| The dark cloud of depression 20:39 - Jul 19 with 26792 views | WindsorR |
Sorry to start such a negative thread..
How have people on here dealt with such dark and miserable feelings?
The negative, irrational thoughts, aren't good enough for anyone or anything? |  | | |  |
| The dark cloud of depression on 20:45 - Jul 19 with 13113 views | Rangersw12 |
I've recently finished some counselling. Have had a terrible couple of years with my Dad passing and then ill health.
Counselling really helped just being able to talk to someone who doesn't judge etc | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 20:48 - Jul 19 with 13101 views | Sharpy36 |
I did for a short period after losing my Dad, thankfully it didn`t last long, niether did i need medication.
Mine came and went within about 3 months and started with what i can only explain as holding a large black umbrella that would close on itself and me. |  |
| 'You didn't know that was wrong, but now you do. If you do it again, I'll know you are doing it on purpose.' |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 20:53 - Jul 19 with 13081 views | stowmarketrange |
| The dark cloud of depression on 20:45 - Jul 19 by Rangersw12 |
I've recently finished some counselling. Have had a terrible couple of years with my Dad passing and then ill health.
Counselling really helped just being able to talk to someone who doesn't judge etc |
It been sh@t with no bar staff to pour your heart out to hasn’t it?Only joking mate.
It just seems to be a general gloom descending over the last 16 months.It was a novelty for a month or two,but I think most people have had enough now,and want to get back to some sort of normality,whatever that means now.
Hopefully things will get better over the next few months,but I can’t see that we’re done with it yet. |  | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 20:59 - Jul 19 with 13039 views | The_Beast1976 |
Yep. Was on the cusp of it for a couple of years, before this Covid stuff finally tipped me over the edge last March. A short spell of counselling and a prolonged period of medication finally resolved it. Now just hoping the ongoing covid BS doesn't send me back there. Really won't be able to cope with another winter like the last one. [Post edited 19 Jul 2021 21:06]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 21:07 - Jul 19 with 13013 views | itsbiga |
I've always been a chipper sort but a few years ago my marriage was struggling and my boss was a tosser when my work started to suffer. Went into a real space of despair and felt like it was hopeless. I stopped drinking and smoking weed and started doing calisthenics on the apparatus at the local park. Switched jobs and had couples therapy. Over a couple years it all came back together and I feel normal again now. I can drink and smoke again and my marriage is decent enough.
My recommendation is clear out all the downers like booze etc and start to exercize and feel fitter and more in shape. Worked well for me. My bro went the route of anti depressants and it made him much much worse. | |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 21:12 - Jul 19 with 12999 views | WindsorR |
That's just how I feel, the medication makes me feel worse. I just can't see any light anymore.
Thank you everyone for taking the time to reply. | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 21:22 - Jul 19 with 12958 views | dublinr |
Physical exercise really helps. Gets you out of the house when you don't feel like going anywhere and it'll help with the sleeping and appetite if you're having trouble with them. In my worst bouts I stopped sleeping and eating pretty much altogether. Hang in there, it does go away and you will enjoy life again. | |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 21:26 - Jul 19 with 12938 views | nix |
Firstly, it's not being negative to talk about how you feel. We should all do it more in my opinion.
Yes, I've had depression on and off since my teen years. Bullying at school, some issues at home, an unhealthy relationship were all contributory factors.
Therapy has helped significantly in understanding why I got depressed and how to regulate my emotions more healthily.
Regular exercise, sleep, a routine, getting out in nature can all help but sometimes you need to talk about it to get to the bottom of what's affecting you.
Have you thought about having therapy? PM if you want some more information.
If it's not for you, try anyway, if you can, to not be too hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. And believe that things will not always feel this bad. [Post edited 20 Jul 2021 7:20]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 21:32 - Jul 19 with 12909 views | BrianMcCarthy |
Can only agree completely with the great advice on here.
If I had a Top 3, it would be:-
1) Talk regularly, to either an expert or a trusted friend
2) Exercise or take up a new sport or pastime
3) Eat well and drink lots of water and juices.
