| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 807299 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:11 - Aug 15 with 9061 views | Esox_Lucius |
I was in London the other day when an American tourist stopped me and asked me the best way to Selfridges...
I told him probably to put them on eBay. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 15:19 - Aug 15 with 9054 views | Esox_Lucius |
The gaps between the treads on ladders has been slowly increasing over the years due to people getting taller.
The manufacturers have said it is down to climb it change. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:15 - Aug 16 with 8890 views | johann28 |
Two wives go out on a girl's night. They both get pissed senseless and walk home. En route they're both desperate for a pee, and eventually spy a cemetery they can hide in. No loo paper, so wife A uses her knickers and wife B uses part of a wreath attached to a grave.
All hell breaks loose with the hubbys the following morning. 'That's the last time she goes out to play with the girls', Hubby A sneeringly says to Hubby B. 'She came back, flopped on the sofa, and had no knickers on!'. 'Ah', says Hubby B, 'you think you've got problems. My wife came back and crashed out with a card up her arse saying 'thanks for the memories, our love to you from all the fire brigade.' |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:26 - Aug 16 with 8834 views | colinallcars |
I was walking down Goldhawk Rd after the Millwall game and a bloke stopped me and said, “'ere mate, what's the best way to Turnham Green?”
“Leave 'em out in the rain” I replied. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:56 - Aug 17 with 8640 views | Dorse |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:26 - Aug 16 by colinallcars |
I was walking down Goldhawk Rd after the Millwall game and a bloke stopped me and said, “'ere mate, what's the best way to Turnham Green?”
“Leave 'em out in the rain” I replied. |
Turnham Green: last known address of the Incredible Hulk. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:02 - Aug 17 with 8575 views | loftboy |
Applied for a job yesterday, the HR manager said “can you perform under pressure” I said “sure I also do a pretty mean Bohemian Rhapsody ” |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:33 - Aug 17 with 8465 views | Sonofpugwash |
I remember the time I took my son out for his first pint.
Got him a Fosters ….. he didn’t like it — I had it.
Then I got him Carlsberg, he didn’t like it so I had it.
It was the same with Cider.
By the time we got down to the whisky I could hardly push the pram home. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 18:19 - Aug 17 with 8435 views | qprphil |
I walked into a pub with my Mrs and the barman said, " punching above your weight aren't you?" "Where did you find her?"
"Thailand, we're getting married" I replied.
"You don't want to get married, that's when the blowjobs stops" he said..
"I don't mind that, I hate giving them to her anyway, "he replied. | | | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:14 - Aug 18 with 8265 views | Sonofpugwash |
I lost in the final of the pub quiz at the weekend.
Apparently the answer to the question:
'Where do women have the curliest hair?'
Is Fiji. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:59 - Aug 18 with 8157 views | Boston |
They found our local ice cream man dead in his van. Slumped over the steering wheel he was, covered in raspberry sauce and hundreds and thousands....Police reckon he topped himself. [Post edited 18 Aug 2021 23:08]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:38 - Aug 19 with 8043 views | Esox_Lucius |
I bought some chips from McDonald’s.
I was about to eat them when they spoke and said to me,
“A big change is coming up.”
“Did you have an Uncle John with a limp?”
“The number 47 will prove lucky.”
….then I realised they were medium fries. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 11:47 - Aug 20 with 7906 views | Dorse |
Batman and Robin are in the batcave when Robin asks:
'Batman, how is it that, even though we're a partnership, everything gets named after you?'
'What do mean?' replies Batman. 'We're the Dynamic Duo aren't we?'
'Well, that's my point', says Robin, 'You've got the Batcave, Batmobile, Batcopter, Batarang - even the anti-shark bat-spray! Everything! Name one thing that's named after me?'
Batman ponders this and replies 'Well, there's the Reliant, Robin...' | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:15 - Aug 20 with 7881 views | SK_hoops |
I got invited out by two famous footballing brothers at the same time. As I'd never really met Phil, I had a night out with Gary.
Better the Neville you know. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:26 - Aug 20 with 7827 views | Sonofpugwash |
I went to a strip club at lunchtime today but it wasn’t open.
The sign on the door said, “Sorry, we’re clothed” | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 16:30 - Aug 20 with 7781 views | pragueranger |
Two teenagers were caught by police in a disused warehouse throwing batteries and fireworks around.
One was charged, but they let the other one off. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:49 - Aug 20 with 7770 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:30 - Aug 20 by pragueranger |
Two teenagers were caught by police in a disused warehouse throwing batteries and fireworks around.
One was charged, but they let the other one off. |
Probably the same teenagers who stole a calendar from WH Smiths. They got 6 months each. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:09 - Aug 21 with 7650 views | Sonofpugwash |
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:23 - Aug 21 with 7638 views | Dorse |
Went to the doctors today and they said that they were very worried as my DNA was backwards.
I said 'And...?' | |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:59 - Aug 21 with 7618 views | pragueranger |
Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs?
Jason’s Doner Van | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 18:40 - Aug 21 with 7505 views | colinallcars |
Things seem to be getting back to some sort of normality after the worst of the Covid pandemic. There's a circus at the common near where I live this weekend. I was driving past this morning and some clown pulled right out in front of me. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 05:33 - Aug 25 with 7204 views | B_Wad |
Speaking of clowns...
A father took his 8 year old to the office on Take Your Kid to Work Day. As they were walking around, the 8 year old began to start sobbing and got very cranky. The father asked his daughter what was wrong as a group of his coworkers gathered around. The daughter sobbed, "Daddy, where are all the clowns that you said you work with?" |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:18 - Aug 25 with 7105 views | Sonofpugwash |
Whilst driving to work, robbers jumped into my car and stole everything.
They were the pirates of the car I be in. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 12:13 - Aug 27 with 6918 views | SK_hoops |
An ex vice president of the USA is setting up a class teaching about internet patterns via the means of interprative dance. It's called Al Gore Rhythms. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:24 - Aug 27 with 6873 views | willis1980 |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:59 - Aug 21 by pragueranger |
Where does Kylie Minogue get her kebabs?
Jason’s Doner Van |
there is acutally a doner van in bristol that goes by this name | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 13:46 - Aug 27 with 6853 views | qprphil |
An old couple are having breakfast when the old woman says to her husband, " just think honey we've been married for 50 yrs?" " Yes" he replies.
Fifty years ago we were sitting at this breakfast table together, and we were probably naked as jailbirds."
" Well the old woman snickers, should we get naked for old times sake?"
So they strip off their clothing and sit back down at the table. " You know" the old woman says breathlessly, " my nipples are as hot for you today as they were 50 years ago."
" I'm not surprised " replies the old man. " Ones in your coffee, and the other's in your oatmeal".!!!!!!!! | | | |
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