oxford and Ipswich over two legs, then Coventry and Barnsley, before succumbing to Sunderland.

The Hatters had famous big dick energy in this competition in the late 1980s. They punted Wigan, Coventry, Ipswich, Bradford and Oxford on the way to a Wembley win against Arsenal in 1988, then the year after Burnley, Leeds, Man City, Southampton and West Ham before being beaten in the final by Brian Clough’s Nottingham Forest. Ray Harford the manager for both of those runs. Imagine.

Prediction: As ever, no Prediction League for cup ties and, also continuing a tradition, I am of course going for a draw, a penalty shoot out, and a long old night.

LFW’s Prediction: QPR 1-1 Luton. Scorer – Jimmy Dunne.

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