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Bonfire of the vanities – Report 22:05 - Nov 6 with 11126 viewsNorthernr


Bonfire of the vanities – Report 6th Nov 2024 21:48
Relatives fear he’s using that intro from The Thick of It again. 15

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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 07:18 - Nov 7 with 1854 viewsGus_iom

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 22:31 - Nov 6 by ChrisNW6

Thanks Clive, you were in full Basil Fawlty mode last night, just needed a long branch and a mini to beat up.


I remember when he had red hair and got vexed by Port Vale.

It was truly appalling, and I just had to endure it on telly. I actually unplugged the laptop and took it upstairs in the end, to be alone with my ire and disappointment.

And Clive, to have me laughing out loud reading a report on that, fair do's and thanks.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 07:21 - Nov 7 with 1847 viewsvanrrrr

Thanks - for putting into words most of my thoughts as I was speechless sat there watching that on Tuesday. Men v Boys.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 07:22 - Nov 7 with 1845 viewsGus_iom

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 04:44 - Nov 7 by rbee

Other than your unfair stereotyping of fat whores a good read as usual, thank you. Ironic that our star player isn't one of our own.

Marti must have had faith in Santos to play him which is worrying, we were probably better off playing three at the back. Dixon-Bonner seems to be an unwanted spare part these days and although not a game changer is surely a better option than Madsen.

I might be wrong, you usually are I hear you say, but I think there will be some funds available in January however we are already five points behind the safety line and once again are waiting for the returning cavalry to arrive, Chair now included in that.

Fortunately, Steve Cook's lunge didn't connect with Latte Lath on his way to score their third as I think that would have been a straight red.

I really can't face watching Marti's post match video, I am all QPR pained out at the moment.


It makes you wonder what the development squads left back is like...
I mean, for years we have had a development squad that literally, doesn't.
[Post edited 7 Nov 7:23]
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 07:37 - Nov 7 with 1801 viewsjohnhoop

Thanks Clive. It’s somehow comforting and morale boosting to have someone put into words what an utterly dispiriting experience that was in such an amusing way and callout the individuals responsible for the absolute sh-tshow.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 07:59 - Nov 7 with 1733 viewsBlackAndGoldRanger

Brilliant as always Clive, Thanks for doing these.
I have to say that is the least I've ever celebrated a Rangers goal. Just knew that Boro would start playing again and run through us with ease.
Thought their timewasting was embarrassing and utterly pointless, thought they would want to get 6 or 7 an embarrass us rather than embarrassing themselves.
Dieng was laughing, getting dogs abuse and laughing about how great of a career move he made to get away from this Shitshow.
Also had major headloss then just accepted it and sat staring blankly at the patch of green in front of me, waste of all of our time and money watching this lot ponce about with 0 effort given.
Enjoy Leeds
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:01 - Nov 7 with 1724 viewsNorthernr

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 07:59 - Nov 7 by BlackAndGoldRanger

Brilliant as always Clive, Thanks for doing these.
I have to say that is the least I've ever celebrated a Rangers goal. Just knew that Boro would start playing again and run through us with ease.
Thought their timewasting was embarrassing and utterly pointless, thought they would want to get 6 or 7 an embarrass us rather than embarrassing themselves.
Dieng was laughing, getting dogs abuse and laughing about how great of a career move he made to get away from this Shitshow.
Also had major headloss then just accepted it and sat staring blankly at the patch of green in front of me, waste of all of our time and money watching this lot ponce about with 0 effort given.
Enjoy Leeds


It's comforting to know that headloss was fairly common on Tuesday. I always wake up the following day mortified and hating myself.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:19 - Nov 7 with 1692 viewsstevec

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:01 - Nov 7 by Northernr

It's comforting to know that headloss was fairly common on Tuesday. I always wake up the following day mortified and hating myself.


Think I’ve upset a few of the locals lately, my apologies if that’s the case, but if this team choose to insult me then I feel obliged to insult them.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:25 - Nov 7 with 1674 viewsdaveB

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:01 - Nov 7 by Northernr

It's comforting to know that headloss was fairly common on Tuesday. I always wake up the following day mortified and hating myself.


I took it all out on the referee over a free kick decision which was probably right so I felt a bit of a tit when i got home
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:31 - Nov 7 with 1658 viewsNorthernr

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:25 - Nov 7 by daveB

I took it all out on the referee over a free kick decision which was probably right so I felt a bit of a tit when i got home


Yeh it was Edmondson rolling back on the pitch that tipped me over the edge in the end. And he heard me and laughed.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:38 - Nov 7 with 1614 viewsGaryBannister86

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:01 - Nov 7 by Northernr

It's comforting to know that headloss was fairly common on Tuesday. I always wake up the following day mortified and hating myself.


I wouldn't hate yourself, Clive, I think it's perfectly natural. As long as it's justified. I try and hang on in there, like with Celar, for as long as I fairly can, but after a while I just...flip. Usually when there is no effort put in. I was ranting like a maniac at him second half just to do something.