4) (I cheated!) Give yourself a break. We've all been there. |  |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 21:34 - Jul 19 with 12900 views | Tonto |
I've had counciling too. Not a sign of weakness. It helped a lot.
Good luck |  |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 21:35 - Jul 19 with 12889 views | Konk |
| The dark cloud of depression on 21:26 - Jul 19 by nix |
Firstly, it's not being negative to talk about how you feel. We should all do it more in my opinion.
Yes, I've had depression on and off since my teen years. Bullying at school, some issues at home, an unhealthy relationship were all contributory factors.
Therapy has helped significantly in understanding why I got depressed and how to regulate my emotions more healthily.
Regular exercise, sleep, a routine, getting out in nature can all help but sometimes you need to talk about it to get to the bottom of what's affecting you.
Have you thought about having therapy? PM if you want some more information.
If it's not for you, try anyway, if you can, to not be too hard on yourself for feeling the way you do. And believe that things will not always feel this bad. [Post edited 20 Jul 2021 7:20]
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Sorry to hear you're having a tough time. As others have said, friends and family have found counselling very helpful, and even just opening up to people they know has helped. Nix's advice is very good re sleep, exercise, getting out of the house etc. Drink obviously won't help. I know a couple of people who think antidepressants have made a huge difference, and others who aren't fans, but that could be worth exploring. I'm not normally a huge fan of Alistair Campbell, but he's written quite a bit on his struggles with depression, and how he's tried to understand what he needs to do when he's struck low, and it seemed quite insightful to me. Good luck with it all. I hope you get to a point where you can live with it.
Edit: Sorry, just seen your second post - scratch the bit about medication. [Post edited 19 Jul 2021 21:38]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 21:37 - Jul 19 with 12883 views | Malintabuk |
It is great that men can finally talk about their demons without thinking it is a weakness
I have always been prone to over weight but in my younger days sport always kept it down
Once I turned 40 I piled on weight and eventually got to the stage where I was basically a mess.
Pre diabetic,high blood pressure high cholesterol. Drastic life style change and within a year turned it around.
Then the lockdown and 10 yrs of graft gone in a year
So the last four months turned it again, lost 2 stone and everything was back on track until last week. I had throat pains while exercising and sent an econsult off..... surgery called me back within 15 mins..... up there and now ECG ..... bloods...... aspirin......beta blockers later waiting for the results to see if I have ishmetic heart degeneration..... gutted
So reading this really does bring home that this forum is like a 2nd family
The true cost of covid will be a tsunami of troubles and we need to share them and support where we can | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 21:45 - Jul 19 with 12842 views | westberksr |
starting this thread is one of the best things that you could have done. Sometimes the realisation that others are going through similar situations takes away the stigma.
I've been through it several times since my late 20s (now 53) and have until recently managed to address and deal with it through changing habits and more exercise, however lockdown blew those plans to sh1t as I use live music, socialising & sports to regulate my mood.
having slipped into what can best be described as a real 'funk' where I'd be lethargic, tearful, couldn't sleep but also not focus on work, I eventually spoke to my doctors. They were excellent and took it very seriously referring me to counselling (takes a bit too long so paid for some myself, then found out 2 friends were doing the same and we formed a bit of a self help group (again removing the stigma). started taking pills but they can take up to 6 weeks to regulate and can cause anxiety in the meantime which I did suffer from so ditched them.
as soon as lockdown eased i started swimming, cycling and footy again. do stuff that you have previously enjoyed, and as advised by others, get out in the fresh air whilst the weather is suitable.
NEVER feel that you should keep this bottled up as people will want to help, will understand and on the whole, will not be judgemental. If anyone is, just move on from them until you feel a bit better as they will be no help whatsoever. I also messaged with people I know on here and they were also a great source of support, so if any of them read this they know who they are and this is as good as place as any to thank them again.
