| You Are FIFA 19:18 - Sep 4 with 7532 views | BrianMcCarthy |
You can introduce one Law.
I mentioned Sinclair Armstrong's ridiculously long goal celebrations just now on the Player and Goal of the Month fred.
So, I'll start with that.
Law 18 - In the event of a goal being scored, and in the event of any ensuing goal celebration, the Match Referee shall have total discretion as to which goalscorer is taking the piss and/or is acting the maggot and/or is acting like some gom off a computer game and (s)he shall have the discretion and the power to disallow the goal and/or show a yellow card and/or (if the player is Sinclair Armstrong, Tallaghfornia, South Dublin and it's a night game and there are kids that need to get home to bed before it's time to get up) show a red card and/or slap the goal celebrant(s) with a large haddock.
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| You Are FIFA on 22:15 - Sep 4 with 1601 views | Dorse |
All haircuts should be approved by Hesquith Fortesque-Smyth, 1924 All-Empire Short Back & Side Champion. Styles deemed too flouncy or looking uncannily like a loaf of bread, for some reason, will incur a verbal warning and subsequent yellow card if it it not sorted out for the second half.
'Get it sorted, son'. |  |
| 'What do we want? We don't know! When do we want it? Now!' |
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| You Are FIFA on 22:59 - Sep 4 with 1517 views | Gus_iom |
Any player who falls to the ground holding his face when there has been no contact to the aforementioned face shall play the rest of the game in a big girls blouse. |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 00:10 - Sep 5 with 1444 views | Hooping_Mad |
Play to earn on hair and tattoo's
Every player starts clean cut with a short back and sides and can then 'unlock' new styles and natty tats as they earn points for being good at football.
This would prevent your 5ish goal a season centre forward reporting for preseason with more ink than a squid and corn rows. When he'd only in fact unlocked the sh1t mullet and the letter L. | |
| Chairman of the Junior Hoilett appreciation society |
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| You Are FIFA on 00:57 - Sep 5 with 1399 views | TomS |
| You Are FIFA on 22:09 - Sep 4 by BlackCrowe |
As in rugby, you complain about a decision you go back 10 yards. |
In a similar vein, I'd align the respect for the referee rules for football to those in rugby. There is no chat back to the ref, nor teams surrounding a ref to intimidate him. Only the captain can speak to the ref. Any deviation from this straightforward rule earns you an automatic yellow card. |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 01:16 - Sep 5 with 1389 views | CLAREMAN1995 |
Stop the clock at every injury then add 5 minutes to the end of both halves to cover subs goal celebrations etc .
When a goal is scored the celebrating team has 1 minute to get back onside so we can kick off right away .
Player dives in the penalty area or grabs his face and rolls around like a sniper took him out from the seats gets automatic yellow and 10 minutes in the sin bin .
Group of players sourround the ref aggresivly find the Captain and book him straight away then book the agressive players also .They will get the message pretty quickly once the Captain throws fcuks into them |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 07:07 - Sep 5 with 1267 views | essextaxiboy |
| You Are FIFA on 20:23 - Sep 4 by Juzzie |
Oh, hang on…. the thread title is “You are FIFA”……
In that case it’s ‘award’ Euro, Concacaf, World Cup etc tournaments to whoever can provide the most stuffed full envelope, play said tournament in completely obscure months of the year, ‘award’ sponsorship to the worst companies possible who will also be able to provide further more stuffed envelopes, change the game rules in ever more absurd manners staring with 4 quarters of 25 minutes, ban pesky small clubs in national leagues….. they just get in the way with their pesky moaning about wanting fair play and trickle-down payments, as if. Put all sorts of well meaning rules in place that look like it’s for the good of the game but utterly ignore everything when those rules are broken. And so on…… |
‘award’ sponsorship to the worst companies possible who will also be able to provide further more stuffed envelopes.'
Sorry mate , cant let that go . I have 2 boys at FIFA commercial , they work their bollox off and are straight as they come . They both hold ST in F Block . despite my youngest living in Zurich. |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 07:22 - Sep 5 with 1254 views | Tonto |
| You Are FIFA on 07:07 - Sep 5 by essextaxiboy |
‘award’ sponsorship to the worst companies possible who will also be able to provide further more stuffed envelopes.'
Sorry mate , cant let that go . I have 2 boys at FIFA commercial , they work their bollox off and are straight as they come . They both hold ST in F Block . despite my youngest living in Zurich. |
Penalty kicks are taken when the attacking player is ready, not when the goalkeeper is ready.
(But the best ine remains the 10 seconds to take the goalkick) |  |
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| You Are FIFA on 07:33 - Sep 5 with 1236 views | WokingR |
The length of time a player lies down injured or requires treatment is then the length of time he is required to wait on the side line before returning to the pitch. |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 07:36 - Sep 5 with 1236 views | Juzzie |
| You Are FIFA on 07:07 - Sep 5 by essextaxiboy |
‘award’ sponsorship to the worst companies possible who will also be able to provide further more stuffed envelopes.'
Sorry mate , cant let that go . I have 2 boys at FIFA commercial , they work their bollox off and are straight as they come . They both hold ST in F Block . despite my youngest living in Zurich. |
I was clearly taking a swipe at Sepp Blatter.
Sounds like they have good jobs. |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 07:44 - Sep 5 with 1229 views | HamptonR |
| You Are FIFA on 21:35 - Sep 4 by DWQPR |
Reintroduce the rule that goal kicks must be taken from the side of the six yard box from where the ball went out. |
Why that was ditched in the first place is beyond me.
