| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 822534 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:24 - May 16 with 9029 views | Esox_Lucius |
I understand Aliens have not visited Earth yet as Tripadvisor has only given us one star… |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:38 - May 16 with 9014 views | Sonofpugwash |
A date seems to be going well. She said; "Excuse me while I slip into something more comfortable."
Are two days long enough to wait?
Asking for a friend. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:09 - May 16 with 8860 views | johann28 |
I've just invented the world's first telepathically controlled air freshener.
It makes scents when you think about it. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:48 - May 19 with 8511 views | Sonofpugwash |
Missus says to me "You know I'm getting calluses and blisters using this damn broom so much."
So I reply "well you should use the car more often" | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:14 - May 20 with 8354 views | Sonofpugwash |
The Adam Ant diet advice is going quite well.
"Don't chew ever,don't chew ever...." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:04 - May 20 with 8288 views | Boston |
Just what were the lion and the witch doing in the wardrobe?
Narnia business. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:30 - May 20 with 8254 views | Esox_Lucius |
My wife had a real fright when she went for a bath before going to bed last night. As she lay back and shut her eyes she felt a tap on her shoulder. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:30 - May 20 with 8151 views | Myke |
I decided to give up my job as a treadmill tester at my local gym. I just felt my career wasn't going anywhere | | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:48 - May 22 with 7965 views | Sonofpugwash |
Went to the petrol station this morning to fill up the motor,came over all weak and sweaty,heart pounding,tight chest....
I think I'm coming down with Car Owner Virus. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:44 - May 23 with 7782 views | Sonofpugwash |
Mate of mine just phoned in a bit of a panic,thinks he may be suffering from achimptomatic Monkeypox. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:39 - May 23 with 7706 views | Sonofpugwash |
Bad fire at our local zoo yesterday,the monkey house and the bird house affected.
Zookeepers seen pondering what to do with the bodies..
"I know" says one"let's just chuck them into the lions' enclosure."
One of the lions on viewing the cadavers turns to his mate and says "Oh no.Not finch and chimps again" | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:09 - May 25 with 7562 views | johann28 |
Just came second in a Scottish anagram contest. Gutted.
But no use crying over limp kilts. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:22 - Jun 7 with 7118 views | qprphil |
When I was younger I appeared in a few bondage films, I was strapped for cash. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:07 - Jun 9 with 6833 views | Esox_Lucius |
A 3 year old asked me "Where does poo come from?" I thought I would keep it simple, "You've just eaten your breakfast?"
"Yes" she replied.
"Well from your mouth it goes down into your tummy, where your tummy keeps all the good stuff that is in the food and sends the rest to your bottom. Then when you go to the toilet it comes out as poo".
She looked up at me all confused and said "Well where does Tigger come from?" [Post edited 9 Jun 2022 12:09]
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| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:10 - Jun 9 with 6762 views | Esox_Lucius |
I bought one of those Smart light switches for the house; I couldn't fathom out how to get it to work so I took it back and exchanged it for a Dimmer switch. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:29 - Jun 9 with 6742 views | Sonofpugwash |
Neutrinos apparently have mass.
Didn't even know they were Catholic. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:54 - Jun 9 with 6660 views | Esox_Lucius |
A sheepdog runs up to his shepherd and says "That's it! I have got all 40 sheep back in the pen"
The shepherd says "Hang on, I only have 37 sheep"
The sheepdog says "I rounded them up". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:21 - Jun 12 with 6409 views | Sonofpugwash |
Went to the doctor's with a suspicious looking mole.
Doc says they all look like that now go and take it back to your garden. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:15 - Jun 12 with 6281 views | Esox_Lucius |
I found a penguin wandering along the road near me. I took it to the local vet where they recommended that I take it to the zoo. It was really nice there and we are on our way to the cinema next. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:53 - Jun 12 with 6243 views | Boston |
Pirate, concerned about some strange growths on his body, pops down to see Dr Sawbones
"Your fine", says the doc, "they're benign"
"Could you count again", replies the pirate, "I think there be ten". | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:59 - Jun 12 with 6237 views | Boston |
Feeling poorly, I went to see my doctor.
I couldn't believe my ears when he said I only had six months to live, so I shot him.
Judge gave me thirty years. Problem sorted. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:02 - Jun 15 with 5923 views | Esox_Lucius |
Never sponsor someone to do a marathon for charity. The last one I sponsored took my money and ran. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:36 - Jun 15 with 5892 views | Sonofpugwash |
Customs officers have destroyed 1,000 kg of illegally imported Chinese dumplings.
A spokesman said it was wonton destruction. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:25 - Jun 18 with 5661 views | Esox_Lucius |
A woman was enjoying a good game of golf with her girlfriends.
"Oh, no!" she suddenly exclaimed. "Look at the time! I have to rush home and fix dinner for my husband. He'll be so annoyed if it's not ready on time."
When she got home, she discovered all she had in the fridge was a wilted lettuce leaf, an egg and a can of cat food.
With no time to go to the supermarket, she opened the can of cat food, stirred in the egg and garnished it with the lettuce leaf.
She greeted her husband warmly when he came home, and then watched in horror as he sat down to his dinner.
To her surprise, he seemed to be enjoying it.
"Darling, this is the best dinner you've made me in 40 years of marriage! You can make this for me any day."
Needless to say, every golf day from then on, the woman made her husband the same dish.
She told her golf partners about it and they were all horrified. "You're going to kill him!" they exclaimed.
Two months later, her husband died. The women were sitting around the clubhouse, and one of them said, "You killed him! We told you that feeding him cat food every week would do him in! How can you just sit there so calmly knowing you murdered your husband?"
The wife stoically replied, "I didn't kill him, he fell off the window ledge while he was licking himself.” | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:51 - Jun 22 with 5330 views | Esox_Lucius |
I went to Kensington Palace to give Prince William a haircut for his birthday.
I said to the policeman, “Can you let me in to the car park, I'm here to cut Prince William's hair?”
The policeman said “You got a permit?”
I said “No, just a bit off the back!”. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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