The inmates are starting to get restless after last weekend’s embarrassment at Fleetwood, and for all the platitudes and welcome arrival of Jamal Lowe this week it’s action and action alone that will placate people at Reading tomorrow.
Lancashire and District Senior League >>> Saturday January 14, 2023 >>> Kick Off 15.00 >>> Weather — Wet and windy >>> Oak Furnitureland, Junction 11, M4
QPR embarrassing themselves in the FA Cup isn’t going to make any self-respecting news editor a one with a turn to three.
They’ve now been dumped out of that competition at the third round stage — the point of entry for almost all of their modern existence — on 51 occasions, more than any other club in the country. Between 2001 and 2004, while in the Second Division rebuilding under Ian Holloway, they had to enter the first round, and they lost each of those in turn to Swansea (4-0 while they were 92/92 in the Football League), Vauxhall Motors (who we had two swings at, and they were disappointed the replay went to penalties as a lot of them had work the next day); and Grimsby Town (relegated at the end of that season). Didn’t like that one either, no?
It’s easy to look back on bygone times, and the QPR teams we fell in love with, through blue and white hooped glasses, remembering only the good and none of the bad. I reminisce about the Bardsley-Wilson-Wilkins-Sinton/Sinclair-Impey-Ferdinand team that stole my heart as a child, and when you see that pathetic, limp-dicked excuse for a performance at Fleetwood last Saturday it’s tempting to think that this voiceless, leaderless team needs an Alan McDonald in the dressing room to sort them all out and set some standards. But that team never won anything either, and with an eleven that should have been capable of possibly going and winning the thing outright lost at Stockport County. I should know, I was there as a nine-year-old, watching my dad rattle the doors of a pub on a big roundabout at ten in the morning to persuade the dressing-gowned landlord it would be financially beneficial for him to open up — "one of Rob’s awaydays” came a brave voice from the back of the group. Still miss him terribly.
A lot of you reading this will have fallen in love with QPR in the 1980s. Bannister-Byrne-Stainrod-Allen-Hazell-Hucker and all the rest of them. They went as far as reaching two cup finals, one in each competition, under first Terry Venables and later Jim Smith. You think of those times and you think of Allen at Highbury, or winding the Palace fans up; you think of Bob Hazell marking Cyrille Regis out of existence; later of Michael Robinson scoring from the halfway line and two own goals at Anfield. Later still you think of Kenny Sansom driving one home through the rain at the Loft End to knock his former employer Arsenal out. ‘Terry Fenwick wouldn’t have stood for this’, you think as you get back in the car and set off back from the Fylde Coast last weekend, but Bannister and Byrne and McDonald and Waddock and indeed Fenwick were all in a QPR team that ditched out in the FA Cup third round at Doncaster Rovers in January 1985.
It is, sadly, just something QPR do, and have always done. It is not necessarily the sign of a bad QPR team or a badly run QPR club, because no set of players, manager, group of directors or owners has ever been able to cure our insatiable desire to be the cum sponge at an orgy of distinctly average looking podgy blokes on the first Saturday of January. You can’t help what turns you on, and few things do it more effectively for QPR than this annual ritual humiliation in front of a gathered crowd. The fact they film it and put it on Match of the Day only seems to encourage us: "don’t be nice to me, tell me how much I’m sweating” (© Paul Jewell).
The experience, and the now routine nature of it, has numbed a large section of the support. The reaction I get more than any other now is "can’t believe you bothered going up there, what did you expect?”. It is, admittedly, the day of the year when QPR and LFW feels most like work to me. The devaluing of cup competitions in the UK generally, as we allow the sport to continue its incessant march toward the Premier League being the only show in town, along with our club’s obvious lack of interest in them has bred apathy among the good people of Shepherd’s Bush. ‘We’re not going to win the cup, the fixture list is disastrous enough as it is, our squad is already thin, we don’t need the extra games and midweek fixtures it brings,’ a cynic/pragmatist writes. I obviously don’t agree - I think a cup run of any sort could be a much needed injection of excitement for an increasingly apathetic fan base and would do a good deal more to attract new and younger fans to W12 than playing two shit league games against Preston every year for the rest of our lives; and I also think it's a bit of a liberty when a club which pleads poverty on everything from signing a new striker right down to running a second coach to away games is so willing to turn down the chance of prize money, TV payments and big ticket opportunities at home to Premier League clubs — but I do get that point of view.
