QPR are now adrift at the bottom of the Championship after an abysmal performance and 5-1 defeat at West Brom.
Northern the Elder was good enough to send me a birthday card last week. There was a rather dishevelled looking football team on the front under the caption "For a moment there we were in with a chance. Then the match started." How apt. Not for the first time faithful reader I have to hold my hands up and admit that I'm missing something somewhere. You see before this match I turned my little QPR World box on for a bit of a match preview and was told you only had to look at the boys on the training ground to know how good the spirit is amongst them. Well I'm going to have to take a day off work and pop down to the training ground I think because it would be nice to see. The spineless rabble I pay to watch at the weekend certainly don't give much of a toss so I'm not quite sure who takes to the field at Harlington during the week but I can only assume it's a different set of players. My little QPR World box has also treated me three or four times this year to a cut away clip of our players in action on the training ground and on each occasion they've been playing what looks to me very much like Rugby League. They're all there on a small pitch throwing the ball and catching it and then if they stand still for too long everybody jumps on top of them. It's all highly amusing but it turns out that once we get to Saturday we're not allowed to throw and catch the ball, it has to be passed a round with your feet. Personally, and again I'm just a football fan who knows nothing really, it would be nice to think we were working on our kick off routine after managing to find the same seat in the South Africa Road stand three times against Plymouth. Better still, and stick with me here because this is a radical idea, do some extra work on defending some bloody corners. Our defending of set pieces at the Hawthorns on Sunday was akin to that of a pub side. In fact that's an insult to pub sides. Most pubs sides I watch are able to at least organise themselves so every player in the penalty area has a defender standing with him, and when that player starts to run his marker goes with him. We are seemingly incapable of even this simple task. Is it zonal marking? Is that what it's called? Or are we just not bothering? Either way it's making the John Gregory and his staff look like bloody idiots. Those in charge should be forced to watch every single West Brom corner on a video over and over again with their eyes held open while being hit over the back of the head repeatedly by a man with a big stick shouting "man for man, goal side". To be fair West Brom are a very good team, probably the best side in the division and almost unplayable by teams at this level when they play like this. Getting annihilated by a much better side I can deal with but the way none of them seemed to give a toss about it I cannot. Against a side like that you've got to get the basics right and the set up of our team, the players selected and our inability to do things as simple as defending set pieces meant the game was lost almost before it began. We didn't mark our men, we didn't defend as a unit, we didn't close the man in possession down, we stood off and allowed them time to play, we played a terrible offside trap, we didn't mark anybody at corners, the three full backs we used were truly horrific - in short we made it easy for West Brom and they're not a team you want to makeit easy for! After a decent performance against Watford last week it was very disappointing to see the team changed. In came Rehman for one of last week's star performers Timoska. The Fin was ill apparently - still well enough to be one of three full backs on the bench but ill all the same. Rehman rewarded his manager's continued and unfathomable loyalty with a performance of the highest ineptitude and I would hope that this is the end of his protracted 'second chance'. In defence with him Danny Cullip, with a special version of the offside trap ready to be unleashed, Damion Stewart and the world's slowest footballer Chris Barker. Lee Camp in goal had the look of a man heading out into the yard to face a firing squad. In midfield Leigertwood's suspension and Moore's brief shining glimpse of professional footballer like tendencies against Watford meant a recall wide left for the former Villa man and a switch to the centre with Bolder for Rowlands. Gareth Ainsworth played wide right. Up front the fully atoned Ben Sahar and Dexter Blackstock. The game started slowly but in the ninth minute Ishmael Miller found acres of space between Cullip and Rehman to unload a shot which drifted wide. Referee D'Urso ruled it had taken a deflection on the way through and awarded a corner - and so began the QPR set piece defensive master class. A low ball was whipped into the near post where Kevin Phillips was standing in eight square yards of space and he hammered a volley towards the bottom corner first time - a combination of Rowlands and the base of the post kept the shot out. Tony Mowbray obviously doesn't spend his time during the week teaching his players to play Rugby League. He watches videos. West Brom attacked Rehman remorselessly in the first half and boy he didn't disappoint. A quarter of an hour in Ishmael Miller picked the ball up wide on the West Brom left and after Rehman backed off and backed off and backed off and backed off and backed off and backed off and backed off and backed off and eventually fell on his arse the loaned Man City striker calmly rolled the ball across the face of goal to Kevin Phillips who tapped in from a yard. Another wonderful kick off routine later and it was 2-0. Phillips slid the ball through the defence and with Cullip five yards deeper than everybody else with his hand in the air the flag stayed down and Miller was able to trundle into the area and roll in a second goal. The defenders were spread right across the pitch haphazardly, there was no tightness and no cohesion between them, there was no protection from the