| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 883610 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:57 - May 21 with 6223 views | 222gers |
I went into that posh fish shop in Notting Hill Gate yesterday.
“I'd like a lobster please” I said.
“On the rocks sir ?” Said the shopkeeper. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:18 - May 21 with 6167 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:50 - May 18 by colinallcars |
I was in the caff the other day and the bloke at the next table was eating a slice of veal, ham and egg pie with a pig's ear.
I tugged on the waitress's sleeve and said “who's that ?”
She said, “oh, that's Jim, he's just come out of the army. I think they said he was in the pie ‘n’ ear corps” |
A partner in crime with...
Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three; a left ear, a right ear and a wild front ear. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:58 - May 21 with 6132 views | 222gers |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:18 - May 21 by Esox_Lucius |
A partner in crime with...
Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three; a left ear, a right ear and a wild front ear. |
Also, I went into the pub the other day and Vincent Van Gogh was sitting at a table.
I shouted “oi Vince want a pint ?”
“No, it's OK mate, I've got one 'ear” he said. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:18 - May 21 with 6044 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:18 - May 21 by Esox_Lucius |
A partner in crime with...
Q. How many ears did Davy Crockett have?
A. Three; a left ear, a right ear and a wild front ear. |
Captain Kirk - a Right ear, a Left ear and Space, the final Front ear. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:30 - May 21 with 5918 views | Lblock |
When's the best time to eat a Ruby Murray?
When Tariq Aziz |  |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:10 - May 28 with 5587 views | Esox_Lucius |
After a troop of monkeys murdered Mr Smith, the local paper stole a line from Freddy Mercury for the following headline.
Mammals, just killed a man. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 02:30 - May 29 with 5445 views | Boston |
Y'know why you should never judge someone until you've walked a mile in their shoes?
Coz you're a mile away with a new free footwear. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:29 - Jun 4 with 5152 views | colinallcars |
I was at the doctor's this morning - he told me to watch my drinking.
So I went straight down to the Dog & Muffler and asked the Guv'nor to put a mirror behind the bar. |  | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:18 - Jun 10 with 4841 views | hantssi |
The sky was looking ominous so l asked Siri,
"Surely, it's not going to rain today?"
And she replied, "Yes it is, and don't call me Shirley."
That was when I realized I'd left my phone on Airplane mode. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:59 - Jun 10 with 4801 views | Sonofpugwash |
Went on a blind date and my mate said;
"Quick heads up- she's expecting a baby."
I felt like a right pillock waiting at the bar, wearing a nappy. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:44 - Jun 10 with 4767 views | Lblock |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:18 - Jun 10 by hantssi |
The sky was looking ominous so l asked Siri,
"Surely, it's not going to rain today?"
And she replied, "Yes it is, and don't call me Shirley."
That was when I realized I'd left my phone on Airplane mode. |
Brilliant | |
| Cherish and enjoy life.... this ain't no dress rehearsal |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:49 - Jun 11 with 4554 views | Rebalhoop |
My lesbian friend has just started making her own bread,
She uses dill dough | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 10:57 - Jun 12 with 4453 views | Esox_Lucius |
Mum! Which setting do I use on the washing machine?
What are you washing?
A Tee shirt
What does it say on the Tee shirt?
Blink 182 | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:15 - Jun 12 with 4368 views | Sonofpugwash |
Got arrested for playing Engelbert Humperdinck records too loud, all night.
Police released me, let me go. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:57 - Jun 12 with 4318 views | loftboy |
Who’s the patron saint of Emails?
Francis of a CC |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:08 - Jun 12 with 4210 views | Sonofpugwash |
My dad was notoriously tight with money.
When tipping taxi drivers, he would slip something into their top pocket saying “Have a drink on me!”.
When they checked, they’d find it was a teabag. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:26 - Jun 13 with 4061 views | Sonofpugwash |
True story...
Tommy Cooper talking to Queen Elizabeth after the Royal Variety show.
"Can I ask you a personal question maam?"
"Depends what it is."
"Do you like football?"
" Not really."
"Can I have your Cup Final tickets then?"
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:47 - Jun 13 with 3951 views | Discodroids |
|  |
| Don't need no politicians to tell me things I shouldn't be,
Neither no opticians to tell me what I oughta see. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:20 - Jun 20 with 3661 views | hantssi |
Ooh archaeologists have just unearthed a 16th century pencil belonging to Shakespeare…..
……Scientists are trying to work out if it's 2B or not 2B | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:19 - Jun 20 with 3558 views | Boston |
A Nuetron walks into a bar and asks for a beer.
"How much is it", he enquires?
"For you", comes the reply, "no charge".
" | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:03 - Jun 20 with 3489 views | Rebalhoop |
I’m going to make Bras from a material that never loses it’s shape…
Mammary foam.. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:13 - Jun 25 with 3174 views | Esox_Lucius |
As the years are piling up now I sometimes find myself in a reflective mood and looking back on all the people I've lost over those years.
I don't think I was cut out to be a tour guide. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:40 - Jun 25 with 7951 views | Boston |
My cat swallowed a ball of wool.
Couple of months later she had mittens. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:22 - Jun 26 with 7653 views | Sonofpugwash |
Just found out that acupuncture can't cure pins and needles. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:04 - Jun 26 with 7575 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:22 - Jun 26 by Sonofpugwash |
Just found out that acupuncture can't cure pins and needles. |
Needs an injection | | | |
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