Despite this, it is still the FA Cup third round disasters that often provoke the strongest reactions among our support. Neil Warnock, despite delivering one of the happiest times in living memory just six months prior, was binned after a draw (not a defeat) at MK Dons when the travelling fans had sung "Premier League you’re having a laugh” at their own team. Gerry Francis, a club legend of more than 30 years’ standing, got the "Gerry sort it out” treatment right in the teeth as he walked across the pitch at Kenilworth Road in 2001 — again, that was a draw (3-3) and not a defeat. Once more, on Saturday, up in Lancashire, it proved to be the final straw for many supporters.
We will not look back on 2022 with fondness. We entered it right in the thick of the promotion race, and in good form results wise if not performances. We finished January pushing Bournemouth for second, with a 4-0 home win against our opponent this weekend Reading. After that we won only 14 of 45 games the whole rest of the year. Having wondered about automatic promotion, and needing only seven wins from the whole second half of the season to make the play-offs, we won four and missed them entirely. We went 1-0 up at home to Cardiff and lost, then repeated the dose against Peterborough. Five times we played the bottom two teams in last season’s Championship and we managed one draw — that, against Barnsley, having trailed 2-0 at home. We’ve watched QPR, across the year, fail to score in 18 of those 45 games. We’ve seen one manager sacked "in the best interests of the club” and replaced by a duplicitous liar who took us all for fools. We’re now watching a team that has already shown itself capable of beating four of the present top six (three of them away from home), but sometimes loses 3-0 at home to Luton, lost consecutive home games to the bottom two in the league at the time, and has given up points to six of the bottom eight. We’ve scored three times at the Loft End all season — two of them penalties. We have, by and large, taken all of this on the chin.
Sure, the atmosphere at QPR games is mostly morgue-like now. There’s been occasional, sporadic booing at half time and full time of some matches. You’re always likely to get sat near some gobshite in the away ticket allocation (sorry, I am trying). But, generally, people seem pretty sanguine about the whole thing, relative to what has gone on in the past. I’ve seen QPR fans staging pitch invasions over transfer policy while the club sat in the middle of the Premier League; I’ve seen an angry mob smashing away at the glass doors on South Africa Road during a midtable Championship season; I’ve been at Barnsley and seen our players have to sprint off the field and down the corner tunnel a bit lively because QPR fans are trying to get at them. Be it apathy, be it resignation, be it the knowledge the sport has transformed, left us behind, and a club in our stadium and on our budget is probably about where it should be (actually, a little higher than it should be), we’ve all sat through the Peterborough’s, the Barnsley’s, the Luton’s pretty quietly. The biggest show of dissent has been a mass early exit from a couple of games.
That changed at Fleetwood last week. Not to the extent it might have done in the past, when I suspect certain people would have set about tearing that stand apart, but certainly more than it has at this club for some time. The safety net that this group of players do care, are trying, and the club is simply hamstrung by FFP, gets whipped from under your feet pretty quickly when you can’t even raise a performance sufficient to beat Fleetwood Town — a team that itself is punching well above its weight in League One, and nevertheless outplayed us comprehensively. It’s no use me sitting here with the finger puppets trying to explain how to read a set of accounts to Twitterati running polls on whether Matej Vydra or Cameron Archer would make a better January signing when it comes to getting beaten by Fleetwood. It's no use saying the teams is simply not good enough, because we've seen multiple times this season that it is. There is, literally, no excuse for it.