It just gives the goalie license to waste time. | | | |
| You Are FIFA on 07:56 - Sep 5 with 1206 views | stevec |
If a goal is scored against us, a maximum of 30 seconds shall be allowed and permitted only to polite handshakes, before game recommences irrespective of whether the opposition are back in their half.
If a goal is scored by us, a prolonged round of pigbag and exuberant celebration should be allowed, cheers for the announced goal scorer followed by another round of pigbag and when all supporters are back in their seats and players back in there set positions (and confirmed by Gavin Ward) then, and only then, should the game recommence. |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 09:19 - Sep 5 with 1133 views | ThaiHoop |
Allow physios on the pitch while game is in play (I believe they do this in rugby?). Only stop the game if the injury is serious enough for the player not to carry on......and once this is done the player is not allowed back on the field.
See how many players lie on the floor milking imaginary ailments then! |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 09:27 - Sep 5 with 1120 views | CamberleyR |
| You Are FIFA on 20:15 - Sep 4 by Juzzie |
Hairbands, snoods and holes in socks is a 1 goal head start to the opposition per offence. |
Also socks pulled up over the knee, a practice started by captain, racist, bellend if I'm not mistaken. |  |
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| You Are FIFA on 09:33 - Sep 5 with 1105 views | GaryHaddock |
| You Are FIFA on 09:19 - Sep 5 by ThaiHoop |
Allow physios on the pitch while game is in play (I believe they do this in rugby?). Only stop the game if the injury is serious enough for the player not to carry on......and once this is done the player is not allowed back on the field.
See how many players lie on the floor milking imaginary ailments then! |
Genuinely, this is one hell of a shout.
Where is the downside? |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 10:24 - Sep 5 with 1003 views | QPunkR |
| You Are FIFA on 07:07 - Sep 5 by essextaxiboy |
‘award’ sponsorship to the worst companies possible who will also be able to provide further more stuffed envelopes.'
Sorry mate , cant let that go . I have 2 boys at FIFA commercial , they work their bollox off and are straight as they come . They both hold ST in F Block . despite my youngest living in Zurich. |
Yeah but it’s not their decision, is it? It’s all a one-man Infantino shaped show |  |
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| You Are FIFA on 10:44 - Sep 5 with 966 views | Superhoop83 |
| You Are FIFA on 22:59 - Sep 4 by Gus_iom |
Any player who falls to the ground holding his face when there has been no contact to the aforementioned face shall play the rest of the game in a big girls blouse. |
The game should be stopped first so that the incident is shown on the big screen(s). |  |
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| You Are FIFA on 10:45 - Sep 5 with 961 views | daveB |
If I am in charge of Fifa I scrap VAR first thing in morning before having a big lunch on expenses |  | | |
| You Are FIFA on 10:46 - Sep 5 with 958 views | Antti_Heinola |
| You Are FIFA on 22:09 - Sep 4 by BlackCrowe |
As in rugby, you complain about a decision you go back 10 yards. |
they tried that.
it was rubbish. |  |
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| You Are FIFA on 10:59 - Sep 5 with 928 views | ed_83 |
Ball goes out of play, clock stops. Ball comes back in play, clock starts again. Matches are reduced to 40 minutes per half to adjust for this. | | | |
| You Are FIFA on 12:11 - Sep 5 with 830 views | QPunkR |
| You Are FIFA on 10:45 - Sep 5 by daveB |
If I am in charge of Fifa I scrap VAR first thing in morning before having a big lunch on expenses |
Precisely what I’d do as well. Continue with both the goal line and semi automated offside technologies and leave it at that. Fkuc VAR off directly into the deepest ocean | |
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| You Are FIFA on 12:28 - Sep 5 with 801 views | Konk |
Mic the refs up so everyone in the ground and watching at home can hear players and coaches shouting "Fu ck-off!" at the officials. Refs would be compelled to send players and managers off, managers would go mental, and sponsors would be seriously unhappy. Some players might even feel shame at the idea that their kids and Nan have heard them abusing the officials. Would probably sort the problem out in 2-3 weeks. Every episode of 'Welcome to Wrexham' sees me hoping that some fourth official smacks Phil Parkinson really hard in the mouth - unbelievable that officials put up with that.
Enforce stoppage time rules.
The first time a keeper wastes time, warn them, and the second time they do it, book them. Even if it's in the 10th minute. Booking a keeper for time-wasting in the 93rd minute is utterly pointless.
"Professional fouls" and "taking one for the team" do my head in, so to stop cynical rotating of fouls amongst players to avoid bookings, every five free-kicks you concede, you lose one of your substitutions. |  |
| Fulham FC: It's the taking part that counts |
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| You Are FIFA on 13:32 - Sep 5 with 706 views | Spen |
Any free kick, the player taking doesn’t have to pass to a teammate in order to restart play, they can dribble ball or take several touches if they wish. That will quicken the restart and play in general. I think they introduced this in hockey a few years back??? | | | |
| You Are FIFA on 13:42 - Sep 5 with 683 views | robith |
I'd bring in rugby style HIAs for head injuries. One, it might stop everyone faking them if you have to go off for ten minutes to be assessed for concussion. Second, when I watch rugby then footers it actually makes me wince that we are apparently seeing non stop head injuries and everyone's allowed to trot back on cos the playacting is so rampant we no longer believe there's any head trauma in the sport? |  | | |
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