A problem shared ..... etc etc |  | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 21:48 - Jul 19 with 12818 views | The_Beast1976 |
As others have said, exercise can be a great help. Golf is also a fantastic means of mind therapy (and exercise) IMO | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 22:07 - Jul 19 with 12757 views | dublinr |
I mentioned exercise - and it does really help me to be outdoors (gardening also works for me), but remember that depression is a disease. Changing habits can help, but I'd also recommend seeing a professional. No shame in that. Try a few approaches and you'll find one that works for you. | |
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| The dark cloud of depression on 22:12 - Jul 19 with 12740 views | WindsorR |
| The dark cloud of depression on 22:07 - Jul 19 by dublinr |
I mentioned exercise - and it does really help me to be outdoors (gardening also works for me), but remember that depression is a disease. Changing habits can help, but I'd also recommend seeing a professional. No shame in that. Try a few approaches and you'll find one that works for you. |
Honestly humbled by these responses. I am at my end with all of this, yet, the advice given has been immense.
Thank you | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 22:14 - Jul 19 with 12733 views | thame_hoops |
A Robin Williams quote always sticks with me
“ people don’t fake depression, they fake being ok…remember that, be kind“ [Post edited 19 Jul 2021 22:57]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 22:19 - Jul 19 with 12712 views | Logman |
Would agree with previous comments.
Therapy is good because it helps to understand why you are not feeling right. The way the body works when it is under pressure, how the amygdala starts shutting down and you stop producing dopamines. it is very interesting.
I agree with the suggestion of sport or other means of focussing the brain on something relaxing.
I remember feeling empty when having to go and play cricket and the combination of relaxing in the field and concentrating when batting. It was very therapeutic. | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 22:22 - Jul 19 with 12703 views | VancouverHoop |
I've been dealing with low-level depression on and off since my teens (I'm 73 now.) Most of the time I can handle it, but on occasion it comes back with a vengeance. Proper diet and exercise are pretty much essential, but the Dark Times can still re-appear when least expected. Therapy never really worked for me, usually because I found myself questioning the validity of of the therapist. I'm not particularly trusting when it comes theoretical psychology.
Medication has been a more profitable route for me. These days I take a low dose SSRI, which seems to work better than anything I've had prescribed or suggested in the past. But everyone is different, there's no magic bullet. The other thing to remember is that depression, debilitating as it can be, is a perfectly natural way for your body and mind to deal with the modern world. Or to put it another way. It's not your fault. | | | |
| The dark cloud of depression (n/t) on 22:29 - Jul 19 with 12668 views | BazzaInTheLoft |
| The dark cloud of depression on 20:59 - Jul 19 by The_Beast1976 |
Yep. Was on the cusp of it for a couple of years, before this Covid stuff finally tipped me over the edge last March. A short spell of counselling and a prolonged period of medication finally resolved it. Now just hoping the ongoing covid BS doesn't send me back there. Really won't be able to cope with another winter like the last one. [Post edited 19 Jul 2021 21:06]
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[Post edited 19 Jul 2021 22:30]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 22:40 - Jul 19 with 12624 views | robith |
I spent a lot of my life thinking I was a weirdo, a loser who couldn't control his emotions, that I was just useless.
All came to a head when I was about 28, working in a job that was crushing me. I started having panic attacks at work, honestly started to think about getting in the way of traffic, not suicidally, but to be sufficiently hurt I wouldn't have to go in that day.
I lost that job (they now champion their mental health program, when I was there I was reprimanded for declining a client meeting to go to the GP) and going to the GP about the panic attacks changed my life. Don't get me wrong, mental health is ridiculously underfunded but getting onto CBT revolutionised my life. I still have my moments, don't get me wrong, but I think about all the pain I went through could've been avoided if only I and the people around me and the knowledge to recognise what was happening to me.
So this thread is full of a lot of advice, which is all good. But I'd add, try speaking to your GP. Depending on where you live your local council may have a free counselling service. People think the Samaritans is just for suicide but I've had some amazing conversations when I've been down and weirdly talking to a stranger about it releases that pressure valve. If you're really feeling it, paying for a therapist while expensive is probably your quickest route to access more formal help.
