| Corny Joke Warning 16:56 - Aug 29 with 807332 views | Boston |
What vehicle do electricians prefer to drive?
A Volts Wagon. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:08 - Jul 14 with 7902 views | johann28 |
Has Covid-19 forced you to wear glasses and mask together at the same time? You may be entitled to condensation. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:22 - Jul 14 with 7880 views | acricketer |
Due to my total obsession with Police interview techniques, my wife has told me that she’s leaving me.
For the benefit of the tape she left at 9.07 am | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 11:47 - Jul 17 with 7746 views | johann28 |
My wife knocked herself out sleepwalking. I had to call a somnambulance. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:56 - Jul 17 with 7686 views | lightwaterhoop |
Q What borders on stupidity.
A Canada and Mexico. | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Jul 20 with 7536 views | johncharles |
Man who refused to believe he had fallen into a river in Egypt is in denial |  |
| Strong and stable my arse. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:00 - Jul 20 with 7476 views | Esox_Lucius |
Three animals were having an argument over who was the best.
The Hawk said because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything from above.
The Lion based his claim on his strength.
The Skunk said he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature.
As they debated, an alligator came along and swallowed them all... hawk, lion and stinker. |  |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 13:37 - Jul 21 with 7348 views | NewBee |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:00 - Jul 20 by Esox_Lucius |
Three animals were having an argument over who was the best.
The Hawk said because of his ability to fly, he could attack anything from above.
The Lion based his claim on his strength.
The Skunk said he needed neither flight nor strength to frighten off any creature.
As they debated, an alligator came along and swallowed them all... hawk, lion and stinker. |
I'm not sure you should be on a joke thread, Esox.
Or haven't you heard the advice: "Dont tell 'em, Pike!"? | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 08:30 - Jul 22 with 7265 views | Esox_Lucius |
I went to see my doctor because I had been feeling run down lately. She took one look at my wrinkled clothes and said it was definitely an iron deficiency. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 14:33 - Jul 22 with 7213 views | Trom |
| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Jul 20 by johncharles |
Man who refused to believe he had fallen into a river in Egypt is in denial |
His brother went crazy and fell into a river in Paris. Experts say he's in Seine |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:03 - Jul 22 with 7167 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 14:33 - Jul 22 by Trom |
His brother went crazy and fell into a river in Paris. Experts say he's in Seine |
Did anyone see that documentary about a 70's porn star who decided to smash his penis with a 14lb sledge to mark his retirement from the industry? It was called "Holmes Under The Hammer". | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 09:43 - Jul 25 with 7050 views | Esox_Lucius |
I phoned the RSPCA and told them that there was a pole cat clinging onto my ceiling fan .
They said they didn't believe me .
I said You'll just have to take my whirred ferret. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 23:56 - Jul 25 with 6972 views | acricketer |
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?"
"Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist.
"No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife." | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:58 - Jul 25 with 6971 views | acricketer |
Fancy playing hide and seek all day and getting paid for it?
Become a member of staff at B&Q! | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 05:34 - Jul 26 with 6936 views | FredManRave |
| Corny Joke Warning on 23:56 - Jul 25 by acricketer |
A man goes into Boots and says: "Have you got any Viagra?"
"Do you have a prescription?" asks the chemist.
"No," he replies, "But 'I've got a photograph of the wife." |
LOL |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 17:55 - Jul 26 with 6865 views | Boston |
My wife has never been very good in the kitchen.
The other day she made me some sandwiches for work, after a couple of bites I had to throw them away.
When I got home I asked her what the fck did she put in them?
"Crab paste " comes the answer.
"Christ, where did you get that?"
"The chemist" she replied. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 19:35 - Jul 26 with 6830 views | Boston |
Don't spell part backwards.
It's a trap. | |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 22:46 - Jul 30 with 6713 views | acricketer |
I was at a job interview yesterday when the manager handed me a laptop and said: “I want you to try to sell this to me.”
So I put it under my arm, left the building and went home.
Later he called me and said: “Bring my laptop back now.”
I said: “£200 and it’s yours.” | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 00:12 - Aug 1 with 6592 views | Myke |
| Corny Joke Warning on 22:51 - Dec 7 by loftboy |
What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises ..... it becomes daytrogen! |
A catholic priest, an Anglican minister and a rabbit walked into a blood bank. The rabbit goes ' I think I'm a type O' | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:47 - Aug 2 with 6473 views | acricketer |
Apart from "It's okay", which other death threats do women use? | | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 20:55 - Aug 2 with 6405 views | Esox_Lucius |
| Corny Joke Warning on 16:47 - Aug 2 by acricketer |
Apart from "It's okay", which other death threats do women use? |
I joined Slimmers World in Stratford-On-Avon. The first thing they asked me was "Tubby or not tubby"? | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:38 - Aug 2 with 6363 views | qprxtc |
My wife asked me if I fancy a bit of how’s yer father?
I said not too good, he’s been dead ten years. |  | | |
| Corny Joke Warning on 15:19 - Aug 5 with 6226 views | Esox_Lucius |
A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband.. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
" Rome ? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and dirty.. You're crazy to go to Rome .. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking BA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"BA?" exclaimed the hairdresser.. " That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome ?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called Teste."
"Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it’s gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump."
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and maybe get to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the hairdresser. You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an ant.
Boy, good luck on this lousy trip of yours. You're going to need it..."
A month later, the woman again came in for a hairdo. The hairdresser asked her about her trip to Rome
"It was wonderful," explained the woman, "not only were we on time in one of BA's brand new planes, but it was overbooked, and they bumped us up to first class. The food and wine were wonderful, and I had a handsome 28-year-old steward who waited on me hand and foot.
And the hotel was great! They'd just finished a £5 million remodelling job, and now it's a jewel, the finest hotel in the city. They too, were overbooked, so they apologized and gave us their owner's suite at no extra charge!"
"Well," muttered the hairdresser, "that's all well and good, but I bet you didn't get to see the Pope."
"Actually, we were quite lucky, because as we toured the Vatican, a Swiss Guard tapped me on the shoulder, and explained that the Pope likes to meet some of the visitors, and if I'd be so kind as to step into his private room and wait, the Pope would personally greet me.
Sure enough, five minutes later, the Pope walked through the door and shook my hand! I knelt down and he spoke a few words to me"
"Oh, really! What'd he say ?"
He said: "Who the Fück did your hair?" | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 21:34 - Aug 6 with 6080 views | acricketer |
Just did a big load of pajamas so I'd have enough clean work clothes for this week. [Post edited 7 Aug 2020 19:08]
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| Corny Joke Warning on 10:09 - Aug 9 with 5943 views | loftboy |
The inventor of Tupperware has had his funeral delayed by 24 hours as they couldn’t find the right lid for the coffin. |  |
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| Corny Joke Warning on 20:44 - Aug 9 with 5856 views | Esox_Lucius |
I told my granny a very funny joke, she pissed herself.
She didn't get the joke, she's incontinent. | |
| The grass is always greener. |
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