There’s been a lot of blame to go around this week. More fingers than a night out in Camden with Jodie Marsh. Everybody and everything from Les Ferdinand, Lee Hoos and head of recruitment Andy Belk, right down to the half-arsed half time warm ups by the substitutes, has had a pasting thicker than Danielle Lloyd’s birthday party. Five games in, and inheriting a dire situation, some are even questioning whether Neil Critchley is the right fit — just you wait until they realise he reminds them of Paul Daniels, then he really will be in trouble. The actual answer, sadly, lies right at the very top with the ownership. They are the constant in the decline of this club in the same way Matthew Benham, Tony Bloom, Steve Parish and others are the driving force behind clubs we used to play in pre-season friendlies going past us and streaking off into the distance. The problem with that is QPR loses £1.8m a month, somebody has to write that cheque unless we sell multiple players and reduce the salary bill to a point that would barely sustain a club in the middle of the division below. While this ownership is happy to not only do that, but also convert the accrued debt to equity rather than pile it onto the club, it’s better the devil you know because - without the prospect of a new ground and being able to develop Loftus Road - I don’t think anybody else in their right mind is taking on what is effectively a bonfire for your money anytime soon. If Tony, Ruben et al decide they’ve had enough we’re no longer a going concern as of the next payroll date, and you’ve got a footballing Caterham on your hands.
The media team’s strategy this week has been to wheel out Jimmy Dunne and Ilias Chair, two of the more popular players and certainly not lads you could accuse of every shirking, to give it the "we’re truly sorry, we do care honest” routine on the official website and The Athletic. These haven’t landed particularly well. This is a doing week. Go and perform at Reading tomorrow and then we can talk.
By way of action, the club has brought in Jamal Lowe from Bournemouth — a deal that would have been done on the last day of the summer transfer window but for Macauley Bonne’s agent getting pissy over his settlement fee. In a way it’s the quintessential modern day QPR signing: could have had him for free when he was in our academy but we released him at 15 (maybe he shared a cab home with Chris Mepham?); could have had him for a pittance when he was playing non-league football 12 miles from our ground, when QPR people went so far as to contact Les Ferdinand about him and heard nothing back; could have had him affordably twice when he was moving between Portsmouth, Wigan and Swansea; now he’s a Premier League player and earning accordingly, we want him on loan. A local boy, who was in our youth team, that we’ve missed time after time after time, and now have to borrow. Another loan, taking us up to our maximum of five, meaning that any further January borrowings will take us over our matchday limit unless we release one of the other four or choose not to pick them. The last time we were in that situation was when Paul Hart and then Mick Harford had taken over from Jim Magilton - it is, needless to say, never a sign things are going well.
Lowe doesn’t bring a goalscoring record any better than Lyndon Dykes to the table: at Championship level he scored seven in 11 starts and 25 sub appearances for Bournemouth; 14 in 51 and seven for Swansea; six in 41 and seven for Wigan. Nevertheless, he is a player I have always enjoyed watching, and who excites me. It’s desperately needed experienced, Championship-standard support for our toothless attack which is otherwise now essentially Lyndon Dykes, Sinclair Armstrong and that’s your lot. And it’s pace. Speed, glorious speed. Nothing frightens opponents more and we have been a painfully slow team since Bright Osayi-Samuel left us. It’s one of the reasons we’re so easy to play against, one of the reasons we spend so much time knocking the ball about limply in front of teams — we’ve nobody really capable of breaking the lines, either with a pass, or certainly by running past somebody and taking them out of the game. I’m annoyed we passed up multiple chances to sign him and own him permanently when he was the archetypal "exactly what we’re meant to be doing” youth team graduate or local non-league and lower division prospect. I’m dismayed we’re as reliant on loans as we are at the moment. But I am pleased he’s here, because I think he’s what this team needs at this moment. I think it’s pretty clear he’ll be playing where we’ve seen Mide Shodipo and Albert Adomah starting recently, given Critchley is clearly so desperate for somebody in that mould to play there he’s been starting Mide Shodipo and Albert Adomah recently.
But signings, statements, interviews, platitudes, apologies… only go so far once patience has snapped. People are fed up. Even the sensible people are fed up. When it gets like that, everything is wrong — we didn’t the players not coming over to the away end at full time last week to "at least apologise and thank us for our support”, and then when they put a Jimmy Dunne interview out during the week doing exactly that we don’t like that either. Only actions turn this mood around from here.