midfield and no sign that QPR were ever capable of the kind of backs to the wall effort required in a game like this. It was shaping up to be a long old afternoon when suddenly Rangers managed to pull a goal back with their first attack. Martin Rowlands sent a free kick up to back post, Dexter Blackstock climbed well and intelligently headed back across the face of goal for Ainsworth who dived in ahead of Robinson and turned the ball home at the back post. There was hope of a repeat of the comeback we produced here last season when Sahar collected wide on the left, cut in from the flank and fired towards the top corner. The ball sadly flew well wide and there ended the service to Ben's feet for the afternoon. He must be wondering what on earth he's doing here. Play was soon flowing the other way again and on the half hour the Baggies had two chances in quick succession to extend their lead as the pathetic QPR defence folded once again. Barker was made to look like a complete moron by Morrison wide on the Rangers left and as he sat on the grass and watched the former Middlesbrough man shot for goal. Camp made a terrific save. Sadly that meant another corner and another chance for Rangers to show off their new party piece - managing to leave every single opponent unmarked in your penalty area while defending a corner. It's a difficult one to pull off as a professional football team - the law of averages and the size of the penalty area dictates that at least one of your players may end up in the vague vicinity of an opponent but Rangers did it so well all afternoon. Ishmael Miller started quite close to Gareth Ainsworth but by the time the ball came over he had the same eight square yards of space that Phillips had enjoyed earlier. He went with a header as opposed to Phillips' earlier volley, it flew past Camp but was well blocked by Moore on the line and the ball was scrambled away as it bounced around the six yard box. QPR were simply all over the place. When they had the ball they more often than not just gave it straight back, the midfield was being completely bypassed and offered no protection to the defence despite often being so deep it looked like a flat back eight. The defence was slow, disorganised and uncommitted, the strikers were getting no service and putting no effort in to get involved. West Brom were running riot and made it 3-1 seven minutes before half time with a goal that several players and their manager should be thoroughly ashamed of. The move actually started deep in the West Brom half. Moore travelled down the left wing and after waiting a couple of decades finally had Barker to pass to on the overlap. The pair worked the ball into the corner but instead of putting a cross over they exchanged three of the worst passes you could ever hope to see culminating in Barker basically kicking the ball out for a throw in. Suddenly the home team were away. Barker was so busy arguing with Moore that West Brom were able to attack down a wide open right flank. To make matters worse Barker didn't even sprint back, embarking instead on a steady jog that was about as quick as the average man's walk - no sense of guilt that it was his shocking pass that had cost us possession, no desire to get back and help his team mates. Camp had to be at his very best to deny Miller but when Greening picked the ball up thirty yards out there followed a passage of defence that I still can't quite believe now and I've seen it three or four times. Greening collected the ball and looked up. In front of him he had Phillips on the corner of the penalty area marked by Rehman. For reasons known only in that man's tiny mind Rehman decided to wonder away from Phillips and stand five or six yards in front of Greening. As Rehman left the most dangerous player on the pitch he pointed in his vague direction. Does he think he's a character in Mr Benn? Click your fingers and the shop keeper will appear? You pointing at the man you've just walked away from Zesh doesn't mean he is then marked. He didn't even confront Greening sufficiently to stop the pass going in and sure enough the ball was rolled to Phillips who finished delightfully, lobbing the ball over Camp and into the far corner. Both full backs want their arses kicking for that goal and their performances in general. As the first half entered injury time Gareth Ainsworth continued to show a willingness to put some work in. He robbed Robinson of the ball twice in the closing minutes first providing Bolder with a chance to cross but that was cleared, then teeing up Blackstock for a shot from the edge of the area that was blocked. Gregory performed a mercy killing at half timed and hooked Zesh Rehman - a man so out of his depth in this match it was embarrassing. In his place though came John Curtis which seemed to make little sense with both Bignot and Timoska on the bench. Curtis introduced himself to the game with a booking - he barged through the back of Teixeira and then seconds later hauled him back by his shirt and was rightly carded. Curtis is far too slow to play football at this level and was no kind of improvement on what we had in the first half. The Baggies continued to carve QPR apart at will. Miller fired over after a back healed pass down the left had bamboozled the defence. At the other end a rare QPR attack almost ended in a goal very much like the one Clive Allen got against West Brom in a cup semi final at Highbury back in happier times. Barnett turned and tried to clear under pressure from Blackstock but he booted the ball against Sahar and it flew goalwards. Luckily for the home side it went straight at Kiely. Ten minutes after the break the home side made it four. Kevin Phillips sprung the hopeless offside trap again but was denied by a great save from Camp. A scramble ensued and when the ball broke to the edge of the area the outstanding Koren hammered it into the top corner through the crowd. Five minutes later and Phillips was in again. The former Sunderland man spun Damion Stewart on the edge of the area but the Jamaican got