| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 822413 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:10 - Jun 23 with 8661 views | Esox_Lucius |
A local bar was so sure that its barman was the strongest man in the Village that they offered a standing 1000 Quid bet.
The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers; they all tried and
lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said
"I'd like to take on the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay"; grabbed the lemon and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....
six drops fell into the glass.
As the barman paid the 1000 Quid bet, he asked "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker,
a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little man quietly replied:
"I’m a Tax man” |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:05 - Jun 26 with 8313 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:10 - Jun 23 by Esox_Lucius |
A local bar was so sure that its barman was the strongest man in the Village that they offered a standing 1000 Quid bet.
The barman would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran out and challenge any man to squeeze out another drop.
Weightlifters, arm wrestlers; they all tried and
lost the bet.
Then one day, a scrawny little man, (if he stood sideways you would not see him) wearing scratched glasses, a ten year old polyester suit, walked in and said
"I'd like to take on the bet."
After the laughter had died down, the barman said, "Okay"; grabbed the lemon and squeezed away.
Then he handed the wrinkled remains of the Lemon Rind to the little man.
But the Crowd's laughter turned to total silence....as the man clenched his little fist around the lemon....
six drops fell into the glass.
As the barman paid the 1000 Quid bet, he asked "What do you do for a living?
Are you a lumberjack, a metal worker,
a weight-lifter, or what?"
The little man quietly replied:
"I’m a Tax man” |
I was walking past a field and saw a man wearing a smock, holding a crook and not an animal in sight. I had to ask, "Hey, what job are you doing?"
"I'm a spy" he replied.
"So why the outfit then?"
"I'm a shepherds spy" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:19 - Jun 27 with 8143 views | Boston |
Oh my god, did you see the explosion at the cheese factory in France?
Nothing left but debris. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:20 - Jul 3 with 7814 views | Sonofpugwash |
My missus just now called me "pretentious".
I was so gobsmacked my monocle nearly popped out. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:36 - Jul 3 with 7753 views | Boston |
Back in the day, wealthy people had cars and poor people rode horses.
Now, poor people have cars and the rich own the horses.
The stables have turned. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:02 - Jul 3 with 7742 views | Boston |
I live in fairly affluent community. One of my neighbours shelled out and built an ice rink on his property. I was very impressed and asked would he mind if I had a quick go, "sure", he replies, "but It'll cost you a dollar."
Bloody cheapskate. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:21 - Jul 3 with 7737 views | Boston |
Why all the palaver about these shark attacks, huh, it's the fcking ocean, they live in it?
Now come the day one savages a shopper down the local high street... | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:39 - Jul 3 with 7638 views | Sonofpugwash |
I've been asked to play the part of Brutus in the play Julius Caesar at the local drama group.
I think I might have a stab at it. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:43 - Jul 6 with 7454 views | qprphil |
Apparently carpenters are urgently required........
.Cabinet is falling apart - apply to 10 Downing Street.
( No tools required, the building is full of them!) | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:33 - Jul 6 with 7373 views | Dorse |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:43 - Jul 6 by qprphil |
Apparently carpenters are urgently required........
.Cabinet is falling apart - apply to 10 Downing Street.
( No tools required, the building is full of them!) |
Pincher has been replaced. New Deputy Chief Whip, Barry Cleavage-Ogler takes over with immediate effect. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:44 - Jul 9 with 7157 views | Boston |
My Wife and I lived happily for 25 years.
Then we met. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:13 - Jul 11 with 6945 views | johann28 |
Did you hear about that king who was just 12 inches tall?
He was a terrible king but made a great ruler. [Post edited 11 Jul 2022 18:15]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:52 - Jul 14 with 6725 views | Boston |
A ship carrying a cargo of blue paint collided with one loaded with red paint.
Both crews are missing and thought to be marooned. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:57 - Jul 14 with 6724 views | Boston |
When I first met Mrs Boston she was a bit put out hearing I had a boat.
Though nervous she agreed to come for a quick sail down the Thames Estuary.
Coming on board she was shaking and asked if boats like this sunk very often?
"Nah", I replied, "only the once". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:37 - Jul 14 with 6675 views | Esox_Lucius |
When I was a t school a teacher asked us to name our favourite animal. My reply was Fried Chicken; this got me a trip to the headmaster.
Next lesson with the same teacher and they modified the question slightly by asking which was our favourite LIVE animal. I replied Chicken. The teacher asked me why, I replied "you can fry them"... another trip to see the headmaster followed.
Finally the teacher changed tack completely and asked us who our favourite famous person was. My response was Colonel Sanders. Guess where I am now? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 01:07 - Jul 15 with 6620 views | Boston |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:37 - Jul 14 by Esox_Lucius |
When I was a t school a teacher asked us to name our favourite animal. My reply was Fried Chicken; this got me a trip to the headmaster.
Next lesson with the same teacher and they modified the question slightly by asking which was our favourite LIVE animal. I replied Chicken. The teacher asked me why, I replied "you can fry them"... another trip to see the headmaster followed.
Finally the teacher changed tack completely and asked us who our favourite famous person was. My response was Colonel Sanders. Guess where I am now? |
Crossing the road? | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:57 - Jul 16 with 6442 views | colinallcars |
Here's a really, really old joke.
George Gershwin was pulled over by a traffic cop
The cop said “ ya got your ID, Driver's License and Insurance ?”
Gershwin: “ I got none of them “
Cop, sarcastically “ what have ya got then ?”
Gershwin: “ I got rhythm, I got music, I got my gal, who could ask for anything more ?” |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:12 - Jul 17 with 6274 views | Boston |
At which Loftus Rd fixtures is it advisable to wear armour?
Knight games. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:14 - Jul 17 with 6265 views | distortR |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:12 - Jul 17 by Boston |
At which Loftus Rd fixtures is it advisable to wear armour?
Knight games. |
I audibly groaned. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:41 - Jul 18 with 6073 views | Toast_R |
I popped into Greggs on my lunch break, poor sods working in there must be baking. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:59 - Jul 18 with 6016 views | Myke |
Clever sign outside Costa Ballina: You think it's Hot? We've been Roasting since 1971 | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:29 - Jul 19 with 5883 views | Sonofpugwash |
Ice cream van broken down on the M6.Huge tailbacks.
They've put the cones out. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:45 - Jul 20 with 5722 views | Sonofpugwash |
(borrowed)
Her: “Why do we need walkie-talkies? Our relationship is over.”
Me: “Our relationship is what? Over.” | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:22 - Jul 20 with 5643 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:45 - Jul 20 by Sonofpugwash |
(borrowed)
Her: “Why do we need walkie-talkies? Our relationship is over.”
Me: “Our relationship is what? Over.” |
"Rogered and Out" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:22 - Jul 23 with 5410 views | Sonofpugwash |
A mate of mine is recovering after being badly injured at a teddy bears' picnic.
He's not out of the woods yet. | |
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