I’m reminded of a Bill Bailey story about standing outside in the snow in New York waiting for Whitney Houston to come on stage: "It was supposed to start at three, finally at four o'clock she comes on stage and says ‘I just wanna say, I love each and every one of you’ and this big black guy next to me shouts ‘Sing Bitch!’.”
Links >>> Critchley’s adjustments — Analysis >>> Confounding expectation — Interview >>> Routledge strikes — History >>> Bond in charge — Referee >>> Reading Official website >>> Tilehurst End — Blog >>> Hob Nob Anyone? Forum >>> Reading Chronicle — Local Paper >>> Get Reading — Local Paper >>> Elm Park Royals — Podcast
Team News: QPR have won only one of the ten games that Stefan Johansen has missed since he left the defeat at Birmingham in the first half with an injury that has kept him out for two months. Now back in full training, Neil Critchley must weigh the Norwegian’s fitness against his desperation to re-establish a presence in the QPR midfield. Luke Amos’ nightmare year with injuries continues with another ten-day muscle absence so he’s not around to contribute. Nor Leon Balogun of course — we’re offering a free 45-minute aerial tour of Ruislip and Hillingdon in Les’ helicopter for anybody reporting a confirmed sighting. Still waiting to hear what Jake Clarke-Salter’s got on this weekend.
No incomings and outgoings for Reading so far this January as they continue to operate under EFL restrictions on finances and squad size following their FFP breaches and last season’s points deductions. Andy Carroll’s short term deal has extended to the end of the season and 24 of the 25 man squad is fit to play this weekend for the first time this season — Liam Moore is the only absentee.
Elsewhere: A rare and beautiful thing as all 12 Lancashire and District Senior League fixtures land on the Saturday. Not that you’d really go out of your way to watch any of them — our Sky overlords have picked Rotherham v Blackburn for the lunchtime game which I think tells you everything you need to know. The Millers, in danger of throwing away their bright start to the season with one win from their last 13 and a 4-1 shellacking at League One Ipswich in the cup last week, have strengthened at the back in the first week of the transfer window with former Cardiff stalwart Sean Morrison in on a free transfer and young left back Leo Hjelde joining on loan from Leeds.
They’re not alone. The three teams below them in the drop zone have all gone big and early this January to try and arrest their respective slides. Probably the most eye-catching of those is Fulham’s Anthony Knockaert heading to second bottom Huddersfield ahead of their trip to Hullspor this weekend. They’ve also added Florian Kamberi, a 27-year-old centre forward from Winterthur in Switzerland, Burnley’s veteran full back Matthew Lowton, and recalled Josh Koroma, Scott High and Rarmani Edmonds-Green from their respective loans. Rock bottom Wigan, meanwhile, with two wins and 12 defeats in their last 17, have become the latest calling point in Steven Caulker’s ongoing journey of self discovery — discoveries from which so far begin and end with none of this being his fault, it’s the beastly Besiktas manager’s issue this time apparently. A six-pointer at one of Caulker’s former victims Cardiff starts him off this weekend. Blackpool, meanwhile, go to Watford with Josh Bowler back among their ranks — a player who consistently makes career decisions that will obviously result in him not playing any football at all back at the club that sold him in the last transfer window because, lo and behold, the move resulted in him not playing any football at all.
The game of a rather stodgy day is probably Middlesbrough, fifth and climbing rapidly, at home to sixth placed Millwall. Michael Carrick has been allowed to add Cameron Archer to an attack that already contains the division’s top goalscorer Chuba Akpom (I know, I can’t believe that either) and they’re seven wins and a draw from their last nine games. The Marxist Hunters, meanwhile, have moved into the sort of contention we tip them for every summer, but it’s worth bearing in mind as they embark on one of their longest trips of the season that it’s mostly based on their home form — only two teams have won fewer than Wawll’s three away games this season, and Wigan who are bottom have won four.