But you've done the hardest and bravest step by making this thread. You're valid and you're valued. My DMs are open if you need a chat |  | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 22:51 - Jul 19 with 12587 views | Rs_Holy |
It started for me when Dad passed away at the end of 2018... Since then I've had a number of really stressful things to contend with and in the end everything got on top of me. The whole Covid thing & working from home 5 days a week for 18 months now has slowly dragged me down a bit further... Oh & recently 2 of my friends have found out they have cancer. It felt like I was trapped in most aspects of my life, It was just a conveyor belt of bad news everyday.
The wake up call came when I visited the doc a 3 weeks ago and am now on medication for stomach ulcers and a persistent bacterial infection. He asked if I wanted anti-depressants but I declined.
That was the wake up call for me... I've not had a drink (alcohol or coffee) since I started the medication... I think that has helped and going for long walks or a bike ride by the river is a lovely escape. I'm also trying every day to accept that sh!t happens all the time but you just have to try and focus on the good things that are there in your life. Its working for me right now but I know that approach does not work for everyone. |  | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 23:25 - Jul 19 with 12493 views | essextaxiboy |
Churchill used to call it " the black dog" .For me its more like a lead cloak . I dont like myself very much and sometimes that ovetwhelms me .I take a small anti depressant and I have had group and 1to1 CBT .
The meds do male you feel worse for a few weeks but if you can push through that they help IMO .Side effects can be weird though . .I luckily got some help as it was starting to pull Mrs Taxiboy down .She has been brilliant . |  | | |
| The dark cloud of depression on 23:51 - Jul 19 with 12443 views | 80s_Boy |
@windsorR Counseling is the best route.
I had a troubled childhood which extended into troubled adulthood due to a number of issues but mainly because of the toxic relationship I had with my Dad.
I was full of anger, constantly suffered from low moods and wasted the first 35 years of my life as an indirect result.
One day at work in 2017 I had a massive panic attack and my wife had to collect me from an ambulance and we agreed that I needed to do something about it. I had been on anti depresants a couple of times but this was the first time I had seen a counsellor and it was the best thing that ever happened to me - after meeting the missus.
She listened to me talk about my life and issues I had faced and turned my life around. It was her advice about forgiving myself for not being able to forgive my Dad for a number of things that allowed me to 'move on' and she also explained that it wasn't wrong for me to stop trying to make an effort with him and in the best interests for all concerned - including the wife - if I acknowledged this and cut ties.
Since I had those sessions I have been able to come to terms with elements of my past, have not suffered Non-normal anger or low moods (and its important to remember that anger and 'feeling down' are normal emotions) and after leaving my job in July 2017 have gone on to have 2 effective promotions and now run a department and manage 5 people.
We all have our own fights we're fighting but whatever we're facing talking to someone neutral is honestly the best thing to do. [Post edited 19 Jul 2021 23:55]
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| The dark cloud of depression on 23:53 - Jul 19 with 12436 views | 80s_Boy |
| The dark cloud of depression on 22:40 - Jul 19 by robith |
I spent a lot of my life thinking I was a weirdo, a loser who couldn't control his emotions, that I was just useless.
All came to a head when I was about 28, working in a job that was crushing me. I started having panic attacks at work, honestly started to think about getting in the way of traffic, not suicidally, but to be sufficiently hurt I wouldn't have to go in that day.
I lost that job (they now champion their mental health program, when I was there I was reprimanded for declining a client meeting to go to the GP) and going to the GP about the panic attacks changed my life. Don't get me wrong, mental health is ridiculously underfunded but getting onto CBT revolutionised my life. I still have my moments, don't get me wrong, but I think about all the pain I went through could've been avoided if only I and the people around me and the knowledge to recognise what was happening to me.
So this thread is full of a lot of advice, which is all good. But I'd add, try speaking to your GP. Depending on where you live your local council may have a free counselling service. People think the Samaritans is just for suicide but I've had some amazing conversations when I've been down and weirdly talking to a stranger about it releases that pressure valve. If you're really feeling it, paying for a therapist while expensive is probably your quickest route to access more formal help.
But you've done the hardest and bravest step by making this thread. You're valid and you're valued. My DMs are open if you need a chat |
Can I just add to this excellent post by saying that you don't need to be feeling suicidal to call the Samaritans. If you just need someone to talk to they're always happy to speak to you. | | | |
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