| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 819012 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:00 - Dec 6 with 7585 views | HAYESBOY |
I bought a big Xmas tree yesterday, the shop assistant asked if I was putting it up myself.
I said no, I was thinking of putting it in the front room!! |  |
| Smells like a trout farm in here |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:50 - Dec 6 with 7520 views | Sonofpugwash |
I shouted: “Push harder” when my wife was in labour.
“I hate you” she screamed,
I thought it was a bit harsh, It wasn’t my fault the car broke down on the way to the hospital. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:44 - Dec 10 with 7286 views | Sonofpugwash |
I went to the pet shop to get a new stand for my budgie. They wanted £350!
I said "That's ridiculous!"
He said, " Well, that's the perch's price." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:46 - Dec 10 with 7281 views | DavieQPR |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:44 - Dec 10 by Sonofpugwash |
I went to the pet shop to get a new stand for my budgie. They wanted £350!
I said "That's ridiculous!"
He said, " Well, that's the perch's price." |
Couldn't you pay on Higher Perchase? |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:06 - Dec 10 with 7210 views | Boston |
Why don't Santa's come from Liverpool?
Ever heard of a scouser breaking into a house to leave things? | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:34 - Dec 13 with 7010 views | Sonofpugwash |
Went to the doctors for results of a checkup today.
He said “Your body had run out of magnesium.”
I said “Omg.” | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:05 - Dec 13 with 6975 views | Sonofpugwash |
My missus this morning said to me..
"I want you to whisper dirty things in my ear".
So I replied "Kitchen,bathroom,living room". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:45 - Dec 13 with 6876 views | Boston |
Things I wonder about...
Why did Kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
What is the speed of dark?
Why do people say they slept like a baby, when babies wake up every two or three hours?
Why do people pay to go up tall buildings, then pay more money for a telescope or binoculars to look at things on the ground?
Do married men really live longer than single blokes - or does it just seem longer?
Why do we press harder on a remote control when we know the batteries are dying?
There's more but, another day. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:06 - Dec 15 with 6677 views | Sonofpugwash |
Breaking News:-
The inventor of the throat lozenge has died.
There will be no coffin at his funeral. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:00 - Dec 17 with 6459 views | Sonofpugwash |
A photon checks into a hotel and is asked if he needs any help with his luggage, he said: "No thanks, I'm travelling light." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:15 - Dec 17 with 6379 views | Boston |
Used to be handy at tennis once.
Most difficult game ever was against a local vicar.
Couldn't break his service. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Dec 21 with 6073 views | Esox_Lucius |
OMG!!! I'M SO EXCITED...my wife wanted to give me a special Christmas present. So with 1 dart and a world map she said to throw it and wherever it lands we can go there after Christmas
Sooooo..., yeah it looks like we’ll be spending 2 weeks behind our fridge! |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:28 - Dec 21 with 5978 views | Sonofpugwash |
Archaeologists have excavated a mummy in Egypt that was covered in chocolate and nuts.
They believe it may be Pharaoh Roche' | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:42 - Dec 22 with 5787 views | dmm |
We once had a little yellow cat called Butter. When it died we got another little yellow cat and called it, I can't believe it's not Butter. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:25 - Dec 23 with 5607 views | Sonofpugwash |
I love this time of the year.Every Christmas we used to run to the big pile of presents and start unwrapping them as fast as we could.
We would always have a laugh before we sat down to have a three hour dinner and watch the telly for the rest of the day.
I really miss working at the Royal Mail sorting office. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:15 - Dec 25 with 5336 views | Rebalhoop |
For Xmas I bought a big poster of the world,pinned it to the wall,gave my wife a dart and said,
Where the dart lands we will have our summer holiday….
2 weeks behind the fridge don’t sound great. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:50 - Dec 25 with 5302 views | Lblock |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:15 - Dec 25 by Rebalhoop |
For Xmas I bought a big poster of the world,pinned it to the wall,gave my wife a dart and said,
Where the dart lands we will have our summer holiday….
2 weeks behind the fridge don’t sound great. |
Enjoy the break
You may bump into someone from this here thread whilst there |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:19 - Dec 25 with 5212 views | Boston |
Why was Santa upset when he got a sweater for Christmas?
He was hoping for a screamer or a moaner. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:24 - Dec 25 with 5207 views | Boston |
What d'ya give a station master for Christmas?
Platform shoes. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:41 - Dec 27 with 4991 views | qprphil |
A blonde woman decides she is sick and tired of all the blonde jokes, and how all blondes are perceived as stupid, so she decides to show her husband that blond's are smart.
While her husband is off to work she decides to paint a couple of rooms in the house. The next day, right after her husband leaves for work, she get's down to the task at hand.
Her husband arrives home at 5-30 to the smell of paint, he walks into the living room to find his wife lying on the floor in a pool of sweat. He then see's she is wearing a ski jacket and a fur coat at the same time. He goes over to her and ask's if she is ok. She replies yes. He ask's what she is doing. She says she wanted to prove to him that not all blonde women are dumb, and she wanted to do it by painting the house. He then ask's why she has a ski jacket on top of her fur coat, she replies that she was reading the directions on the tin of paint, and it said for best results put on two coat's. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:12 - Dec 27 with 4903 views | Boston |
What's a goalkeepers favourite cheese?
Peter Stilton. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:29 - Dec 28 with 4751 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Dec 21 by Esox_Lucius |
OMG!!! I'M SO EXCITED...my wife wanted to give me a special Christmas present. So with 1 dart and a world map she said to throw it and wherever it lands we can go there after Christmas
Sooooo..., yeah it looks like we’ll be spending 2 weeks behind our fridge! |
Reminds me of an earlier(?) joke.
Robin Hood realises he's dying, so with the last of his strength he calls from his bed for his trusty bow and arrow, declaring: "Wheresoever this arrow shall land, that's where I'll be buried"
And that's why Robin Hood was buried in a wardrobe.
(Only posted this in the unlikely event you're stuck for a Robin Hood joke) | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:37 - Jan 8 with 4176 views | qprphil |
When Cubby Broccioli was auditioning for the new James Bond lead, he went for the actor who played Simon Templar, as he wanted someone who could Roger Moore. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:54 - Jan 8 with 4144 views | qprphil |
So Daffy Duck and Elmer Fudd decide to break into a distillery,.
Daffy turns to Elmer and says, " is this whiskey, she said "Yeth,, but not as whiskey as wobbing a bank. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:14 - Jan 10 with 3872 views | Esox_Lucius |
I was admitted to hospital yesterday and the consultant took a look through my notes then turned to an told me I had something very rare, a bed. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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