Forum | The dark cloud of depression by WindsorR

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The dark cloud of depression 20:39 - Jul 19 with 26745 views

Sorry to start such a negative thread..

How have people on here dealt with such dark and miserable feelings?
The negative, irrational thoughts, aren't good enough for anyone or anything?

The dark cloud of depression on 11:31 - Jul 20 with 2611 views

Hooparoo

The dark cloud of depression on 09:57 - Jul 20 by 80s_Boy
Very sorry to hear that Hoopaoo.

Thanks mate. We’re all very sad

Poll:

Where will we finish up next season?

The dark cloud of depression on 12:20 - Jul 20 with 2566 views

dannyblue

Good luck to everyone. Depression is a horrible thing and I'm proud of our community here for talking so openly and helpfully about it.

I don't get it bad, luckily. I have family and friends who do.

To echo everyone else the most helpful things appear to be:
Talking with someone neutral
Doing exercise
Getting into nature
Not drinking or taking recreational drugs (although some have positive results with ayahuasca, ketamine or microdosing psilocybin, but I'd be very wary)
Meditation / contemplation / self discovery
Cultivating a habit of gratitude
Anti-depressants for some.

I would add that taking daily Vitamin D over the last 18 months has definitely helped lift my mood.

And, a good psychiatrist friend, who has had his own struggles, recommends this book to everyone he can:

Russ Harris - The Happiness Trap

It talks through ways of looking at your own thoughts that can be really useful. Can be found at any bookshop I expect.

The dark cloud of depression on 12:53 - Jul 20 with 2533 views

StanFan

What an amazing thread. I have no advice to offer but am in awe of the wonderful folk on this board. Just when you think that social media is a disaster you see something like this.

Well done WIndsorR for starting it off. I hope that something on here is helpful for you - even if it's just knowing that you are far from being alone in this.

The dark cloud of depression on 13:08 - Jul 20 with 2497 views

ColesIndyRs

This thread is testament to the fact that depression is a lot more widespread that most of us think but it is beatable.

I went though a lot in the past 4 years and I have come out the other side felling better equipped and stronger as a person because i now know what tried to kill me. Mine was primarily anxiety driven and my head felt like constant feedback. I would get panic attacks, avoid social situations, snapped at everyone, berrated myself at the slightest chance and started walking on the edge of the curb hoping a car would catch me.

If I have any pieces of advice it is this:

1) Medication worked for me for a while but it took 3 changes to get it right. If you go down this path make sure you let your GP know if it is screwing with you in a bad way. Most modern SSRI's will smooth out the bumps that bring you down and they also smooth out the peaks but they can buy you time to heal.

2) I hated CBT therapy and it pissed me off at every turn but as with above I found an alternative that did work for me. As it's been said in this thread there is no one size fits all solution so don't be afraid to challenge your treatment. You may need to go private as NHS has so little funding for this and you will be on a huge waiting list.

3) A key for me was understanding my triggers, I read a bunch of blogs (which helped) and listened to some podcasts (Ricky Grovers Happy and You Know It podcast is pretty great) and now I can avoid the shit that sets me off or at least rationalise it.

4) Exercise has been mentioned a lot for a good reason.

There are a bunch of talkiing groups out there now for men, I didn't have one available where I live at the time but that would of been good for me. As my dad used to say " There is always someone who has it worse that you which is why Eastenders is popular"

Any way good luck and it does get better.

The dark cloud of depression on 13:21 - Jul 20 with 2461 views

Maggsinho

What an uplifting thread.

Just to add my two cents worth I'd agree with a lot of what's been said before. I struggled with depression and anxiety a few years ago after I lost both my parents. The single biggest step I took was going to see my GP and telling him how I felt, he couldn't have been more helpful or more concerned and spent well over the allotted appointment time talking to me. Everything that helped me came from that moment and my recovery, long and slow as it was, started that day.

If you're struggling there are people out there who can - and will - help.

The dark cloud of depression on 13:40 - Jul 20 with 2433 views

80s_Boy

Just been out for a lunchtime walk and thought about this...

It's been discussed a few times in this thread about not beating yourself up for feeling as you do, but its also important to not beat yourself up for how you acted when you weren't at your best either.

It's fair to say that I definitely learnt who I was by finding out who I wasn't and I made plenty of mistakes, of course, But as my therapist said, we're human and we make mistakes and you can always forgive yourself for making them.