back to block the shot out for a corner. More incredibly bad marking at the set piece allowed Paul Robinson a free header which Camp saved brilliantly one handed. This was a brief reprieve though because as soon as the ball was cleared to the edge of the area Jonathan Greening hammered in the best goal of the match past Camp. Gregory then withdrew Barker, every bit as bad as Rehman on the day, and Sahar for Bignot and Ephraim. Young Hogan did show a willingness to work hard in the final 20 minutes, and was seen on two or three occasions chasing a lost cause down into the West Brom half only to despair when he turned around to see none of his team mates had pushed up and backed him up. He'll be glad to get back to West Ham. West Brom slung on Craig Beattie for the excellent Miller but spent the remainder of the match trying to set up Phillips for his hat trick. When he did get a sight of goal Phillips unselfishly lobbed a pass through to the Scotsman who slammed home a sixth goal - fortunately the linesman had his flag up for offside although replays suggested he may have been wrong. QPR did have a couple of efforts on goal as time ticked by. Martin Rowlands unloaded a left foot shot from twenty yards which Kiely tipped over with one hand, then Rowly tested the former Charlton stopper again with a low drive towards the bottom corner. The frustration of it was all too much for Rowlands though and he picked up a booking for a needless tackle from behind on James Morrison. The last 15 minutes really dragged by and it was a blessed relief to hear the final whistle. The only highlight was hearing the QPR fans still in good voice up in the corner - at one stage raising a laugh from manager John Gregory for asking him to wave at them. Can't say too many Rangers fans will have seen the funny side of this and to be perfectly frank I'm not sure I appreciate seeing my manager laughing and talking about "taking positives" from a thrashing like this. Now some will say I'm being too harsh because West Brom playing like that would have beaten anybody in our league and that's dead right. In that kind of form there isn't a team in this league that can live with the Baggies - they look the outstanding side in the league and all credit to them. If we'd turned up, given them our best game and got trounced I would happily sit here and say well that's life. The reason I'm getting stuck in is because we didn't turn up and give them our best game. We're not good enough to beat West Brom when they're playing like that but we didn't even do the basics. We could have at least worked on our marking from corners which continues to be shocking. Back to basics needed there - every player in the team has their name up on a chalk board with the name of an opponent next to theirs. Every time there is a corner they mark that opponent, or the post, and they stick with him wherever he goes. That would have cut out two goals today which came from poorly cleared corners, two goal line clearances which came from free headers and an awesome save from Camp. I don't know if this is meant to be zonal marking or what - I do know it isn't bloody working and doesn't look like it's been worked on at all at Harlington. We could work on an offside trap that at the moment doesn't seem to be brought into action with any kind of forethought or common sense - every now and again one of our defenders sticks his hand up and hopes for the best. That's not an offside trap. There are so many really basic things we're doing wrong that can be worked on at the training ground - set pieces for and against, shape of the team, pattern of play, offside traps, ball control. And that's without even mentioning the effort and commitment of the players which in my opinion left a lot to be desired today. George Graham used to do a drill with his defenders at Arsenal where they all held onto a length of rope so if one ran off out of position he was covered, and i they all went out to play offside they went out together. Frankly that may be too complicated for our idiots - perhaps just introducing them to each other might be the place to start. On now to Colchester, who haven't won at home all season, and there really can be no excuses for defeat there. West Brom are an outstanding team playing well - Colchester are not. Our next three fixtures are very good ones to have at this time. I've seen both Norwich and Ipswich play this weekend and neither are up to very much at all. We need to be targeting a serious points haul from these three games. Get the basics right and go from there. It was so disappointing to go from a committed and impressive showing against another side from the top end of the table last week to that shower today. Hopefully we'll switch back just as quickly for Wednesday night. West Brom: Kiely 7, Albrechtsen 7, Hoefkens 7, Barnett 7, Robinson 7, Koren 8, Greening 8 (Gera 67, 7), Teixeira 8 (Brunt 63, 7), Morrison 8, Miller 8 (Beattie 67, 8), Phillips 9. QPR: Camp 8, Rehman 2 (Curtis 46, 3), Cullip 3, Stewart 4, Barker 2 (Bignot 60, 5), Ainsworth 7, Bolder 4, Rowlands 4, Moore 5, Blackstock 4, Sahar 4 (Ephraim 60, 5) QPR Star Man Lee Camp 8 Conceded five and made at least that many excellent saves to prevent the score going into double figures. Run close only by Gareth Ainsworth who scored one and tried hard which is more than can be said for anybody else. Referee: Andy D'Urso (Essex) 8 - Nothing to referee really with only one team competing but did well overall. Let Moore off without a booking for a bad tackle that should have received a card but I'd rather see cards stay in the referee's pocket where possible and those that were awarded today were deserved. Well done - an easy afternoon though truth be told. Attendance: 24,757
Subs Not Used: Steele, Pele
Goals: Phillips 17 (assisted Miller), Miller 18 (assisted Phillips), Phillips 39 (assisted Greening), Koren 57 (unassisted), Greening 66 (unassisted)
Subs Not Used: Cole, Timoska
Booked: Curtis (repetitive fouling), Rowlands (tackle from behind)
Goals: Ainsworth 24 (assisted Blackstock)