I don't think it has a derogatory effect. We need standards at this football club and as no-one in senior management appears capable of imposing them, it is down to us to deem what is acceptable and what isn't.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:47 - Nov 7 with 1579 viewswombat

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:31 - Nov 7 by Northernr

Yeh it was Edmondson rolling back on the pitch that tipped me over the edge in the end. And he heard me and laughed.


id say im one more game form being booted from the family stand ,
sat is going to be a total car crash .

Poll: which is your favouite foot

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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:55 - Nov 7 with 1559 viewsRangers67

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 06:46 - Nov 7 by Wilkinswatercarrier

From where I sit in the Upper Loft behind the goal you could see the midfielders hiding in plain sight. They were standing directly behind the Boro midfielder, sometimes actually moving to stay behind them!
40 years supporting this club, but that game broke me. A gutless and cowardly performance.

Your report however, was spot on, and funny as usual, which helped.


I am glad someone else saw this happening. Because for a minute I thought I was dreaming or should I say having a nightmare , like my team. To watch Madsen and Varane actually move behind oppo players so not to recieve the ball just defies belief. If I can see it then surely Marti can.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 09:10 - Nov 7 with 1509 viewsessextaxiboy

I don’t know how you managed that report . I left after the third goal stunned by the shitness of the performance . The last thing I would have wanted was to write about it .. thanks
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 09:13 - Nov 7 with 1508 viewsNorthernr

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 09:10 - Nov 7 by essextaxiboy

I don’t know how you managed that report . I left after the third goal stunned by the shitness of the performance . The last thing I would have wanted was to write about it .. thanks


It can be quite cathartic sometimes.

And a lot of you guys are good enough to pay me for it so I feel a sense of duty for that.

I was going to do a one word match report for the 6-1 at Blackpool the other year and on the train back in the morning Young North said words to the effect that "If people are paying for your Patreon, they're probably doing it to watch you lose the plot over a 6-1 at Blackpool".

Might be a one worder this weekend though!
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 10:34 - Nov 7 with 1311 viewsBlue_Castello

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 00:43 - Nov 7 by QPROslo

I thought Madsen had a very decent game going forward, rather confirmed by Sky Sports stats:

Shots on target 1 - going low in the Corner well saved by Dieng.
Key passes 1- to Celar, his good shot well saved.
49 Touches.
40 Passes.
85% Passing Accuracy.
0 Tackles or fouls won
1 Foul conceded.


Mmm he was total garbage and has been so far a waste of a very limited transfer budget, how long are we expected to persevere with him until we decide he's not cut out for the Championship, I saw him make one good cross field pass, must admit I wasn't focusing on him all the time but I just never saw him getting involved and the word tackling is obviously lost in translation.

The recruitment in the Summer was poor because it was driven solely by analytics and those stats are good evidence as to why they fail, it's more evidence for me why Nourry has to go.
[Post edited 7 Nov 10:37]
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 10:38 - Nov 7 with 1302 viewsjoe90

'Madsen, a 6ft 4in central midfielder, won zero tackles across 95 minutes of football. He won zero tackles, because he attempted zero tackles. 0/0, your central midfielder. He was involved in three ground duels and lost all of them. He was involved in one aerial duel and lost it. Zero successful dribbles from one attempt. Zero accurate crosses from one attempt. At our attacking corners, he stood outside the box. I’m going to mention his height again. At our attacking corners, he stood outside the box. We are through the looking glass here people..'

Is this the same Madsen who's cultured, languid style, and calmness would prevail in QPR's hour of need whilst the luddite fan foamed at the mouth as they screamed for more 'pashun' and 'tackling'?

Can't believe anyone had the temerity to question his ability. God forbid you should actually watch a player and make a judgement based on what you see.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 10:39 - Nov 7 with 1300 viewscalHoop

This mirrors pretty much everything I was moaning about on the night.

Madsen pulling over to the wing and standing next to Smyth in the second half, totally boiled my piss and sent me over the edge, but it must have been instruction from Marti. Absolutely bizarre, as the full back would just press up on Smyth and Madsen would have had to play it back into defence anyway. What was the thinking.

So glad you called the midfield hiding, This has been going on for years, took on another guise though when Dozzell used to come back and stand next to the centre half.

This felt like Blackburn last season, and the only hope I'm clinging to, is things got better after that.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 10:47 - Nov 7 with 1271 viewsEastR

Same story, I came away from the Portsmouth game absolutely livid, seething at the lack of commitment and effort. Like many of our players haven’t turned up at a game since.

Poll: Is time up for Ainsworth?

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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 10:53 - Nov 7 with 1251 viewsNorthernr

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 10:38 - Nov 7 by joe90

'Madsen, a 6ft 4in central midfielder, won zero tackles across 95 minutes of football. He won zero tackles, because he attempted zero tackles. 0/0, your central midfielder. He was involved in three ground duels and lost all of them. He was involved in one aerial duel and lost it. Zero successful dribbles from one attempt. Zero accurate crosses from one attempt. At our attacking corners, he stood outside the box. I’m going to mention his height again. At our attacking corners, he stood outside the box. We are through the looking glass here people..'