Also catching the eye is Preston’s home game with Norwich. North End’s weird run of nils at both ends to start the season snapped with a 3-2 victory in the corresponding fixture at Carrow Road — PNE scoring as many that day as they had in the previous seven — and that in turn started the long, drawn out demise of loveable Dean Smith. David Wagner starts life as City boss at Deepdale, but he’ll be facing an entirely new home attack with a poor run of defeats to QPR, Huddersfield and West Brom over Christmas, and a season ending injury for striker Emil Riis, sending Preston out into the market with loan deals for Man City’s Liam Delap and Everton’s hairy child Thomas Cannon.
The top two already almost look home and hosed: Burnley, at home to Coventry, have won six in a row in the league, have a 14-point gap to third, and knocked Premier League Bournemouth out of the cup; Sheffield Red Stripe are nine points clear of Blackburn ahead of a home game with lifeless Stoke.
There are a couple of interesting ties between teams immediately outside the play-off picture. Lutown in seventh and West Brom in ninth are both in decent touch despite cup scares against inferior opposition last week, and they meet at the kennel this weekend. Sunderland in eighth, meanwhile, host Swanselona.
Bristol City v Birmingham is the only one I haven’t mentioned so far, and it should be patently obvious why.
Referee: Darren Bond’s recent debut in the Premier League coincides with the abandoning of his long hair and Alice-band. Possibly the PGMOL offered it up as an incentive to get rid of it? Either way, COWARD. Details.
Reading: The Royals, much like Blackburn, have found maintaining a high league position in the Championship can be helped enormously if you never draw games. Rovers are yet to finish level once while Reading have the next lowest total with the recent 1-1 at Norwich bringing them up to three. It means they’re thirteenth in the table despite six of the 11 teams below them in the league having lost fewer than them, and two more have the same total of 12 defeats. Their 11 wins, meanwhile, is the same as three of the four teams in the play-off spots. Their heavy lifting is done at home: only Blackburn and Burnley (both nine) have won more at home this season than Reading (eight) while only five sides, including the top two, have lost fewer than their three. They’ve won four of their last five at home coming into this fixture, including all of the last three. Only Burnley, Millwall and, weirdly, Cardiff have a better home defensive record than Reading’s 12 conceded in 12 games played. It took QPR five attempts to win here for the first time (L4 D1) before Wayne Routledge’s goal for Neil Warnock’s ten men in the 2010/11 promotion campaign. The record hasn’t been too bad since with four QPR wins, four draws and just two defeats. The last two meetings here have finished level, including last year’s 3-3 where QPR scored twice in the last ten minutes to recover from the ignominy of a John Swift hat trick.
QPR: Rangers’ embarrassing loss in their first ever meeting with Fleetwood Town last week was the 51st time they’ve been dumped out of the FA Cup at the third round stage, more than any other club in the country. More pressingly for Neil Critchley, it means it’s now just one victory in 11 games, a run that has included seven defeats and seven scoreless games for his beleaguered team. Rangers have failed to score in 11 of the 28 games they’ve played so far this season. In ‘see they can do it’ news, their away record of 5-3-5 stands up against most in the league — Blackburn and Watford are in the top six with five away wins each, and Millwall are sixth with three. But the 1-0 win at Preston is the only success in the last seven road trips and the debacle at Highbury last week was a fifth defeat in that sequence. As per Jack Supple, the Jamal Lowe signing could be timely for this weekend — he’s scored in all three of his Championship appearances on this ground so far for three different clubs (Wigan, Swansea and Bournemouth).
Prediction: We’re once again indebted to The Art of Football for agreeing to sponsor our Prediction League and provide prizes. You can get involved by lodging your prediction here or sample the merch from our sponsor’s QPR collection here. Congrats to Aston who was ‘top at Christmas’, his prize is winging its way to him. Meanwhile, last year’s champion Cheesy tells us…
"The most worrying thing for me regarding last week was the part of Neil Critchley’s interview when he said he was not pleased with the training on the Thursday. He surprised me with his honesty. I would also have liked him to be asked why there were two goalkeepers on the bench. I am expecting something better at Reading but not the three points.”
Cheesy’s Prediction: Reading 1-0 QPR. No scorer.
LFW’s Prediction: Reading 2-0 QPR. No scorer.
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