The dark cloud of depression on 14:44 - Jul 20 with 2380 views

willis1980

Horrible thing to go through, the only advice I can give has probably been mentioned already.
Regular exercise really does clear the mind as cliched as it sounds. I cycled everywhere and would go for a swim before work every day, the swimming felt a bit like meditation to me as youre in rythmn and dont hear much noise while youre doing it. You soon feel better about yourself as youre healthier etc.
A new interest or rekindling the interest in a neglected interest helps keeping your mind on positives rather than negatives.
Depression is a hard long slog but if youre lucky youll figure out what your triggers are and will learn how to minimize them, as naf as it sounds theres always light at the end of the tunnel.

[Post edited 20 Jul 2021 16:03]

The dark cloud of depression on 15:53 - Jul 20 with 2338 views

WindsorR

The dark cloud of depression on 14:44 - Jul 20 by willis1980

[Post edited 20 Jul 2021 16:03]

Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for all of the messages on this thread, I am totally blown away by them all. What an amazing bunch of people you all are.
Thank you all again, I am reaching out for help with professional services.

The dark cloud of depression on 16:03 - Jul 20 with 2328 views

Mick_S

The dark cloud of depression on 15:53 - Jul 20 by WindsorR
Thank you so much from the bottom of my heart for all of the messages on this thread, I am totally blown away by them all. What an amazing bunch of people you all are. Thank you all again, I am reaching out for help with professional services.

Good man, and the best to you all. What a proper board this is.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?

The dark cloud of depression on 16:28 - Jul 20 with 2311 views

johann28

The dark cloud of depression on 21:12 - Jul 19 by WindsorR
That's just how I feel, the medication makes me feel worse. I just can't see any light anymore. Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply.

Happy to help anytime. I'm no psychologist or anything but bags of experience of this kind of thing. Please pm if you'd want to talk.

The dark cloud of depression on 16:39 - Jul 20 with 2297 views

rrrspricey

This board never ceases to amaze me!

I went through a very dark time following a big motorbike accident where i ended up with multiple fractures, a punctured lung, pneumonia and an induced coma.

When i woke and was eventually discharged, instead of being grateful to still be alive i was (even more of) a proper miserable git and felt enormous guilt at what i'd put my family through. After much encouragement (nagging!) I got a referral and was diagnosed with PTSD.

I always considered myself as someone who was very resilient and could deal with pretty much anything life threw at me and that therapy was for namby-pambies which made me feel even worse. How wrong i was and i dozen or session later i was well and truly on the mend, mentally at least.

There's one thing i took from those sessions that i still do today, first thing in the morning i think off three things i'm grateful for today which starts off the day on a real positive note.

Anyway, enough of my ramblings, the very best of luck on your road to recovery Windsor and as others have said, no need for apologies and make sure you have an outlet for your feelings

The dark cloud of depression on 16:55 - Jul 20 with 2263 views

BostonR

Thankfully, I have never suffered any form of depression or lack of mental well-being. I will be honest and say I found the whole subject petty. I was one of the shape-up brigade, until it visited my family last year.

My son started a business which was going really well. Covid comes along and the business bombs, he had debts and his girlfriend dumped him. All this in the space of 2/3 months. Unbeknown to me, he had dropped into a really dark place and I was shocked at the state that his mental wellbeing had taken.

His best friend told me of his condition (I am ashamed I did not see it). With help from family, friends and professionals, I managed to get him some much needed help, counselling and a mentor. I cannot say thanks enough to the folks at MIND.

I now realise that depression and mental illness is a killer! young boy's and men are impacted terribly by it. My son is doing well - thank God!

The dark cloud of depression on 16:59 - Jul 20 with 2249 views

Kingstan

Depression just about destroyed me......I was self harming from the age of 11........I walked away from home at 16............I walked away from my marriage.......I walked away from my 30yr successful career........and became homeless.......my last attempt to end it all was 7 years ago.

I now am a Peer Support and Peer Mentor for a large mental health charity, I give talks to men about reaching out. I am giving a talk at an open prison in Sussex this week on the very subject.

I still live with depression but I have learnt coping strategies, I still have dark thoughts but I am in control. The antidepressants control my panic attacks and help me sleep. I drink hot lemon,ginger and honey every morning to detox.

I am 60 now, I have a new career and I don't feel ashamed anymore and above all I am still here.

My advice Windsor is to reach out and don't be afraid of talking about how and what you are feeling.

Stay strong.

The dark cloud of depression on 16:59 - Jul 20 with 2249 views

larsricchi

What's worked well for me:

--Getting the dog out for a proper walk. His happiness is infectious.

