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5.30pm: READY STEADY COOK! Gareth from West London has a challenge to serve up something vaguely palatable. He's got one interesting ingredient from Morrocco, but otherwise he is limited to a few limp vegetables (some of which are past their prime). Also on the show, pensioner Bernie from Monaco says he's going to cook the books (allegedly).
6.00pm: SHREK The Emperor of the Blunoses decides to impress his clan by appointing Shrek as his new King, however most of the natives are unimpressed. Shrek decides to try to cheer everyone up by bringing his old pal Donkey back - prompting Emile Heskey to go searching for his boots. Further comedy capers follow when the Emperor receives a hefty invoice from the 'Midlands Milfs Modelling Agency'.
8.00pm: TITANIC Big budget distaster. The chairman of the Blue & White Line insists that his vessel is unsinkable, but many of the 12,000 or so regular passengers have their doubts. Things unravel as a young lookout boy called Zyed falls asleep on duty, but captain Ainsworth promises to steady the ship once he has finished band practice. As things get worse, the chairman issues a 'calling all investors' distress call, but the only person to respond is an elderly trawlerman (played by Dejphon Chansiri), who says his own boat 'The Owl' is sinking even faster. Cast: Captain Ainsworth: Ozzy Osborne Boy on burning deck: Lee Hoos First man in lifeboat: Neil Critchley Iceberg: Financial Fair Play Committee
10.30pm: IN CONCERT Smooth talking crooner Michael Beable performs live at the Powerpoint Arena as part of his Blind Ambition tour with his backing band The Spreadsheets. As always, it's a complete sell out as Michael performs some of his most popular hits such as 'Nothing Compares 2 Me', 'I'm So Vain', 'Sorry Seems To Be The Hardest Word', 'I Wanna Kiss The Clyde' and 'We Aren't The Champions'. There is also a rousing edition of 'The Final Letdown' (featuring Europe).
My Villa mate reckons we're in for him. Being released by Villa.
He's got 2 arms, 2 legs, a head and a face - so very much in line with the sort of players we've being bringing in recently. The Sun seems to think Stoke and a couple of Turkish clubs also interested.
More in the dark than in the know, but thought I'd throw it in to the ring.
To thank my mate for the info I suggested that he liquidates all his assets and puts it all on the Hoops getting promoted next season. He asked if I meant Reading....
I have to confess to liking the look of Brentford's new stadium (sorry if already posted):
Only issue is that it looks very hemmed in by rail lines so parking will probably be a pain and it looks as though all pedestrian access has to come through one route, so a real bottleneck.
Much as I love LR, it would be nice to see us get something similar up on Linford Christie's lunchbox (assuming we're still looking at that project).
I have an old long sleeved 'Clubhouse' home shirt to give away - it's x-large - 46/48" (these days I'm a 40"). It's a bit rare as no sponsor on the front (would have been CSF or Compaq at this time). It's not been worn for donkeys years, just given it a wash to make sure no moths lurking.
If anyone wants it drop me a reply, can post or bring to the Brainfart game.
Would be brilliant if you happen to own a Bar / Barbers shop. The one 'Arry used to sit on is the most worn out as he spent most of the game sat on his *rse.
Just thinking about the possible expense of hiring a new manager etc (assuming we don't see a rapid improvement) does anyone know if that effects the backroom staff (Eustace etc)? I wasn't sure whether the club appointed them individually or if they came as a package (i.e. they all go at once). I know in the past with Hughes and HR that they brought their own entourage of hangers-on / Bondy on the piano, but I got the impression that the club may have hired our coaches on a one-by-one basis. I'm sure someone on here will be ITK about this?
QPR draw Blackburn in season 2017/18 at home (again). Due to a nervous breakdown, a BBC executive decides to televise the game and schedules it for midday on Sunday and there is a tube strike. To the nearest 1, what is the attendance? (show your workings on a beer mat / fag packet).
Q2 Maths:
Owing to sado-masochistic tendencies, Clive decides to attend every QPR FA Cup fixture until he sees them win. Given recent form, in which decade is Clive likely to see this happen?*
*For exam purposes, it may be assumed that Clive is immortal.
Q3 Chemistry / Biology:
Fred meets Bob in a pub and tells him he has a spare ticket for QPR's 3rd round fixture away to Blackburn / Blackpool / Black Sabbath and he is prepared to give it to him free of charge. Bob initially declines as he is planning to wash his hair / self-flagellate with stinging nettles. What types / quantities of substances will Fred use to persuade Bob to give it a go?
Q4 Philosophy:
The 'road to Wembley' leads you to this. Of what use was the road?
Time allowed: 90 minutes (plus stoppage time for time wasting / injury to Sandro)
I may be imagining it but I used to catch up with the Channel 5 program on Sundays - then the Championship highlights seemed to disappear(?) and it just showed Leagues 1 and 2.
That ex-Brighton defender who looks a bit like David Walliams kept popping up with expert analysis. It was hard to watch at the best of times.
Clive normally ITK on this. If it's only on Sky I'm going to stab myself with my letter opener.
With the fallout of the referendum and the usual dismal display by England's footballers, the general mood has been - understandably - rather gloomy this week.
Taking a leaf from our own glorious club with their new badge and kit launch, I think it may be time that England had a re-branding exercise to cement our place in the brave post-EU world. This need not be restricted to a new name, but a whole new ethos / culture. We also desperately need a new flag - I'm not being flippant but a red cross on a white background is, frankly, bland at best. Look at Wales - they have a mythical creature. It depicts strength and it's interesting to look at. Brazil has a picture on its flag as well - I think it's a bowling ball or something, but you see what I'm getting at. When you see those white vans flying the red cross flags it reminds you of UN ambulances at a war scene - white stands for surrender and a red cross is a sign of illness / peril. It's not right and it's time to embrace change.
Any suggestions are welcome, but turning to a new name I'm thinking of the following as initial working titles:
Aquafresh / Poundland / Galabingo (dynamic) Peoples Republic Of Nigel South Scotchland Drabb / Dripp / Twott / Flopp (easy to spell / text) Xenophobia / Whitevanland / Kyle / Lager (cultural) Greyland (similar to Greenland so could cause some confusion) Bumcivilian
We also need that new flag - and possibly a motto or slogan. A new national anthem wouldn't go amiss.
It's going to be a brave new world after Brexit. Don't just embrace change - take it home, handcuff it to the bed and smother it with peanut butter.
I'd like some contributions. All can be sent to my underground command bunker on the outskirts of Basingstoke (look out for the abandoned shopping trolley just after the Burger King Drive-Thru)
Looking in the mirror this morning, I noticed for the first time that my eyebrows were starting to go a bit 'Dennis Healey'. I had to take my razor to them to have a tidy-up. More alarming was the hair that was starting to emerge from my ears. I'm now 47 and seem to be making the transformation (gradual, I hope) to old git. I was reminded about Billy Connolly's comments about his pubes going grey and remarking that his todger looked a bit like Stewart Grainger from a certain angle.
I suppose that there comes a time when one simply can't be arsed about appearance, but I imagine I'm a few years shy of that right now.
Can anyone here offer me any consolation and (more to the point) - those who have experienced such follicular manifestations, what other horrors do I have to look forward to?
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