Do you have what it takes to be more than just a supporter of Southampton Football Club ? take our quick free aptitude test now.
Of course all football supporters know what is best for their club, they all know why it has gone wrong on and off the pitch, but do you as a fan of Saints really have the aptitude to be something more than a supporters, do you have the skills neccessary to be the club chairman perhaps, or be the star striker or maybe you could raise millions for it by being marketing director or maybe just a more normal employee working in the shop or ticket office.
Take this quick and free aptitude test now and then e mail the results to careers@saints.co.uk to land your dream job.
1. What do you consider the most effect way of stopping your star players leaving the club ?
A. Issuing a firm but polite rebuttal to any interested parties.
B. Communicate firmly & politely to the player that he signed a five year deal only last year and the club is not interested in selling.
C. Turn your phone off till the transfer window shuts
D. Get the City Council to do yet more roadworks on the Itchen Bridge, the resulting traffic chaos will ensure no agent or club will be able to get anywhere near St Mary's before the transfer window shuts.
2. You learn that Brighton have sold more season tickets than Saints what would be the most effective plan to reverse this trend ?
A. Increase prices by another 10% to add that touch of expense to the brand.
B. Reduce the car parking free period by 15 minutes
C. Don't send out any renewals and cease sales three weeks before the season.
D. All three
3. After one good season in the Premier League you find yourself offered three times your salary plus the chance to play in the Champions league. Do you ?
A. Stay put, there is a definite plan in place where Saints will be in the Champions League next season, the Chairman has told you so.
B. Show your ambition to interested clubs by repeatably leaking your demands to the press, even costing yourself an England place due to showing the national team manager your mind is elsewhere.
C. Refuse to speak to the new manager.
D. Tell the World how you have had an ambition to play for a certain club ever since your current club wore a replica of that club's 1984 European Cup Winning Side's jersey as its home strip the previous season, making you realise what tradition it really has.
4. You have left the club for a not insubstancial fee do you.
A. Thank the fans with a heart warming long open letter to them that reduces many to tears and leaves them all with no doubt that you loved them and this was a dream move to your boyhood team.
B. Don't say anything, words cannot convey your emotions at leaving the club that made you the player that you are today.
C. Mumble a few things on Sky Sports thanking Saints fans before praising your new team.
D. Take out a full page ad in the Echo of which half of it is a photo of yourself with two lines underneath that are meant to be a thank you but in reality are less heartfelt than given to the supporters in MacDonald's after buying a Big Mac, leaving them feeling that at least they may have been offered fries with that.
5. What is the traditional kit of Saints that football fans all around the World associate it with ?
A. Red & White Stripes
B. White with a red sash.
C. Liverpool's 1984 European Cup winning strip.
D. Bristol City's home kit 2013/14
6. Latest figures reveal that your commercial income is far less than that of other teams of a comparable size, do you ?
A. Start a concerted campaign to attract local business's to invest in the club through sponsorship.
B. Ponder how you can fill the other 27 empty Corporate boxes.
C. Try to increase your core support through season ticket sales.
D. Introduce a car parking tariff to raise £1 per supporter visiting the ticket office or club shop.
7. Rumours persist that the owner is concerned about the way the club is being run do you ?
A. Put out a counter rumour that Barcelona are interested in your services
B. Show a few people around the training ground building site to get a quote for some new taps.
C. Sack another manager
D. Sack the programme sellers.
8. What would you consider to be the single most important factor in improving away form ?
1. Some extra expensive memory foam mattresses delivered to hotel rooms the night before an away game.
2. The steam cleaner you bought from the shopping channel just before the season started.
3. Extensive praying and an audience with the Pope or rather he having one with you.
4. Strengthening the squad.
9. What is the Local Paper.
A. Something that should be alienated to show to supporters that there is only one true font of knowledge about the club.
B. A publication that has infamy, ie Infamy infamy they have all got it infamy.
C. Something of no use whatsoever.
D. A publication that if kept onside can be a vital source of free publicity to not only communicate your message to supporters, but can also help attract local business's bringing in substancial revenue to the club
10. You have an important fixture coming up that could determine the club's Premier league future, what single use of manpower could most affect it positively ?
A. Extra training for the players plus perhaps a day at a luxury spa to get them in a positive frame of mind.
B. Liasing with the local press and persuading them to drum up support by extra positive coverage in the week leading up to the game.
C. The unveiling of a statue of the Chairman outside the stadium
D. Making sure that your collection of expensive cutlery is complete and if it isn't deploying the whole marketing department to search for any missing items.
Your Score
1- 25 Your calling is as a supporter, you are better off sticking to that and leaving the odd comment about the price of your half time pint as your maximum input to the club.
26- 100 You have what it takes to work at the club possibly as a programme seller or in the club shop.
101-200 You could fulfill an executive role at the club
201-500 You have what it takes to be a player or manager, keep practising.
501 - 1000 You should be running the club, you have all the attibutes to take it forward on a day by day basis, you probably already have a parking meter on your drive at home to charge guests and you have scant reagrd for your neighbours
The Legal Bit
Any similarity to any person living or dead in this quiz is co incidence and all events depicted are fictitious.
Ugly Inside Quizzes are not recognised by Southampton Football Club as work based qualifications and it is not reccomended that you put your score on your CV should you apply for any employment at the club.
"Warning: The unauthorized reproduction or distribution of this copyrighted work is illegal. Criminal copyright infringement, including infringement without monetary gain, is investigated by the FBI and is punishable by up to 5 years in federal prison and a fine of $250,000." ( I couldnt find a Uk disclaimer so used this one, please convert all $ fines to £'s and for the FBI assume MI5/MI6 and the Hampshire Constabulary)