Is this the same Madsen who's cultured, languid style, and calmness would prevail in QPR's hour of need whilst the luddite fan foamed at the mouth as they screamed for more 'pashun' and 'tackling'?

Can't believe anyone had the temerity to question his ability. God forbid you should actually watch a player and make a judgement based on what you see.


Yeh turns out he's perhaps just not very good.
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 10:57 - Nov 7 with 1223 viewsdaveB

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 09:13 - Nov 7 by Northernr

It can be quite cathartic sometimes.

And a lot of you guys are good enough to pay me for it so I feel a sense of duty for that.

I was going to do a one word match report for the 6-1 at Blackpool the other year and on the train back in the morning Young North said words to the effect that "If people are paying for your Patreon, they're probably doing it to watch you lose the plot over a 6-1 at Blackpool".

Might be a one worder this weekend though!


I used to find writing for AKUTRS helped me get over whatever disaster was happening. Did a preview show on youtube with James last night and despite me moaning for half an hour I feel even worse this morning, maybe I should start writing again

The thought of spending most of Saturday on trains to and from Leeds is getting me down
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 11:16 - Nov 7 with 1175 viewsRangersw12

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 10:57 - Nov 7 by daveB

I used to find writing for AKUTRS helped me get over whatever disaster was happening. Did a preview show on youtube with James last night and despite me moaning for half an hour I feel even worse this morning, maybe I should start writing again

The thought of spending most of Saturday on trains to and from Leeds is getting me down


"The thought of spending most of Saturday on trains to and from Leeds is getting me down "

Same ,I've decided I'm to start drinking at 9 am to get me through it 🍻
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 11:45 - Nov 7 with 1096 viewsthehat

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 08:01 - Nov 7 by Northernr

It's comforting to know that headloss was fairly common on Tuesday. I always wake up the following day mortified and hating myself.


Your not alone Clive - Numerous times over the last few years I have found myself apologising to those sat around me especially my poor kids.

I try not to get so involved in the game but the anger just erupts and by god they have given us plenty to get angry about.

My kids worry about my blood pressure and my health and so do I - This bloody football club should definitely come with a health warning.

I blame my Dad - Why did he have to pick bloody Queens Park Rangers!!
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 11:47 - Nov 7 with 1084 viewsenfieldargh

Forunatley I got stuck for 2 hours in a horrific traffic jam late Tuesday afternoon so left my depot in Waltham Cross gone 6:30.

Took me 40 minutes to get home normally 15 mins so decided to give it a miss.

Think I'll look for more traffic congestion in future!!!

Clive been sitting behind you for years, never feel embarresed or shame for your behaviour and for wearing your heart on your sleeve.

However we do worry about your blood pressure

captains fantastic
Poll: SWEET F'IN CAROLINE. Played every half time

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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 11:53 - Nov 7 with 1065 viewsNorthernr

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 11:47 - Nov 7 by enfieldargh

Forunatley I got stuck for 2 hours in a horrific traffic jam late Tuesday afternoon so left my depot in Waltham Cross gone 6:30.

Took me 40 minutes to get home normally 15 mins so decided to give it a miss.

Think I'll look for more traffic congestion in future!!!

Clive been sitting behind you for years, never feel embarresed or shame for your behaviour and for wearing your heart on your sleeve.

However we do worry about your blood pressure


I found out recently the guys that sit the other side of the aisle from you call me Heart Attack
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Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 11:53 - Nov 7 with 1058 viewsParkRoyalR

Bonfire of the vanities – Report on 11:16 - Nov 7 by Rangersw12

"The thought of spending most of Saturday on trains to and from Leeds is getting me down "

Same ,I've decided I'm to start drinking at 9 am to get me through it 🍻


I think in critiquing Cifuentes, Varane & Dunne (yet again stepping up & showing desire in leading by example & getting grief from our fans for whatever reason) we are missing a bit of an elephant in the room, namely the lack of an on-field Captain to make those subtle in game adjustments to make a difference,

Cook is a decent Championship Centre Half but for me, he plays for himself and doesn't lead the team or communicate effectively on the pitch, unless he's looking for a scapegoat for his errors,

I get the group-think will jump in with he's the least of our problems, but is he?

Cook wasnt waving his arms when he lost his runner he was unfairly pointing the finger of blame away from himself and squarely at Nardi, then Dunne seems to intervene and he starts pointing at Saito...

This is not what I want from our Captain with an inexperienced Championship Manager and a make-shift team,

I want a Clint Hill type, pulling Dunne tighter to him, pushing Field tighter to Santos to double up on Doak, pointing & yelling at Chair when he's not tracking back and more,

Not just relying on Dunne to bring the ball out and only doing so himself if the opposition are a man down, creating triangles with Varane and stepping up with the ball like Rob Dickie did,

If we are to stay up, we need him to become a leader on the field, and to date, I'm yet to see it in Cook.
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