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Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 822533 viewsBoston

What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?

A Volts Wagon.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

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Corny Joke Warning on 21:25 - Sep 11 with 9872 viewsEsox_Lucius

I taught my dog to play the penny whistle on the London Underground.
It went from Barking to Tooting in 30 minutes.

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 00:06 - Sep 12 with 9778 viewsEsox_Lucius

What do you call a woman who throws all her utility bills in the fire?
Bernadette.

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it’s clear why everyone calls me handsome.

A woman at work started clutching her chest and asked me "Do you think I have acute angina?"
I told her I hadn't seen it but that she has a lovely pair of breasts.

The grass is always greener.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 01:26 - Sep 12 with 9767 viewstimcocking



Please watch number 2 on the list, comedy genius...
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Corny Joke Warning on 03:24 - Sep 12 with 9743 viewsFredManRave

A man goes to the doctor and says, "I've got a problem. I have 5 penises".
The doctor replies, "Wow, how do your trousers fit?".
The man replies, "Like a glove."

This has gone straight in at Number 1 on my list of favourite threads. So many LOL jokes, most of which I'd never heard before.

[Post edited 12 Sep 2018 3:27]

I've got the Power.
Poll: MOM from todays Teasing at Teesside?

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Corny Joke Warning on 09:47 - Sep 12 with 9669 viewsMick_S

What happened to Mary Quant?

Max Factor.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?

2
Corny Joke Warning on 10:02 - Sep 12 with 9655 viewsPlanetHonneywood

It's hard having an addiction to the Hokey Cokey.

But I'm over it now, and that's what it's all about!

'Always In Motion' by John Honney available on amazon.co.uk
Poll: Who should do the Birmingham Frederick?

0
Corny Joke Warning on 10:07 - Sep 12 with 9648 viewsMick_S

Corny Joke Warning on 10:02 - Sep 12 by PlanetHonneywood

It's hard having an addiction to the Hokey Cokey.

But I'm over it now, and that's what it's all about!


The man who wrote the Hokey Cokey just died.

The most traumatic part for his family was getting him in the coffin. They put his left leg in... and then the trouble started.

Did I ever mention that I was in Minder?

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Corny Joke Warning on 10:28 - Sep 12 with 9631 viewsisawqpratwcity

What if the Hokey Cokey is what it's all about?

Poll: Deaths of Thatcher and Mandela this year: Sad or Glad?

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Corny Joke Warning on 11:18 - Sep 12 with 9591 viewsEsox_Lucius

The inventor of predictive text pissed away toady, his funfair is on Monkey.

The grass is always greener.

4
Corny Joke Warning on 11:46 - Sep 12 with 9571 viewsade_qpr

I only have a stepladder.


I never knew my real ladder.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

4
Corny Joke Warning on 13:09 - Sep 12 with 9522 viewsade_qpr

Corny Joke Warning on 11:18 - Sep 12 by Esox_Lucius

The inventor of predictive text pissed away toady, his funfair is on Monkey.


The guy who invented autocorrect has died… restaurant in piece

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

2
Corny Joke Warning on 13:24 - Sep 12 with 9505 viewsEsox_Lucius

The guy who invented the crossword puzzle has died. Can’t remember his name - it was ‘P’ something ‘T’ something ‘R’.

He’s buried in the local cemetery, 3 across and 2 down.

The grass is always greener.

3
Corny Joke Warning on 13:51 - Sep 12 with 9482 viewsEsox_Lucius

The woman sat next to me on the rollercoaster never stopped screaming all the way through the ride... it was like she had never seen a penis before.

The grass is always greener.

6
Corny Joke Warning on 14:22 - Sep 12 with 9461 viewsade_qpr

Corny Joke Warning on 13:51 - Sep 12 by Esox_Lucius

The woman sat next to me on the rollercoaster never stopped screaming all the way through the ride... it was like she had never seen a penis before.


She didn't like the big dipper part?

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

1
Corny Joke Warning on 14:42 - Sep 12 with 9435 viewsdontknowitall

I met a girl in the pub last night and we ended up going back to her place. After a few more drinks we started kissing and having a bit of foreplay on the sofa. She looked at me and said 'Lets take this upstairs'. 'Okay,' i said, 'you grab the one end and i'll grab the other'
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:47 - Sep 12 with 9417 viewsBazzaInTheLoft

Patient: Dr! Dr! I keep thinking I'm a Welsh singer.

Doctor: I'm afraid you have a bad case of Tom Jones syndrome.

Patient: Is it common?

Doctor: It's not unusual.
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Corny Joke Warning on 14:47 - Sep 12 with 9419 viewsDorse

I used to live in a flat with three women, until they found out.

'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!'

2
Corny Joke Warning on 15:35 - Sep 12 with 9378 viewsHantsR

Some time after the crucifixion and resurrection, Andrew and Peter were out in their boat once again, fishing in Lake Galilee. They were having a bad day, catching almost nothing and Andrew reminisced that it had been great when Jesus was around as he simply told them to cast their nets over the other side and they had a bumper haul! Then Peter spotted a figure on the lake shore. "Hey, it's Jesus! fantastic.". "Come on out here and join us again mate, we're having no luck." Jesus heard them and waded out towards their boat but struggled to make progress when the water came up to his chin. "Oi Jesus, you used to walk on the water, what's up!?" "Well I didn't have holes in me feet in those days, did I!?"
2
Corny Joke Warning on 16:11 - Sep 12 with 9348 viewshubble

I just saw a documentary on how ships are put together. It was riveting.

Poll: Who is your player of the season?

6
Corny Joke Warning on 16:17 - Sep 12 with 9343 viewshopphoops

My wife said tie me up and live out your wildest desires. So i tied her firmly to the bedposts and went for a round of golf and a Nandos.

A magnificent football club, the love of our lives, finding a way to finally have its day in the sun.
Poll: When will the next election date be announced?

0
Corny Joke Warning on 16:47 - Sep 12 with 9314 viewsEsox_Lucius

The US National Weather Service is going to rename Hurricane Florence to Dallas Cowboys as it is sure to prevent a touchdown in North Carolina.

The grass is always greener.

1
Corny Joke Warning on 16:48 - Sep 12 with 9317 viewsade_qpr

The wife and I were very happy for twenty years.




Then we met.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

3
Corny Joke Warning on 17:04 - Sep 12 with 9292 viewsEsox_Lucius

A woman answers the phone to a heavy breathing pervert. He breathes “do you have a fat hairy sweaty cnüt?”
She replies “yes he’s on the settee’ let me go and get him!”

The grass is always greener.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 00:30 - Sep 13 with 9132 viewsBoston

What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25yr old doesn't?

A bellybutton.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

2
Corny Joke Warning on 00:32 - Sep 13 with 9130 viewsBoston

What do you get when you cross the Atlantic Ocean with Titanic?

Halfway.

Poll: Thank God The Seaons Over.

3
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