--Getting back on a bicycle. Was a struggle at first, and I still can't go forever, but I try to do 10 mile rides over lunch hour or after work, and when I have more time on a weekend, I gladly do 20 mile rides.

--Eating better (but with realistic parameters)

--Developing a more regular sleep routine (Related: My wife got me a sleep mask with bluetooth speakers...I'm out cold within a song or two)

--Deleting Facebook

I used to be on a prescribed medicine but worked out a plan with my doctor to taper down to nothing. The above habits got me to a place where I could do that. (And 60-some pounds lighter.)

I think the biggest adjustment I am making now: reminding myself that no one goes through life undefeated, if you will. Learning to let go of the small things. It's helping...

Best wishes to all in the LFW community, now and always.

The dark cloud of depression on 17:51 - Jul 20 with 2162 views

mcqpr10

The depth and range of these messages astounds me. Can't believe there are so many of us suffering. All been put more eloquently than I ever could but the things that help me:
1) exercise- particularly cycling (Windsor a great spot to start!). Like tracking my rides and trying to go further or quicker. Sometimes just cruise with my sun glasses on.
2) cutting down the booze- I only drink on special occasions. Never in the house on my own anymore.
3) not being a hermit. As a introvert I dread many social occasions ( weddings/christenings/birthdays etc) but have realised I normally have a great time and feel better about myself despite the anxiety I feel going.
4) 5 a side. Well passed my best but great to see my mates who all now have kids and aren't on the tear every weekend anymore. Being part of something/ camarderie of any team sport.
5) cutting out the junk but allowing a treat day/binge.
6) cleaning the flat I find therapeutic!
7) social media. It's the devil. Still have Facebook but only to message friends far away.

Everyone's different. Very personal thing to us all but helps knowing there's others out there who have the black dog knocking at their door.

The dark cloud of depression on 18:13 - Jul 20 with 2140 views

iBloke

You're not alone out there - just look at this thread.

I haven't read the whole thread but so far haven't seen any bad advice. Personally I found counselling helped as did some medication to keep me on an even keel.

Close to home is the 'R You OK' initiative from the Club and for anyone in this position or close to someone who is, I recommend reading "Depressive Illness. The curse of the strong" by Dr Tim Cantopher. Not a big book, about 100 pages and not written by some evangelical yank just a straight forward brit.

It was during a low point I heard him talk on the radio and it was the first time I had heard anyone articulate what was I going through in a way I could understand. I got the book and it provided me with a better understanding and as a result helped me move forward. Depression is different for everyone, I've chipped in what helped me, hopefully in this thread you will pick up some things which resonate with you and slowly you'll get to keep the Black Dog under control

The dark cloud of depression on 18:52 - Jul 20 with 2063 views

RedbourneR

What an amazing thread. Good work, WindsorR and the Board, to get talking.

I went down the rabbit hole of misery in my 30s (no need to go into why) but you don't really see it for what it is at the time. I tried not to be angry but that wasn't the easiest thing to control, so - as everyone's said - exercise was a great help.

Definitely opening up to people - friends - is a great help. Having a community that supports you in tough times is vital. I'm older now so don't care if I come across oddly at times whereas in the 30s I was worried all the time I was putting people off. Proper friends won't care; they'll stick with you.

Medicating with booze or drugs won't make the problem go away so try and steer clear if you can.

I'm trying to help a guy at the moment who is paralysed with depression. It's tough, but you just be as consistent as you can be, so they know you're around whenever they need you.

The dark cloud of depression on 19:07 - Jul 20 with 2038 views

hovehoop

The dark cloud of depression on 16:39 - Jul 20 by rrrspricey

Likewise amazed at the compassion, knowledge and understanding on this thread. It's a few years ago now but also had a PTSD diagnosis after not dealing with an event and eventually blowing my fuse! My thoughts are:

1) Some of us are possibly wired to do things at 100%. Work, drink, sport, whatever. No one has infinite capacity and at some stage something might have to give. It's important to recognise that and if this describes you then now might be the time to discover something that is opposite to your natural personality. Something kind and gentle perhaps and don't give a stuff about what friends and family may think about this.
2) I agreed to take Prozac (an SSRI) and did so for a year. For me, the experience was dreadful. And my family suffered too. It made me docile, I gained weight, didn't feel like exercising and retreated into a shell. I missed lots of work deadlines (not helpful when you work for yourself), got into debt and yet felt indifferent to a worsening predicament. I did loads of other stuff to help and I'll cover that below but after a year, convinced my GP I should stop taking the meds. She told me I was on such a low dose that I should stop taking them straight away, with no need to taper. That piece of rubbish advice had me feeling so low I felt like walking into traffic!
3) Do a little research and please check what I'm about to say with someone who knows but, meds like Prozac are an SSRI. My recollection is they are meant to keep in circulation the serotonin (sometimes called the 'happy hormone') that we produce. But, I read that if you are naturally low in Serotonin then SSRI's may not work for some they way they do for others. However, this is something to discuss with a GP who may have their own preferred medication. I then found a brilliant book on a natural product called 5HTP which in my case helped produced serotonin and without side effects of prescribed meds. I've had various periods on it over the years and bought it online. The amount of active ingredient varies and honestly the effect has varied too. But, I'm probably guilty of taking the stuff at times I didn't really need it. I mentioned it to GP's over the years and they were sniffy about it in reply. I think the general challenge is the pharma quality of the active ingredient can vary so GP's can't be certain when it will/will not help. But, in my case it did help.
4) No one seems to have mentioned Vitamin B. Supposedly, we don't store the stuff and we can lose it following a major event like bereavement for example. A specialist told me this and told me to take a Lambert's B50 complex. She said that if I was deficient in the vitamin then after 10 days say I'd feel the benefit. But if my levels were sound then I'd notice no effect. In my case at least, after 10 days everyone knew I was back to my old self because I did feel enormously different! Again, it's been many years but these days I keep half and eye on Vitamin B and if I need to supplement.
5) I tried counselling and did several months worth. With the benefit of hindsight it may have been part of the jigsaw that helped put matters right but at the time I felt too angry and unreceptive to the sessions. But don't let my experience put you off trying.
6) When I eventually felt calmer I tried hypnosis. In my first session I had to bite my lip to stop myself laughing and was asking myself what I was doing there. But, I wanted to get well and was prepared to do anything to do that. We eventually did this process called a re-wiring technique and I give this a tick as one of the things that most definitely helped me.
7) Drink! Perhaps have a think about it and the part it plays in life. I probably got drunk every weekend from the age of 16 onwards. But it eventually felt like being in a rut and a boring cycle of feeling crap on Monday's and getting back to normal by Wednesday. We get older and our tolerance to it changes. But I was typically last one at the bar and that mentality wasn't helping. I actually knocked it on the head for a year taking Prozac and didn't at the time have the wherewithal to find alternative ways of going about things and hated the way Prozac made me feel anyway. A few years later, a serious back injury and potent meds meant I gave up the booze again, this time for nearly 3 years. But this time around my mind was clearer and I did the whole low/no alcohol thing to a fashion. Am now back on the booze but that spell off it reframed it for me and these days I drink when and what I want but the quantity is much less than before.
8) Exercise. Most have mentioned it. And it comes in many shapes and forms. Initially, I loved getting out with my dog and breathing the air. And it's as if my dog (and perhaps others experienced this too) knew I was at a low ebb and did his bit to step up and make life better. When things got better still I returned to cycling and today that's my main pastime and I tend to ride the bike as hard as my fitness allows. It gives me a brilliant buzz, even when battered by the weather. I enjoy swimming too.
9) Now might not be the time but if you have a partner try and get them to understand that you will have good days and less good days. You may need the cloud to lift a little to have this conversation but it's important to get some understanding.
10) Meditation. This really worked for me. I bought an online course called Lifeflow by Project Meditation and I got good headphones too so I could progress through the course doing a month each on lessons 1 through to 10. It switches me off for 40 minutes a time. And the effect is cumulative so the benefit builds. These days, if I'm perhaps feeling a bit skittish or feel like telling people to eff off more than usual then I see that as a sign to pick up the headphones again and try to calm down. And it works - for me at least.
I am lucky having a wonderful wife who fought for us and held our family together through difficult times. Well done for saying how you feel and there are lots of things to try and lots of people available to help. Do make it a priority to look after yourself.

The dark cloud of depression on 19:39 - Jul 20 with 1998 views

w7r

See what you’ve started here? No need for apologies. As you can see, there’s a ‘lot of it’ about. I used to think it was a load of bull and sufferers needed to just get on with it. Wrong.

I’ve been suffering for most of my adult life it seems, but things have recently come to a head. I just wouldn’t admit to myself that I’ve got a problem. Into my 3rd week of counselling. It’s going to take a while but i’m in no rush, it takes as long as it takes. Just being able to talk to someone who’s not going to judge is a help in itself.

