| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 805278 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 02:12 - Dec 17 with 8147 views | Boston |
The problem being a trouble shooter in the Bronx is that the trouble usually shoots back. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 07:19 - Dec 18 with 7934 views | Dorse |
A man is walking through the park in Manchester was he sees a toddler about to be attacked by a rottweiler. He runs over and, just as the dog is about to sink its teeth into the kid, he grabs the dog's collar. The struggle is violent, with the dog desperately trying to get yhe kid but the guy won't let go! Eventually, the dog's collar begins to strangle it and the dog, with one last snap, drops dead.
Exhausted, the man slumps down and checks the toddler is alright. As he does so, a man runs up to him and says:
'That's the bravest thing I've ever seen! I'm a news reporter, and i have to tell the world how you saved that child! I can see the headline now: City Fan Saves Toddler From Jaws Of Death'.
'That's very kind of you,' says the man, 'but I'm not a City fan'.
'No matter,' replies the reporter, 'what about Child Owes Life To United Hero'?
'Well,' says the man, 'that's not quite right either. You see, I don't actually support United'
'Fine' says the reporter, 'who do you support?'
'Liverpool' replies the man.
'Aha!' the reporter exclaims. 'In that case, I have the perfect headline: Scouse Bastard Kills Family Pet'. [Post edited 18 Dec 2021 7:19]
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| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:53 - Dec 19 with 7729 views | CliveWilsonSaid |
A letter arrives at the post office just addressed to 'GOD'. The postal worker passes it to his supervisor saying "what are we going to do with this one?" They decide that the best thing to do is open it and see what it says.
'Dear God.
It's been a tough year and I could do with a bit of extra cash for Christmas. Just to buy something nice for the family. Is there any chance you could send me a few quid? £100 would be great if you could help. Thanks.
Yours.......'
So they decide to have a bit of a whip around. Everyone puts something in and they manage to make £95. Put it in an envelope and post it to the sender.
After New Year they get another letter addressed to 'GOD'. Again it's given to the supervisor and opened.
'Dear God
Thanks for sending the money before Christmas. It came in very useful but there was only £95 by the time it got to me. I reckon those thieving bastards from the post office nicked a fiver.....' |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:01 - Dec 21 with 7499 views | johncharles |
Boris Johnson has ordered an emergency Cabernet meeting |  |
| Strong and stable my arse. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:10 - Dec 21 with 7436 views | OldPedro |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:01 - Dec 21 by johncharles |
Boris Johnson has ordered an emergency Cabernet meeting |
I wonder what his favourite cheese is?? |  |
| Extra mature cheddar......a simple cheese for a simple man |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:27 - Dec 21 with 7283 views | Dorse |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:10 - Dec 21 by OldPedro |
I wonder what his favourite cheese is?? |
Foreskinzola. | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:20 - Dec 22 with 7218 views | Boston |
What d'ya call a fish with no eyes?
Fssh. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 00:31 - Dec 22 with 7211 views | Boston |
From the sixth floor of a burning apartment building a woman is screaming for help.
A passing pedestrian shouts out for her to jump.
Terrified, she cannot comply.
The pedestrian again tells her to jump, adding that he is a wide receiver in the NFL and will catch her before she hits the ground.
The woman edges forward then asks, "what team do you play for?"
"The New York Jets" comes the reply.
Grimmacing, the lady turns around and takes her chances with the fire. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:00 - Dec 22 with 7060 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:31 - Dec 22 by Boston |
From the sixth floor of a burning apartment building a woman is screaming for help.
A passing pedestrian shouts out for her to jump.
Terrified, she cannot comply.
The pedestrian again tells her to jump, adding that he is a wide receiver in the NFL and will catch her before she hits the ground.
The woman edges forward then asks, "what team do you play for?"
"The New York Jets" comes the reply.
Grimmacing, the lady turns around and takes her chances with the fire. |
I was stood on the top of the high diving board at my local swimming pool with a large fish under my arm.
The lifeguard shouts up at me "What are you doing"?
I replied "A triple somersault with a Pike". [Post edited 23 Dec 2021 9:45]
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| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:36 - Dec 22 with 7003 views | Myke |
In a related incident to the previous two posts I was at the top of a very famous tower in Paris. I leaned over a bit too far to get a better view and...
Eiffel | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:39 - Dec 22 with 6993 views | Myke |
For years I slept on old magazines and newspapers. As a result I have a lot of back issues | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:13 - Dec 23 with 6847 views | loftboy |
I hope this Christmas is better than last years, which was the quietest one ever after my dear old dyslexic Gran made us a Christmas cake and mistakenly covered it in Tamazepan......... |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:13 - Dec 23 with 6806 views | Sonofpugwash |
Very interetsing documentary on Welsh tv at the moment.The tale of a member of downstairs staff working in a Victorian Pembrokeshire hunting estate and his attempts to be environmentally friendly called How Green Was My Valet. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:11 - Dec 24 with 6575 views | acricketer |
Remember back when we used to eat cake someone had just blew over?
Boy, we were wild! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:16 - Dec 24 with 6568 views | Boston |
I'm giving people dead batteries for Christmas...they're free of charge. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:00 - Dec 24 with 6515 views | Boston |
What d'ya call a kid who doesn't believe in Father Christmas?
Rebel without a Claus. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:06 - Dec 24 with 6458 views | Boston |
Why can't turkeys eat Christmas dinner?
They're already stuffed. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:16 - Dec 24 with 6451 views | Boston |
Who's Santa's favourite singer?
Elfis Presley. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:21 - Dec 24 with 6445 views | loftboy |
My daughter was doing her history homework and asked me what I knew about Galileo.
I said he was a poor boy from a poor family! [Post edited 24 Dec 2021 21:05]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:16 - Dec 24 with 6382 views | Boston |
What's the difference between a Christmas and an ordinary alphabet?
Christmas has no el. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:27 - Dec 25 with 6224 views | Esox_Lucius |
Are people who are scared of Santa Claustrophobic? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:16 - Dec 25 with 6127 views | Myke |
I once heard about this very large but very shy rock. All it wanted was to be a little boulder | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:11 - Dec 26 with 5958 views | acricketer |
I asked my doctor if masturbation was bad for my eyesight.
He said, "You're in Halford's mate!" | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 12:18 - Dec 28 with 5751 views | Esox_Lucius |
“I've been cheating on you,”
I said to the missus, She said, “Really? Honestly?
You lousy b@st@rd,”
“and furthermore” I said
“she says I am amazing in bed”
“Feckin hell” she said “you silly b@st@rd,
you had me going there for a minute as well.” | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:08 - Dec 29 with 5617 views | Esox_Lucius |
A woman brings her very limp Duck to the emergency vet.
The woman puts her duck on the table and the vet puts his stethoscope on the duck's chest, listens very carefully and slowly shakes his head.
I'm sorry but your duck Cuddles has passed away. The woman gets very distressed and starts to cry then says how can you be so sure you haven't done any tests or anything.
The Vet rolls his eyes goes out of the room and comes back with a brown Labrador dog. The Dog puts his front paws on the table sniffs around the duck looks at the vet and shakes his head.
The vet brings the dog out and comes back with a cat. The cat jumps up on the table sniffs all around the duck looks at the vet and shakes her head.
The vet takes the cat out of the room and comes back shortly with a bill for £150. The woman gets very agitated saying £150 for what? Just so you can tell me my duck is dead.
The vet says if you had taken my word it would have only been £20 but after The lab report & the cat scan it's now £150 | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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