| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 822651 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:18 - Sep 23 with 9217 views | acricketer |
Did you know that Stevie Nicks once turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner?
She didn't want to be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:12 - Sep 24 with 8994 views | Sonofpugwash |
My dentist told me, “This might hurt a little bit. Are you ready?”
I said, “Yes, I’m ready.”
He said, “I’m sleeping with your wife.” |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:05 - Sep 25 with 8874 views | Sonofpugwash |
It was my wife’s birthday and she rang me to see what time I would be home.
“I can’t talk,” I said, “I’m driving.”
“Where are you?” she asked.
“The seventh tee.” I replied.
(When I eventually got home she shoved a golf ball up where the sun doesn't shine.
My doctor said it had gone up a fair way.) | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:32 - Sep 27 with 8578 views | Sonofpugwash |
Torrential rain at the moment and the roof over the aviary is leaking.
It's getting on my tits. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:17 - Sep 29 with 8405 views | qprphil |
A cranky old woman in her senior years was arrested for stealing at her local grocery store, she gave everybody a hard time, from the store manager, to the security guard, to the arresting officer who took her away.
She complained and criticised everything and everyone through the whole process.
When she appeared before the judge, the judge asked her what she had stolen from the store. The woman defiantly replied, "a can of peaches you old fool."
The judge then asked why she had done it. She replied, " I was hungry and forgot to bring any cash to the store." The judge asked how many peaches were in the tin. " Nine, but why do you care about that?" The judge answered patiently, " well mam because I'm going to give you nine days in jail, one day for each peach in the tin."
As the judge was about to drop his gavel, the woman's long suffering husband rose his hand and asked if he was able to speak. The judge said, " yes sir what do you have to say?." The husband said meekly, " she also stole two cans of peas." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:27 - Sep 29 with 8390 views | Sonofpugwash |
I said to a mate yesterday “My girlfriend keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character, and it’s getting really annoying!”
He said, “Are you mad at her?”
I said, " Don’t you start.” | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:55 - Sep 29 with 8303 views | Esox_Lucius |
Months ago I went for an audition for the lead in a West End production of the life story of Vincent Van Gogh.
I really really wanted the part and I did everything I could to get it.
When they rang to tell me I had got the role, I couldn't believe my ear. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:25 - Sep 29 with 8289 views | DavieQPR |
I know it's raining 'Cats and Dogs' because I just trod in a poodle. |  | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:55 - Sep 30 with 8147 views | Sonofpugwash |
Not many people know that Anne Boleyn had a less than well known brother called Tennepynne. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:34 - Sep 30 with 8087 views | Newhopphoops |
A priest, an imam and a rabbit walk into a blood bank. The rabbit says,"I think I might be a type O." |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:49 - Sep 30 with 8002 views | Myke |
My body is getting all mixed up - it must be old age. My nose runs and my feet smell [Post edited 1 Oct 2021 0:26]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:18 - Oct 1 with 7848 views | Myke |
Is a calendar the only non- perishable good that has an expiry date? | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:49 - Oct 3 with 7699 views | Sonofpugwash |
Went to see the doc yesterday(yes really)
I said "Doc...please help,I feel awful....in the morning I feel like a wigwam and in the afternoon I feel like a teepee."
He said.."the trouble with you is you're just two tents." | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:13 - Oct 3 with 7639 views | Esox_Lucius |
I have a Scottish friend who was at the doctors on Friday. He told the doctor that he had "a wee cough".
The doctor asked if he had any plans to go anywhere. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 08:48 - Oct 5 with 7380 views | loftboy |
Good heavens. Just seen a bloke stagger out of Tesco with thirty cases of San Miguel, 80 paella meals and 10 Sombrero hats.
Thought to meself, Hispanic buying. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:05 - Oct 5 with 7368 views | loftboy |
Just seen this bloke trying to walk up a steep hill with a sack load of horseshoes, heather and rabbits feet in a wheelbarrow
Thought to meself, he’s pushing his luck. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:52 - Oct 5 with 7321 views | Sonofpugwash |
As I laid on the hospital trolley awaiting my surgery, I asked the doctor, “How long will I be in hospital?”
He said, “If all goes well, about a week. If not, about 45 minutes.” | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:22 - Oct 6 with 7132 views | Sonofpugwash |
My missus purchased a world map and then gave me a dart and said, “Throw this and wherever it lands–that’s where I’m taking you when this pandemic ends.”
Turns out, we’re spending two weeks behind the fridge. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:00 - Oct 6 with 7110 views | Esox_Lucius |
A man was out fishing one fine day on the banks of the Severn. He sat there for some time, admiring the landscape and enjoying the beautiful spring weather. Suddenly there was a pull on his line. He struggled with his catch until finally a big salmon stuck its head out of the water. "Leave me alone" burbled the fish. The man, very taken aback at this, said "What? A talking fish?. Regaining his composure, he said "What's your name?". "Rusty", said the salmon. They chatted for a while about the world, life, philosophy etc and then the man unhooked the fish before the fish waved with his fin and swam away.
Some years later, also fishing on the Severn, the same man suddenly felt a pull on his line. After much effort, the man pulled another salmon out of the water. "Stop! Leave me alone" said the fish. "My goodness me", said the man, It's not you Rusty is it?". "Yes" said the fish. "Where have you been all this time?" asked the man. "Oh I've been living near a wreck way out in the North Atlantic, writing a book of poetry". "Oh yes? ? said the man, "What's it called". The fish stared at him, smiling and said "The Titanic Verses by Salmon Rusty!" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:30 - Oct 6 with 7081 views | Sonofpugwash |
Had a neck brace fitted ages ago.
Haven't looked back since. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:04 - Oct 6 with 6991 views | qprphil |
I asked the waitress for a quickie and she slapped me.
The old woman next to me said, " it's pronounced quiche dear.." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 19:54 - Oct 6 with 6968 views | Sonofpugwash |
My girlfriend said to me last night..." I can count fourteen things about you that really,really annoy me apart from your stupid obsession with tennis".
I think you'll find that's fifteen luv" I replied. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:12 - Oct 7 with 6719 views | loftboy |
King Edward, the King of the Potatoes had a daughter, a Princess who wanted to marry John Motson. The King forbade it because John Motson was a commentator. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:21 - Oct 10 with 6451 views | qprphil |
I ordered a Chinese last night, the little Chinese driver comes to the door and I walked out to meet him. He started shouting, isolate, isolate,. I said look mate, your're not that late I only ordered it fifteen minutes ago,!!!!!!!!!!! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 17:46 - Oct 10 with 6379 views | qprphil |
When I offer to wash your back in the shower , all you have to say is yes or no. None of this
who are you, and how did you get in here nonsense.
I finally did it!!!!!!! I bought myself a pair of shoes with memory insoles. No more wondering why I walked into the kitchen.
[Post edited 10 Oct 2021 17:49]
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