| Monday joke 10:48 - Dec 17 with 8147 views | loftboy |
My best mate died a couple of months ago and I miss him awfully.I hit upon the idea of attending a seance to try and make contact with him.As we all sat around the table holding hands calling on the deceased, my best mate suddenly started talking as if he's in the room."Cor...hello Mickey!" I shouted. "How are things with you?""It's great here, absolutely fantastic" he started to reply. "I wake up in the morning, I eat a vegetarian breakfast, then its shagging all morning right up to lunch time. When I've finished my vegetarian lunch, it's shagging again all afternoon right up to dinner time when once I've finished my vegetarian dinner, it's shagging right up till bed time.""Wow, it sounds great! Where are you, Heaven or Hell?""Neither," he says, "I'm a rabbit on Hampstead Heath." |  |
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| Monday joke on 14:22 - Dec 18 with 1036 views | LOFT67 |
Man goes to a doctors and says doc l keep having this dream that beautiful women are coming towards me but l keep pushing them away, doc says what on earth do you want me to do about that ,man says break my arms. |  |
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| Monday joke on 14:34 - Dec 18 with 1014 views | aussiehoop |
If nuts on a chest are chestnuts...
And nuts on a wall are walnuts...
Then what are nuts on a chin?
A mouth full of cock |  | | |
| Monday joke on 10:56 - Dec 19 with 884 views | toboboly |
I felt it was pretty harsh that I was arrested for having sex with a minor.
"She was covered in make-up" I protested, "I couldn't tell how old she was".
"But this is a village fete" replied the police officer, "And most girls over 16 don't have their faces painted as a tiger". |  |
| Sexy Asian dwarves wanted. |
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| Monday joke on 11:00 - Dec 19 with 875 views | toboboly |
Some bloke walked up to the counter and said, "Burger and chips, please."
"Certainly, Sir," I replied. "Are you eating in or taking out?"
"Fcuk off you kunt," he snapped, before walking off with his food.
I love working in the prison canteen. | |
| Sexy Asian dwarves wanted. |
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| Monday joke on 11:01 - Dec 19 with 872 views | toboboly |
My Jimmy Savile advent calendar is shit. The flaps only open from 1-16 | |
| Sexy Asian dwarves wanted. |
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| Monday joke on 16:18 - Dec 19 with 790 views | loftboy |
A Zenit St Petersburg supporters' group has called for the team to not sign non-white and gay players.
Poor Ashley Cole, ruled out twice. | |
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| Monday joke on 16:58 - Dec 19 with 761 views | toboboly |
I knocked on my neighbours door this morning and said, "I'm terribly sorry, but I've just hit your cat."
"Oh no," she cried, "Is he in a bad way?"
"Put it this way," I said, "My cricket bat snapped in half." | |
| Sexy Asian dwarves wanted. |
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| Monday joke on 17:03 - Dec 19 with 757 views | toboboly |
Everybody at work gathered around this morning, as a female colleague brought her newborn son into the office.
"Would you like to hold him, Dave?" she asked.
"I'd better not," I replied, "I'm worried that I'll hurt him."
"Don't be silly, you won't hurt him," she smiled, as she carefully laid him in my arms, "See."
Then I punched him in the face.
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| Sexy Asian dwarves wanted. |
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