Go and get help, there’s no shame.

Good luck mate.

[Post edited 20 Jul 2021 19:46]

The dark cloud of depression on 19:42 - Jul 20 with 1994 views

hantssi

I’m very lucky not to have suffered like some of you guys but my grown up son does.
To help try to understand a little bit of what he’s going through I bought “Frazzled” by Ruby Wax who suffers herself, it’s an excellent read, funny in places to keep you going and gives some great advice including on mindfulness which Ive found useful.
Anyway, keep well all you guys.

The dark cloud of depression on 21:01 - Jul 20 with 1901 views

BlackCrowe

Absolutely this. My Dad after retirement, manned the nightline for the Samaritans - he suffered depression most of his life until he was so old he'd forgotten about it. They are a truly great destination for people, whatever their mental state, including just feeling a bit low, forlorn, lonely etc..

Poll:

Kitchen threads or polls?

The dark cloud of depression on 22:32 - Jul 20 with 1792 views

Hoopstar

It is difficult to add much more to this wonderful thread - it is just that so much of it chimes with me.

It is great to hear you've reached out for professional help Windsor - I was brought to my knees by depression and other issues when I was 26/27 and had the moment of clarity to reach out for help that has helped set me on a much different path years later - though the dark feelings are never gone completely.

Concur with loads of suggestions here - picking up the guitar again helped me massively, wrote a number of songs about depression that, while far from good pieces of music, helped me process feelings around this and open up to others in a way that was always a struggle.

Finding things to do each day that promote a sense of achievement is a great shout - I also utilise gratitude lists in the evening when I'm struggling a little more, nothing fancy - just a short listing exercise of what I've been grateful for to to have/to have experienced that day.

Wishing you nothing but the best.

The dark cloud of depression on 00:57 - Jul 21 with 1717 views

CLAREMAN1995

The dark cloud of depression on 08:57 - Jul 20 by Hooparoo

Hold on. As REM sang “Everybody hurts sometimes”. My 21 year old nephew recently took his own life after leaving a note saying he felt worthless. Over a thousand people watched his memorial service which gives you some indication of how many lives we all affect even at such a young age.

Good on you for talking about it. You’re very brave and we are all here for you - your hoops family ðŸ˜˜

Heartbreaking post there HoopAroo hope his family are ok and all his friends too its devastating .
I want to give a thumbs up for your last sentence its sums up this board class bunch of guys and the incredible Nix and any other ladies posting .Long may LFW run

The dark cloud of depression on 05:11 - Jul 21 with 1673 views

Hooparoo

The dark cloud of depression on 00:57 - Jul 21 by CLAREMAN1995
Heartbreaking post there HoopAroo hope his family are ok and all his friends too its devastating . I want to give a thumbs up for your last sentence its sums up this board class bunch of guys and the incredible Nix and any other ladies posting .Long may LFW run

Thanks Clare. I’m struggling to understand the senseless waste of it all. When I was 21 I was chasing girls, playing football and drinking beer. The world today seems to be a very dark place for a lot of young people. What have we created?

Like many on here I’ve been touched by some of the loving and supportive comments on here. We are a special bunch united across the world by a funny little football club in West London.

Life is strange

Poll:

Where will we finish up next season?

The dark cloud of depression on 07:40 - Jul 21 with 1623 views

westberksr

The dark cloud of depression on 05:11 - Jul 21 by Hooparoo

it seems really hard for youngsters these days and unfortunately the stigma for men to beopen still pervades.

so sorry to hear about your relative, particularly when there aren't all the obvious signs its so difficult to comprehend how someone gets to that point.

One of our social group took his own life just over a year ago; you honestly couldn't have wished to meet a funnier, more charming and pleasant guy. Got wrapped up in too much booze & gear which 'fuelled' his mental issues development; friends tried to help and keep an eye out for him but to no avail. He actually seemed to be getting his sh1t back together too.

but for the rest of us who have contributed to this thread, well done and keep on doing what you need to do to stay on an even keel.

5HTP was mentioned as a supplement earlier and I'd not come across it for this but it makes some sense as its used by a lot of clubbers to counteract the after effects of ecstasy, helping to balance things out when you had a big one and feel like crap the next day (not an issue for me as booze has been my only vice).

St John's wort is another non prescription that might be helpful, but read the labels and take some medical advice before starting anything new like this.

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